My daughter really wants a sibling for her 1yr old son, there isn't much

January 13, 2008 7:23pm CST
My daughter really wants to have another child now, her little boy is nearly a year and she would love for him to have a brother or sister. The problem is that they are short of money right now and that dosn't look like that will change for a while, but she dosn't really want to wiat a couple of years for a few reasons. Firstly she wants to go back to work when her son or children go full day at school, if she waits another 2 yrs to have another child she would be adding another couple of years onto the time frame for returning to work. You see she wants to be a full-time mum until then. Also she wants to get back in shape, though she has lost nearly all of her pregnancy weight she would like to tone up and go to the gym ect. In her mind she would like to get the baby weight ect out of the way if that makes sense... If they had another child they would have to move as their house is quite small for the three of them as it is, so she would rather move now and get settled, rather than have to do it in a few years.. Any advice would be great..
5 people like this
9 responses
@corilat (182)
• Australia
14 Jan 08
I would say she should aim to have the child now, especially as these things are unpredictable. And having kids is always only a blessing. Once they've got the second kid they'll figure things out. If you have your priorities right, things just generally fall in to place, I find. She shouldn't worry about the money. Good luck!
1 person likes this
14 Jan 08
thanks for the reply, i agree with you, though they are young only, only 20, i had her at 19 and now i have time to spend with hubby before i get too old lol. No being serious she has alot of family around her and dosn't really need much for a new baby unless it was a girl, if it was a boy then the only expense they would have is moving... I actually think the issue is that her partner dosn't want another child at the moment, not to say he dosn't ever want another. I talked to her earlier and told her to wait 6 months then talk about it again..
3 people like this
@corilat (182)
• Australia
14 Jan 08
Well, I hope they can figure it out together! I'm sure they will. :)
2 people like this
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
14 Jan 08
Sounds like another child right now would be a lot of stress for them to deal with. Perhaps she should put the child in daycare a few hours a week so he has playmates. Or she could babysit for a mother who has to work so there would be another child in the home for part of each day. If she babysat she could save the money that would enable them to afford their next child sooner than she thought. And there would be a playmate for their own child. I don't recommend adding the stress of another child so soon.
14 Jan 08
thats a good idea, plus also she could test the water and she if she could cope with two.. thanks..
@mummybec (685)
• Australia
14 Jan 08
I guess that is a personal choice for them to make.... but I understand where she is coming from totally as we decided that we wanted another child when my daughter turned one... I wanted my kids to be close in age. We also did not have lots of money but learnt to cut back on a few things and try to save a bit so we had some extra there once the new baby came. We also needed to move too as we were living in a small 2 bedroom unit and we already did not have much room. We moved 2mths before I was due with my son. Whoch was ok as it still gave us enough time to settle in before he was born. It all worked out fine for us as I am sure it will for your daughter if they choose to have another baby now. It all sounds fairly similar to how things were for us then. Hope things go well for them and turn out the way they want it all too :)
1 person likes this
14 Jan 08
i agree, they both have to be 120% certain, which i don't think he is, so that may be the real issue here, but he does have to consider also that its her body that has to go through the changes, while she feels she could handle that again now, rather than a couple of years down the line.. He dosn't even have to consider that..
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
14 Jan 08
To me it sounds as if she and her husband need to do alot of talking and thinking on the subject and make some decisions and maybe compromise on some issues. It sounds as if she wants everything perfect for a new baby and on her terms but that is seldom how it works. My babies were all born at the most untimely times. everything always works out just as it should in the end.
14 Jan 08
I think its the opposite though, her partner says that he has plans, if you can fathom what that means and he wants it perfect, great job, great home ect. Which is fair enough but he's not really pushing to get that otherwise it would be different. Their first baby wasn't planned and actually he told her to get rid of the baby because it didn't fit into his lifes plans. They worked through things and obviously he's glad that baby is here now and loves him very much. i'm a little unsure of their relationship but she assures me that they are strong...
@Modestah (11195)
• United States
14 Jan 08
money and other troubles will come and go, but the opportunity to have children close in age will only be around for a short time.
14 Jan 08
very true:-)
@maximax8 (27049)
19 Jan 08
I think your daughter is right it is lovely to have two children close in age. She already has a one year old son so it makes sense to have another pregnancy now and then a little baby brother or sister for him. She could then be a full time mum and return to work when her youngest is old enough. Moving house can be stressful though and if her husband doesn't want another child would this put a stain on their marriage? It is good that your daughter has nearly lost all her pregnancy shape so she is in good health for a second pregnancy. Money worries come and go but an age gap between children will happen like it did with me. I have a 12 year old an 8 month old baby. She is in her twenties so she does not have to rush if she wants a big age gap. I suggest she talks with her husband and tries to agree on what will work for both of them.
• India
15 Jan 08
It is also important to find out whether she's physically in shape for another child so soon. I know most people have another kid even in lesser time but it isn't always so smooth, the woman's body takes some time to completely be on track after a pregnancy and birth. Please don't mind my being a bit apprehensive, because bad health would mean more costs and it would add to their stress. I would say maybe not a couple of years more but waiting a year more and saving some before a second baby would make her life easier, finances are very important. Not more than a child, but to make life comfortable for the children.
• United States
14 Jan 08
They should do what they want. They shouldn't do anything they don't want to do because everyone expects them to do something. If they are not financially able to have another child right now, then they shouldn't. They should wait until they are able to afford a bigger place to live and afford daycare so she can go back to work and support the family so the weight doesn't all fall on the husband. It's not fair. As for pregnancy weight, if she's going to lose it all only to gain it back in a few months, what's the point?
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Jan 08
Your daughter and i are in the same line of thought... my baby is now 21 months old... and i am dying to have another baby since i am already in my thirties... i do not want to wait another year or two because it might get difficult for me to concieve at an older age... and aside for that... it would be nice for my baby girl to have a playmate sister or brother who is close to her age... I can fully understand why your daughter wants another baby... and i think that as long as they are able to provide for a family of two children... there is no reason to wait longer... they should just sacrifice more of the items that they don't really need... but just what is essential for their family to survive...