Am i being used by my daughters friends mother or what?!

@peanutjar (5211)
Canada
January 4, 2008 7:16pm CST
O.k,it's a small rant,but hey,you never hear me ranting on here,so away we go!? When i went christmas shopping i picked up a little something for my daughter's friend.A Disney Princess activity laptop pad,which had stickers,coloring pages,crayons,etc,in it,full of fun things for a 5 year old girl who loves princesses.4 days before christmas,i drove my daughter to her friends house to give the present.My daughter got out,rang the door bell,the girl opened it,said "HI" to my daughter,my daughter said "this is for you",she grabbed the wrapped gift,slammed the door on my daughters face without saying thank-you or nothing.I told my daughter to get in the van,because i heard(window down)and saw everything.Came home and that was that,no phone call of thank-you from the mom or nothing!I dont care about the gift,its the lack of politeness.I only needed a thank-you from someone.I mean everytime her mom called to see if her daughter could come over to play,of course i said yes,but not once in the last 3 months did she call to invite my daughter to her house.Its always when they are busy or going somewhere.What am i?!A free friggin babysitter!?Her daughter is rude,very,very hyper active and when shes here my daughter starts to act like her which is hyper,bad and not well mannered.Since the last 1 1/2 weeks they are not together,my daughter has gone back to her normal self.(Garderie is closed for the holidays)They go to the garderie together also.So you tell me what you would do and how you would feel,including the door in the face slamming on my daughter,etc.Plus her mom called today,i know what for,to rid herself for a couple of hours on me.Frigg,frigg,bleaping bird eyes$#$%!!They go to the same garderie,so im screwed there.
3 people like this
11 responses
@uath13 (8207)
• United States
6 Jan 08
Sounds like your being used. Introduce the word NO into your vocabulary & use it often when these people are concerned.
2 people like this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
I guess i will have to use the word no,since i hardly use.I dont like to hurt peoples feelings but there comes a time when we have to,right? Peanutjar:)
@uath13 (8207)
• United States
6 Jan 08
Unfortunately if they want to use you as a doormat sometimes you have to add a few spikes in order to make them respect you.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Jan 08
Oh He** No! First off You can tell from your story that the mother is looking to get rid of her kid. If that was my daughter, I would have went right to the door and asked to speak to the mother. Your poor daughter! You sound like a great mom so I know you must have been upset. If you were upset imagine how your baby girl felt. Im sorry but no one should disrespect you or your daughter. I wish I was there. I would have told the mother what a greedy, ill-mannered, brat her daughter was. Then I would send a thank you card for the gift they sent your daughter and then called to say I made a mistake in sending the thankyou card. Im terrible! I have no patients for parents that raise their children to be animals. Stop taking her girlfriend. Daycare is closed. Explain to your daughter that her friend doesnt treat her nice and you dont want anyone to treat her like that. Its not ok. Im sure your daughter will understand and be grateful. A five year old child is old enough to know better. They also should know how to say thank you. Remember that at five, they are sponges. You said yourself that its been better in the last few weeks. Theres got to be more friends at Garderie right? What is Garderie?lol Good luck MOM
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
7 Jan 08
It is a daycare faciclity,but here we call it a garderie,haha.I agree with you and also that there are more friends out there that she can make and also have better manners and a better up bringing. Peanutjar:)
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Well I think Garderie sounds much nicer. Seriously, kids bounce back. Dont even acknowledge it as a big deal and I bet she will move on. You are a good mom. You know what is sad? The other little girl will miss out because when she's with you there's a family environment. This will teach her and her mother that when we decide to have children, we have to take care of them and teach them respect. WHen they arent nice and polite, people dont have to play with them. Life lesson learned. Good Luck in Garderie! dloveli
@dania_elm (422)
• United States
5 Jan 08
you were definately used no doubt about it id would still let the girls be friends if they wanted to but i would tell her mom u knew what was going on and that it needed to stop i wouldnt have her drop her daughter off at my house anymore i would suggest playdates at the pard where both parents have to be present
