My daughter had her feelings hurt yesterday

United States
December 21, 2007 9:02am CST
My daughter was part of a secret Santa. The rules were the maximum/minimum spent was $5 This to me was best said $5.00 in a card. So I asked her class mate what she was giving her person. She said $5.00 in an envelope. So all the kids were talking about who had who. These three girls who don't like my daughter asked her do you know who your secret santa is? She said no and they all just laughed. This was about 2 days ago. Now my daughter has a girl who is not her friend..but not her enemy either. I made her a red koolaid purse with red boa around the trim. I place two bottles of body was in a Christmas bag. Tied with gold and red shimmering ribbon. Then placed in a lovely Christmas bag. When my daughter and I got to school yesterday. She went up stairs and came down sad. She handed me the gift under the counter. It was a bottle of dollar store brand bubble wash. Wrapped in tissue paper. She said the kids were laughing. One girl was sent out of the class. The one who slapped my daughter last week. When my daughter gets home the phone rings. They planned this from the day my daughters name was picked. To embarrass her. Sorry this is so long. I told my daughter it's the thought that counts. And that I want her to continue to use her better judgment to walk away. But if they continue to harass her over this one thing. To hold on to that girl and beat the day lights out of her. My daughter is tired of fighting..being picked on and made fun of.
10 people like this
18 responses
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
21 Dec 07
I am sorry your daughter is going through this. My kids school didn't have gift exchanges and this might be why, some get really great gifts while others get junk.. If my daughter's school did, she would probably be in your daughters shoes, she wasn't very popular and in soccer got picked on terribly.. The only thing that got her through the last 2 years of school, was she went to a vocational school and made many new and different friends.. All I can say is give your daughter a hug, she needs to know that you are there for her and love her...
• United States
21 Dec 07
Oh, great idea Mooch, that way they can still have an exchange..:)
3 people like this
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
21 Dec 07
That is the way my son's school does it. Boy or Girl on a tag and they get picked.
5 people like this
@GardenGerty (103964)
• United States
21 Dec 07
The school where I work does the boy or girl tag thing, and then specifies that the gift will be a book, it does stop some of the competition. The teacher had extra books to give as well, because we had one boy who did not bring one.
4 people like this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
21 Dec 07
That is not fair that she is picked on. I wish no child had to go through that. Why would they want to embarrass her like that ? Have you tried moving her to a different school to have a new start, or would she like that ? does she have any friends that stand up for her ? I hope she does. Bullying seems to be a lot worse in the states then it is in canada. I feel sorry for all the kids that are bullied. and i feel bad for the bullies, cause i bet they learn that behavior at home, i bed tHOSE kids are the kids taht are abused, yelled at, beaten, and mistreated. But that doesn't give them the right to do it to other kids.
3 people like this
• United States
22 Dec 07
moving to another school isnt always the answer! I say yell hater at the girl and move on, Hey she might even start a trend! I usually say real loud so many can hear, why are you hating on me, your such a hater! That draws in so much attention. No body likes a hater and people will start to watch and pick out all the hating that that other person does. It really checks the other person. Works on adults and children too!
1 person likes this
@kareng (7980)
• United States
21 Dec 07
I think this is uncalled for in today's society. Have you talked to the teacher(s) and principle about this? There is no reason why these other girls should be singling your daughter out for this kind of treatment. I hope you will get up to that school and start some action. I'm sorry your daughter is being treated like this. I would try to do something to get her out of this mess though. Continued harassment at school is not good and not good for her self esteem. Keep us posted!
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
21 Dec 07
I am so sorry that she is going thorugh all this! I feel so bad for her. Have you thought about home schooling her?
2 people like this
• United States
22 Dec 07
I say yell hater! Yell real loud why are you hating one me, your such a hater in front of all their peers. No one likes a hater. People will watch and start picking on those people. MIsery loves company and I am sure this girl is better than those bullys. oh why cant we all just get along? Besides, she might start a trend, kids love new words and phrases, after all she is pointing out the obvious. Hater hater hater cant you see the other girls chanting at the bullys now lol No its not the mature thing to do, but hey it works! Besides its fighting with words.
@tammyr (5955)
• Etowah, Tennessee
21 Dec 07
The poor thing. I remember what it was like to be picked on my the mean girls and I hate that anyone has to go through that. Be sure to remind her that those girls will reap what they have sown! Do encourage your daughter to go to the principal. With todays zero tolerance, I have heard of the child being picked on getting into trouble if it comes to a fight. By going to the principle she will have documented that it is happening so there will be some record if things get worse.
