upset a good friend

January 7, 2008 3:08am CST
I've upset an old and good friend back last year. I stole some money from her, don't ask me why i did it as i cannot tell you apart from i'd had a couple of drinks and i was out of work and we had ordered pizza and she had her purse out and i suppose i saw the money. Next moring i found the money, at first when she confronted me i was so embarressed i denied it. but in the end i confessed. She was ok with it but i was so embarressed about what i'd done that i could not face seeing her again. So we were supposed to go out with my parents to see a show, i told my parents that she could not go because she had moved in with her boyfriend. she is more upset that i told lies about her than actually taking the money. now she wants nothing to do with me, i can understand why but where do i go from here?? how can i get her trust back??
2 people like this
5 responses
@alamode (3073)
• United States
7 Jan 08
Yes, I think the lie would have hurt me the worst... winning back trust takes some serious work and time. All I can think of for you to do is to let her know, in whatever way possible, that you miss her, care for her, and will stop at nothing to be her friend again. If you have friends in common, maybe they can let her know your progress... when she sees that your serious about turning your life around, she may decide that all of this happened for good cause. I hope you can get back together... good friends are the most valuable assets we have. All my best to you.
7 Jan 08
i know it's the lies i've told but if it was anyone else other than my parents that she wants me to be honest with i would. But they are getting on in age and i've put them through so much, to tell them this would be so bad. If i did not live with them maybe i would tell them. I know this is going to sound really bad, but my parents come first over friends. Am i wrong for feelign like this??
1 person likes this
@alamode (3073)
• United States
7 Jan 08
I need to know how old they are... I'll be 60 soon, but in my mind I'm half that... I've seen a lot and there is very little that shocks or even surprises me... I know that I would want to help my child through a hard time like this in whatever way I could, even if its just a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
7 Jan 08
Hi i always thought you were younger than that, My Parents are both in their 70's. i also think there is more going on in their health than what they are telling me. If i told them everything and it caused a heart attack Ect.. i could never forgive myself. I know this sounds hard but i would rather loose a friend than my parents through this. Am I wrong for this?? I feel i owe my adoptive parents this!!!!!
1 person likes this
@PunkyMcPunk (1477)
• Canada
7 Jan 08
Honestly hun... I had kind of a similar thing happen. I had a BEST friend that I was inseparable from for 5 years. But then I met a guy and I chose to believe things he said about her rather than even bothering to ASK her about them. So she felt that I just cast her aside for my guy (which I did) and since then she stopped talking to me. I haven't talked to her since 2000 and I miss her dearly. The guy and I broke up in 2003. I recently found her on facebook and sent her a message saying I was sorry for not even giving her the benefit of the doubt etc... her response was to "block" me on that site. So I guess I've forever lost my friend, my sister, my confidante..... It hurts but I basically have learned now that I need to "suck it up and move on". This may be the same case for you. Betrayal whether it's coz of the money or the lies you told in regards to her are deadly to a friendship. It sucks but learn from it and don't ever do that again with your futuer friends. I say Send them a message or letter or email or phone call. Don't stop by their house. But apologize for lying, apologize for stealing. Tell them you miss them and value their friendship and that you don't want to lose them as a friend but then also tell them you would understand if they want nothing to do with you (this way you aren't "guilt tripping" them into talking to you). And then wait for a response. If none comes cry and move on. Hopefully you can mend this. Friends, I mean REAL friends are far and few between. They give us laughter and friendship and things only a wonderful and true friend can give.
1 person likes this
@alamode (3073)
• United States
7 Jan 08
If your parents were to die right now, you would be devastated by guilt for the rest of your life for not being truthful with them when you had the chance! That sounds like it would send you right back around on this merry-go-round... Honesty, a clean slate, the chance to have a peaceful life... which sounds like the better deal for you? I never lied to my Pop, but my sisters did... what they didn't talk to him about is like torture to them every day, and they can't fix it now that he's gone! Thats the real-life version!
@jimbomuso (950)
7 Jan 08
The only way to possible sort things out is to come clean with everyone involved, although this still doesn't gaurantee she'll trust you again, trust has to be earnt.more lies or deception will make things worse! I hope you find a good solution.
1 person likes this
@nichole1983 (1187)
• Canada
7 Jan 08
Sounds like you have a drinking problem. Don't go and blame everything on drinking as that is not an excuse. It's just a gateway and drinking does not hold up. Sadly you will never gain her trust back as you went in her purse her personal belongings and you stole from her. Not a good thing to do. You are going to have to accept what you have done and the repicutions of what you did.
7 Jan 08
it's not the money she is bothered by but the reason i told my parents she was not coming to the show!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jan 08
Since you are on this kick about coming clean with all your friends. Maybe you should sit down with your parents as well and tell them all the lies and what you did wrong with them.
@youless (91541)
• Guangzhou, China
8 Jan 08
Everybody will make the mistake, sometimes. I think you have to make an apology to her official. Buy her a gift and invite her to have a nice dinner. I hope she will forgive you.