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
Good advice!I think i will take it.:)
• United States
6 Jan 08
thank you for responding alot of the kids in our neighborhood dont have a yard so i let them play here as long as there parents are with them i dont like feeling like people are using me for a babysitter either the park is a few block away but it is always so full!!!!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
5 Jan 08
Well to be honest I would have nothing to do with them anymore That is so rude and awful I have never known anything like it I have to say that my Daughters Friends all are wonderful and always have been If I where you I would stay away it is not worth it at all Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
Yep,thats what im going to do,its hard for my daughter though.It is the only friend she has,but she has to also understand that that one special friend is out there waiting for her who will be a friend to her and not break her toys when she comes to play or mark all over her toys with markers also. Peanutjar:)
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
6 Jan 08
Yes I can imagine the poor Girl and it must have affected her bad for a Friend to be that horrible And you are right there is a special Friend out there for her it is just so sad that People bring their Children up like that it is awful and your Girl deserves better
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12072)
• India
5 Jan 08
ok..first, what's a garderie? Second, how does you daughter feel about what happened? As I see it, maybe your daughter doesn't need to be friends with this girl. If the incident of the christams gift did hurt your daughter, this might be the right time to have a talk about staying away from people who are not polite. When the mother calls to drop her daughter off at your place, you can always make a nice excuse 'Oh!I'm sorry..I was just on my way out to visit someone (or the grocery store or whatever suits you...oh what the heck! you don't need to tell her where you are going!)' A couple of times and she will get the message (I hope) You child should be your priority. If the other girl is having a bad influence on your kid, then I think the best thing to do is to make sure that they don't spend too much time together. I am assuming the garderie is a place where there are other adults and spending a little time together with other kids around might not be a bad idea...the girl will not be able to influence your daughter as when they are alone together. And maybe your daughter can spend less time with this particular girl and more time with the others.
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
A garderie is a private place where people who work who do not have a babysitter can take their child to be cared for while they work,we pay for it.Its a liscensed place owned by someone who has taken a course in child caring,c.p.r,etc.I asked my daughter after it happened and she said "she felt sad inside"and that her friend was not nice.The expression on my daughters face after the door shut on it was "shocked"looking and she did not know what to do,so i told her to get in the car and she asked me why she did that and i said shes not polite.Since they havent been together in a while,my daughter has gone back to her normal,calm,polite self and not hollaring.The other girl did this,haha.Screaming alot from being too excited,it drove my dog and cats nuts,plus me.She broke a couple of my daughters toys and drew on some also with markers,which my daughter never did.They were washable markers thank goodness.I think she needs to switch friends,she has a friend who wants to be with her and shes calm and a very nice,polite little girl.Good advice!:)
@SViswan (12072)
• India
6 Jan 08
Oh..a garderie is something like a day care I guess. Thanks for enlightening me and thanks for the BR. I see you have your answer. Your daughter would rather have someone else as a friend. Good for her! All the best!
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
I would talk to the mother and ask her why she was so rude to your daughter. I would ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. I think I would not let her daughter come over anymore since her behavour makes your daughter act badly too. Also I don't think I would let this mother use me the way you have, as a free babysitter. But I still think the best thing for you to do is talk to the mother and then maybe talk to the daughter and tell her when she is at your house these are the rules. Lay down the law and tell her that her behavour is not acceptable in your home and that if she wants to continue coming over she must follow the rules of your home.
