A former friend has cancer...

@aseretdd (13709)
Philippines
December 25, 2007 10:07pm CST
A few days ago... someone told me that a former friend has cancer... she is a former friend because we had a falling out years ago... and i haven't spoken to her since... Now i don't know if i will make the move of reconciling with her because of her medical condition... the wounds of the old conflict is still there but i sort of feel this pity for her... I know that the Christian thing to do is to forget the past and reconcile with her... but my dilemma now is how will i go about doing that?...
4 people like this
17 responses
@subha12 (18453)
• India
26 Dec 07
Best thing would be to forgive. But it also depends how bitter the fallouyt was. If the situation was not worth of forgiving, then you can stay in background and peray to God for her. We can't make all happy. Still if you have the strenght to forgive her, you can do that. it is the best thing to do.
4 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
26 Dec 07
The fall out was really something very bitter... and i don't know if i can make myself talk to her like nothing happened... well, i can always do what you suggested... stay in the background and pray for her...thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
26 Dec 07
Pray that God will give you the strength to forgive your friend and be there for her in her time of need. Try to imagine youself in her shoes and then give her what you would want. Remember, we all have the same basic needs. The number one need is love. Ask God to give you the grace to forgive.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
26 Dec 07
Thanks for the advice... i will try to do that... i am still thinking if i will call her, or go to her house, or text her...
3 people like this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
26 Dec 07
I think that you should go and see her straight away. When we are facing something like this, we need all the love and support we can get.
3 people like this
@drannhh (15088)
• United States
26 Dec 07
This will be different from what many people would say, I know, but in my opinion "pity" is never a good enough reason to try to rekindle a relationship that did not work out. You have not caused this woman's medical condition. I think that you would greet her back if you met by accident on a street corner or in a shop or in someone else's home and she greeted you. But without more reason than the fact that you were once friends years ago, I truly do not see where you are obligated to seek her out in her adversity unless you know of some thing that you and only you could do to help her in some measurable way. If she were to make the first move and reach out to you, then you would have ample opportunity to respond charitably, otherwise, I really don't quite see the point.
3 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
26 Dec 07
Yes, your response is indeed different from what is expected... but i think this is the clarification that i am waiting for... when she was still well, i wouldn't even look at her and vice versa... But then, society would dictate that i go to her and make amends since she is sick... but my own reasoning says that i should do otherwise...
2 people like this
@Ohara_1983 (4120)
• Kuwait
26 Dec 07
i think you need to go to your friend, seat and talk to her, that will be the best way. cheer her up, just to foget that she is sick that will friend if you really her friend.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
26 Dec 07
Well, we had a falling out... that is why i don't consider her as a friend anymore and i think it is the same with her...we haven't spoken in years and it is sad that i will talk to her because she has cancer...
2 people like this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
26 Dec 07
It is hard to really give advice not knowing how serious the falling out was.Somethings can be a thing that you just cannot forget.Forgiveness is easy but the forgetting part is the real problem ...It appears that you are bothered by this and really want to reach out but fear rejection.I would suggest that you send her a card, telling her that you have found out about her condition and that you were sorry to hear that she has been sick.Let her know that even though you and her have had problems in the past that if she needs someone to talk to that you are there for her,mail it and await an answer, that way if she does not reply you will know that she is unforgiving and wants no more contact with you.Chances are she may feel the same way you do and wants to make amends,if so she will contact you...If she does not contact you then you have done all you can do under the circumstances...Good luck to you.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
28 Dec 07
Your advice is very beautiful... thank you and it is very much appreciated...yes, i also fear that she might reject my effort and offer of help... thank you for the response...
@sungat (1016)
• Pakistan
26 Dec 07
you cannot do anything in such matters you just have to wait and see what happens next because nothing is in your hand you just pray for your friend
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
I know that reconciling with her will not cure her sickness...i agree that that the best way that i can help her is through prayers... thank you for the response...
@men82in (1270)
• India
26 Dec 07
This would be an embarassing situation for you but still you need to go with her forgetting all the things that happened in the past. I dont know whether I have the right to ask you to go with her but still I would request you to forget the past, think about her health condition and make the move with her atleast to convince her.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
It would indeed be embarassing for me since i am a very stubborn person... thank you for the response... and i will certainly consider your advice...
• Malaysia
26 Dec 07
Since its been years you two have not seeing each other, why don't you just pay her a visit as a long lost freind fist rather then trying for a reconcialation at the moment.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
Well, paying her a visit would mean reconciling with her since we haven't spoken in years... thanks for the response... i appreciate it very much...
@fanji008 (782)
• China
26 Dec 07
Hi,there! Sorry to hear that your friend has a cancer.I do think it'll be very nice of you if you can reconcile with her.She is a sicker now and I think she'll be very happy if she could see that her friend forget the things in the past and be with her again.It's always nice to tolerate and forgive if that'll bring a nice result to both of the two. Since problems happend in the past,let the things go.I hope you can forgive and reconcile with your friend again.Best regards for both of you! Have a nice day^_^
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
I am already thinking of reconciling with her but i just do not know how... i am still buying my time... and waiting for a situation that will be perfect for the two of us to talk... thank you very much for the response...
