would you marry him???

United States
January 11, 2008 10:59pm CST
The man I'm with wants to get married like I have said in other discussion but there is one thing that kinda bothers me and my family....He has never let me meet any of his familt other than his grandpa..Not even his mom, dad,sister, or anyone...I have his kids and they are wonderful kids I love them to death....but I don't understand why I haven't met anyone else??? I think it bothers my sister more than me but lately it has been bothering me..He wants to marry me and have a baby with me but not to meet any of his family and I don't know why??? Would you make him let you meet them and eveything first?/ How do you go about telling him you want tto meet his family and eveything????
6 people like this
19 responses
@garnet80 (354)
• Australia
12 Jan 08
I think that he should introduce you to his family. Do they know about you? Maybe he just doesn't get along with his family and doesn't want you to see them all fighting. I don't think that I could marry someone without meeting their family. It makes you wonder if maybe he is hiding something.
2 people like this
@irishmist (3843)
• United States
12 Jan 08
I would never marry someone that has something to hide. I would try to talk to him about it. Marriage is a serious thing, as is having a baby. I can't tell you how to go about talking with him about the subject as I don't know him. But I would take my time in the matter.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 08
I agree here with irishmist and would add that I would not a date a person who was hiding something, either. A family, or history within it, is not something you can always be proud of; however, it is important to allow your future wife or husband the foundation of trust to be built upon those things that are important, faith, family, fidelity, compassion, ability to empathize more than sympathize and of course compatability. All of these should be offered with honesty in order to facilitate a sturdy committment. sharing the light and happy new year, Miss Erica Hidvegi, the Enlightenment_Advisor, B.A. Psych/M.A. Transpersonal Studies- Cnslng/Author, Artist, Photographer, Entrepreneur & Freelance extraordinaire
• United States
13 Jan 08
I would try to find out why he does not want you to meet his family. It is he is ashamed of them? His family may be very mean to his girlfriends and he wants to spare you of all that hurt. You may be better off not knowing his family. He may not be incontact with his family. It is such a hard decision to marry or not. I think I would give a lot more thought before getting into another marriage. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@enbrown (282)
• United States
13 Jan 08
omg girl I have to warn you and I hope you take it serious. I had a very simaler thing happen to me and had someone knocked some sense into me, I would be a very different person. My ex husband seemed very wonderful. I thought he was a sincere person. He never let me meet his father. He was abused by his dad and so he didn't want me to meet him. I was understanding of that because abuse is such a horrible thing. I had met other members of his family. Well, it turns out that he lied to me about many many things. He lied about things like where he had lived (h hadn't) going to art school (he didn't) he lied about his ex wife cheating on him (he had done the cheating) and he lied about EVERYTHING. So I'm not saying he wasn't abused by his dad, because he was. I guess I'm just saying that the family members I had met were willing to listen to him lie to me about things that they knew were not true. Maybe there is a sincere reason why you have not met your boyfriends family, but you need to push the issue. Don't be too nice. This is the rest of your life with someone and you can not be too careful. Maybe their are some things he doesn't want you to know that would change your mind about getting married. Good luck with this and if I seem very intense about this, sorry. I know what it is like to not want to know the answers to the questions. Just tell him that you are not going to marry someone who won't let you meet his family.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 08
I would ask him about his family. Maby they dont live around were your at. Marrage is a big thing and communication is a big part of it. Ask him about them, if he loves you like he dose then he should have a answer. My husband didnt take me home to his family for about 4 months after we got together and we were even engaged. I met his mom but no one elese. His family is all about family and they have a big one. I'm not use to that and sitll aint. Talk to him. Thats the best thing. ~WiteNgtOwl
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2331)
• Philippines
12 Jan 08
Maybe he has some serious issues with his family. At any rate, you should go ahead and ask him why he hasn't introduced you to them. Don't be shy. He wants to get married so it's time to talk about family. You're entitled to know what you're getting into.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 08
Why has he not? Has he told you why he hasn't met his family? IS he embarrassed? Is he ashamed? Is he ashamed of you or them or what? I'd find out before saying I do. It's something important and I'd want to know why he is hiding you from them. It may be that they are violent alcholics or it could be that he's just ashamed. Find out now.
1 person likes this
@DIVA3OG (18)
• United States
12 Jan 08
Sounds like a red flag to me. Either he is afraid of what his family will say about you and he doesn't want you to be judged, or he is afraid of what his family will reveal to you about him. There is no ther real explanation for it in my opinion.
