Are you non-violent?

United States
January 22, 2008 12:13pm CST
Just now, answering a comment from a friend, I mentioned that I have never hit anyone in my life and that I am so non-violent, it's ridiculous. I have done two things in my life that I consider violent. One went like this: My first husband, after he became my ex-husband, died of AIDS, and before he died, he was suffering from dementia. In our last conversation, he told me how disappointed he was in me and that I'd let him down. I was so devastated by that, so hurt, and so angry, I took his paintings (he was an artist) off of my walls and slashed them with a knife and then carried them out to the dumpster. Just a note here: we had been extremely close friends for 20 plus years and I was one of his primary care givers when he was sick. Caring for the sick and dying is it's own kind of hell - if you've done it, you know what I'm talking about. The second was this: After I kicked my second husband out, I took a bunch of his clothes out to the fire escape, poured nail polish and a bunch of stuff on them, and set them on fire - did a little dance around it too. Those are the two violent things I have done - I hate thinking about them, but they happened. My question is this: are violent or non-violent? What is the most violent thing you have done?
5 people like this
13 responses
@AD11RGUY (1268)
• United States
23 Jan 08
how the %$#*&k am i supposed to know?!!
• United States
23 Jan 08
Guy, where the &*U%${) have you been!!!! Careful, you don't want to get me pissed off you know. I've got lots of folks around here mighty scared! And if you haven't heard, I've also become a dominatrix. So DON'T F*!K WITH ME, MISTER! Okay, maybe for you I'd become a submissive. Geez, I make myself sick! I'm such a pushover for you! Or I could be. If you played your cards right. Ha! You make me laugh!
@AD11RGUY (1268)
• United States
23 Jan 08
Hmmm. Nice garden of flowers meets 248,000 lb + bulldozer. And you THINK you might let me push you over? Ok. I'll let you decide. I look forward to losing...
• United States
23 Jan 08
Wow I say Rguy down below me like it should be He he .. *wink wink* you know I like top. and was thinking I step into the wrong conversation.LOL!! Hey I've missed you Honey!!
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11553)
• United States
23 Jan 08
I'm truly a non violent person. I just get this visual of you dancing naked around a pile of burning clothes.LOL!!But I think the most violent thing I have done in my life was when my mom was pregnant with my brother I was in 9th grade and my mom was bed ridden because she had pnuenmonia and couldn't get up and my step dad was trying to redo and paint the bedroom she was in .. She asked him to not paint the bedroom because it wasn't good for her to inhale the fumes and they got into it and he got mean and I got pissed. Had a really bad temper in high school. Short fuze very short. So I went in the bedroom and kick the ladder out from under him and told him to get out and leave and not come back while throwing his clothes dowm the stairs.LOL!! That is the most violent I have gotten in a while unless you call me drunken aunt attacking me when I was pregnant with my third child and she was having a drunken episode and I was living with my gram she went to punch me and got one in before I hung her upside down by her ankles. She gets very abusive when she is drunk and looks for a fight no matter what you can try and walk away but she follows you. It's horrid. I was so happy when gram finally kicked her out for her own sake. So here are a couple of my violent things I have more stories from high school when I was younger but not many know because violence solve nothing. It's hilarous to look at the past and see what you have done and how you have grown but I have never regretted anything I have done. Have a nice night hun.
• United States
23 Jan 08
yep I guess it really ticked me off and it stuck with me .. Just like Bobby Mcarthy who kept tickling me and I almost slapped him and I put my own arm in the way to stop me from smaking him. that was also in 6th grade and then there was one time I was arguing with Theresa and Sissy trabert came over to me and asked me if I wanted her to kick theresa's but and I was a trip in highschool and elementary school. I was a no fear kinda of person I have so calmed down since then.LOL!!!
• United States
23 Jan 08
Yep unfortunately they did and that gave them power over me that I so not let anyone else have...
• United States
23 Jan 08
Right you are, Bella! That's the beauty of growing up - owning our own personal power.
