Have You Ever Wanted Something So Much It Hurts?

Tweet

I have just started a post about an audition I want to go to and it sparked some inspiration for another post. I don't usually think of things to post. At the age of 11 I sat in front of the television one night just before Christmas I can remember it well. My dad and Grandma was there we were all watching Dynasty which was on at the time I know that gives my age away. Something inside me made me say, "I want to be an actress one day". That was at the age of 11. At the age of 13 I first started acting at school we were just doing something simple. A class of English and I was asked to act and so I did. Everyone was taken aback with how realistic I was. That was the first time I ever acted. After that I went to a drama group and also had elecution lessons. At the drama group we put a play on and I had a character comedy role. My mum was sat next to the television people and they said I had a natural gift. After that I did amateur drama until I was in my early twenties. I got a Btec National Diploma in Acting with distinction in acting which is the highest you can get. During this time I played my favourite role of a 90 year old and frightened somebody's dad in the audience because I was so realistic. I soon realised I had a gift and was great at getting into characters. I decided not to go for it because it was too hard with too many knock backs and realistically did I stand a chance? But I have been unhappy ever since I made that decision and kept that side of me buried deeper so I wouldn't feel the pain so much. I know this is long for those that want to read it thanks for those that don't you can just skip to the end, but when I post on mylot I believe in putting detail into it. I know some people just like to put a few sentances and thats fine anyway. I am now 31 and it is getting very late for me. I heard of an opportunity to audition for Oliver they want Nancy to be aged 17 - 35 because she is young but looks old. I am older, but actually I look younger. I live in the UK and in my heart the desire to act is so strong. I am worried I won't get this part though due to the fact that I cannot sing well. How much does someone have to want something to get it? I fear it may always be a dream for me. I am married and have a 2 year old daughter and sometimes I feel this is just a selfish dream and I should be greatful with what I have. But, every year I see a musical and it hurts a little bit more because I imagine myself on that stage. I probably sound like a right drama queen and sorry if I do. Have you ever wanted something so much it hurts? And if so have you done anything about it and what would your advice be to me?