@angelface23 (2502)
• United States
12 Jan 08
My husband was like that when we met. He never talked about his family hardly ever. He was really shady about it but then one day he explained to me that he doesn't talk to his family because they abused him as a child. He was raised by grandparents who have already passed before we met. I don't really have a problem with it but i have noticed that he doesnt really have a sense of family, other than me and our daughter. We live with my grandma and uncle and he hates it. That is something to take into consideration.
@citygirl (1083)
• Canada
12 Jan 08
I think you are already starting to see it Mystic. That is a warning sign, don't you think. If some one doesn't want you to meet their family, there is always a reason. It could be a problem with them, or with him but you won't know until you find out. You say you have met his grandpa, then why not talk to the grampa and find out what is going one. Are you saying you have met his kids or you are raising his kids , it isn't clear. You are right to be wondering, that is why god gave us a brain. You need to get to the bottom of it before you even think about moving ahead. Good luck to you ..
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
12 Jan 08
I dated a guy who was the same way. I met his sister but he wouldn't ever let me meet anyone else in his family. And it was due to the fact that they were terrible parents, and he just didn't want me to meet them and have the pain of knowing them because I know and understand they were terrible people. However I think you need to talk to this guy and tell him you want to meet his family. That kind of stuff always smells fishy to me and I think you deserve to know what kind of family he comes from.
1 person likes this
@leeesa (886)
• United States
12 Jan 08
It would depend on the reason why he hasn't introduced you to them. I was married to a guy who didn't tell his parents for 1 1/2 years that we were married. When he finally did tell them, he lied about the date and said that we just recently got married. I was against it all along. Eventually we divorced. I never trusted him simply for the fact that he could lie so easily to his family. I think he only married me to gain residency in the US. I'd say don't marry him until you hash this out. He may have a very good reason for it, but if so, you deserve to know the truth.
1 person likes this
@ky1119 (699)
• United States
12 Jan 08
Sounds to me like he's hiding something. I'd be very careful if I were you. My ex husband was very private like that and as it turned out, he wasn't who I thought I married. Please, be careful. I would demand to meet his family before marrying him.
1 person likes this
@MagieL (266)
• China
12 Jan 08
i think if someone really love another,he will be proud to introduce to his family,but not let her not meet anyone else of his family.^^
1 person likes this
• India
12 Jan 08
A marriage will last long only when the two understand the family members of each other. There is nothing wrong in asking him about his parents and family. The purpose of marriage is not only for having baby but to give real love and affection to the new born. In the interest of his proposed baby with the girl, she can request him to introduce all his family members.
1 person likes this
@mcjeannie (705)
• Philippines
12 Jan 08
Marriage is a partnership, be it emotionally, financially as well as honest communication so that TRUST and LOVE is naturally established. In my mind, your future husband have some issues from his roots and he tries to hide it from you by ignoring them to meet you.I can't blame you for being bothered by this.I would be too if I'm in your shoe.While you're not yet married to him, start up with this issue and tell him kindly about it if the subject is too delicate to deal with him.You wouldn't like to be married with a man hiding something from you.Just imagine if you're already married to him, and find out he's hiding more...You would definitely go berserk everytime.This is the right time for you and him to start an honest and open communication.If you want your married life to succeed.Honesty and communication is essential to a relationship and you cannot do away with it. Goodluck!
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3978)
• United States
12 Jan 08
Unless my boyfriend had a very good reason for not introducing me to his family (like they abused him as a child & he has nothing to do with them as an adult) within a few months I'd stop dating him. I would assume that either he isn't as serious as he claims to be or that he's afraid that his family will tell me things that aren't flattering. If he can't give a good reason for it, it would be a huge warning flag to me.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I would have to wonder why he doesn't want to let you meet his family...that just seems really odd. Just to put your mind at ease I'd insist on at least meeting his parents. If he flat refuses there may be things there that he doesn't want you to find out. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
• Halifax, Nova Scotia
13 Jan 08
i can understand someone not wanting people to meet their family.. some people have weird families.. i know a lot of people think their family is weird or crazy etc but some families actually are.. my family for example.. 3 out of 5 of my immediate family has lived in the nut house.. i have a crazy family.. people whos family argues at dinner.. thats not crazy.. :D anyways sometimes theres good reason not to meet people.. i think its weird he wont give you a reason though.. without reason there should be no excuse not to meet them.. i wouldnt marry someone based on their family though.. i also wouldnt marry someone hiding a huge secret either haha ;) so i guess my answer is no i wouldnt get married..