if this was your friend?

@vera5d (4006)
United States
December 28, 2007 6:44pm CST
what would you do if one of your lifelong friends suddenly started blowing you off? I have not seen her in 6 months...she calls, we make plans, then she cancels at the last minute or never calls to confirm a time. She didn't come to a party I invited her to and she rsvp'd for! she has excuses for everything, some may be real, some are kind of weak... She called me this week to say she wanted to see us today...she has xmas presents for the kids...but she has not called or shown up & no answer on her phone... It's one thing if she doesn't want to see me anymore, but why would she pretend she does? I never know if i should worry something happened to her or if I should just start accepting her new behaviour and try not to make plans with her anymore so i don't waste the whole day waiting for her to not call or show up... she was never like this before - we have been through a lot, so it is all pretty bizarre to me
8 people like this
15 responses
@Estina54 (389)
• United States
29 Dec 07
It happened to me many times from my friends both women and men. I had friends that I thought I could count on and, all of a sudden, they changed their attitude, they were busy wehever I called them. I knew that somebody who I first thought was a real friend had some problems, and I've been calling her for 2 years. Not finding any way of getting together again, I gave up.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i've had lots of those come and go friends...this is the longest friend i've had...since we were 6 years old! And it is not like she lives far - 15 minutes from my house!
3 people like this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i've had lots of those come and go friends...this is the longest friend i've had...since we were 6 years old! And it is not like she lives far - 15 minutes from my house!
4 people like this
• United States
29 Dec 07
Does your friend have a new mate in their life? It could be that your friends partner is being controlling. The next time you talk to your friend ask them point blank, is there some reason why you keep forgetting that we made plans or are you intentionally making plans with me and not keeping them? I get very frustrated with people like this and I don't play games. I get down to the nitty gritty and find out the problem. I don't have time in my life for people like this and I won't let them think they are getting away with it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
4 people like this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
she has been w/same guy for 2 years now...he recently just proposed to her...she is supposed to come to see us now tomorrow...i don't think she will blow me off again...i hope to get to the bottom of this... i understand life goes by fast and we are all busy...i just hate to lose a friend i've had for so long after so many have gone...i haven't made another friend like her in eons... this bs just makes me feel like i am in middle school again though...lol thanks so much for your answer! i
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
29 Dec 07
She sounds exactly like a friend of mine. It's a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde kind of thing. Accept, I know that my friend has a mental disorder call Bipolar. Maybe, that is what is wrong with your friend. I would start to distance myself from her. Especially, with promises that affect you children. It is not fair to them if people make them promises and then don't keep them.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i don't usually tell them what we're doing until we actually go to do it for that very reason... I don't think she is bipolar...but it seems awfully strange to me! thanks for your response!
3 people like this
@patcho (2)
29 Dec 07
is there any reason that she is trying to screw with your mind? it sounds to me like she is intentionally going out of her way to fu** with you.
4 people like this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
it doesn't make much sense, that's for sure!
4 people like this
• United States
29 Dec 07
This has happenned to me before. So i completely understand how you feel. Its very upsetting. I know i was very upset too becaues i didnt understand why she was acting the way she was. But i didnt push things and i never did find out. I lost her as a friend. You shouldnt let that happen to you though. Im not saying to push her. Just talk to her and let her know your still her friend. Try to find out if something is bothering her. Maybe there is something on her mind and shes afraid to talk to you about it. You'll never know unless you try. But definitely dont just accept her new behavior. Good luck!
3 people like this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i think you have a good point...i will hope to talk with her tomorrow and see what is really going on...