@pyewacket (43962)
• United States
22 Jan 08
Oh, my....(pyewacket makes a note not to get novataylor pi$$ed off) I'm not a violent person either but yeesh there were times I really wanted to deck my mother out...oh, yes, know what it's like to be a caregiver as I was my mother's and not really just when she became ill..she had been diagnosed with cancer in June of 2005, but I was pretty much her caregiver for a long, long time as she just couldn't handle responsibilities...if any major issue came up she looked to others to dump the responsibility on while she stuck her head in the sand and tried to wish the problem away...she created SO many problems in our lives that not only affected her life but dragged me down with her--I could write a book about all the crap she did...mmm...maybe will. On top of it, in her last year of life she didn't want any outside help..like a visiting nurse..so I was her sole caregiver, and being no other family to help out I was winging it on my own. I do have to admit I was a lot angrier while she was alive...and like I said there were plenty of times I really wanted to slug her one....to let off steam though I would rant and scream at her, and she never argued back at me which made it worse...she just sat there looking at me with this wide eyed innocence that she just COULDN'T be in the wrong...She had a lot of emotional issues and probably had some kind of dementia issue as well...let's put it this way...she lived in the twilight zone--there were times I really questioned my own sanity with all the crap she pulled--
• United States
22 Jan 08
Hello, Pye! Yup, this cat has claws! Mrooow! I'm so pleased that you responded to this discussion and I have a lot to say to you, but I'm running out the door right now to work. I'm going to try to answer you from there, depending on how it goes. But, if not, I will answer you when I come home tonight. I just wanted to acknowledge your response and not leave you hanging. (see how sweet I am? purrrrr.... lol) Till a little later, darlin'!
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43962)
• United States
23 Jan 08
Oh, yes loungeact...the relationship between my mother and I was VERY turbulent. You were in a sense lucky that you got a few words from your mother-in-law at the end...my mother was in a medicated induced coma and never came out of it--In a sense I would have just once have heard her say how sorry she was for being such a pain in the a$$..LOL Nova...I'm glad your caregiving experience was a "little" better with your friend...not that it wasn't hard...and you're right, people who never been caregivers never realize how much stress is involved for the caregiver. Oh,yes...this kitty definitely has claws..hehee
• United States
23 Jan 08
Claws, yes, Pye, but they'll never be used against you, darlin.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
23 Jan 08
"Caring for the sick and dying is it's own kind of hell - if you've done it, you know what I'm talking about." That is so true..in my case the sick and dying part was sadly self inflicted which made him even more bitter.. how violent am I? LOL Well..pretty violent BUT I can curb it much better than I use to before medication ;-)....whats the most violent thingn I've done...Hhhm I dunno really I mean I've knocked the everloving crap out of ppl, I've gone after ppl with knives, I've done a few things over the yrs....Like I said though, I can curb it a LOT better now that I'm medicated but if I GO OFF my meds..my rages become more brutal than they use to be....
• United States
23 Jan 08
It was self-inflicted? The sick and dying part you speak of? Yes I can see how that would make it so very much more bitter. Like it's any picnic to begin with, huh? Raven, you sound like quite a hot little tamale! Knives, even? So, don't be goin' off those meds, darlin! You know, if it's inside of us, it's inside of us. And we have to use what means we have to get the best of it. But time helps, too, meaning age. Most of us tend to mellow a bit as we grow older, thank goodness. But it really doesn't sound like you've done anything that bad, not really. We need to forgive ourselves and find other ways to channel that anger, then simply go on with life. (gee, how'd I get so friggin wise? lol)
@AD11RGUY (1268)
• United States
24 Jan 08
Because you are such a huge smart a_ _ would be my guess. lol
• United States
24 Jan 08
You know it, guy.
@raijin (10380)
• Philippines
22 Jan 08
I anger for my part is not like what you do, I'd keep my anger in private or atleast less violent. I also wouldn't like to cause public scandal or capture other people's attention, just like what my former 'good for nothing" ex-girlfriend did. She loves to play with the crowd, since she knows the public or these people would definitely make prejudgments against me and come to her aide. When I'm mad, angry or feeling like punching someone, then I'd just close my eyes and try to breathe deeply in hoping that it'd subside. I've been to worse situations before, most of them are not that a good story to share and I'm thankful that I can now control my temper. I'm glad that I've never been like what I was before, I try to live my life now in peace and tolerance..
@raijin (10380)
• Philippines
22 Jan 08
I'm not sure if I could take part of your's, I surely won't allow someone hitting me. But again, your ex-hubby is sick and that you are the one's that understands his condition. You just did what you have to for that moment, then you just seek for something to let out your anger -and that's his paintings. No, I am not offended but thankful as well to you. You have a great control over your emotions and I envy that, but do not forget that you also need to let them all out at a certain time -especially when you cannot get a hold of it anymore..
• United States
22 Jan 08
Yes, I've never been hit since then, nor would I allow it ever again. I think I was about 21, and I've learned quite a bit since then! And again, I thank you, Raijin. You're really very thoughtful and it does my heart good.
