This is a discussion about Smokers

@slickcut (8141)
United States
December 28, 2007 11:25am CST
I know that now days smokers have a very bad reputation, and people are really against smoking BUT it is a reality that smokers are here to stay..My husband is a smoker,and even though i know it is bad for your health it is his choice right? He sits in his chair and watches Tv and he smokes...He is a very respectful smoker, if my sister comes he will smoke outside just for her..I have friends that drop by that is always putting him down for smoking,and he hates that.I do have a air purifier going in my house and it does not bother me that he smokes..but he gets mad because people visit and expects him to leave his house and go outside to smoke.He does not mind it if it is family but he feels abused when friends expect him to leave.i told him that they knew he smoked and that they should not come here expecting him to leave his house..What do you think? Should he feel free in his own home? or they wrong ? or should he do as they want? Please do not be rude if you are not a smoker...
9 people like this
20 responses
@breepeace (3028)
• Canada
29 Dec 07
It is his home, and if the person he lives with (you) isn't bothered by his habit, then I certainly don't think those that don't live there should have any say in whether or not he smokes in his own home. After all, I imagine he doesn't go to their homes and berate them for lackluster housecleaning or tacky decorating, does he? :) If they were aware that he was a smoker, and it truly bothers them, they have a choice. Either they don't come over, or they put up with it for the few hours they may be there. Your home isn't a restaurant where you pay for service and can expect whatever makes you happy. It's your home, and one of the only places you can smoke indoors freely still. I am a smoker, as is one of my roommates, even though my other roommate is not, we made it clear to her that we both did smoke indoors, and as of yet, it's never bothered her.
2 people like this
@breepeace (3028)
• Canada
24 Jan 08
If they have an issue with the smoke, they have the choice not to come over. It's not a matter of which is more harmful. It's a matter of what is appropriate and inappropriate, and it is extremely inappropriate to tell someone what they can or cannot do in their own home if you aren't a resident. It is NOT their place to say things like that. That's what I'm comparing it to.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60134)
• United States
29 Dec 07
One of my roomie's is a smoker, my brother's girlfriend is a smoker. Neither of them have ever smoked in their own homes. When the roomie was moving, I went over to help out and you could not smell smoke in her house because she had never smoked in it. She doesn't smoke in my house. Having said that, I don't think a person should have to leave their own homes to smoke. If they decide to is up to them, and as a non-smoker - an allergic to smoke non-smoker, I do appreciate the thoughtfullness, but I don't expect it.
2 people like this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Dec 07
a lot of people who do smoke has a special place in their home to smoke, and some do not smoke in their home.I agree a person should do what they wish while in their own home..Thank you Elic
• United States
31 Dec 07
My husband also smokes. And i have came to realize it wont do any good to try to get him to quit. Thats a choice that he will have to make on his own. Yes i think your husband should feel free in his own home to smoke. I would NEVER ask someone to leave their own house so they could smoke. I think its just rude. It takes a lot of nerve to come to someone elses house and ask them to leave. Your husband has every right to get upset when they get mad about it. By the way im not a smoker either. =)
2 people like this
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I say it's his house and he does have a right to smoke in his own home if he wants to. Just the fact that he goes outside for your sister shows he respects other people's rights (right not to breath smoke) but I think the friends friends that come in and expect him to leave his home are totally wrong in this case - let them go outside to visit or invite you to their home if they can't respect your husband.
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
28 Dec 07
LOL - sounds like your rude friends need your husband, or some other smoker, to walk into their house and 'light up' I wonder how they would feel about that :) I can understand diehard 'non-smokers' but a man's (or women's) home is their castle and if they can't smoke in peace there then where can they. Maybe your 'friends' should read this discussion :)
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I am going to add here, I am a smoker, I would love to and have tried many times to quit but at this point I do have this one bad habit. #1 I would never smoke in someone else's house unless they were smoking. #2 If I know someone visiting my home doesn't smoke I will hold off smoking, ask if they mind or go outside. #3 If someone I don't like is at my home and I know they don't smoke I'll light up just to encourage them to leave - ok I do have a mean streak at times. #4 If a person I know came to my house and started preaching about the evils of smoking you can be sure I would chain smoke until they left.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
28 Dec 07
Ha ha, my husband did that very thing last night.I had some unexpected company which a few of my friends just drop in,and they were here to late and one of them is the type to harrass my husband and make rude remarks...my husband is really very nice, but he started chain smoking and that person immediately got up to leave, holding their nose..haha..afterward hubby said well thats over haha...He is not mean and you aren't either,its just that a person gets sick of being put down all of the time..Thank you faith , you are very cute, and not mean at all.