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
I never talked to her since that day before the incident of the door shutting on my daughters face.Since then she has called once,last friday which i did not answer the phone because i know it was her pay day and the playcenter was closed for 2 weeks and she needed some excuse to leave her daughter here to "play" while she did her things,also saturday morning at 9:30 am there was a small knock on the door,i was down stairs and my daughter sneaked a peak upstairs and said it was the girl.She could not see in through our door the way its made,but we can see out through the crystal.Im like what the heck!at 9:30 am?!I waited then went up stairs and peaked out,it was them.Rhen on Monday nights my daughter has balletjazz and her friend goes there also.Her mom never said a word to me until 5 minutes before the course was done asking "how was my christmas?",i said it was o.k and didnt get into detail and that was that.Nothing else.We were there for an hour,haha!Im playing "Im not home right now"hehe.I know its bad,but its working for me so far.But i will take your advice though,its good. Peanutjar:)
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
6 Jan 08
In my opinion, I think the kid has nothing to do with it. I believe that it's could be the mother's fault, I believe that she works as a teacher and that she should act like one and be a good example for her daughter. As for her being ungrateful, it could be that something's been bothering her or that she has forgotten to say thanks. But if ever she always do this, then I guess I won't waste my time taking care of her child or bother giving them a gift the next time.. You deserve better friends than them, as what I always tell myself, "There's nothing to lose but everything to gain." Dump them, then you get to know more people!;)
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
Hi raijin,i believe this also.The parents both have different work schedules,hardly seeing each other during the week and when they do,they want to be alone.The girl i think feels hurt because of this and after being in a daycare all week from 8 am-4 pm and then being sent somewhere on the weekends to play so they can be alone,its bad.Its like pushing her away instead of spending time with everyone as a family.This child has always been hyper,screaming while playing,running around chasing our cats and our small dog,writing on my daughters toys with markers,breaking a barbie's head off,trying to be rough with my daughters things,etc.Thank-gosh its washable markers,but barbies head is still broke,hahaha!!!I forgot to try to stick it back on.She cannot sit still for a minute,she tries to tell my daughter what to do,then my daughter comes to me and tells me to take her friend home because shes mad at her and shes not nice.I believe its time for a new friend.:)
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 08
I have to ask... why did you even buy this bratty kid a present? I mean no offense, but she doesn't sound like the nicest little girl. I'm sure you were just trying to be nice to your daughter's friend. And it WAS Christmas time, so you did good. I would probably say LOUDLY, in front of the mpm next time you see them at school, "So did you like the princess stuff we got you? Because I never heard." I'm assuming garderie is like kindergarten?
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
Here we call it a garderie,it is a place where people who work can take their children to be looked after by a qualified person during the weekdays from 8 am to 5 pm.It costs less than a babysitter and the government pays half of the week for the working parents.I take my daughter,like 2 years ago,i do not work but wanted her to be around other children to have friends and mingle with kids her own age,instead of being here with me all the time and just seeing grownups everyday,haha.It made me feel good when i bought her this small thing,im like that,haha.Guees what!Today at 10:00am i was downstairs on here with my daughter,my daughter heard a knock on the door,i went to look up stairs and the little girl was standing outside the door.We have a door that has crystals in it and its hard to see in,but we can see out.I did not answer it,neither did my daughter,she ran and hid,haha.She left,i went upstairs and looked out the window and it was her mom and dad.I guess they thought they'd drop her off to go shop i think,but oh well.Im getting away from this situation,i was just happy that my daughter had a friend who i thought would give her happy times,for her first friend.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
5 Jan 08
I think you are being used. If this child is not a good influence on your child, maybe you should not have this child over any more. When the mother calls, just say that you're busy. Don't offer an explanation. If she pushes the point, happily say that you were actually so busy that you were about to call her and ask if your daughter could go there, but since she (the other mom) is busy, you'll make other arrangements. Then get off the phone.
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
No shes not a good influence.My daughter started acting like her,but since she has not hung around or been in contact with her for almost 2 weeks,shes back to her normal self again.Good advice!:)
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
5 Jan 08
Wow! that is really rude!And I dont blame you one bit for being upset. I would have to agree with gabs I wouldnt bother with them if possible. Some people are just users. Sorry that happened. That was really nice of you to buy her something.
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
Yes it was rude and i asked my daughter how she felt about it and she said "sad inside",she may be 5 years old but she has a senstivie heart which gets hurt easily.Users are loosers.:)
@VKXY62 (1606)
• Australia
5 Jan 08
You are being used by the sounds of it. If she was half a friend you would at least have had an adult social something along the way. Just be polite and say, "Sorry, I am a bit too busy at the moment." Then fain the beginning of a conversation, if she bails out before much has been said, just remember she is actually a waste of your time.
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
5 Jan 08
Thanks for the advice!I should of known in the beginning,when i invited her daughter here and she never hardly said anything when she dropped her off the first time,except "when she(her daughter)wants to come home just call me",after 4 hours i called and she asked if i could bring her home she was tired(her mom)haha!The last time she said her daughter wanted to come over because she had a school meeting,no one was home and she did not want to go.WHAT!?On sunday!!She was home with her husband when i called early saying her daughter was sick.She brought her here sick with a nose full of running snootch and a fever.You are very right with a waste of my time.Thanks:) Peanutjar:)