How many times?

@rosey3223 (1569)
United States
December 19, 2007 11:03pm CST
How many times does it take for you to ask/beg/or tell a child to do something before they actually do it? Growing up, if I had to be told or asked more than three times I actually got punished!! So what the heck is wrong with mine? I have some very important people coming over to my house tomorrow and because I am as HUGE as a 3 story house being that I am due with my third child in a few weeks, it is really hard and painful for me to bend over and pick stuff up off of the floor and clean. So when my oldest (who is only a child...not a teenager) came home from school today, I told him flat out that because I was not able to do certain things, that I would need his help. All he had to do was go around the house and pick up toys and garbage that he and his brother had left behind. Did he do that? Noooo! He got home at about 1:30 and it didn't officially get done until about 9:00 p.m. Whenever he was done with one room, then I got to clean it. But what was so frustrating is that it got to the point to where I was BEGGING him almost in tears to please clean. All he had to do was pick up a few items off of the floor that was all, and it took that long. I just don't get it. I found myself having to ask/beg/or tell him to do this every 5-10 minutes. So when it got to be so late in the evening I was actually almost shouting. Now I have punished him in the past if he had to be told or asked more than 3 times3, but I am so tired of it. He makes it so hard on everyone!! I am far from being a lazy person. In fact, my youngest (he's still a toddler) does help me even though I have never asked for it. He will help clean up a mess off of the floor, he will help not only take the laundry out of the dryer, but put it in it as well if I hand him the clothes. When he is finished eating he actually puts the bowl in the sink for me, and if there is something left in the bowl he knows to put it on the washer for me to dump out...but my oldest just leaves his where ever he was at after I don't know how many times we told him to put it in the sink when he is done. So I know that I am doing SOMETHING right if my youngest is doing all of that, and then some, for me. So I have to ask again. How many times does or should it take to ask/beg/or tell your child to do something before they do it? Does anyone else share this problem with me?
2 people like this
3 responses
• United States
20 Dec 07
Wow! I can hear the desperation in your message and I know how you feel! I have a 5 month old at home and a 3 year old. My 3 year old helps for the most part, I think most toddlers like to help...hopefully they keep it up into the older years. Some don't however...my sister is 13 and my mom does the same thing..over and over and my sister never gets the hint!!! It's as if she was born in a barn! I don't know really, b/c I don't have any kids older than 3 cept for my 2 step-children and for the most part they do as I ask. Hmm. maybe instead of saying so many times over and over, after the first time you ask....you say..."Hey, this is your warning...if you don't listen and do as I ask then you will be punished..." or something. I do know that if I keep asking and not acting then my son doesn't take me seriously. I don't know how old your oldest is, if you mentioned it, I'm sorry. but one thing that works for me is the 1,2,3....at the end of three if it isn't done and he is just standing there looking at me...he will get the punishment we agreed on. Another thing I heard of that works for my friend, her son is 4 and I heard that this works for older kids alike....sit down and have a talk, heart to heart, tell him what you expect b/c you can't do certain things and it would be helpful if...and you expect these things to be done or there will be a punishment...the kicker is they pick the punishment! It works with her son....he was crying b/c he had to serve out his punishment, but he chose no TV for a week....an he loves his TV! Just suggestions. You needn't repeat yourself. You are the mother, the adult, you need to be respected. So, don't repeat yourself, don't wait til you are to tears...he knows what's up and it seems he is trying to get a rise out of you! It's working. I sympathize with your situation! By the way, congrats on the soon to be new addition. That could be it too, just to let you know, but you have a toddler already...I don't know, maybe he feels he isn't getting enough attention and negative attention is better than none at all. KNow what I mean? Good luck sweetie!
2 people like this
@rosey3223 (1569)
• United States
23 Dec 07
Well my oldest is actually 8 and we have tried the 1, 2, 3 method (and many others) and it doesn't seem to faze him. Like you said, he just stands there crying/whining and still doesn't do as asked. And at one point we have tried the "you choose the punishment" but he still continues to do whatever he wants. It really is tiring. Thank you for your help. And I'm sorry I sounded so pathetic!! LMAO!!
1 person likes this
@misste78 (539)
• United States
20 Dec 07
When I was a child my mother told me once and she meant it. I have to tell my children over and over again to do most things. I would say that I probably punish them after I have told them two or three times. Actually it's kind of hard for me to punish them, they barely go outside, they love to read and I can't take knowledge away from them. I sometimes don't know how to punish them.
@rosey3223 (1569)
• United States
20 Dec 07
Wow, I wish mine loved to read!! He'd rather play than read. So in a way it is easy to punish him. What's sad is that the punishment doesn't even seem to faze him because he goes right back and does it again!! THAT is why I am so tired of it.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2409)
• United States
23 Dec 07
rosey, I don't know what has gotten into the heads of children now days. My soon-to-be 7 year old is driving me up the wall in much the same way! We were at my mom's house last night, and before we left I said, "Go in the bedroom and make sure you've cleaned up all the toys". She looked at me and said she was too tired to do that. I said, "Fine, you will go to bed as soon as soon as we get home. Thank you. Now please go clean the room". I am so tired of begging, pleading, and reminding. I told my kids we are going back to "first time every time". There will be no reminders, there will only be consequences. I know it's too late for this time, but I think I would have picked up one of his toys every 15 minutes or so and thrown it in the garbage and said something to the effect of "Well, if I have to clean the house myself this is how I do it". I know that seems harsh, but like you I am past frustrated with my kids and the lack of help they give. I hope your visit went well!
1 person likes this
@rosey3223 (1569)
• United States
23 Dec 07
We do sound alike!! LoL!! I have actually made HIM throw one of his toys away before because he refused to pick them up...and then I let him know if I found anymore after he picked the rest up that I would throw them away as well!! I have also had to do it where after the first time, you get a warning...second time you get a time out...and third time you get a spanking...and he STILL doesn't do as asked!! It's so funny how so many parents really do think alike!! The visit went as expected, both kids drove me nuts. But my guests didn't seem to mind cause they were just being kids. I had to tell my oldest 3 times to go play in the other room, and he didn't!! I think the guests were paying more attention to me losing my mind than what my kids were doing though...LMAO!!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 07
I think parents all sound alike to an extent because we all deal with the same struggles. The key is to find something that works. My kids are so content most of the time that it is hard to find something to use as leverage with them. For the most part they don't care a whole lot about the "things" in their lives. They are too young to use grounding as a punishment, I can't take away TV because they just entertain themselves in other ways. It drives me nuts sometimes! On the other hand I think it is wonderful to have children that seem so well adjusted and able to handle disappointment. Just this week (when I realized I may have to strangle my oldest this winter break if the attitude doesn't stop) I went back to more action and less talking. For example, she knows the rule about gum staying in her mouth and her fingers staying OUT of her mouth when I allow her to chew it. I caught her with her fingers in her mouth and told her to go throw her gum away. No discussing it, no warnings. I think she was absolutely shocked that I wasn't going to give her a second chance! LOL I figure I've got two whole weeks to get her back under control before I send her back to school. We'll see how this works!
1 person likes this
@rosey3223 (1569)
• United States
24 Dec 07
Good luck, I hope you have a better time at it then I do. So far my oldest has been out of school for three days and has driven me up the friggin wall because he just does what ever he wants...could care less about the rules and what nots. It's very frustrating!!!
1 person likes this