Did anyone thought about this???

difficult marriage - some have difficulties in marriage
Philippines
January 4, 2008 5:19am CST
here's the situation:a wife over the years of marriage, has plenty of misunderstanding with her husband. She has faced many difficulties and problems in coming to terms with him. She resorted by opting for a divorce. She had enough of her husband and decides to throw him out of her life and system. Ironically, this lady has a son who is as stubborn and problematic and difficult-to-deal-with as her husband, but it doesn't compel her to "DIVORCE" HER CHILD OR THROW HIM OUT OF HER LIFE! These are the questions;1) WHY DO THINGS END UP THIS WAY? why is the husband chucked away and forgotten about so easily, while the kids are allowed to remain EVENTHOUGH BOTH PARTIES CREATE THE SAME PROBLEMS for her? Why is there a double-standard between husband and kids? 2) If that lady had lost all their love and affection for her man until she doesn't mind putting him out of her life and turning her back on him, will she be able to love and care for her son, who is one half of her husband, UNCONDITIONALLY? She has no love for her husband. So, she will have no love for that other half of her son too, wouldn't she? How can you love your son if you don't love your husband? Some women, without a second thought, decide to jump into conclusions and quarantine their marital life for good by turning their husbands ( the father of their children) away from them. But they cannot bear the thought of leaving their children (who couldn't have existed without their husband) behind them. I would love to see your points of view about this... thank you...
3 people like this
11 responses
@SViswan (12072)
• India
4 Jan 08
That's an interesting thought. I think one of the reasons is that the woman meets and knows her husband as an adult and sees him as another person who should know how to behave better with her. When he repeatedly fails to do so, she is upset and resents him. But when it is her own child, she loves the child as her baby. He grows up watching the father's behaviour towards the mother and might repeat it. The mother might also feel that the best way to stop the child behaving in the same manner as the father is to get the father out of the scene. Makes sense when the child's behaviour mirrors the father's behaviour. Atleast the mother then gets a chance to mould the child to behave in a proper way and not treat others with disrespect. The child probably behaves that way because that's the only behaviour he has seen and boys usually consider the father as a role model and mould themselves like their father (and it happens unconsciously). The so-called 'father of the child' should also consider the woman as the 'mother of his children' and treat her with respect and understanding. Quarrels and arguments are commen in almost every home, but it should be solved in an adult way and not by abusing (verbally, physically or emotionally) the wife or belittling her. If such situations are common in a relationship, the woman and the kids are better off without such a person around them and the kids then have a chance to better themselves instead of modelling their behaviour according to the behaviour of such a person. The man is not the woman's child....and she doesn't have to love him unconditionally if he takes her fro granted and isn't treating her right.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24976)
• Australia
5 Jan 08
This is an excellent response although I don't like this woman's chances of turning her son around. He obviously needs a strong, loving family influence and he is not able to get that unless there are other strong family ties in spite of the husband's abscence.
@SViswan (12072)
• India
5 Jan 08
You are right...but atleast it's better than having the father being abusive to the mother. I agree that the chances for the boy might be less if the mother does not have a positive family support...but how many families can we find that in nowadays? I hope for the child's sake that the woman has an extended family that can be a positive influence on the son.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
4 Jan 08
Hi flomikren, this so true! I feel, the fact that the woman doesn't bore the man for months and give the child her blood, flesh and all that is hers is the main reason for being there with the child forever, unconditionally. The bond is so hard to defy both emotionally and physically! It's true that the child's one half is the husband's but the woman thinks that her full is in the child! This psyche forces her to still bear with the bad son and not the husband. Thanks for an interesting post. Have a nice day.
2 people like this
@luanakent (795)
• Brazil
4 Jan 08
Mothers loves their children regardless of disappointments that have with their husband. Usually it is well... Whenever it is sad seeing a marriage ends, and this is not the will of God por couples...but...The times are hard continue.. I Know. The bible says that love never ends but the love cools. Finished or not..That does not mean that people are fair. The justice dont fight with love. You may think that dont love but still you trust to respect the pain the others. The ex-wife or ex-husband who uses the children to have power over the other side (for revenge ou jealousy,jealous...) LOSEs the reason. It is evil without realizing ( as sometimes even see) to precisely who dont have any guilt. This lack of love ... and i dont talking about love between a man and a woman. No love of GOD and wisdom also because living in this stress is pure idiocy and selfishness.
