why is difficult to say "i'm sorry"?

Germany
January 19, 2008 2:23pm CST
i walked out on my husband in the city today. i was outraged with his comment about me that "not knowing anything." the issue was about something unimportant, some increase on taxes that i heard from a friend which i was blabbering to him about. he asked about the whole detail, i said i don't know, i wasn't sure. and that's when he said that i don't know anything. i was frustrated of course and i know that it was just a joke and that's the main reason that makes me sad, that he can joke about certain things, it hurts me. my mood was spoiled and he told me that there's nothing to be sour about, like he's even more irritated with the way i'm acting (i was just extremely silent). and that was it. i just walked out right there and then. out of frustration and being fed-up i guess. he just can't say sorry even if he has hurt me big time! why is it so difficult for most men to admit that they're wrong? i'm not talking about my case because only me and husband understand how deep or shallow our arguments are. i've seen it also with my own father, my brothers, my friends' husbands. it's all the same story. does it have something to do with the macho-image that they want to preserve? that's such a lame excuse, if i would be asked. do they actually know how much pain they cause to women? honestly, i don't have clue.
1 person likes this
5 responses
@sissy67 (225)
• United States
21 Jan 08
girl, Im right here with u....I will be married for 23 yrs this valentines day. I still have yet to figure my hubby out. He says stuff all the time that either I consider it a dig at me, or it hurts my feelins or I just take it the wrong way. He then gets upset and accuses me of not being able to take a joke. Sometimes their jokes just hit to close to home and u wonder if these things are what he really thinks and feels about u. sometimes, he will say he is sorry and other times he will fight to the end telling me that he has done nothing wrong and he just cant see it. Its tough.... but, I always think...if the shoe were on the other foot.....lol
• Germany
22 Jan 08
my husband's the same too. he'll sometimes get upset when i get annoyed with his insensitive jokes and remarks. i know that it has something to do with us women being too emotional and them men being factual but eventhough. i mean, how difficult is it to be sensitive sometimes? i'm happy for you. advance congratulations!! but i didnt quite understand it, are u getting married again or u'll get married after living together for 23 yrs?
@sissy67 (225)
• United States
22 Jan 08
sorry..I will be married to my hubby for 23 yrs this Valentines day. Im glad u understand what I was saying about his remarks and then how it effects me. One example is that I have lost 30 pounds last yr from May to Dec.....I still have some more to go but I was so proud of myself. Well, he will come up to hug me and then I find him kinds squeezing my fat roll around my stomach....sometimes he will smile and say stuff like...whats this? Well, he says he is playing..but I find it insulting especially after all the hard work Im doin to get rid of it....its like...will I ever lose enough??? but...when I say something...he gets mad and tells me he is kidding and that I have no sense of humor!
@chonelo (18)
• Philippines
21 Jan 08
I guess it depends on a person. I have a friend who is married too that can easily say sorry to a person if he thinks he hurt someone especially his wife. However, just like you, my husband finds it difficult to say sorry even to me, though i'm badly hurt by whatever he had said. But I could determine if he feels sorry for whatever that caused our arguments through a sudden lowering of his voice. He is in the military and just imagine how he could sometimes apply the kind of diplomatic treat they make to settle things. I know it hurts us when right into our face somebody told us that 'you don't know anything' especially if that person is our husband. Honestly, I've heard just the same comment from my husband also, like 'naturingan ka ngang matalino pero bobo pala'. It hurts. But never do i wait for a sorry from him. I know, whenever i became silent because i'm hurt, he is much more thorn into pieces and swear to God not to do it again and he confessed it to me if we have silent moment to talk.
• Germany
21 Jan 08
ouch! luckily, my husband doesn't speak tagalog or else, if he tells me that i'm "bobo" i'd really pack my bags. hahaha. it's a nice feeling that someone like can level with what i'm feeling right now. but honestly girl, i don't want this to keep on happening. but i know it'll be hard work. like they say: it's not easy to teach and old dog new tricks. i whatever it takes, we have to both compromise. wag namang puro ako na lang. i don't want to stand next to lorenzo ruiz's or mother theresa's monument please!
@zenmachado (1619)
• United States
20 Jan 08
Usually not being able to admit to guilt is based on pride. At times it could also be selfishness and no concern for others. And other times is because they earnestly think they are correct in the matter.
• Germany
21 Jan 08
i must say that that's one of my husband'd strong points (and a weakness to me, unfortunately.) he's a very smart and intelligent man and most of the time the advises he give are right. i guess its had got to do with the kind of business he's at. but i sometimes don't enjoy when he uses it on me. i can understand him most times but like what happened this weekend, i sometimes reach the end of my string.
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
20 Jan 08
Thankfully my husband really has no problem saying he is sorry to me. Sometimes he says it so much that it loses its meaning anyway. In our relationship, I am the one that has trouble apologizing. I am getting better, I just really hate being wrong!
• Netherlands
20 Jan 08
knowing when u are wrong is already a relieve for your husband it's not that someone has to apoligize for things to get better. well in the most events it's better, but it's not always like that.
@ellie333 (21029)
20 Jan 08
As frustrated as you are by this one.......Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus senario. Let them just think they are right cos they think they are anyway, we know different, he he, but earlier today I was grouchy cos I had other tuff going on and also tired and kids started arguing just before I was due to go to work but because I'm female the first chance I got I rang home and said SORRY and checked all ok. Think we are just more emotional creatures, cos the comment I got was 'what for'. Think you need to say why you are hurting and that you would love him to acknowledge that by saying 'sorry' and see what happens
• Germany
21 Jan 08
yeah, thats exactly how i felt about everything. frustrated. we made up already and funny thing was we didn't talk about what happened first. after i walked out, i went straight home but called to tell him about it because he might be looking for me all over the city (he was not. actually he was in some electronics shop. cute.) he came home a few mnutes after and we were polite to each other. then we were watching tv and before we knew it, we were laughing together and he was already lying on my lap. we were ok. then i suddenly remembered that i was angry. i punched him so hard on his stomach (i practice taebo so its really hard) and told him that we are even. he found it so funny that he just laughed so hard. then i told him why i became angry blah blah. he said sorry but i'm sure that he'll do it again next time. these things are already skin-deep i guess.