How did you know when you were ready to have a baby?

Canada
January 20, 2008 12:27am CST
My boyfriend and I have recently been talking a lot about having children, and while we're not quite there yet, I was just wondering when everyone knew they were ready to be a parent. How did you and your partner decide to be parents? Or was it an unplanned thing?
5 people like this
10 responses
• United States
22 Jan 08
Honestly I don't think you can ever be ready for a child. You can plan and plan but a child is full of surprises. You can basically estimate how much money you will need and have to have. But, the emotional side is a whole different ball game! You never know exactly how you are going to react. None of my boys (3) were planned, they are all birth control babies!!! I am pregnant now and this is a child of a vasectomy!!!! Honestly I think it is more a mental thing. There are so many different feelings you go through as a mom and each child is different. I applaud the both of you for talking about the situation and you will know when your ready and then plan. Good luck
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Jan 08
I'm curious to know how you planned financially for your children. I'm not the best budgeter in the world, and I know that extra things crop up when you least expect them. I just really want to have a sound financial plan so we will know when we are ready money-wise. I know that right now, that's the big thing that is holding my boyfriend back (which I admire him for). He's the sort of guy that I think i will have to have a presentation all drafted with spreadsheets and pie charts just to show him that the time has come ;-)
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 08
I don't think I really planned...After I was 6 months (the safe time) I started buying the stuff I would need for the baby. I have a bank account for each of my boys that I put a little each month in...sometimes only $20. That will go to their college when they are ready..For daycare, as soon as I had my son I went on public assistance because my job does not offer paid maternity leave, and I got a daycare voucher that goes by my income so instead of paying $250 a week per child I pay $100 for one and $50 for the other
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Jan 08
I feel really thankful to live in Canada because at least maternity leave is one tings that I won't have to worry about at all. Thanks a lot for all of your advice. I think it's great that you put away money for your children's education. I never had any sort of college fund and it makes it pricey to put yourself through school.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 08
Great question.For some I think it is just a question of commitment, for me though, my body just spoke to me.I wanted it more than anything.I would see women with babies, and I was overwhelmed by the need to be a mother, to nurture, and love another,as well as create something that was part of me and my spouse.You will however, definitely know when you are ready, there will be no question.Hope all the best in your decision....and I hope I helped spme :)
• Canada
22 Jan 08
I'm definitely already at that stage, but I don't really feel financially ready for a baby yet. I'm just not really sure when I will ever feel like I am financially stable enough.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 08
Well,not that I wish it on anyone,but I am a single mom with only one income now, and my son is four going on five.NOT CHEAP!At first when his father and I split it was hard, but I've made it work.I guess what I am trying to say is, if you are waiting until you can afford it, you may be waiting for a lifetime,or so I hear...you both seem very responsible by being concerned with the future, and I am sure will make great parents when you decide to extend your family.GL!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Jan 08
Thanks so much! I can't imagine being a single parent, that has to be one of the toughest things in the world. Not that it's not rewarding too but wow, I commend you.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Feb 08
Mine was unplanned. It's the best thing that happened to me though.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Feb 08
Do you feel that in some ways, because it was unplanned, you saved yourself a lot of hassle? I know that seems like a strange question but sometimes I just feel that all the energy that we're putting into having children could be better spent just taking a leap of faith and doing it. I think that when we are forced to, it's often easier to find ways to make things work.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Feb 08
It definitely changed my life for the better. I never tried to have a baby so I don't know about all the time and energy spent trying. Never went through that. I know some people try forever though. I don't think I will ever be one of those girls. I actually have considered donating my eggs. I have a 4 yr old. I don't know that I will ever have another one. I have all those eggs in there that I am not using. I am scared of it hurting though.
11 Feb 08
In our case (mine particularly) it was a case of realising that I had a biological clock when I was 30. However, I would say to anyone, to make sure that there job situation is sorted prior to having a baby as this is causing problems now, eventhough I adore my son.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Feb 08
What do you mean make sure your job situation is sorted? Are you simply referring to being financially stable, or are you talking about things like maternity leave as well? At least here, maternity leave should not be something I will need to worry about too much. But I do agree that it is important to be financially stable enough to shoulder the costs of raising a child.
23 Jan 08
I became pregnant unplanned when i was 17 but i had a miscarriage and ever since then we have known we were ready to have children. We had our 1st still-born daughter when i was 18. We now have an 20 month old son and another baby on the way and we are glad that we chose to become parents at this age. Being a parent was the best choice we made in my opinion, its the most rewarding and enjoyable thing i've ever done. ~Joeys wife.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Jan 08
Wow, two young children has got to be a strain on the budget.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 08
I always felt that the age of 25 was a good age for children, and as a 18 year old newlywed on the pill -that was my plan. When they say that birth control pills are not 100% effective, I am one of the exceptions they cite. I had my daughter at the age of 19 and even though I wasn't "ready" for it, I'm glad I was young when I had her. It was overwhelming, but honestly, I think it's overwhelming no matter how old or ready you are. She is 18 now and I'm still young enough to enjoy what life I have left, so in that regard, I'm glad I didn't wait til I was in my 30's to get started.
• United States
10 Feb 08
You are never ready! I was 37 and mine was unplanned. However, I think a good age would be around 32 for the first child. Just my opinion.
• United States
22 Jan 08
honestly i really dont know. im not a parent yet, but i always thought i would feel like i have full filled what i want to do when im ready for a child. my husband and i talked about a baby, and before i wouldnt even talk about having a kid. now i will so i guess im getting close.
1 person likes this
@dookie03 (578)
• United States
27 Nov 08
For me i didn't have my son till i was 29, which thank god because i was so not ready to have children earlier. I like to drink. A lot and so does my wife so it was pretty much her call when she wanted to chill out and have a kiddo. The funny thing was, when she got off the pill she told me then she pretty much planned it would take like a year to get pregnant because of the way birth control messes with a chicks stuff and all. Wrong. I got her pregnant in 2 weeks after she quite taking the pill. I was totally blown. I guess what i'm trying to say is that they are expensive and you find a way to pay for em, but since i had him i'm totally stoked to do the future stuff like throw ball and all that kinda crap. I guess i just have to drink at home more instead of go to the bar so much that's all. LOL.
• United States
20 Jan 08
Being a parent is a whole new world. I have one sister who's about to turn 30 years old. She has kids of her own. The only advice I give you is to make sure you both are ready, to face the whole new world - make sure your man is ready - having kids is not like having dolls or a cabbage patch as well. I don't have kids, but I have seen the responsibilities my sister puts up with raising her two kids as well with her man. Of course the cost of buying food, clothes and other things when having a kid. If your man is ready to become a father - if both of you are stable financially then yes the best for you both. You decide what is right and I hope you both choose the right decision. Best hopes for both of you!