@aissha (2036)
• India
26 Dec 07
i think it is very human to forget the past specially falling out and now when the person is abt to leave everything that person should be forgiven for sure,just go and say hello,every thing will fall in place. blessings.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
Thank you very much for the response...it is very much appreciated... i agree that we all must leave our terrible past behind and learn to start anew...
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
26 Dec 07
Well, you can start by sending a card to her if you find meeting face to face too daunting. Or maybe a call on the phone would be good. When a person is sick, even a bouquet of flowers will bring some joy into her life. Cos if she is having cancer that is terminal, she will tend to treasure her time left more than any other. Since you are a christian, like I always tell my catholic friends, pray to god to give you the strength to forgive her. What is past is past. No point dredging up the past and harp on it. Unless you can undo the past, no point revisiting the unpleasant moment. If you still cannot bring yourself to do any of the above, then just leave things be. Don't do anything. Period. The fact that you still feel the need to be there for your friend after the falling out so many years ago, shows that you still have a small thread in your heart to care for her. Do what you feel most comfortable with. Let your heart guide your mind for this.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
You said it so beautifully... your words gave me great comfort... thank you very much for that... at this point i cannot bring myself to talk to her just yet... i am still buying my time... but one of these days... i will surely give her a call... but for now... i will pray for her recovery... thank you for the response...
@mcjustin (82)
• United States
26 Dec 07
Rozie has a good point. But if you reconcil with her out of pity, as you put it, is the wrong thing to do. This person will know right away that your contacting them out of pity, and thats one thing a cancer patient doesn't need or want. Be true to yourself and your former friend. Just pray for them.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
Yes, i agree that reconciling out of pity is the wrong thing to do and it would send a bad messege... and i am also afraid that she might shun me away because i only reconciled with her because of her cancer... it is a very tough decesion... i hope and pray that i will make the right one... thanks for the response...
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
29 Dec 07
This is difficult. You obviously feel compassion for your ex friend. It may be that she doesn't want to see you. I dont mean to sound negative towards you, but s0ometimes years apart can form a gulf. If you truly feel the need to offer support, send her a card. Write your address, phone number & email address in it. A nice card with well chosen words. If she wants to resume contact, the card will give her a good opportunity.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
30 Dec 07
I do not know her address but i thought of asking how she is through another friend who will visit her... maybe if her respond is positive... i would visit her in a heartbeat... but for now i think i will wait for a while... and see what happens...thanks for the response...
• Australia
28 Dec 07
You could forget the dispute and be there for her. No friendship should break up over a silly arguemnent, no matter who was at fault. If you were good friends and had fun together, then you should get in contact with her.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
28 Dec 07
The series of arguments we had were not really silly but serious ones that involved work, and office politics... but then... her medical condition right now made me think of the fun we had before the fallout...thank you very much for the response...
@Razzles (391)
• United States
27 Dec 07
It is sad about your former friend having cancer. If I was in your shoes, I would make an effort to reconcile with her. If you don't, you will never feel at peace with yourself. I would call her, and tell her that you heard about her illness and ask if there is anything you can to help her. If she says there is nothing you can do, ask if you can stop by to visit. This way, you are letting her make the decision. Good luck with whatever you decide.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
28 Dec 07
Thank you very much for the response and for putting yourself in my shoes... it is always nice to know a different perspective on situations like this...
• United States
26 Dec 07
one of the things about being a christian is to forgive no matter what it is. and don't do it because of her medical condition do it because you want to. and you can be a better person for it so just call her up or go to her house and tell you that she was on your mind and that you wanted to reconcile with her. can you remember what it was that made you so mad in the first place
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
28 Dec 07
Well,, i can actually remember the reason and events which led to our friendship breaking up... maybe that is the main reason why i am so sceptical in making amends with her... but the medical condition she is in right now made me rethink everything that is why i am contemplating on making contact with her again... thank you very much for the response...
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
26 Dec 07
recently I have found a few friends I haven't spoken to in YEARS. some, we just lost touch. but with a couple, we ended on bad terms. sometimes when u hold a grudge it's so hard to let it go, but I am so glad that I did. and that they let it go as well.. I made the first move. I found them on myspace and sent a message.. I think sometimes it can be better like that because u can get out what u want and no interruptions. it was the best move I have made. I haven't seen anyone face to face yet but now atleast were talking all the time. I know whats going on with them and they know whats going on with me and our relationships are on their way again. I think u just need to forget the past and leave it in the past.. sometimes people just make mistakes or do things or say things they shouldnt.. were only human. u just have to let it go. life is so short. we need to be forgiving of others (and of our selves!) and make sure when we leave this world we leave without the grudges. forgive and forget. if u make the first move and it doesnt work out, oh well, u tried. but you never know until u try.. she might be thinking about you and wondering how u are and maybe she would absolutely love to hear your voice.. be the bigger person and end it, and even if u aren't the one who caused the problems, be the bigger person and just say how sorry you are that things ended up the way they did. hopefully the 2 of you can have a great friendship again, but you can't until u make that step. good luck and God Bless! I will say a prayer for you and your friend that God heals your relationship and that he heals your friend from this cancer. prayer works and the more prayer the better!
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
28 Dec 07
I am glad that everything worked out for you and your friends... and i am also glad that it did not take any bad situation for you to be friends with them again... thank you very much for the response and especially the prayers... i appreciate them very much...