If your teenage daughter got pregnant in high school

United States
January 2, 2008 8:22pm CST
Would you take care of the child during the day and have her do it after school? Or would you choose to do something different? This is a question my friend and I are going through as we speak? Personally I would not want my daughter to read my answer so I can not put it here. She frequents mylot often.
6 people like this
20 responses
• United States
3 Jan 08
I was a teenage mother, I graduated. I would support my daughter and help her. It would be tough, I know but things happen and it is not the grandchild's fault. Kids have babies and think that they are old enough to be parent, they are not. Babies need to be taken care of no matter what. I would support my daughter, no doubt about it. I would not like her to do this but if it did happen that is what I would do.
3 people like this
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
3 Jan 08
ohh..thats hard..i have a 3yr old daughter now..and if that will happen to her if she's still in high school, as a mother i will accept it, take care of her and her child, then after the baby will born, i will still send my daughter in school for her future and for the future of her baby..in our country, we really take good care of the both mother and daughter in our house, we called that extended family..actually, i'm a single mom, and still i'm in the custody of my parents..so, if that will happen to me, i will do the same thing..
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 08
Togetherness is the name of the game. I am glad to se your family sticks together. It is very hard to do some time. God Bless your family..
• Philippines
3 Jan 08
If that would happen to me, I would still accept my child and let her continue her education and dreams in life. I am working so maybe we could find for a nanny for the child. But I would openly accept my grand child.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 08
this is a touchy situation and if my daughter got pregnant god for bid i would be in shock but i would still support her. i would help her with the child until a certain point. like to finish school and to work if she did , but other than that it would be her responsibility.
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
3 Jan 08
Well, if you take a look at my avatar, you will see my niece and her son. She got pregnant exactly one month after she graduated high school. We had planned for her to go to college and she tried, but she was not able to. Now, I don't have any children of my own, so this was my first experience with anything like this. She has always been my favorite niece and her mom is my favorite sister. I agonized day and night about what we were up against. Even though her doctor told her to get an abortion, that was never an option. But, for the first time in my life, I dealt with abortion on a personal level and I understood why women do it. It is so easy and you just get up and go on with your normal life. I was in so much pain for her that I was wishing she would have a miscarriage. I wanted her to be free to pursue her dreams. But, when that baby boy was born and my sister e-mailed me the pictures from the delivery room (couldn't be there, had a broken leg)I fell in love with that baby. I knew then that there was nothing in the world that I would not do for that little life. If was not about punishing her, she had been through enough. It was about making life as easy as possible for her, so her life would not have to end there. Yes, we were angry, disappoint and hurt. But, we knew that if we did not step in and do our best to help, things would only get worse. The father ended up living on the street and pushing a shopping cart and he was just over legal age himself. It was really hard on my sister, who became a grandmother at 38. And my nieces stepfather, who is the elder of our church. My point is, when you get stuck in a situation like this, you do the right thing. I believe the right thing to do is whatever you can to help. That doesn't mean that you just sweep it under the rug. You make sure that the mother realizes that this will not happen again. Most teenagers do what it takes to make sure it never happens again. Love your children and be good to them, help them, no matter what the issue is. Just because they make a mistake, we still need to be their cheering squad.
2 people like this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
3 Jan 08
hello... well, i got pregnant inmy college days, to the fact that i amtaking up nursing course. i got pregnant in my 3rd yr so i need to stop my schooling and repeat the subjects i left. now, my son is one year old and i am back in school. my mom takes care of him when i am in school and i take care of my son when i am at home, when i am back from school. i am happy to have experienced this though, because it made me become stronger and put direction in my life, not especially that i have a son who needs support. i want to give him everything i can and make him feel i am a good mother to him so i need to finish my school.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Jan 08
That is good to hear because even if you are young you are already responsible. And have dreams for your child. I hope you will become successful with your dreams in life.
1 person likes this
@icedventi (156)
• United States
3 Jan 08
I would not watch my child's kid if he (I have a little boy.) had one during high school. I would expect him to take full responsibilty for the kid which means staying in school and having a full time job after school to pay for daycare. I would, however, watch the kid on the weekend's so my son could get extra hours in because that's what grandparent's do. The weekdays are different though. It would make me feel more like the parent than the grandparent. I'd also want my child to learn the lesson that goes along with having a kid so young.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 08
Let me just say that my best friend got pregnant at 16. We were still in high school obvously. She had morning sickness so bad that she had to go homebound or miss the first 3 periods everyday. Her mother ended up kicking her out and she moved into an apartment down the road from my parent's house. The church paid her rent each month. She attended school during the day while the baby was at the sitters, which the state pd for. She didn't work in the evening. She didn't even have a car so that sitter would bring the baby home a little after 3. She is now married and has another child. Her husband makes so much money that she doesn't have to work. She has stayed home almost the entire time they have been together. She just recently got a job because both the kids are in school now and she wanted something more constructive to do with her life.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 08
I think it would depend on her age and what she wanted. If she were real young, like 14-15 and just starting high school then I would insist she continue while I babysit during the day and help while she gets her homework done. If she were older and chose to drop out to care for her baby and work I would insist she at least take night school or get her GED when she wasn't working. I would probably still encourage her to stay in high school. I wouldn't try to punish her by making her do it all alone either. Having a kid is a lot of work. I can't imagine doing it single. I have 4 kids but I don't do it all alone. My husband helps. He is there when I am so tired I can barely stay awake to take the baby, maybe make a quick lunch, etc. If one of my kids had a baby I would try to help out as much as I could but still make sure they understood the responsibility was ultimately theirs. My best friend had her baby at 17, a few weeks after graduating high school. She was 2 1/2 months premature and her life was crazy. But her parents never punished her about it. They all stepped up to care for the baby (although her dad refused to change diapers, lol). She decided not to go away to college and stayed home during the day while her parent worked. She babysat for relatives to earn extra cash (her parents paid for food, diapers, clothing for the baby and any other necessities) for clothes and things she wanted for her and the baby. And she went to college at night. She is my hero. She did it all. She was a single mother, raised a wonderful little girl (she is 8 1/2 now), graduated from college and is now a teacher, still had time for a social life, boyfriend, softball, taking her daughter to classes, etc. She did it all, thanks mostly to the help her parents gave her.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12072)
• India
5 Jan 08
I have two sons....but you got me thinking about this one. I like to think of myself as an open parent and I gereally believe in letting my kids learn from their experiences. I keep the doors of communication open and do bring up topics that I am concerned about. Having said that, I think I would freak out if my high school daughter got pregnant. The first thing I would like to know is how she had gotten pregnant. If it was rape, I think I would suggest an abortion and have her speak to a counsellor about it. Now, if she knowingly got herself pregnant (after all the talks I would have had on safety and blah blah), I think I would hold her responsible and she would have to face the consequences of her action. I might agree to babysit during the day but only if I see that she is taking her responsibility as a parent seriously.
