Am I a bad Mommy?

@dayzz25 (552)
United States
January 9, 2008 11:03am CST
My daughter is 13 months old and for the first 12 months I did not leave her often. It kind of caused a damper between her father and my realtionship. I figured if I wanted to keep our family together that things were going to have to change. He's always asking me to go to the gym and other places with him but I never would go because Alexis can't go. At the beginning of the year I decided to go to the gym with him. We go three days a week for about 3 hours. I have to leave my baby girl :( until she gets big enough to go with us. Do you think that I'm being a bad mom for leaving her so much?
8 people like this
25 responses
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Leaving her with someone else for about 9 hours a week is not a bad thing. You need time to yourself too and time alone with her father. You are not a bad mommy.
3 people like this
@Sissygrl (10999)
• Canada
9 Jan 08
I think that you are an aweosme mom in this respect! 9 hours a weeks is not many hours to leave her with someone else. I know how you feel about not wanting to leave her though. I went back to work for about 12 hours a week after she was 15 months old, and i couldnt do it, i wanted to stay with her. . it was more like 6 hours two days a week or sometimes 3 days a week. I just didn't want to miss anything! So now i babysit for my friend, and i get to spend everyday with my baby too ;) works out good for my friend and i :) Good luck :) And dont worry you are still a good mom even if you leave her for a little while each day. after all you need a little break too dont you!?
2 people like this
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Thank you. I'm glad that you get to stay home with your daughter. My money is running out so if I don't start making more money on the internet then I'm going to have to go back to work :( I don't know how I will deal with leaving her for 9 to 10 hours a day. I live in a small town so to make any money I have to drive an hour away. Take care. Have a great day.
2 people like this
@Sissygrl (10999)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
Why not try to start up a small daycare ? As long as you get a few older kids that can play nice together, its all good. If you get too many small babies alltogether youjust go crazy cause y oudont know which one to pick up! lol.
1 person likes this
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
10 Jan 08
It would be neat to have a daycare in my home but I'm not really sure how to go about it. Maybe I will check in to it. Thanks for the great advice. Have a great day.
@eden32 (3978)
• United States
9 Jan 08
You're not a bad parent for leaving your daughter with a sitter for a few hours a week. I'm not sure if you meant 3 hours total or 3x3hours, but neither would make you a bad parent. I'm sure you interviewed your sitter completely & know she's a good care giver.
2 people like this
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I leave her for 3 hours 3 x's a week. I haven't ever left her with someone that I don't know. My family keeps her. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Jan 08
Hi, I know exactly what you're going through right now. I never went out and would never leave my daughter with anyone. The first time I left her at the daycare at the gym, I cried. She's two now, and I still have a hard time leaving her with anyone except her dad. I don't believe you're a bad mom just for having those feelings....it would be different if you left her all day with other people and didn't care. You sound like an awesome mom!!!! :-)
1 person likes this
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Thank you vamp. I'm glad that someone else knows and understands how I feel. I never knew it would be so hard to leave my baby. I had even planned on going back to work right away but I didn't do that. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
9 Jan 08
I don't think your a bad Mommy, but you need need breaks. I too never left my children at that age, so we usually did things that we could do together. Like we went hiking and camping and she is old enough now to go to movies, you just to screen the movie first to make sure it is not only for her age, but that it follows your beliefs.. I know my husbands family would freak out because I wouldn't leave my babies, but I am glad I did, I think it did them good.
@musicman6 (2368)
• United States
9 Jan 08
No, I don't think so! Nowadays society has to maintain a certain schedule, and time between personal and necessary living has got to be budgeted, and it's not unusual to use babysitters! What is more important that the time you do spend with her is quality time!
2 people like this
@mcjeannie (705)
• Philippines
9 Jan 08
I don't think so.Sometimes, you need a time off from taking care of your baby just so to relax.Having a break for couple of hours or a day would actually be healthier.It energizes your spirit and sets your mood.My baby is going 5 months now, and I take couple of breaks in a week.We do need sometime for ourselves and take care of our relationship to to our loved ones and friends.It's like in life, one needs to balance our different aspect of our life.So don't feel guilty about having a time out...All work without play makes one a dull person...remember!
@lizzyt2007 (1312)
• Craig, Alaska
9 Jan 08
Lots of smiles. - Have lots of fun and smile in your life and don't worry.
no your not a bad mommy. all moms need some quality time away from all our kids and spend time with our families, friends and spouses. Other wise the mommy's eventually get lonely and miss that adult quality time we had before they become mommy's. Its understandable you feel bad for leaving your baby with someone else that much. but you need to have fun too, but what will help that feeling go away is play with your daughter when your at home with her. I am a single mom and I don't get to go anywhere without my son. he's 3 yrs and I can't wait to move by my family next month, then his grandma says she watch to go can go out without him. I miss adult quality time. Be thankful you can do this. be happy and have fun.
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I'm sorry that you don't get to go out at all. I'm sure it will be nice for you to move close to your family. It does get lonely being a mommy and not going anywhere. I love my daughter and have lots of fun with her but I miss talking to adults. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
@bfarrier1 (2083)
• United States
10 Jan 08
You are not being a bad mom for wanting to get out and have a relationship with her father, the two of you need time together also. 9 hours a week is not that many considering there is 168 hrs. in a week that isn't even one third of the week, I think your a wonderful mother and never left her at all for the first 12 months there isn't to mant mothers that can say that. Good luck on your relationship and have a great day!
