Am I Over-Reacting?

@Rozie37 (15503)
Turkmenistan
January 21, 2008 10:54pm CST
Okay, I know that some of you remember me talking about my friend who I believe is an alcoholic. He is in denial, so I had been trying to talk to his girlfriend about getting him help. She is my best friend. Now, it seems that she is in denial also. So, maybe my ideal of what an alcoholic is, must be off. The other day I was hanging out with them and he was drinking back to back. The kind of beer he drinks only comes in a sixteen ounce can. If he drinks the entire sixteen ounce in one sitting he throws up. So, he goes to his friends house and lets him drink some of it first. Then he comes home and downs it in one swallow. Before, he use to take his time in drinking, now it disappears in two seconds. When I was hanging out there, I saw him drink the entire sixteen ounces, the next thing I knew he was jumping up and trying to make it to the restroom while throwing up all over his carpet. The thing that really scared me though, was that as soon as he got back to the room, he finished the drink and then took tissue and pat the carpet dry. The only reason it does not smell horrible in there is because the smell of cigarette smoke over powers everything. He is a vet and gets a lot of money every month. Between his drinking and he and his girlfriend eating out, he is broke by the second week of the month. So he goes out and pan handles to buy beer. A few places have run him away from their stores because he is disturbing their business and customers. His girlfriend says that he throws up every day. It seems to me that if he did not have to have it, he would not stand out and beg for the money to buy it. He has also stopped taking his psych medication. But, the thing that bothers me the most is the other day when I was in there, his girlfriend let me hear a phone message from his mother. She called to wish him a happy new year and told him she loved him. She sounded like the sweetest mother in the world. I thought to myself, she is in another state and has no idea what her son is going through. I would hate for something to happen to him and hear of her broken heart. So I had been thinking about it all night and the next morning I called his girlfriend. I knew that this would be tough. She keeps telling me that she does not know what to do for him. She has a seventeen year old son. I told her, whatever you would want a girlfriend to do for your son in this situation, that is what you need to do for him. She said she would give it some thought. I believe that she cares about him, but she does not want to give up spending his money. She does everything she can do to keep him from getting in trouble. As most of you know, we live in a board and care and drinking is not allowed. I knew right away that the first approach did not work, so I tried another. I said you know if anything happens to him it will be all your fault. She got very upset, which I knew she would. She said how dare you say that? I said you are the one going out of your way to make sure he does not get caught drinking. He has beer cans piled up in his room and she comes in fussing and making him clean it up. The arguement got so heated that I ended up hanging up on her. She was so afraid that I was going to do something on my own, that she showed up at my door pretending that she wanted to do something. I got some referrals for her and they are sitting in her room. She thinks that she has done enough to keep me quiet and actually, she has, because there is nothing else that I can or am willing to do.
5 people like this
10 responses
22 Jan 08
Your responses to your friend's situation were not overreacting at all. I think it was just right for you to be bothered by their situation. It is actually disturbing. I think both of them need professional help from a psychiatrist or psychologist. Your help was not appreciated but that usually happens because your friend is in denial. How about talking to the other people in their lives who also care for them? You might come up with a better plan if some other significant people are involved. Don't carry the burden alone. Your friend might get angry but then, you are saving them both from a miserable life.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
22 Jan 08
He has no family in this state that is able to help him. She comes from a good family. But if I contact them, I have no doubt that she will literally kill me. She is an ex-con and not afraid to go to jail.
1 person likes this
22 Jan 08
So what else have you got in my mind that might help the situation? If you don't want to contact their families, I think there are proper authorities or organizations to report this matter and maybe they could do something. If the people in your community know about it, then she doesn't have to know it is you who's responsible for getting help.
2 people like this
@wanksta (23)
• India
22 Jan 08
no rozie ur not over reacting..ur just tryA help ur 'ol friend...goodjob pal.
2 people like this
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
22 Jan 08
She is a good friend, but it is up to then to get the help, They half to want to like someone said, It is kind of hard to help bothof them because they both like to drink. And they both are in denial. it is going to take something very serious before they learn.
2 people like this
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
22 Jan 08
No Rozie you are not over reacting sonds like he needs help, He better go to the Doctor and get his-self check out that doesn't sound normal, him throwing up. Yes he needs AA. He is in Denial like I was, the courts made me go to AA Meetings and I am glad It is helping me, and I am not drinking anymore, I am greatful the Judge sent me to these programs, my whole life is better. I was a week-end drinker not anymore. He better get some help before it is too late.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jan 08
I hate to say this, but...if you have tried, you have voiced your opinion, showed your concern,then it's time to back off.Allow them to experience and learn from life on their own.Eventually his problem will be unveiled...either in his relationship,housing situation or his place of employment.If your friend comes to you asking for help, be her friend, offer advice, but then wipe your hands.Because ultimately they have to want help in order to get it.
2 people like this
@Mondoh (147)
• United States
23 Jan 08
Walk Away! Uve done more than most... As a recovering Alchoholic... one thing U must know! We will lie! And she will believe him... Ultimately, He has 2 do it 4 himself...She & U can't do it 4 him... Hard Question... What is UR interest here? The best thing U can do 4 bof uv dem is 2 juss walk away... Become unavailable... Be Busy... Take care of yersef... I'm not kidding...! AC
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
24 Jan 08
They are both friends of mine who have been there for me in the past. But, I am slowly starting to realize that there is nothing that I can do for either one of them. Thank you for your advice.
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
23 Jan 08
It must be heartbreaking seeing all this happen to your best friend and her partner/husband and when you try to talk to her about it she just shuns you away and tells you, you are over-reacting. I don't think there is anything you can do but be there for them when they do need you. Only when they both decide to want to help themselves, then only when the healing begin. They have to make that decision themselves. Keep it in their face though Rozie, one day they may realise it and want some help to get them into rehab and over drinking. I'm sure they will turn to you for help first. Good luck my friend and hang in there!
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
23 Jan 08
I am praying for them both.
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
22 Jan 08
Hi Rozie dear! Oh, you are not over reacting at all..You just care too much for your friends. But I guess, you have done everything you can to help and try to let them realize the error in their ways. They are too stubborn to listen to your advice. I guess, until he reached rock bottom, he would not realize how much he has wasted his life. I just hope he will realize it sooner before it gets too late and I really hope his girlfriend would see how much she is helping him to waste and destroy his life. I just hope that she will realize that if she truly loves her boyfriend, she will not help in destroying him but rather help him in trying to make his life whole again. But right now my friend, it will be better to let them see it for themselves on what they have become and just be the one true friend when they realize that they truly need that help you have been trying to offer them before. Take care and have a nice day. :)
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
22 Jan 08
Hi Rozie no you are not over reacting at all. You care and if you dont want anything to happen to this friend please get him some help. ASAP if possible. To me it sounds like someting inside is wrong. It could his gallbladder. I dont know but he needs to be checked out before its too late.
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
22 Jan 08
No Rozie you are not over reacting sonds like he needs help, He better go to the Doctor and get his-self check out that doesn't sound normal, him throwing up. Yes he needs AA. He is in Denial like I was, the courts made me go to AA Meetings and I am glad It is helping me, and I am not drinking anymore, I am greatful the Judge sent me to these programs, my whole life is better. I was a week-end drinker not anymore. He better get some help before it is too late.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
22 Jan 08
Dam, I hate when this happens!!!
2 people like this
@kylanie (1205)
• United States
23 Jan 08
All that I can say is good luck to you sounds like you have youre hands full and I wish you the best and then you have to let him realize it for himself how bad he is.
1 person likes this