How would you handle this?

United States
January 12, 2008 9:04am CST
Ok say you got pregnant to someone who didn't want the baby and tried to force you to get an abortion. They then informed you that they are married and haven't seen their spouse in 8 years because their spouse got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. When you too decide to keep your baby the one you love walks out and doesn't contact you for months. Now you are about to give birth and they have come around acting all sweet. However they inform you that they do not want anyone to know they are the father and do not want to pay child support. Instead they want you to lie to everyone including the system and try and get welfare. However you know that if you lie to Welfare it is a crime and you will be arrested. Their is a great deal of pressure on you to tell who the father is but your scared because he is threatening to send his lawyer after you. You can't afford a lawyer but contact one of the best for a free consultation. That lawyer tells you that it is your legal right to get child support and that you have to stand up for yourself and get it. What do you do? What are your options? Who comes out looking better in this case? You a soon to be single mother with an education and no history of drinking or drugs or the father who though he is wealthy and has a fancy job has a history of speeding tickets, drinks on a daily basis and is still legally married with a child he doesn't see or support?
3 people like this
11 responses
• Philippines
13 Jan 08
Have you tried arrangements with this man? instead of putting this things into legal matters you and the father of the child should talk most especially if he is capable of supporting his child, since he is scared that other people would know that he has a child with you this is the good thing to do. Demand for a child support. That is I think the only advise I can give you. As of now, accept the fact that you are a single mom and do things that is necessary and good for your baby. About this man, forget about him he is such a jerk to things like that and if does not agree to have a child support get a lawyer, if the family of the man threatening you, why dont you try to threatened them.
• United States
13 Jan 08
Oh I have tried over and over to work out arrangements with him but he is hellbent against paying anything. He told me to go to my stepdad or brother if I need money and of course they can barely afford to pay bills. He flat out told me NO he was not giving me a dime and was not even going to give me $10 for diapers. Thats how ruthless he is.
• United States
20 Jan 08
Oh, believe me, he has to support that child. He fathered it and he is responsible for it. Funny thing about life in these United States. While women do have the choice of abortion, they cannot be forced into having one by the father of the baby. Regardless of what he thinks he doesn't have to pay, I assure you that if you get in contact with the authorities, even your local district attorney, he will have to pay. Usually, in cases like this, if you go through your county or SRS, he'll end up having to pay all the legal expenses as well.
@lightningd (1041)
• United States
13 Jan 08
The first thing you need to do is contact your state SRS office. Number one, regardless of him hiring an attorney, he cannot force you to have an abortion. Second, it is his legal obligation to support his child. You need to step back and look for a minute at the whole lawyer threat. You have to have a legal reason to go after someone in a court of law. What is he claiming he is going to do with the whole lawyer threat? He has no grounds and is just trying to scare you into keeping quiet about the baby. You obviously know that it would be wrong to lie to welfare. What you may not know is that SRS and welfare will go after him if you name him as the father. They will order DNA tests, and once his parentage is proven, he will have to pay support. If you are working currently you may not qualify for welfare, but there are several programs across the nation for pregnant mothers. That is where SRS comes in. Most likely you will not be able to go back to work right away after you have the baby and you may well need some type of assistance. That is where SRS comes in. Generally they have their own attorney and will file any necessary things with the court. Including a request for a DNA test. Some states will not let you name the father of the child without written consent of the man if you are not married. SRS can handle this as well. When you file for assistance, you are required to name who you believe the father to be. If you are not sure, you can tell them you don't know. If you do tell SRS he is the father, they will start the paperwork to get a DNA test done. Generally, once that is proven, he has to pay all costs of all legal matters as well as costs of the birth and child care. He can't claim you as an unfit mother, as he has no proof to base his claim. Usually, the court will not take a child away unless accusations can be proven. You sound like you have all your ducks in a row, so I would take the next step and talk to SRS, or even your local county attorney. The county attorney can most likely help you or direct you to the appropriate people.
• United States
13 Jan 08
What is the SRS office? Are they child support services? Thank you for your great advice infact I thank all of you.
• United States
13 Jan 08
I would tell welfare who the childs father is first off. And if he has threatened you I would tell the police. He made the baby and its his responsibility to pay child support. If he didnt want children he shouldve thought about using protection. Even if you cant afford a lawyer you could try to find a low income lawyer or just talk to one about your situation and maybe they can make a deal with you or help you find someone you can afford. There is also a thing called paternity test to prove he is the father. They are expensive but their are probably ways you can get one for free or low income type ones.
@CocHawk (84)
• United States
13 Jan 08
You have to stand up for yourself and get the child support. DO NOT LIE! I do not always agree with child support, but this is the case where it should be used. I am sorry that you fell like you will not win a court case because you do not have the money, but you have to try because if you don't, then the system doesn't work at all. It must be hard and scary, but you really have to stand up for yourself and remember that if you are educated and if you are a woman, you do have a good chance of winning.
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
13 Jan 08
You go after that man. That is absolutely ridiculous that this man would want to hide the fact he got someone pregnant, even more ridiculous that he doesn't wanna pay child support, and is just trying to scare you into thinking he will win if it goes to court. It doesn't matter how much money a man has or how many people he knows. The mother will win on this one and the man will be forced to pay child support and if the mother is really wise, will tell the judge about the marriage and him not seeing his other child or supporting them. the fact is, that is no man at all. he wants to play around, but not take care of his responsibilities. makes me sick. anyways, thanks for sharing and God bless
• United States
13 Jan 08
I would so go for child support - this child has a dad that is obviously irresponsible and at least deserves that and is probably lucky not to have a dad like this man in his/her life. I have many friends that were/are single moms and they are amazing and need the extra support just to get by. The courts wouldn't give the dad the child with his history, they try to keep them with the mom unless they can be proved unfit.
@enbrown (282)
• United States
13 Jan 08
What a selfish jerk this guy is. Anyone would be better off without him because he lacks morals. I would go for the child support, that's what would hurt him the most. I bet he wouldn't even want anything to do with the baby.
• United States
12 Jan 08
First of all if he didn't want a kid he should have kept it in his pants! And if he wants to prevent yet another situation like this then he should get himself fixed. You are going to be a mom, therefore, you need to be strong and do what is right for you and the baby and in my opinion it means staying as far away from that a-hole as possible. It doesn't matter how sweet he is acting NOW, he is asking you to lie. Also, he doesn't want to be known as the father of the baby you are about to bring into this world, that would be enough for me to kick him to the curb..good luck to you and your new baby.. Be strong :)
• India
12 Jan 08
Of course, the lady is right in keeping her baby. It is her baby anyway. But, the man has had an equal role in bring the child into the world, and he has to pay up. The law has to help the mother in this and see that she gets child support. I wish there were really strict rules to punish such irresponsible creatures. I really hate the man you have posted about.
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
12 Jan 08
All I got to say is, his name would be on that birth certificate, and he would be paying child support! Screw his reputation, which doesn't sound all that great anyway. He sure wouldn't screw me over, and that is exactly what he is trying to do to you. He shows up just when you are fixing to have the baby, obviously he was worried that you would reveal his little 'secret'. I would be telling him 'be afraid, be very afraid!'
@kylanie (1205)
• United States
12 Jan 08
I would think that the woman would because he does not see his own kid and then it would be hard for the court to give the baby to him and also I would make him pay child support because how else is the baby supposed to survive.