Please help give an advice for my friend....

United States
January 16, 2008 9:01am CST
Here is the story he has been with this fiancee for about four years and they were going to get married in three months from now and everything is set to go flowers, dress, ring and so on...out of the blue she calls it off and then throw in a no contact rule in his face...she is no where to be found and no more contact is left for him, what should he do? He tried asking her parents and they said she is over 18 and she can go where ever she wants and do what ever she wants so they are not helping him, she changed her cell number and moved out of her families place in less than two weeks, we don't know what gives...any suggestions as to what he should do or what has happen to her?
3 people like this
13 responses
@angieang (262)
• United States
16 Jan 08
She found someone else.. is what that suggests! Maybe I'm a bit blunt, but thats what that is. If the parents aren't worried then they know their baby has figured out that marriage was not the right move for her at that moment. Hinting they know where she is, by saying she can do as she wants when she wants! Maybe he could hire a private investigator to help set his mind at ease. I know that would be a very tough situation to experience!
• United States
17 Jan 08
I am sure she did too but where and how in that time spand that she was suppose to be with my friend almost 24/7 and not fair to not leave a reason why...
• United States
17 Jan 08
Even though that is very true he can do better. But for right now he believes that he has lots everything and anything that ever matters to him. Yes as human nature goes people usually pick the easiest way out of any circumstances. I believe that once you hit a certain age one should know that you as an adult should own up to your responsibilites as a mature human being...but then again it's up to the individuals so call free will...
@angieang (262)
• United States
17 Jan 08
It's definately amazing when people feel they need to run away. I'm sure she was simply ashamed of herself for not being honest. And the internet is a deadly weapon when it comes to finding other romances. She must feel a lost of words, it's hard to figure out a way to tell someone you once loved that you dont share that same kind of love for them anymore. SO they pick the road to disappear..sad, but the way many people deal with problems. Your friend could do better!
@nesher (237)
• United States
17 Jan 08
I think, it does not matter, what happened to her. Based on the information, we have, she is voluntarly broke the relationship, and intentionally disconnected all available means of contact. It might be no much use, even if he finds her. I would say, he is happy that this happened before wedding and not after. He saved a lot of nerves, emotions, and money. I know, it is painful at the moment, but he should get over with and step to the new period of the life... May be, the day she left was his luckiest day?
@nesher (237)
• United States
18 Jan 08
He can seek help from the pshycologist, but in some cases time is the best doctor.
• United States
18 Jan 08
yeah I think time can melt the pain away...
• United States
17 Jan 08
Maybe it is but as far as now no he is so confuse he hit depression to the max...I don't know what to say to help him because he is driving randomly to there and here and here and there trying to see if he can bump into her which we all know that is just plain crazy...
@subha12 (18441)
• India
18 Jan 08
I think the girl was palying with this guy. she has made it just like fun. How she can just dissapper from the show when it was to happen? I think legally there is little to do if they are not registered the marriage yet. But the guy should also move on. There is no point in wasr=ting time, spirit and money on her.
• United States
18 Jan 08
Yeah very true he should move on I think it is just hard right now because it is still fresh...
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
17 Jan 08
Well if that's a case of cold feet, it's a major one. Obviously she doesn't want to be found, for whatever reason. And obviously her parents know where she has gone, but sounds like they might not agree with whatever decision she has made. I would be a little on the suspicous side, wondering if she met someone else or has been cheating on him for sometime now. Best advice to him, and it's not easy, move on with his life, don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring, and if she did show back up, she would have a lot of explaining to do before he should even consider getting back together with her.
• United States
17 Jan 08
Yeah I have not told him to move on with his life at least not in so many words...I just told him to give it some time and that's about it...but I know he needs closure just as much as any human beings...
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
17 Jan 08
I really can't tell what has happened to her, I can only take wild guesses. 1. Her ex-boyfriend is back in town. 2. the man's rich ex-girlfriend is in town and threatened to spoil the wedding or gave her a bunch of $ and a plane ticket to wherever she pleases. 3. She discovers that the fiancee is having an affair or has impregnanted another woman. 4. The parents did not approve the marriage so they forced her to hide or run away. WHAT HE SHOULD DO? 1. Give her time to heal and wait to see if she is going to show up and explain 2.If he is daring, he can marry another woman ASAP and on the wedding day. 3. Contact private detectives to look for her. 4. Forget about her, cry over spilt milk and move on. But all in all, she owes the guy a good explanation.
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
18 Jan 08
Let him contract a private detective or report her missing to the police so they can find her! You never know maybe she was abducted.
