now what did i do? ??? please help me with my husband...

Philippines
January 16, 2008 6:54am CST
my husband and i fought today. it was really because of my selfishness, irritability, impatience, and childishness. then when he tried to pacify me, i got so stubborn. sometimes i think i am bi polar. i am manic depressive. from feeling high and happy, i would then plunged to being low and then i would be irritable. sigh... now, he is not talking to me. what should i do? please help...any words of comfort are appreciated. but if you don't have anything good to say, please don't comment because i am not in the mood for sarcastic remarks. thank you!
5 people like this
15 responses
@lightningMD (5937)
• United States
16 Jan 08
Maybe you should tell him everything you just told us. Admit the fight was your fault. Tell him the way your emotions swing from one end to the other. If he knows whats going on he can be better prepared to deal with it and help you. Have you went to the doctor to discuss your concerns? I sometimes have huge mood swings too especially around that time of the month.
@blueunicorn (2410)
• United States
16 Jan 08
I get the same way when I fight with my husband. I feel out of control and like I just feel too much. What I would do for now is go take a walk or do something to get away from each other. Sitting in the same house stewing over what happened tends to make things worse. It helps to get away and remember why you two love and care about each other. Don't think about the fight, just clear your mind. When you do come back together, just say "I'm sorry" and be sure to talk about the ISSUES you were fighting about, not who said what and all that. I hope I have helped!
2 people like this
@luanakent (795)
• Brazil
16 Jan 08
Marriage is not easy...But if you decided to marry..I think it should strive to live well. Not all symptoms of irritation is bipolar. The best to do is try to be calm before the husband arrives home. A tea can help.. but what i think is more help you do something you enjoy during the day. Fitness helps keep the good humor because it releases a substance in the brain that causes pleasure...besides the benefits to the body lolol But the primary is if you do not depart from God. I have seen many couples in a situation worse...and they managed to overcome. But if in this fight to liver well your husband irritate you ..Please... you dont respond in time. Leave to answer other day when you are more calm and already has thought carefully about the issue. If you start to look for knowledge the gospel begins to act differently ... If ever the husband offended you and you dont respond..he will think : " oh.. God is doing well"..and who knows.. he also did not begin to be interested for things of God. The words of God says:" the wise woman( or man) builds your home.".... Certain is : When God blesses someone ..He blesses the whole family. Then you will be leading a blessing for their home and their families. If you stumble on the road...Ok..relax!..and try again. God Bless and give you forces because husband is not easy ...he he I can evething in God who strengthen me.
16 Jan 08
Sweetheart, you are not alone. I used to date a guy I would argue with constantly. It was always over something silly, that wasn't his fault but I would just see red. I let my stubborn nature ruin things between us & pushed him away because I didn't know how2 apologise. As you have admitted to us on here that you realise it was your fault, then maybe you can try and speak2 your husband, explain your fears and he may want to help you with it. Go to him, cuddle him and apologise. Tell him you know it isn't his fault but that you want to fix things and you will need his support. Good Luck, I hope you can work things out! Nica x
1 person likes this
@dta_kitty (192)
• India
16 Jan 08
Sometimes we see ourselves in other people.I am not yet married , but hope I am of some help to you.I can understand exactly what you are going through.No matter how careful we are to avoid quarrels and arguments, they just happen.They're unavoidable, one of us loses it somewhere.When everything is going great, some misunderstanding which is most of the time silly, ruins the peace so easily.We try to make him realize that even the smallest detail of feeling we experience is important and is not to be ignored or hurt.By trying to make this happen, we end up making very small things into real big issues.People suggest to be in the other person's shoes to do or not do stuff.This is a very good way to solve things but, its almost impossible to do that when we are already hurt.Our own feelings seem very important and immediate than the other person's.When he finally does come to pacify, we keep going at it with all the complaints and accusations thinking we are trying to make him understand in what bad a state we are in.We know very well that the stubborn behavior is actually because of our expectation, which shows itself fake as stubborn and arrogant.Though we think that we get a chance to pour out all what is inside us, it kind of becomes negative.When he sees you blaming and stacking up all the bad stuff about him, it puts him off from trying to fix you even, elongating the gap.The pacifying state is for you to use immediately and let-go of all the bitterness and think that he wouldn't do it(pacify) unless he cares. Now that it seems too late, don't wait for it to become even late.He has tried doing all he can.Its your turn now,go to him and tell that you're sorry for your behavior to work things out.Though you feel like telling what you expected and didn't get from him, hold it till things become fine and he is receptive to what you have to say about your wants,needs,dislikes,likes,preferences etc.I'm sure he will take your apology.Next time,try responding to the pacifying with a hug.It does a lot of good to both of you.Hope I helped, sure not with the length!
