am i wrong in not letting my daughter 17 go camping with her mates

@suehan1 (4356)
Australia
January 19, 2008 4:12am CST
originally my daughter was to go camping with 2 of her girlfriends 15 &16 and a boy.the father of one of the girls was going with them.now he is not going to be with them,he is just going to drive them there and pick them up.this place they are going to is about 4 hours north from my place. my concern is that my daughter who is 17 would be the eldest child,so she would feel that she is responsible for the others,they would have no transport of any kind,so if they need anything they would just have the shop at the camping grounds.also if there was an emergency,what would they do.there is also been a weather forcast of rain and possible flooding,so how would they get out if it did flood.i just have a bad feeling about all this and i know that they are teenagers and think they are invincible,but i really think a older person should be there with transportation.when we told the father of the other girl ,my daughter was not going to go along ,the father got a bit aggressive about it and demanded the money anyway. am i wrong in not letting her go,my gut tells me i am glad she is not going.what do you think
8 people like this
13 responses
@pinklilly (3446)
• Australia
19 Jan 08
Is it an actual camping place with others around or in the bush camping? Would there be another responceble adult or a friend of theirs that has a car/ licence that would be willing to go with them? If you are really worried it maybe best to not let them go and make arrangments yourself for another weekend to make up for it.... The weather has been crappy here too and I know further up the coast of Australia it has been Really bad...... Friends of mine cut their camping trip short this weekend because of the rain and they were camping at a caravan park in tents and they were drenched.... Best of Luck
3 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
i was not given any details about the camping ground from the father of the girl who arranged it,which i was mad about in the first place,all i know it was around taree.the weather has been really bizarre lately and i know that northern n.s.w. has been flooding earlier in the week and now today northern queensland is flooding badly. i know how quickly it can flood.i would have been happy if her boyfriend was going with them as he does have a car ,but he was working and as far as other adults being there i have no idea.i don't think i would like to be camping on this weather also.i have told her i will make it up to her.cheers sue
2 people like this
@pinklilly (3446)
• Australia
23 Jan 08
I wasn't asking for personal details as I wouldn't expect you to give them anyway. This day and age you have to be careful what you disclose on the internet....
1 person likes this
@BooZzZ (139)
• Netherlands
19 Jan 08
Wow, she is 17 and you won't let her go? I mean, she is on a camping ground and she is with friends... ? When she is a bit older she is already a adult, and she needs to know what it is like to take care of you're own buisness. No, I think you should have let her go.
3 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
19 Jan 08
thanks for your response and i know what you are saying,she can look after herself quite well,but i have a strong bad feeling about her not going,on the trip.firstly 3 young girls and 1 boy without transportation.if an emergency happened,it would take me 4 hours to reach her.my gut instinct is telling me no and i have a bad feeling about it,i normally don,t get like this and they say to follow your gut.cheers sue
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jan 08
BooZzZ, I know she is 17, but just what would she do with no transportation if an emergency did happen? Even though she is in a campground, I have still seen bad things happen. I would not let my daughter go either without transportation.
@sid556 (31019)
• United States
20 Jan 08
I'd go with my gut. This sounds like a bad situation really. I just can't imagine myself dropping of a bunch of young teens to fend for themselves in a camp ground 4 hours away with no adults. I can't even imagine it is legal. where I live you have to be 18 or older to rent a camp spot or even a hotel room. And the father sounds a bit weird. Why is he demanding money from you if your daughter is not going? did you pay him? i hope not. Put your foot down on this one.
3 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
hi .yes i have gone with my gut on this one and she is staying at home.i did pay the just to keep the peace at the moment.i find that interesting that in your country they have to be 18 to camp.i think thats good.i also think the she was the eldest and should not have to be responsible for the younger ones.thanks for your response.cheers sue
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jan 08
You did the right thing. Without the parent being there they are not going to have any supervision and well that could open up all kinds of problems. And like you pointed out, if there was an emergency what will they do? Depending on the camp site they might not get good reception on a cell phone so they might not realize what to do in that situation. If the parent was going like the original plan I wouldn't see any problem with it, but no adult supervision with 4 teenagers? Ohhh no lol Stick by your decision because it is definitely the right one.
3 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
thanks for that armstrong.yes if the father had stuck to his original plans i would not have minded so much,and i am sure that mobile phone reception would not have been great up there,let alone charging the phone.the skys are now coming over as black as black again here and pooring down with rain yet again.cheer sue
2 people like this
@terri0824 (4975)
• United States
19 Jan 08
It sounds like you have good grounds in her not going. Especially if you have a strong gut feeling that this isn't appropriate thing for her to do. She may be mad about it for a bit, but she will soon get over it and now that you only had her best interest at heart.
3 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
yes my gut feelings were nery strong.she has allready gotten over it and she was o.k today and she knows that i am only doing it for her best interest.thanks teri.cheers sue
@lucgeta (925)
• France
19 Jan 08
My guess is that you should let her go. What's the point of camping with an adult at your side - maybe he was asked not to go. It's supposed to be a friends weekend. And as you said there are not going into the wild - there is a shop there. Maybe is good for you daughter to feel responsible, I was 12 when I first camped out without parents. Best you can do is give her a raincoat and aspirins in case it does rain.