@nichole1983 (1189)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
A picture of myself and my girls.  - A picture of myself and my girls
You are not a bad mother at all. You need to have time for yourself and time with the hubby. Every parent needs this and you are going about it the right way. You are also getting ALexis to trust other people. If you were to stay with your child and not leave her alone she would end up being way to attached to you that would never want you to leave and cry and throw tantrams later on down the road. You are only leaving her for 3 hours which is not major at all. I started my kids very early in life to trust other people and haven;t had a problem with going off. They both love their babysitter and they get along great. Hopefully she doesn't move or anything as they truly love her being around. It is good for children. Once in awhile they have their sleepovers as well with their babysitter. It's great as well as they get along with her. Remember YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!!!! you are a great mom.:)
1 person likes this
@raidun (22)
• China
10 Jan 08
If you don't try to leave your kid how can you imagin your daughter must leaving you oneday. Every mother loves her kid and think the baby would feel lonely without mather. Actrually, babies should try to leave their parents to become a independent human. The earlier, the easier. So don't think you are a bad mother.On the coutrary you are a great mother.
• Canada
9 Jan 08
Oh hun you are not leaving her all that much. Every parent needs a break. Look at parents that works 4-8 hours a day, They are not bad parents. They do what they have to, to support their family. So do not feel bad that you are gone for 3 hours, 3 nights a week. I used to work and I hated being gone 3 days a week for 8 hours a day but I had to work to keep a roof over our heads. Parents especially mothers need "Me" time and most don't get it very often so don't let yourself feel bad for getting a little time for just you and your s/o. Huggers, StrawberryKisses
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 08
You are absolutely not a bad mom. Like most other posters said, you need time for yourself. You also need time to keep your marriage strong for your little Alexis. I think what your doing is awesome. Keep it up and enjoy yourself. Let the guilt go!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 08
I consider that good parenting. Kids don't need to be catered to 24 hours a day. Spending time away from mommy and daddy is a good thing. Plus it is good for you. I wish I had that option. We have no one to watch our kids for us. My friends are all busy most of the time and my dad (who we live with) can't handle the baby with his heart condition (she is 21 months old). The last time me and my husband went anywhere without any of the kids was in May 2005. And that was to move. The last time we had a "date" (ie dinner out, just the 2 of us, drinks, adult talk, etc) was July 2004. We have 4 kids and can't afford a sitter. My dad will watch the older 3 for a few hours so we have gotten to go out with just the baby but still...she is there.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 08
No I don't think you are being a bad mom for leaving her for a few hours.Your not going out partying like Britany Spears and neglecting them.You are getting away and spending some time with your husband also.You are still a responsible parent.Nothing wrong with it.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10017)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Absolutely not! It's just like shesaid... err said (am I the only one that was amused by that?). Part of being a good parent is being a good partner to the other parent...whether you're married, "together" or divorced. It's especially important for parents who are still together so they don't become parents who are divorced/separated. Your marriage did not start out based on being parents together so even though it has to evolve once the children arrive a part of it needs to be "just the two of you". You're only leaving her for a short time and that's good for both of you...really all three of you.
1 person likes this
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
9 Jan 08
I do not think you are a bad mommy,in fact if that is all you leave your daughter I think you are doing well.Do you work outside of the home?You are only leaving her for 9 hours total a week,that is not my opinion of bad. Most mothers leave their kids 8 hours a day to go to work and then still go out at night and leave them again.You sound like a great mom to me.Keep up the good work!
• United States
9 Jan 08
This has to be your first child. LoL. I'm not laughing at you sweetie. I've been there. And no you are not a bad mom at all. How you managed to say sane without having any time for yourself for a whole year is what amazes me. Not to scare you but separation anxiety sets in for babies around 18 months and your baby will scream and cry the minute you leave the room. She will stop 5 minutes later but you may never know that because you sound like the type of woman who would never make it out the door. Don't let it get to you. Just know that she loves you and knows you love her and she will just be all the happier to see you when you get back.
1 person likes this
@shesaid (71)
• United States
9 Jan 08
I think you would be a worst mommy if you allowed your marriage to fail due to your inability to make grown up time for her father. With that being said most new parents go through the fear of leaving their child, and that their child will all the sudden grow up and hate them for leaving them alone. hahaha. She wont remember and im sure if anything when she gets older she will be thankful that she still has both her mom and dad in the same house.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
10 Jan 08
thanks for the best response mark...
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
10 Jan 08
Sorry... i accidentally put this messege here...
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
10 Jan 08
This is my real response... i don't think you are a bad mother for wanting to be more with your baby... that is a mother's instinct... i myself cannot travel which i very much love to do because i constantly put my baby's welfare first... and i decided to travel when she is old enough to accompany me... Your husband should understand this situation...and should be supportive of you... yes... it is understandable that he needs you but your baby needs the two of you to be there...
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I do not think you are a bad mom at all unless you are leaving your baby home alone when you go and from what I have read elsewhere from you I doubt that is the case. I think it is a great thing that you are taking those few hours away and even better that you are spending them with your husband.