2 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
22 Dec 07
I'm sorry that your daughter had to go through this harrasment it was unfair. The teacher being the adult in the group and knowing the problems should have made the girl put your daughters name back and pick a new one, that way this would have been avoided. Also I feel that the parents of these gilrs should be brought into the school with their kids and have a talking to by the principal and told if this is kept up they will be suspended. The one thing as a parent of five I have no problem storming into the school to right what has been wronged. In the 2005-2006 school year my son caome home right before a holiday break with a black and blue eye. I was never called and informed how he got it but by the time he got home the school was closed so I had to wait til after the holidays. I went to the school in person and let me tell you the principal made sure that the child was found and that the teacher was reprimanded for not calling to inform me of the situation. I have since moved from that school but to another part of the district, (our district has 2 elementary schools), they know that when I walk into the school something is wrong and take care of it asap. I feel you should take the teacher and the principal aside since this is an ongoing thing and demand that this be stopped. I know we can't protect our kids 24/7 but I wouldn't let this go either. As a teacher I would have seperated the three girls into different areas of the class considering what they were doing disruptive behavior. Unfortunately kids can be cruel, but their parents should have taught them better.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (103964)
• United States
21 Dec 07
How sad for your daughter. It is that kind of behavior that causes teachers to dispense with the gift exchanges all the way around. I do not know how old your daughter is. The oldest class at the school where I work is third grade, and that seems to be about the age the girls really get mean. One of the two classes did a collection for the local food bank, the other had a book exchange. Did you guys move this year? I know it is hard to fit in if you are the new kid. I suppose you could offer to teach a "gifts and courtesy" class or something at school, or for scouts or another girl's group. It sounds like your little girl is learning so much from you about how to be appropriate. In my nastier opinion, your daughter needs to get the nicest Thank you card she can find and send it to the little snot. With a message like: " Thank you for your kind gift. I am sure that your selection reflects your wonderful good taste and generosity." Of course the sarcasm might be lost on the offending girl.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Dec 07
Some kids can just be so cruel. If she is constantly being picked on like this by the same kids they need to do something about it at school. If i was you i would go to the school so this is dealt with properly.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
21 Dec 07
That is terrible. Did these kids not learn any respect from their parents? I am sorry your daughter has to put up with this type of thing.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Dec 07
that is so mean of them. tell your daughter i said hi and that there is no need for her to feel bad about it. if those mean gurls dont like her then she should not waste her time minding them and the next time they picked on her tell your daughter to bring oil with her to splat on those mean gurls faces ok merry christmasc".)
@vivasuzi (4125)
• United States
21 Dec 07
Kids sure can be mean. I wish teachers would catch on more to this and separate the harrasing friends from each other. They aren't so big and bad when they are in separate groups and classes.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
21 Dec 07
I am so sorry your daughter had to go throught hat! I remember at my elementary school, the teacher always had back-up gifts stashed in their desks in case something like that happened...and then the offender was awarded with a visit to the principal. I'm glad I'm not sending any more children to that school because of other issues but I do have to say that they have always taken a firm stand on bullying. I hope you can figure something else out for your daughter...home schooling, a different school...something to get her away from that environment. I also think that more discussions with the teachers, principal, other parents, whatever is in order. This has got to stop or your daughter could be badly scarred from all of this because it only gets worse as they get older...girls can be really mean, my oldest is 12 and in 6th and has been on the receiving end of things a few times herself.
1 person likes this
@irishidid (8734)
• United States
21 Dec 07
The teacher needs to put a stop to this.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
22 Dec 07
Sounds to me like your daughter has a couple of jerky little brats to deal with. Kids can be beasts when their young and hopefully they grow out of it. It sounds like your advice is the right advice. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
• United States
22 Dec 07
Kids can be so mean! It really saddens me to hear this. I was bit of a loner as a child, but was never really teased alot. My parents love to have fun and play jokes so i was bit of a junior master at messing with people. No one likes a hater! And i would tell your daughter to call them a hater real loud, LOL i did this at my work the other day, yeah its childish but hey it worked! This lady basically hated on everyone who parked in the garage at our workplace which is a no no because its reserved for customers. but hey its snowing out there and i be damned if i gotta truck a block in that stuff, anyhoo as i was getting on the elevator she was starting me down, so i stared back and yelled HATER and she looked soo embarrassed! lol Its not really mature but hey no one likes a hater and besides your daughter might set a trend and lots of kids will start pointing out haters. Explain to her though that, those girls are hating on her for being better,doing better. Tell her how misery loves company and those girls are miserable. They want her to be the same, tell her to never join. She might even get a nice group of loyal friends outta the whole ordeal. Just yelling hater and pointing sometimes can help. And if she gets in trouble, hey explain how those girls are hating on her and its a freedom of speech. After all she is just stating the obvious. I hope this helps her.
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
22 Dec 07
I don't know your daughter's age, but I learned very young, that kids are the cruelest animals on earth. I would explain to her that kids are nasty like that because it is the only way they can feel good about themselves and she should be glad she is not one of them. You are proud of her and would not want her any other way. She needs to cultivate her own friends and forget those b1tches. (oops, did I say that?)
@smacksman (6074)
22 Dec 07
Aaah! Children can be so cruel, especially girls. They seem to look on it as extra training for life!! haha Just kidding - put that rolling pin down!! I'm afraid that it is a painful lesson to be learned - some people can be horrid and bullies and best ignored. There must be several other girls there that are at the receiving end of such treatment. Could they not form a loose alliance? Oh yes, and well done you for making such a pretty present. From your description it sounded lovely. Extra Brownie points coming your way. :)
• United States
22 Dec 07
Today, kids are so cruel. Your baby girl will be ok though because she has you in her corner. I feel sorry for her though because I was picked on all the way through school and I know it's not an easy thing to deal with. Tell her to be strong and be the bigger person. The only reason she gets teased is because they are jealous of her!! Give her a hug for me! A hug always helped me!! Smile! Happy Holidays hun!! ~~Taz~~