• United States
8 Feb 08
yes, I have done things like you mentioned..and my wife used to be that angry too.. last time when I went shopping she threw two bags of tortilla chips in the garbage as she said "i thought you were on a diet?"..but i took them out and hid them as we have lots of salsa and i don't eat this stuff everyday...only once in awhile..just like i got her a Wendy's meal with french fries as she was craving this...the point is i have done many distructive things in the past and so has my wife..she would throw things..but I hope now that we are retired we both stop doing this as it can be expensive.. but it feels good at the time..lol..but I know you must have been very frustrated with both of these guys...hell has no fury like a women scorned..and that goes for men too .o. yes i broke a few things and the worst thing i broke was a windshield with my hand..but i broke my hand too
• United States
8 Feb 08
I'm just glad that was a long time ago - for both of us. I haven't felt anything near that kind of anger for many years now and frankly, I don't think it will happen again. Things are just too good. And I am a different person without the kind of baggage I used to carry around. I'm sorry about your hand - bet it gives you a lot of trouble now that you're older. Let's just count our blessings and be glad that we aren't there anymore.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
4 Feb 08
I don't think you could ever come across such a placid, tame, lovable, calm and cool wolf as me, I am very very non-violent and practically a pu55y cat, that was UNTIL I met my ex and my ex boy would test the patience of a baby lamb! I never knew I had so much anger and aggression in me and he brought it out good and proper! I have thrown a hot cup of tea over him, I have smashed vases, glasses, thrown pots and pans, thrown liquid over him and have even dented the walls in pure raw fury! My blood pressure went through the roof and I nearly pushed him down the stairs, I've even bitten him (hence my wolf tendancies!) Amazing isn't it that he is the only person ever in my life to show my anger. I am a Taurean too and if we are backed into a corner we come out fighting. No one would have recognised me. Now I've left him I am back to the lovable wolf again, placid and calm. Why do people do this to us my friend? It was like a game to him and to other.
• United States
4 Feb 08
Wolfie, that's horrible. He must have been a huge jerk to have drawn that kind of anger from you. Clearly, he fed on it. Sometimes, I think, sadistic tendencies are masked under the guise of love, maybe even to those wearing the masks, but they're there, all the same. And they need somehow to bring it out of the "one they love" to find satisfaction. Yuck! I'm so glad that you got rid of him. I just hope you can recognize whatever it was in him that drew you in the first place, so you can avoid repeating that mistake and assure that you don't somehow start a pattern. We love our sweet and placid Wolfie! And how would I howl at the moon with you if I thought you might rip my throat out?????? lol Love you, Wolfie...
@Sissygrl (10999)
• Canada
1 Feb 08
I'm not usually violent. But i have been in the past. When i used to drink a lot i used to beat up on my guy friends, lol thank god none of them never beat me back! lol. Then there have been times wiht ex's where i have thrown scissors at them, thrown things around the room, slammed doors, phones, name called.. I really was an angry teenager. but now i have let the past go, and i am a usually calm cool and collected person. Why bother to get anggry right ? it sure doesn't solve anyhting and it makes you feel tons worse about yourself!
• United States
3 Feb 08
Yup, and at some point, we simply have to forgive ourselves and move on. Isn't it nice that those days are behind you, though?
@squaretile (3835)
• Singapore
24 Jan 08
that is interesting, novataylor! well your post reminded me of a semi-violent thing i did. i tore all my textbooks after the exams. the running joke when we were revising was to burn them but i was too afraid of setting more than my books on fire so i desisted. i think it's cathartic for you to have burnt your second husband's belongings. sort of a cleansing by fire. otherwise i am not a violent person. although i do throw friendly punches when my guy friends tease me.
• United States
24 Jan 08
Yes, it was quite cathartic. Astute observation about it being cleansing. Thank you. Ripping up your books had to feel great! Good self discipline - not burning them. Friendly punches are not violent, to my way of thinking - just friendly. thanks for your response, loved it.