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I know how you are feeling, vera, because I have been through the same thing-with a lifelong friend no less! It is very hurtful when someone who has been in your life for so long just starts to blow you off. You find yourself wondering what you did that might have offended them, at least I did. My friend used to send me email daily, then, all of a sudden, nothing. I waited and waited to hear from her, with no results. Finally I had to admit that she did not wish to continue our friendship. I did a discussion about this very topic almost a year ago. If I were you I would just leave it alone, put the ball in her court, and see what happens. [Smiles]
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i don't think i offended her or anything like that...but i do feel forgotten or like i'm not cool enough to be worth seeing anymore
2 people like this
• United States
29 Dec 07
I would go to her house so you could talk to her in person and ask her why she is doing this. if you are as good of friends you will know if she is telling the truth. let her know that you care about her and that you want to know what is wrong
3 people like this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i would do this except i never know where she is at a given time - also have two little kids...but i think i will hopefully get a resolution for this...friendships need watered or they never grow.
2 people like this
29 Dec 07
I would hurt them. That gets on my nerves. It cone happent to me before. But before you get on them, check yourself
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
yeah, i don't think i want to do that!
@Stiletto (4584)
29 Dec 07
It sounds to me like there is something wrong either with your friend or with her life. There must be a reason she keeps cancelling at the last minute. This actually reminds me a little of myself when I was suffering from anxiety (years and years ago now), because I would do that sort of thing. When I felt ok I would make plans to do things and see people and then at the last minute realise I couldn't handle it and pull out. I wonder if it's something similar with her? Anyway I would try to talk to her about it when you finally do manage to see her. Of course she might say everything is ok but that doesn't necessarily mean it is. It's a tough one!
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i didn't think about anxiety...i know a lot of people with that same issue and you are right, it starts to control everything... we'll see :)
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
i didn't think about anxiety...i know a lot of people with that same issue and you are right, it starts to control everything... we'll see :)
• Nigeria
29 Dec 07
Since you can reach her on phone,then wait for her to call you someday and try to invite her. Eventually if she visited , talk with her to see reasons of her disappointing behaviours and know if she will promise to make amendments. Keep trying to reach her on phone to find out from her the reasons of not keeping to her words
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
thanks for the response!
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
29 Dec 07
Hi vera5d, I've had this happen to me, with a couple of friends. One is my former room mate, and she contacted me this fall via e-mail, after a very long time. She was hoping to see me at a fall festival, which I was unable to attend. I e-mailed back, and explained this, and she did get back to me. I then e-mailed her again, and it's been a couple of months, and I haven't heard back, so who knows. I'm going to wait a bit longer, and then contact her one last time. The second friend, has been a close friend since our daughters (now 16), were four years old. She just suddenly stopped bothering with me around three years ago. I'd phone, and suggest we get together, and she wasn't interested. Then one day about a month ago, she called and invited me to go out with her, which I did. Things have been better again, and we spent Christmas Day in their home. In her case, she comes from an abusive marriage, and other family difficulties, so I think this is behind the behaviour. I'm hoping we don't lose our connection again. I hope you can get to the bottom of what's going on with your friend. I'd try to sort things out with her, before giving up. Take care.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
29 Dec 07
hopefully we'll get it figured out...there are lots of things to speculate about...we are supposed to hang out today, i think she will really show up now after 4 months of saying she wants to hang out & then cancelling...but then, who knows...
@tredix (36)
• United States
29 Dec 07
If you all have a friendship you feel is worth not throwing away, I would make an effort to have a face to face with her and see what is really going on. If she refuses to tell you, just explain to her that you noticed things have changed and want to do whatever you can to keep the friendship alive. If you have done something to hurt or offend her...apologize.
• United States
29 Dec 07
I know how that is ..seems like she is thinks shes better then you or something..she has a better like..and its not for you to be in it. Shes not a really good friends thats for sure.Have you tried talking to her about it?
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
29 Dec 07
The next time she calls tell her how you feel about the way she has been treating you lately.Then tell her that she needs to stop or then call an end to the friendship and look for a true friend.
• India
29 Dec 07
I think most probably she thinks about herself only. I think your friend most probably she does not think about you. Another reason could be she might have been busy with her life and she could have been forgot about you. I think you should talk to her about this.