@moneyandgc (3439)
• United States
16 Jan 08
Start with an apology. Writing everything out always helps when my husband and I get into these types of things. If you feel this is a real problem, have you considered therapy of some kind? We are gone for the next month but I am starting counseling when we get back home. I am usually not a huge advocate of it, but my husband started going and it really seems to be helping him.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 08
This happens to me all the time most because the stress lays on me day to day. There are times that my hubby is asking me what do I want or need and I am so irritable that I totally start arguing for no damn reason. When I know I was in wrong I try to make it up by saying sorry with a nice dinner and a night of pleasure.
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
18 Jan 08
Hello spoiled311, Well, this is the discussion. I just read it after responding to your 'thank you'discussion *smiles* I bet you are happy now that you won't get mad at me for making jokes! That is a marriage life, dear friend! I also argue with my husband sometimes and most of the time, it is because of me. He always come to me afterwards and apologize. When he did that, I will start to become stubborn and start to show my gloomy face to him. And, I always regret about it *sighs* Maybe we should be more tolerate and start to admit that we are wrong sometimes. We want them to persuade us when we are angry or down, but sometimes we are too much for making thing more difficult for them.
@eyewitness (1580)
• Netherlands
17 Jan 08
I think you should just go talk to him and apoligise for your behaviour. Just tell him you don't understand why you react sometimes the way you do,and tell him you know you have been wrong. Also tell him about the way you feel about your mood swings.He will understand and help you with your mood swings. I hope things will be okey with you and your husband.
• United States
17 Jan 08
You just have to tell him how you feel. It helps me to write it all out. I am not good at talking to my husband when I am upset. I am so frustrated that I don't tell him everything I should have. I agrue with my husband and do the same things you just described. Relationships are hard, but you have to find a way to communicate.
• United States
17 Jan 08
There is a story it is a little long but worth it. Since I can not copy and paste I will provide the link. ( It is late and my husband is cranky too) There is great wisdom in this story! www.storiestogrowby.com/stories/tiger_wh_korea.html
@subha12 (18472)
• India
17 Jan 08
I think what you thinks about yourself, that you are bipolar is not true. We all get mood swings. Does it mean we all are bipolar. best way is to stay calm. don't talk with him as he is not talking with you.Just keep mum and better nake a good dish for him. May be after that he starts talking himself.
@sid556 (31029)
• United States
17 Jan 08
We all have our bad days. Take a break and let some time pass for the dust to settle. Then you should go and appologize to him and tell him pretty much what you have said here.
@kodie420 (872)
• Canada
17 Jan 08
Well for one thing I see a lot of people say to apologize but if you are bi polar or something like that its really not your fault. I think if you believe there is something wrong with you then maybe you should talk to your doctor or a specialist. Only after you have talked to a doctor then do you approach your husband and tell him because if you tell him you think your bi polar then everything you do he doesn't agree with will be contributed to your bi polar. You might be just high anxiety like me. Like you I have the exact same problem word to word like you said. Im good one minute then flip off the edge for no reason. Im going to my doctor tomorrow because mine is getting worst and all I can recommend is you doing the same thing. Good luck to you
@fianne (1059)
• United States
16 Jan 08
hi there spoiled311...! how are you? well, maybe you should be the one to come to him first and say sorry and explain things... but tell him how you feel. that will be very nice for him to know that you ake initiative. he would love your act.