@Katali (63)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I believe homeowners have the right to set their own rules that are agreed upon by who "lives" in the home. Our homes are our haven, the one place we should be able to feel comfortable. I feel your husband has the right to do as he wishes in his own home as long as it's also agreed upon by you. I'm also a smoker and in my experience I've found that "some" non-smokers put a stigma on the smoker's home before finding out the smoker's smoking habits (a tongue twister lol). I have one room that I smoke in. If they don't enter the room, the chances of being around smoke is very small. Or maybe smoke can travel under the door to some degree lol If anyone is at my home for an extended period of time, I will go outside to smoke and I never smoke around children. I'm respectful towards others who don't smoke and those who don't like to be around smoke, but it would be nice if they took the time to find out more about a person's habits instead of acting as if smokers should be burned at the stake lol
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Dec 07
My husbaad is also respectful around non smokers even in our home when it is family members, children etc..it is people who drop in that expects him to go outside that bothers him and now it bothers me too, i feel like if they know that he does smoke they should expect him to be relaxed while he is in his own home.My husband has respect for Mom, sister, aunts. older persons in the family..and will go elsewhere to smoke.
@Katali (63)
• United States
29 Dec 07
slickcut, I believe there are those who would find fault anywhere they go. If it's not smoking, it would be something else. Your husband seems to be showing the utmost respect towards others and if that isn't good enough maybe they should stay outside lol
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7396)
• United States
22 Jan 08
I would never come over to your house and expect him to leave. If I really didn't like it, or it gave me headaches (which it does) or asthma(I'm not one but if I were it would kill me), if I was responsible enough not to want smoke, which last for hours even when the smoker isn't smoking at the time, to get into my child's developing lungs, or didn't like the way that second hand smoke reaches me unfiltered and therefore full of harmful gases, then I would just choose not to visit. I would suggest meeting you at an outside cafe, or for hikes or the like. Its not fair for him to leave his own house, its his house, and if people choose to come over, they should know they deal with second hand smoke. If they don't like it they should leave, not ask him to. If he visits them, he then should respect them by going outside by the same token. Its your house, you can have whatever harmful gases you want in it and visitors just need to deal with it.
• United States
22 Jan 08
I like the answer someone gave for the visitor to be outside!
1 person likes this
@aries_0325 (3062)
• Philippines
14 Jan 08
Not a bad reputation. But it is bad to our health and it will give unhealthy benefit to our body. For me, and searching about it and knowing the physical effect of smoking. And smoking is a very dangerous to our health specially to our lung. And if we are new to smoking, we didn't notice the effect of smoking to our body and if the times come, and it is notice that our body is polluted of what we called a nicotine and even we have a cancer to lung. Maybe smoking have some benefit but mostly there are some disadvantage in our health.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 08
Yes but its a smoker's choice, and in their home, their choice to fill the air with the same gas that is found in a cars exhaust. Although its true that nonsmokers don't choose to inhale this poisonessgas, and that nonsmokers, unlike the smoker, get it unfiltered, in a person's home, they should be able to do what they like, and if those who care about their health don't like it, then they should wait outside or not visit.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Dec 07
I am a smoker that respects a non smoker.I smoke outside,never inside.That is because I don't expect my husband that is a non smoker to breathe it because a non smoker has the right not to breathe in smoke.Besides that it stinks up the whole house and makes everybodys clothes and hair smell like smoke.I expect that a non smoker wouldn't want to smell like smoke either.I think that your husband should smoke outside all the time.It is his right to smoke but he doesn't have the right to force non smokers to be around it.I don't smoke around non smokers at all and I never smoke around my husbands non smoking friends.Non smokers have rights too.This is not being rude but a smokers opinion only.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Dec 07
If i told my husband to smoke outside he would do it , he is also respectful to others..I do not really care if he smokes inside, thats why he does it because i do not care...It really does not bother me any.I am not protecting him at all...he will not smoke inside if my family or his family are around,he will go outside..The thing i am speaking of is drop in friends that come at night and stay and complain that they do not like him smoking, and really they have no right to complain..He will be relaxing watching tv and they come in and want to run him out of his own house to smoke...Non smokers do have rights i agree and he would never go to someones home and smoke but since he is a smoker they have no right to tell him to go outside in his own home, thats what i am talking about...Thank you for you response...
@praykin (244)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I think he should do as he please I mean who is paying the bills? them? I think not..not to be rude in any way but it's true in my opinion even though others might think that it is rude or that it would be a generous thing to go outside of your own house being that they knew about doesn't mean that they can go into friends house and expect their friends so smoke outside. I also smoke but not heavily and I've lived with smokers all my life at times they would go outside to smoke like when we are eating but other than that it's either too cold to go outside to smoke or just not of interest lol...
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Dec 07
Thank you praykin i agree with all that you have said..
• United States
28 Dec 07
I don't like going to my father in law's apartment because he smokes. The smell gets in my hair and clothes and it's just disgusting. So therefore, I just don't over there. Whenever he comes to my house, he goes outside to smoke. I have a friend who smokes and she's very respectful. She doesn't even smoke in her own home, she smokes out on her porch. I don't so much have a problem with respectful smokers as I do the ones who think it's their right to blow smoke all around someone. I cannot stand going into Walmart and having to walk past someone who is smoking. My 7 year old daughter will hold her nose as she walks past them. I don't blame her. But as far as what someone does in their own home, well that's their business. I would not expect someone who smokes to go outside to do so if I visited their home.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I understand that as long as you are in your own home they should not comment to you and expect you to do the leaving...Thank you for your response
• United States
28 Dec 07
I am a smoker, and so is my girlfriend, i think that it is VERY rude for someone to come in to YOUR house and expect you to stop doing something that you want to do in you own home. Like you said, they know we smoke, and should not expect us to change.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I agree with you...If they come to your home they should expect that you just might light up...Thank you for replying..