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
19 Jan 08
i know what you are saying,and normally i would let her go,but the arrangements were iffy and i feel i need to know everything is allirght, i have just a bad gut feeling and i never normally have bad feelings.we had major flooding about 7 months ago and she was stranded and i was worried sick to get to her and she was stuck a whole night by herself,so with the bad weather forecast.it just worries me.thanks for your response.cheers sue
2 people like this
@someonesmom (5768)
• Canada
22 Jan 08
As a (widowed) single mom of a sixteen year old daughter, I can totally relate to this situation. I commend you for standing strong in this, as I'm 'often' made out to be 'the meanie' it seems, when it comes to these things. My daughter is striving towards independence these days, and these changes have happened seemingly overnight. It can be very difficult to strike a balance between letting them spread their wings, and still being able to give the necessary guidance, and benefits of our wisdom too. Here in Canada, they're considered adults when they're eighteen. Like another respondent mentioned, they wouldn't even be allowed to stay at a campsite, or a hotel, without an accompanying adult. I don't know what this 'dad' is thinking, but I'm unimpressed. It's too bad you ended up having to pay for something, when your daughter's not even participating, but I can understand 'your reasoning' behind this. Take care.
2 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
22 Jan 08
thanks for your support on this matter.i am also a single mum and it is very hard i know to allow them to spread their wings.my daughter is very independant in many things,but to be responsible for children younger than her is a bit too much for her as well.i do not understand this father also and for that reason it was easier to pay him and keep the peace with her friends.cheers sue
1 person likes this
@palina77 (1178)
• United States
20 Jan 08
i would do what you think is right........................
2 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
thanks for your response. today i am happy with my decision not to let her go and she is fine with that now.i don't normally get this way so she knows that i have her best interest at heart.cheers sue
2 people like this
@beauty_ph (2752)
• Philippines
19 Jan 08
If am the mom of your daughter, I would probably do the same. I think you did the right thing. Feeling something for safety of a child is what often moms do. I am happy to know how concern you are with your daughter and the other teens. I think they still need guidance, specially that they are going camping in a place unfamiliar to them. Aside from the fact that the weather condition is not quit that safe.
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
yes i am glad now about my decision and i know if i had let her go and something happened i would never forgive myself.there will be other times and i will make sure the plans are well made next time.cheers sue
• Australia
23 Jan 08
Generally when we get a bad feeling about something there is a reason for that.I think you made the right decision.I myself would certainly have felt more comfortable knowing there was a responsible adult there.The other girls parent sounds like a real idiot and I hope you didn't give him any money?
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
24 Jan 08
hi thanks for your support.yes i did give him the money,just to keep the peace and thr girls friendship.but i am glad of my decision and now my daughter understands my reasons for not letting her go.cheers sue
• Canada
23 Jan 08
Hi Sue! I'm thirty and have a four year old but I know that a mother's instinct is always right and I am proud of you for standing by it! :) My sister-in-law is sixteen and her Mom has had some difficult decisions to make for her in the last year or so especially and so I appreciate what you are going through! Some may say that I lived a sheltered life, however I didn't leave my parent's side until I was eighteen at which point I spent the summer at a camp as a counselor for children. My Mom had a hard time with that even though I was totally safe (I'm an only child) I must say though that I think that helped to prepare me for living on my own when I went to college.... In looking back, I am thankful for the wonderful parents I had and that I spent so much time with them (Even as a teen) We lived in the country and I was not popular at school, besides I loved being with my parents...Go figure!! I guess I was a strange one LOL But it saved me from getting involved in a lot of stuff!! Don't get me wrong, I had several loser boy friends that my Mother always worried about and my Father always disapproved of and disliked with good reason...The thing is, I always knew my parents were there for me and they still are today :) If I can do half as good a job at raising my son as they did me I will be happy! ~Heavens~
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
24 Jan 08
i am so pleased that you appreciate what your parents did for you. i don't think that is strange that you loved being with your parents,i think thats lovely.i know that my daughter will understand why i did not allow her to go,and will be understanding to my decisions.i know you will do well by your son,i can tell by the way you love your own parents.cheers sue
• Netherlands
19 Jan 08
well ofcourse u are right about this. u are woried about your daughter. and she has to understand that. i am 1 year older then your daughter and let me say i like it alot to be responsable for something. it's not only the study where you can learn knowledge but it's also by the parents. and responsabilty is a great development for a teenager. but in this position you rather not let her go, a alternatief is maybe if it is somewhere closer??
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
20 Jan 08
i actually suggested somewhere closer,but the other girls father had allready booked this place,because i know if it was closer and something happened i could get to them.i will make it up to them somehow.thanks for your response.cheers sue
24 Jan 08
My parents always trusted me when I was at that age. I'm glad they did this way I'm more responsible now and more independent than other friends of mine.I know you are worried about it her health in case of any unexpected event but life is build in such way.