child custody issues!

probably because throughout history the mother has been the one to raise the children, and the father has been the one who goes out and hunts and gathers, or works and earns. The kids have always stayed home with the mother, the mother is the nurturer while the father is usually the provider. I'm not saying whether i think its right or wrong, but i will say the best interest of the child should be the main focus point on where they live.

I think the reason that the mother usually always gets custody of the kids when people spilt up is due to the fact that it is the mother who carries them around for nine months and then gives birth to them. For this reason, it is the belief of many people that children have a stronger bond with their mother's than they do with their fathers. Don't get the wrong idea. I am not saying that I totally agree with that; I'm just saying that I believe that is the primary reason behind custody of children nearly always being rewarded to the mother. There are some instances, where this may be true; i.e., a case where you have a very devoted mom; but the father has little or nothing to do with the child, well obviously, in a situation like that, the child will continue to have a stronger bond with the mother than with the father. However, I know some mothers who are not worth squat as a mother. And some fathers who are 100 times more devoted to their kids than their mother ever thought of being. Yet, just as you say, even in cases such as that; the mother will almost always still be awarded custody in a divorce. I don't agree with that. I think the decision of child custody should be made based on what is actually best for the children; not based on myths of what people believe is best. If the mother is a good and devoted mother; and the father is unfit, then sole custody should be awarded to the mother. On the other hand; if the father is a devoted and good dad, and the mother is unfit; then sole custody should be awarded to the father. However, if neither parent is unfit and both parents are good parents; then neither parent should get full custody. In that case, joint custody should be awarded instead. Hence, it should be decided based on what would be best for the children; not decided on misconstrued myths that all mothers are good and devoted mothers and that all children have stronger bonds with their mom's than they do with their dad's.

When I got divorced I let me ex have our son until I could get on my feet and support him. I paid child support to my ex while he had him and fulfilled all my obligations and then some. When I got on my feet, I found a good lawyer and went to court of custody it did not cost me a lot of money. My ex didn't even bother to show up for court, he sent his lawyer which - as you can imagine - made the judge mad and I got more than I even wanted. I believe that most court systems will give whomever wants custody the child. You can set a court date for yourself - with no lawyer - and go fight the current ruling, just make sure you know what you want before heading off to court. By showing that you ex is truly unable to support your child w/o child support and that she is on welfare, that is enough to catch the judges attention and start moving the process in your right direction.

My story is a little the opposite regarding custody of children. When my marriage broke down my childrens' father was given ALL the opportunities to be part of his childrens lives instead he chose to move interstate with his new "woman" and I did all I could to keep the bond going sent photos, school reports etc. etc. But the distance he chose was too far away for that bonding to continue. To this day I am hurt by was he chose to do, and frustrated that my trying really got no where, but I must say my children who are now adults still respect there father and that is what really matters no matter what I may be feeling. So if you are genuine then good luck! Pity not all fathers think like you!

I think you are right. Parents should have shared custody of the child/ren unless one parent is deemed unfit. Unfortunately our society doesn't work this way and I believe that the ones who are hurt the most are the children. I have had two brothers who went to court to fight for custody of their children. My one brother had raised his two sons for almost three years by himself without their mother paying any child support or even visiting the boys. There were times that my brother had to give her gas money and or money for food for the boys while the were in her care. The judge still awarded her custody even though all of this got brought up in court. It was this pass April that she was awarded custody. The boys were to go live with her in June. She kept both boys for two weeks and then sent them back to their father. In the middle of August the youngest of the two went to live with her while the older boy stayed with his father for the school year. She collected child support for two children yet kept telling the children she was broke, couldn't afford anything. When the judge was given all of this information she acted like she should raise the amount my brother was paying in child support. I see where the court systems are failing the children. I feel for all of the good fathers out there who want to be apart of their children's lives.

my best friend left his wife and was paying 1600 WEEKLY for child support and he always had their daughter well i found him a p.i. and they did their thing and now i am happy to say he has full custody mom dont even have visitaion!!!! it cost a small fortune and legal aid paid for her to have their daughter what we dont understand is how she managed to get her from him the first place she is a horrible mother but it all worked out in the end

Hello CanuckPrince, I can relate. I live in the US and have spent thousands of dollars to gain custody of my step-daughter. My husband was told to get out of the family home with no place to go, so he left willingly without his daughter since he did not know where he was going to live. Our courts looked at it that since he left her behind that the Mother should have custody. WRONG! He met me 6 months later, still no divorce and the ex wasn't budging on issues that amounted to less than $1000.00. Pocket change in the big scheme of things since she wanted rid of him. Needless to say, we finally forced the divorce 1 1/2 years after we met. The day after the wedding, this little girl who would of been 9 started bawling that she never wanted to go home. We had to go through physiatric evaluations, parenting classes, counceling, countless attorney appointments & phone calls. His ex went through 3 different attorneys and all 3 of them fired her as a client. She never full filled her obligation of the parenting classes, evalutaions, ect... but the courts still saw her as the more fit parent. In our situation, right after this littler girl turned 12, the Mother decided that she was no longer cute so she told her to come live with us, that way she could go on with her life. So this mother that the courts deemed a fit parent now sees her child less than 48 hours a month! yes that is correct less than 48 hours per month! We have nothing in writing to substantiate this child living with us, she pays NO child support, Nothing towards medical or everyday expenses. She B*tches about having to buy her daughter a pair of pants to wear when she is with her. She is dabbling in an alternative lifestyle and I am fearful when our child is with her that one of these wacky men are going to suggest they do who knows what with the child and her being to stupid to stop it. Oh yeah, during this 48 hour period, she still leaves the child to go out and leaves her home alone! If this was my child, I would want to spend as much time together as possible. This girl is growing up hating her Mother, but is loving me for giving her the guidance that her bio Mom is incapable of doing! The child is far better of living with us! The courts have their heads up their you know whats and I think sometimes it should come down to black and white on paper of who can financially support and emotionally support the children.

I think that the mother gets the child because she went through all the pain of having the child and plus the whole mother-child bond thing. I agree though that it's not always the father who is deemed unfit. I feel for your situation. You say that you work and she doesn't yet you dont have custody. Have you tried to fight it? I would try.