am i wrong ?

@missbdoll (1168)
Australia
January 17, 2008 8:49pm CST
After the death of my partner in Septbember and spending Christmas alone, I've started to feel I just want to ignore all occasions this year, because it would be like my first birthday without him, my first easter without him etc.I feel like all I'm gonna do is think about what we were doing last year. I feel like I"m sinking into solitude.
6 people like this
13 responses
@musicman6 (2371)
• United States
18 Jan 08
Okay, I think you are spending too much time concentrating on yourself! You should be reaching out to socialize with others,help others, or just be with others! You don't have to try to forget, because it is hard, but by concentrating not on yourself, you will be able to withstand the strain of your loss! There are a lot of us out here that have gone through the same thing if not worse, and the thing to do is keep on going don't stop and cry when the pain hits, We survived, and you can too, just don't give up, and remember,"the sun is shining on the other side of the mountain"
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
18 Jan 08
Great advice Musicman. I said much the same thing in my response before coming back and reading over others. I've rated this response, because it is so true. I do stop and cry occasionally, but I'm not ashamed to do so, and it doesn't last too long, before I carry on as normal.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
18 Jan 08
hi missbdoll.i know how you are feeling,as you know my son lost his father,my ex late in october last year.i did not attend any of my christmas functions or even go out at all on new years eve,i just wanted to stay home with my son and have quiet time. i don't think that i will fall in to solitude,and you probably will not either.i think it is our time to grieve and it will take us time to come to terms with what has happened,and i know that i need my solitude at the moment.i know that time will heal and it is o.k to take time out.if you ever think that you are sinking too deep,just call or message me and you know you have wonderful friends here that you can always have a chat with.cheers sue
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 08
no, you are not wrong. i think that in your grieving you are also showing your love and devotion to him. Maybe without even realizing it. it's good to have friends and a support group around you though. to help with the grief. I would be the exact same way if i lost my fiance. He means everything to me. anyway, i don't think you are wrong to feel this way. take care
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21588)
18 Jan 08
Awwwww, please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your partner. I have a story for you, which you may find uplifting, or maybe not, but I feel it's relevant. It's a true story, and I was feeling as you are at the moment, but I realised that I had to pick myself up and go on, as I would have been expected to do. My Grandson passed on, two days after Christmas, 1996, at the age of 7 years and 3 months. Of course, he left a big hole in the lives of the whole family. He was my first Grandson, and we were inseparable. We had some great times together in those seven short years. At Christmas, he opened all his gifts, but he didn't have the strength to play with them, apart from one, which was a gift from me. At two o'clock, on 27th December, he left us. Naturally, I was lost, and very upset, even though I expected this... I knew it was coming. Moreso, I knew I had to get his loss out of my system, and carry on, for if he'd still been here, and somebody else in the family gone, he would have been upset to see me in this state. So, I started to write down all the good times we'd had, and some of them brought a smile to my face. That activity helped me to cope and get on with life. Others that were still here were reliant on me. It would be his Sister's birthday on 17th January, and both my Son and Daughter-In-Law's birthdays in March, and we had to endure and enjoy those, in the normal way. So, in other words, we supported and found comfort in each other. Then, when my Grandson's birthday came around, we'd release helium balloons into the sky for his birthday. We still do it now, to cries of "Happy Birthday, Daniel", to show him that we remember him. At Christmas, the whole family gets together. A lantern is lit at his place of rest on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning and left to burn itself out. He is remembered, but then we have to go back to the house and go on with our Christmas celebrations in the same way. We don't feel guilty about it, because we know his spirit is there with us. We have an Easer Egg hunt in my garden, just as we always did when he was here, and generally get over things that way. It takes quite a long time. You'll always hold your partner in your heart, but let him see how much you loved doing all those things with him, in a way that he enjoyed. You have to go on with things in the knowledge that some day, you'll be together again, in spirit. Whatever you do, don't cut yourself off from everybody else in your life, because you'll find it very difficult to pull yourself back. Think about the good times and continue to enjoy them in the knowledge that he is still here in spirit, and happy in the knowledge that you can still do this, without him. Brightest Blessings... I hope this has been of some help.
@Chey1970 (1193)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I think the question you truly really need to ask yourself is: Would he want you to quit living? I seriously doubt it for I am sure he loved you and would want you to carry on with life.
1 person likes this
18 Jan 08
Sweetheart, I think that anyway which will make you feel better should be fine by everybody else. The loss of someone you truly care for can have a horrible effect on you. I really hope that you have a strong bond of friends that you can talk to because I think they will be the people to help you feel alive again. I know that I don't know you, but if you want to offload, I'd be happy to listen. My brother recently lost his girlfriend in a carcrash & watching him become a recluse & not the bright sparkly person he was really cut me up. Sometimes it's easier talking to someone who doesn't knwo you because they can't judge you. I really do hope that your year goes well & you find a way of remembering the good times without being sad. Nica x
1 person likes this
• India
18 Jan 08
Firstly, my heart goes out to you. It is an extremely difficult phase for you and it is not wrong to be grieving about. After all, the loss is huge. But do not sink into solitude. You have to try and come around gradually. Take your time but make it. Because I am very sure your partner would never want you to be sad all your life. God Bless u.
1 person likes this
@noriko (1254)
18 Jan 08
i dont think there is something wrong. if i will lose my partner maybe i would be the same way. do you have a child?
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
18 Jan 08
I am a little like you with no family and the man of my life who passed away in 2000, I still feel I don't want to celebrate occasions, it is not the same with other peoples families, just not the same, there is an emptiness that just never goes away...
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
21 Jan 08
I suddenly lost someone close to me and the first year was the worst because of that. But afterwards it was easier to go through the special occasions and not think of it. You are still in great mourning so it is going to be hard, but something you need to get through. I wouldn't sink into solitude as I doubt your partner would have wanted that for you. I wish you the best during this very difficult time.
@MsTickle (24987)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
Maybe you should just let yourself go and relax. Maybe you just have to go there and feel the solitude until you can decide what you want to do. It must be so hard to try and manage on your own under the circumstances. Bad enough that your partner didn't provide for you but his family are just ignoring you. That must make things doubly hard. Just let go for a bit and maybe you'll finally find a safe path to be on.
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Jan 08
I understand what you feel but you must not linger it too long ..you have to move on and start a day fresh and think also of yourself..do some activities that will make you busy and stop thinking of the passing of your love one..mingle with friends maybe it will help if you do that..
@rakinitin (686)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
The loss of a partner is hard and there are stages you will go through. The good news is, our lives are always changing. There cannot be a right or wrong in how you feel. No-one can tell you what to feel either. Try to remind yourself from time to time, when you notice long periods of retreat, that you should go out and do something. By yourself. You will at least be interacting with people but not feel like you are doing something you do not want to. Does that make sense. I'll be thinking of you.