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12650)
• United States
28 Dec 07
Its your house, no one has the right to come into your house and expect you to adhere to their rules. That is very nice of your husband to go outside when your sis comes over. Some people are extra sensitive to cig smoke. I recently quit smoking, I am amazed how much the smoke smells and bothers me. I would never dream to expect someone in their home to leave their home to smoke because I came over. That is unreal rude on their part. People in our family do not smoke around my mom, she was a smoker and quit many years ago and is now allergic to the smoke. My son smokes and I am around him, it is his choice and I keep my mouth shut, that is except when he smokes up and stinks up the bathroom. Then I gripe at him, but its my house and my bathroom. If it was his bathroom and house I would keep my mouth shut.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
28 Dec 07
well you know Moms, big sisters, aunts and loving family members are really special, so my husband would never smoke around them he respects them..but the ones i am speaking of are drop in friends that are really rude about it is the ones that bother him.He would never smoke in anyones home unless they smoked or it is ok with them..Thank you for your reply polly..
@MsTickle (25007)
• Australia
6 Jan 08
This is just ludicrous. A person should be able to do what they want in their own home providing it's legal of course. You may lose friends over this however as people are really uptight these days about passive smoking. Your guests that have these expectations should themselves be perfectly happy to remain outside to visit - if it's good for the home owner it should bee good for the visitor as well. I really think some take this sort of politically correct pushiness way too far for the sake of control.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jan 08
I smoke for many years and thank god I quit that nasty habit. I was so stressed out a few weeks ago I fell off the wagon and had a smoke. Now I do understand that is his home. He is the king of his castle. I think it is a matter of respect... Bottom line. I never smoked in my house with my daughter home. If I was hoe alone I would smoke in the house and with a door or windowSSSS open. I never liked the smell of second hand smoke as a smoker. So No I would never smoke in my home with company in it. Even if my company smokes we both go outside. I think it's double the horror to light up after another lights up. I don't allow my friends to smoke in my home or in my apartment hall way. They can't even toss a finished smoke in my yard. As for your husband he has to define where his respect is. If it is for your house and not your friends health then smoke away and let then stay home. I am sure when that really good friend comes along you may see you prefer to save the friends health and light up outside. I see you have a purifier. That is still not good to have your company subject themselves to second hand smoke. Just be up front with them and tell them please stay home and call us on the phone. We choose to live in our home and enjoy the smoking as we please. I do hope it goes well..
1 person likes this
@cosylvia (401)
• China
29 Dec 07
hi,slickcut you could try to control the quantity of smoking of your hubby,as we known that smoking is not good in health,,,,sometimes have dinner with friends together some men smoking make the air so dizzy,,the lucky is my bf never smoke,,,so wish your hubby quit smoking or reduce the quantity earlier happy new year
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Dec 07
Thank you cosy for your reply, however the discussion is not about quitting smoking...
• United States
26 Jan 08
I believe that if they know he smokes they should not expect him to go out of your all own house to smoke. No one should ever put down another person for what they are doing. It is their choice and no one else's. His house is his house and if they don't like the smoke in the house than forgo going over to visit. I don't smoke but my husband does. A few times friends have made comments and I just mention to them since it is his body although I wish he didn't smoke but it is totally his choice.
@olaff123 (434)
• Namibia
29 Dec 07
It is a bit of a problem, isn't it? My bf is also a smoker and we've agreed that he smokes outside. When friends visit, and they're smokers, they all usually smoke inside. I'm not particularly fond of living in a house that smells like an ashtray, but I reckon that it is every person's own choice to deal with this matter as they see fit.
• India
29 Dec 07
Hi friend even my husband also smoker not too much mmorning with tea & after noon any way daily theree or 4 maximum thats all but he will use to smoke only our bedroom balcony or our bedroom not in hall . He is not some infront of his mother or brother very respective smoker . He use to smoke with his close friends or bedroom that all .
@Katali (63)
• United States
29 Dec 07
slickcut, if I'm understanding you correctly, it's the manner in which these people behave about your husband's smoking, not that they don't like it in general, that you have a problem with. I believe most any smoker is willing to comply with the wishes of others if their approach is respectful. If someone politely tells me that smoking bothers them or they are allergic, I would understand, but I wouldn't like someone coming into my home and feeling it's their right to kick me out to smoke. It's all about respect on both sides. While they cut your husband down for smoking, they probably have some bad habits themselves they fail to look at.
@janet66 (53)
• China
29 Dec 07
There are a lot of people who are smoking.Actually i hate smoking very much.As long as i smell the smokes,i feel very upset and can't breath.My father and my brother are all smokers.when they are smoking,i will ask them to leave the hall and go outside to smoke.My father don't mind.I always remind of me i will not find a smoker people who is my future husband and soul mate!