Why I am afraid of having kids

Philippines
January 1, 2008 1:40am CST
OF course I would like to have my own kids someday but there's just one thing I'm worrying about, I am scared that it might be too hard disciplining the kids the way they should be. Nowadays children tend to be so smart, sometimes they even act and talk smarter than adults! It's like, what if I can't discipline them properly and they'd rebel or even run away? Am I just being paranoid or what? How do you discipline children the right way?
5 people like this
16 responses
@johndur (3049)
• Pasig, Philippines
2 Jan 08
raising a child is really not an easy task to do,but if you will shower them with your love then there wont be any problem for them when they grow up.most problem child comes from broken family and those wanting motherly care.but if you will only love from a child to teenager.im sure they will grow up happy and contented and you wont be worrying about them when time comes.
2 people like this
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
1 Jan 08
Hello dear glitzypurple. Think about the way you are brought up and you will find that to have a kid of your own will be almost the same though kids nowadays are getting much smarter than we used to be. This is very natural with the development of technology and science. It is the way that we humans pass on and on to have our offspring. This is the next step followed by marriage. Be brave enough to have your own kid. Life needs to go on however it might be!
• Philippines
1 Jan 08
thanks
2 people like this
• China
2 Jan 08
Hello dear friend. I have always considered the best responses as the best gift to me with great appreciation. I wish you and your family a happy and healthy and prosperous year of rat.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
1 Jan 08
hi you know what glitzy there are no right or wrong ways to discipline your children.there a no handbooks given out with each child.it is something that just comes naturally and we all find out what is right or wrong with dealing with our children as we go along.we learn from our mistakes and what is right for one child may not be right for the other.it is all a big learning curve for all of us who have children.don't be scared to have children as they can be hard work ,but the joy they give you is all worth it.cheers sue
• Philippines
1 Jan 08
Thanks
1 person likes this
@Ngippol (567)
• Philippines
1 Jan 08
Well, if you want to marry, having kids are a blessing from the Lord. If you are a Christian and you trust God, He will show you how you can discipline your kids properly.
• Philippines
1 Jan 08
Thanks so much
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (5774)
• United Kingdom
2 Jan 08
There isn't any particularly way of disciplining kids. Mostly, kids learn by example so, if you are loving and caring, they probably will be. On the other hand, if you swear and fight then so will your kids! Of course, it's not black and white like that because all kids will play up at some point in their life. Whatever they do and however they do it, different kids will react differently to different responses from you. No one can really give you general advice on this. Although, if you do have kids and you start having trouble with them, you can always ask us on here! There is one thing which I think is very important. You should reward good behaviour and ignore bad. Don't give in to a naughty child. They are likely to have paddys but,if you deal with things like that from the beginning, and explain to them why their behaviour is not acceptable, then they will learn easier. I have known people who let their kids get away with all sorts just because they were "too young to understand" but now those kids are teenagers and their parents are wondering why they don't behave because they've only just started trying to discipline them. Children are never too young to be taught anything and that includes manners, etc. I keep being told that my kids aren't old enough to do stuff they do but, they obviously are ready and I put that down to me teaching them. I've always spoken to them like people. I've never told them they couldn't do something positive. (well, except when I've told my 7 year old he's too small to ask complicated questions! Although, even then, it's only because I didn't know the answers and we usually look them up together.) Kids thrive on attention and positive attention is, of course, better than negative attention. My kids get lots of attention when they are being good but when they are not, they get told off and ignored until they have calmed down enough for me to ask them why they were naughty. These are only suggestions of course! All kids are different. There are even things I've had to do different with each of my kids but what I've said generally seems to walk equally with both of them, wahatever age they have been. Don't worry about having kids. You can read all the parenting books there are and try to listen to all the advice you are given but your kids won't be the same as anyone else's! And just a last point, don't read parenting books. They are full of conflicting advice and generally talk about "average" children and it's often all decided by panels of people who probably don't have a child between them! And then there are development books. Use them as a guide by all means but they are also about where an "average" child would be in their development and all children develop at different rates in different areas. I've looked at those books for my toddler and had to look at the next level book for where he actually is in most things but he's still about 6 months behind with walking. Praise kids for what they can do and encourage more from them rather than condemning them for what they can't do. I hope this all helps and good luck.
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
1 Jan 08
Don't let this scare you off, there is no one who can tell you exactly how to bring up children because every person is unique; so every child needs it's own unique upbringing. There are tips and tricks, I'm studying to become a Pedagogue so I will also learn how to give advice about parenting. One thing's for sure; there is no simple or right answer. You need to know the basics about children development, health etc. and there are tips and tricks but still you will need a good dose of humor, patience and being a good conversational partner. Most of the time the answer is allready there, together with the parents and children you can reach their goals. This is very low impact help which is great, because parents shouldn't have to put their childrens care into the hands of others unless there are mayor problems that will seriously harm the parents and/or children. This help should be easy to access and not frowned upon; after all, we all have questions on this matter every now and then. It's a proof you have character and love your kids if you do everything in your might to help them and put your pride asside. Hope that helps, blessed be.