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
4 Jan 08
I would want my daughter to finish school. If I could afford to stay home with the child then I would do it. I think it is important for a teenager to experience high school, even if it is just the school part and not all of the activities. I believe children - even if they mess up and have a child - should be given the opportunity to be successful and be able to make a good life for themselves. The only way I would not do this was if my daughter was a senior in HS and had to drop out prior to the baby being born. Then I would make her get a GED and go to college the first semester that was available.
• United States
4 Jan 08
Well when my friends were in school, two of them were pregnant. One of them ended up dropping out of school and the other her mom took care of the baby while she was in school. If I ever became a mother and my daughter was having a baby!!! I think If I was home all the time I would probably take care of the baby for her, If I had a job and had enough money to take a vacation off then maybe I would, but If I didn't have enough money to do that, I don't know what my daughter would do, I think she should do homeschool, "American Academy", that's what I'm in the process of doing to get my high school diploma because I'm a U.S. Citizen overseas, but she could definitely do it too. It's an accredited diploma, the only thing is it costs 300 flat if you pay i full or 40 a month, It's located in Miami, In Pinecrest I think, the website is www.diplomaathome.com. Hope that helps!
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
3 Jan 08
I was pregnant when I was in high school and it was a horrible experience. I didn't even really know for sure that I was 'til I started to miscarry. Well, once I found out that it was me miscarrying vs. getting my period. I can honestly say that the experince is enough of a problem as is, let alone with unsupportive parents. That's the day that I lost respect for my parents and our relationship went down the tubes right there and then. They held this over my head for years. I don't know if it would've been better if I was able to carry the baby to term and they fell in love with their grandchild or what, but I can honestly say that the expeience was enough punishment for me. I didn't need to be practically disowned by my parents. I think that the parents should sit down with the couple and talk to them to see what their thoughts are on the matter before they make decisions for them. Try to give them the chance to make their own decisions. After they've met with the couple, the parents could start coming up with ideas. Maybe even invite the other parents over to discuss options. The best thing to do is to keep those kids in school so they can get their diploma. You don't mention if the the other half of this couple is going to stick around or run, or if she knows who the father is or what, so I can't say much more. Honestly, the best thing that you can do for them is to be open and honest about everything and make sure that they know that they can come to you for anything. Be supportive. It's scary enough to be a pregnant teen. The parents need to be their support system, as it will definitely be needed!!! PM me if you want/need more information!
• United States
3 Jan 08
I would of course take care of the baby. But, I would also hope that there is day care available too. I would want for my child to continue with her education and not to worry about proper care for her baby.
@mummybec (685)
• Australia
3 Jan 08
It would depend on my situation at the time but I guess I would try to help out as much as possible... If I had a full time job therefore was unable to look after the baby I would help her find some other way around that - whether that be childcare or something else.
@blueunicorn (2409)
• United States
3 Jan 08
I hope I am never faced with this situation, but I know that life happens differently than we expect sometimes. I think I would take care of the baby during the day as long as I didn't have responsibilities of my own. I would help financially if I couldn't watch the baby, though. I think that a high school education is too important to make a point at that time. I would do all I could, but my daughter would definitely not be going out after school and playing around. She would be a mother first above all else except for getting that diploma.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
3 Jan 08
My oldest was 17 and a senior in high school when she got pregnant. Even though it would have been very hard financially and draining on me, yes, I would help by caring for the child while she finished school. But she choose to get married and take night school, so she did get a diploma, but just didn't walk with her class..
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Jan 08
Since I'm a stay at home mom for my little ones anyway, if either of the older ones (s/o has two teenagers, a boy and a girl) were to become parents while still in high school I would watch the baby so they could continue with school and work BUT I would not be doing it for free or for them to go hang out with friends or goof off. I would make sure they stayed in school and worked so they could provide at least most of the baby's basic needs. They would not be going out on weekends or sleeping in or doing any of the other "teenager activities" just because I was there to take care of their child. When they were not in school or working the child would be 100% their responsibility. I would also charge them to help teach them that child care is not cheap and give them a taste of the "real world" even while still living at home.
• United States
3 Jan 08
I'd most likely make my daughter abort or she can emancipate herself and move out on her own and figure out how to do it all on her own.
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
3 Jan 08
Well, I'm hoping I have educated my daughter enough so that I'll never have to go through that,(but accidents still happen) but if I did it would be a hard decision to make. Although I would love to watch the baby to give my child a chance at finishing her education it may not be financially posible. I don't think I could afford to give up my day job to babysit. Our school district has an alternative education program where they provide child care for kids in this situation and also offer a night school, so I think we would have to depend on that.