• Canada
4 Jan 08
I think, being a mother myself, you would never give up on your children, you gave birth to them and they are yours, yes they are half your husband but its just called unconditionaal love. think of all the mothers of serial killers, yes they are upset and confused but some still lov there children, go to visit them, write them, but your husband is different because you have not raied him from birth, the husband may change over the years, not for the good, Myself I would never give up on my husband i love him dearly and if we were having problems i would seek out counselling, maybe this woman tried that and it did not work, the husband may have refused.....in marriage it is a lot of work to make comprimises, if the husband does not want to try to work out the problems then she will give up herself. but you never give up on your children, as much as they can be a handful you keep on trying because they are yours and you raised them and know if you try hard enough they may come to terms with the problems they have and trust me some mothers do "divorce" there children...send them to correctional places and jails and boot camps hoping it will affect them enough to change them...you can't do that to a grown man who is very set in there ways...you just can't
@alamode (3073)
• United States
4 Jan 08
A child comes from the body of the woman... her job after the child is born is to care for him/her until they can care for themselves. The husband is an adult... he can take care of himself.
• India
5 Jan 08
Answer is simple--the children are the lady's children not her husband; similarly the husband is not the lady's child. They are two different things. A mother's love for her kids is not the same as her love or lack of it for her husband. There is every chance that the kids, when they grow up won't become Neanderthals like her husband. The last point I wish to make is, there are mothers who are fed up with children too and wish to stay away from them once they are adults and no longer need her care. A husband is NOT a child, he is a grown-up MAN, and I don't think a lady should put up with him if he behaves like a retarded kid. I don't think his own mother would put up with such behaviour.
• India
7 Jan 08
Thanks! :) ;)
@jsaidmlt (147)
• Malta
9 Jan 08
I think that a husband/wife is CHOSEN so one can chose to let him/her go... On the other hand, your children are YOURS and no matter what, they will always be yours... That's why mother's don't throw their children out of their lives
• United States
7 Jan 08
I know what you mean. I had a very abusive first husband. I had two children with him. I stayed with him for 7 years even though he beat me for no reason other than to make himself feel more like a man. I would have never stayed with him so long if it weren't for my children but, as it turns out, he left me! My children actually celebrated the day that he left. Yes, I love my son even though he is half my ex-husband and I love my daughter even though she is half my ex-husband. I also love my ex-husband. We were very young and stupid back then and I think he has truly learned his lesson now. My current husband and I invite my ex-husband to all of our parties we have that the children are coming to. My children are now 28 and 24 and they really appreciate the fact that I have remained friends with their father even though he was not a good husband.
@power926 (60)
• Canada
5 Jan 08
Well i think its human nature, parents care for their children. Even animals, most animals will care for their children even if it means risking their own lives to protect them. maybe the mother feels that she has an obligation or duty to take care of her son. I think the only reason she treats the husband and son differently is because of that. :D
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
4 Jan 08
I cannot understand why she could not at least suggested they go to a marriage counselor or tried to think things over. If the husband wanted to reconcile with her, why did she decide to go off on her own? I might ask why is the woman considered to be the best parent. Okay when the child is young, a toddler or less, I would say he does need his mother, but when the child is older, to let him stay with a mother who hates his father and surely she will start to see her ex's face in him and respond by ignoring and yelling at him. Divorce is not good and when it is not because she was sleeping with another man and did not stop. There are marriage counselors. It may cost some money, but surely that is better than to break off permanently.
@edigital (2710)
• United States
4 Jan 08
Is it your arranged marriage or love marriage could is said could understand the matter. However, marriage and hanging go by destiny. So it is your fate of the girl that she found the guy before marriage in one mood and after marriage another mood. If any girl of my family would face such a situation, I would see the guy and would taught him a lesson that his mood never would bend. If you cannot do this so it is your fate and so my advise to you that " what cannot be cured, should be endured "