@musicman6 (2370)
• United States
1 Jan 08
The key is Love, "love conquers all"! I can tell you are not only afraid of having kids, you are not sure of yourself either! You need to reach out, reach out to someone that can guide you, give you support, and confidence! Reach out to someone that can give you unquestionable love! In my case, I reached out for God, and his teachings, and the comfort of his church! I let God hold my hand, as he guided me through this life for 58 yrs! I was not afraid of anything! And the love that God teaches you , you will pass on to your loved ones, and they will show and respect the love you have given them, that you shall give to God! You don't have to use my God, if you have your own God, that is whom you should believe in! The disciplining of the children is only a minor matter, he will guide you , and show you the way!
1 person likes this
@academic2 (7010)
• Uganda
1 Jan 08
Go for it, that is to be a parent is God given responsibility, shying away before you have even tried is not the most noble thing to do, if you lovely parents shyed away,beautiful glitzpurple would probably not be here, and they parented you, the rationale was intended for you to carry those skills to your own children. Not to have children for the reasons you give would be a betrayal of your entire family tree and more so, your ancestors who are turning in their graves, waiting on you to do the very needful! Rise up to this occasion at the right time is all I can say, fear not!
1 person likes this
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
1 Jan 08
yes youre right,but having kids is good accomplishment of a womans life.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
1 Jan 08
I think its the fear most of the people have who don't have kid. it is true nowadays kids are becoming to much advanced. May be it will go with flow. But it is really a tough thing to bring up children.
1 person likes this
• Halifax, Nova Scotia
1 Jan 08
i think thats a bit paranoid ya.. some kids do run away i realize but its fairly rare considering the amount of kids who dont.. all kids will rebel at some point in their life.. or live sheltered lives until they die.. the only legal way to discipline a kid these days is to remove things from their life such as tv and toys etc.. you cant beat them.. you can probably get in trouble for yelling at them.. you cant force them to work.. you cant force religion on someone.. so ya after theyre too old for time outs you gotta hope you raised them decent enough that theyre not youre enemy.. my kids are pretty decent kids.. they act up from time to time but never anything major and they listen quite well.. i try to talk to them though i hate yelling at them and i try to explain myself so they understand why im telling them stuff.. never getting tired of answering the question "why" has helped a lot too i think heh
• Philippines
1 Jan 08
I have observed that rebellion is a part of one's life. Oh well, I'm so paranoid then. Thank you so much!
1 person likes this
• Halifax, Nova Scotia
1 Jan 08
being paranoid or cautious isnt a bad thing for a parent.. especially with new borns.. theyre so fragile etc you really have to have that kind of mind set to ensure they dont get dropped on their head or get sick etc :D
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
22 Jan 08
i think it's very normal to worry about having kids, and worry about how they will turn out. the first few months are probably spent worrying about whether they will be healthy. then after that about their education,t heir life choices, their life plans... i suppose things get easier as and when we go along. and it always helps to have friends and family who are parents who can guide us and advice us along the way.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
21 Jan 08
I think it is how you were raised. Some people assume that only a certain type of person can be a mother and anyone else cannot. You have to be sweet tempered, have a nice smile and be sacrificial. Also the kids being smarter is not so. It is just that the media makes it out to be that way, and you cannot believe all that is in the movies. Do not worry, God will give you the insite on how to raise them. You will know in your heart. Man thinks you have to take care of a bunch of special needs children, offer to babysit, because he decideds on faith. God decides by faith and what ability you do not have, HE will give you.
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
9 Jan 08
The reasons can be very different. Some of them can be subconsious or a result of our own childhood. Or some women just have no so developed maternal instinct.
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
9 Jan 08
It's not just about discipline but about morals. I think if you teach your kids to be good people, by example, you won't have to discipline them that much. You show them how to be good people by your actions and you should be okay. Of course kids will act out now and then, but your instincts will kick in and you will know what to do. Don't worry so much about it, especially when you have them, because they will feel it and then they will give you a hard time. Just relax and let life happen.
@jenny12 (31)
• Canada
3 Jan 08
If your upbringing is good then you dont have to worry or blame yourself if they choose the wrong path when they grow.It all depends upon the person. I mean, some people were not brought up by their biological parents and were treated badly but they grew up fine and are good in making decisions. Just try your best if ever you have one. Im a mom and i tell you its great!Takes a lot of work but very fulfilling!!!