• United States
17 Jan 08
Wow that is a lot of good guesses...I am not sure which one is true not until we find her but I don't think he will find her if she wants to remain unfound....
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
17 Jan 08
I am sorry this happend to your friend. No one can really say what is going on in her head or heart. I know it must have been a shock. And painful too. But there is a small silver lining. This happend before he got married. Before there may have been children involved, afew years down the road. I suggest instead of wondering what happend and worrying over it, tell him to take time. Settle his heart and head. Be busy with other things. Maybein time he will find someone who wants to be with him. Or whoo at least has the maturity to sit and work out a problem she is having. Instead of cutting a person completely off, and running away.
• United States
17 Jan 08
Yeah same thing I believe because it's worst when children are involved because unlike us adults they don't have a say so or any choice in any matter till they are of legal age...It's a good thing for him in a way...
@Ohara_1983 (4117)
• Kuwait
16 Jan 08
if he really love her, let him try to find her once, but i think her girlfriend dont care because she run away and even her family dont care. much better to till him to forget the bad dream of his life let him stand and show her that your not only the one, i can find more than you. her attitude will be shown that even here family is not good. hope your friend will not understand me will.
• United States
17 Jan 08
Yeah her family was not too fond of him in the first place they wanted someone with lots of money and his just a plain old nice guy with a decent paying 9-5 job...
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
16 Jan 08
Sounds like he either did something to scare her off, or she found out something about him that scared her off. Maybe she realized that she just didn't want to be with him for the rest of her life but she is scared to tell him, or she is scared of him. I guess you know more of the story then the rest of us, and he probably knows more of the story then he's telling you i'm willing to bet! Especially if her family doesn't even want to talk to him after they have been in a relationship for four years. Sounds kinda fishy to me.
• United States
17 Jan 08
Well the family never liked him because he was not rich or not as financially up there like they are...they wanted their daughter to marry someone either close to where their family is at or more...
@nengs10 (3180)
• Philippines
17 Jan 08
One thing is running on my mind maybe she dont like to get married because he dont love him anymore and is it possible also that she found someone and be with that guy.I think her parents know where she is because why they dont care about her.
• United States
17 Jan 08
Yeah I am sure they know they just don't want to help and maybe it was them who set her up for this who knows how can someone be so in love at one moment then not and runs off and never to been seen or heard of again...
• India
16 Jan 08
Sounds really strange! I haven't the foggiest what might be wrong with her. Can just put forth guesses: 1. She has fallen for someone else. 2. Something has really upset her. 3. Someone has said something bad about her fiancee to her out of spite and she has swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. 4. She is just plain crazy. It must be one of these. But she owes the guy at least an explanation.
• United States
17 Jan 08
I agree, He can't seem to find her any where she didn't have a stable job before so it makes it even harder to try to contact her that way too...sad but I don't think he be able to find that closure he so desires...
@tryxiness (4544)
• Philippines
16 Jan 08
She is in her hibernation mode. She is sorting her thoughts and feelings out. She is not sure if whether marrying her fincee would give meaning to her life. Let her be. and yeah, she owes him an explanation. but if i were the guy, move on. she has chosen a path others will never understand. and its her shot to call. :D
• United States
17 Jan 08
Yeah he wants closure...he said he is not upset with her if she don't want to marry him but would like to know what happen...if it was him because he didn't feel like he said or done anything wrong...
• China
17 Jan 08
To Publish a searching message in newspaper or ask help from private detectives if your friend really wants to know his fiancee's whereabouts. To be frankly, as her family don't give any help and though their daughter was over 18 years old and could go where she wanted, it is supposed that girl's parents would know where the girl was and agreed her fleing from the weding.
• United States
17 Jan 08
That is one way of doing it...PI that is I don't know about the newspaper though....Yeah it's sad but her family is no help and they are rude...
• United States
16 Jan 08
I think that it can be one of two things. 1. she was always dating someone else the whole time and decided that the other guy wasant right for her and moved on or 2. she is just scared of commitment everybody in the world is thats why so many people are getting a divorce so early. When i first got married it seemed like my husband was always doing something to mess us up. He didnt realize it but he was and it was because he wasnt use to being tied down to one person and didnt know how to handle it so to make it alright his brain would tell him that i was trying to control his life instead of seeing it as just me caring about him. As far as you friend goes he should move on with his life she might come back when she thinks that he is doing to good with out her.
• United States
17 Jan 08
I am scared that she might have meet someone else but as far as commitment she is and was the one who asked him for it...she wanted to tie the knot so to speak...