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
I am not a violent person. I am more of a passive kind of person. But I think I can be violent. I can feel it within me whenever I am very mad that I can be violent IF I want to. But I chose not to because I am afraid of what I would and can do if I give in to my emotions. There are times when I feel like shouting and throwing things and punching somebody and think of loads of evil things whenever I get very very angry but instead I do no such things. Instead I keep quiet, distance myself from the person/thing who/which is the cause of my violent emotions and cry myself to sleep. Sometimes when I think of it, I say it is unhealthy. I mean having no outlet to my emotions is not good. Although sometimes I am proud of myself for being able to control and hide my emotions but I always find myself exhausted and tired in the end. There are times when I get the feeling that I am weak. That I am not strong enough to face my emotions. That I am always afraid. But I guess it is better that way than to face the consequences of my actions. I do not want to do things that I might regret for the rest of my life. I don't want my conscience to be always hanging above my head like a dark cloud following me everywhere. I want to sleep at night not worrying about my actions for the day. The most violent thing that I have ever done in my entire 30 years I guess would have been the time when I kicked our dog (on second thought, i guess i am not really passive after all...)Well, "poodle" (the name of our pet) provoked me at that time. I myself was surprised. But the anger was eating my self-control. I apologized to our pet after that but the conscience was a real killer. I was ashamed of myself for loosing my control like that. It never happened again and will not be repeated in the future. The thing is, to be violent or not is a matter of choice. The power is within us. Know that at the end of the day, it is between you and your conscience.
• United States
23 Jan 08
Mencias, I'm so pleased to hear from you and I thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You know, controlling our anger and our emotions is one thing, but tamping them down over and over again is another. You've got to be able to find some outlet for them that is safe enough, that won't hurt someone innocent, or else you could wind up giving yourself a heart attack or stroke. You need to acknowledge your anger and not be afraid of it or be afraid to face your emotions. You're allowed to get angry, Mencias. You're allowed to rage. You're just not allowed to hurt anyone else, but I'm sure there's got to be a way for you to be able to get through your anger and come out the other side - not just bury it and bury it. I don't think that you have that much violence in you - maybe a lot of anger, but not much violence - there is a difference, you know. If you need help with it, there is a lot of help out there in the form of counseling and talk therapy. I've used talk therapy myself in the past, and found it to be immensely helpful. I'd recommend it to anyone. Maybe that could help you too. I hope you find some way to strike a balance, Mencias. God bless you.
@andak2007 (3230)
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
I am a very silent person in nature and very calm, i like to do things my way and not really bothersome, i get angry sometimes, especially when im time pressured but other than that im calm and very laidback. I think that the most violent thing i have done happened last October of 2007, It was my daughter's second birthday ang we had a party at our house, When the party was almost over, i already finished the dirty dishes and have cleaned up the mess, my husband at that time is already drunk and tired, when he went to our room he got angry at me because he saw me typing on the computer, he thought is a love letter to my supposed ex-lover, which is not true at all, it was just an entry to my journal...he said things that really got into my nerves and really just made me so mad that i slash at him and just pour out my anger at him, that was our biggest fight and i wanted him to get out of the house but he would not budge, it made me more angrier, i feel like i was possessed by the devil himself. He then went to the kitchen and got a knife, i really thought that he would kill me but he put the knife so hard on the bed that his hand was sliced and there were blood all over, i was shocked and scared...now he is invalid..but we settled it and we are now fine.
• United States
23 Jan 08
Oh my goodness! So, he's not an invalid because you made him that way, is he? I'm so glad things are fine now and I certainly hope they stay that way. Good luck to you, Andak.
@vanities (11351)
• Davao, Philippines
23 Jan 08
I have done some crazy things too when im still young and impulsive i married young ..that when we have misunderstanding i just keep silent but when his away for work i tear all his clothes as a retaliation ..when he arrives i just sulk in a corner..but as i grow mature it changes ...i become more vocal but not nagger..just explaining things and whats really on my mind regarding issues and he understand and told me that he like that way to solve things around..
• United States
23 Jan 08
No problem Vanities - I too hit the wrong button all the time! Yes, it's usually (hopefully) when we're so young that we do the most stupid things. I love your story about tearing his clothes in retaliation! Sounds a lot like I did! So, I'm NOT alone! Aren't you glad that you've matured and that kind of behavior isn't in you anymore? I'm quite sure that your husband would agree, too! Thank you so much for your response! I enjoyed it very much and it fit right in here!
@vanities (11351)
• Davao, Philippines
23 Jan 08
I have done some crazy things too when im still young and impulsive i married young ..that when we have misunderstanding i just keep silent but when his away for work i tear all his clothes as a retaliation ..when he arrives i just sulk in a corner..but as i grow mature it changes ...i become more vocal but not nagger..just explaining things and whats really on my mind regarding issues and he understand and told me that he prepare that way to solve things around..