Should I tell her that his boyfriend is cheating on her?

Indonesia
January 22, 2008 6:42pm CST
She is one of my bestfriend and I just cant stand to tell her that her boyfriend is cheating on her. I saw him flirting with other girl. He saw me too and look a litle bit surprised. He didn't say anything about the girl that hold his hand but he looked at me like his eyes said "please dont tell anything about this to my girlfriend" I understand that it is maybe not my business, so I shall close my mouth and tell nothing. But in the other side, she is one of my bestfriend and I think that she must know that her boyfriend is cheating on her. Will I hurt her if I tell her about this?
8 people like this
33 responses
• United States
23 Jan 08
Of course your going to hurt her with this. You have to look at it both ways. Your friends man was holding a girls hand. You did not see this man sleeping with her. Of for that matter going into a hotel room and leaving hours later. You should think of their current relationship and yours. If your friend does not believe you as most won't . What are you going to do then. Also if this was you in her place. Would you want her to tell you? personally I would never tell my friend that bad news. I would rather find a way to have her see it for herself. Woman can be very dumb when it comes to men. They want to believe him over a friend. Think of your friendship and decide. If you see his tongue in that girls mouth go tell and quick. That is not his long lost sister.
3 people like this
• Indonesia
23 Jan 08
I tried to put myself under her situation and as you said off course I would not believe what my friend said about him without knowing it by myself or see what happened with my own eyes.. That makes me dont want to tell this to her..
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11928)
• United States
23 Jan 08
That is a difficult one. Maybe talk to him about it first. There might be something that you don't know. But make it clear to him that if he is being dishonest, you believe your friend needs to know the truth.
3 people like this
• Indonesia
23 Jan 08
you are right, I never think about that before.. Yes I should talk to him first to make it clear..
2 people like this
@piatos03 (397)
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
Either way, someone is going to get hurt. Think of it this way, if you don't tell her, she'll eventually find out from someone else. And when she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her, then she'll get mad at you as well. If you do tell her yourself, it could go either way. She could get mad at you for accusing her boyfriend of such a thing without substantial proof. People tend to be blinded by love. Or she could thank you for telling her as soon as possible so she could see the true colors of her boyfriend. It is all up to you whatever you decide to do. It will be difficult, but I'm pretty sure as time goes on, you will all figure things out. I actually have the same problem with my brother. Almost everyone knows he is cheating on his wife except for the wife himself. It's been going on for a couple of years now and still no one has had the guts to speak up. Although we think she has an inkling as to what is going on. Wishing you the best of luck with your best friend. I hope you are able to figure things out.
@jencai (3416)
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
I agree with you. Even if she would not tell her best friend of this issue, she would still find things out eventually. And it would hurt her more.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
23 Jan 08
Hi Piatos, you are just so understand what I feel right now.. Which is things that make me confuse because all option is still hurting her anyway...
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7831)
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
If your not sure of what to say, just imply that your not sure with your bestfirend's boyfriend. She deserves to know the truth and since your her bestfriend, you might as well warn her about what you saw and get her into asking her boyfriend about it. If he denies your story about you seeing him flirting with other girls, then that's just how reliable that guy is. If she continues on with such a relationship, it would really hurt her more when she finds out. Its better if she immediately hears about it, talk about it with his boyfriend and either settle it with a break up or a resolution for a second chance. Though I'm doubtful with the second option on resolving it since, if that guy could do something like that while knowing that he's still in a relationship, there's that large chance that he'd do it again, thinking that his girlfriend could forget something like that. She might resent you for it but, your just concerned on her behalf.
• Indonesia
23 Jan 08
Thank you for your response.. I will think about that. Yes, you are right, at least I can warn her to ask to her boyfriend about it..
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7831)
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
Just let her know what you think about it. Playfully say an "if" question like, "If I'm in a relationship and you found out that my guy was not being faithful, what would you do as my bestfriend?" Your concerned about her and that's enough. From that, your friend would at least get an idea of what you mean with that indirect question for her. And that guy shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if he can't keep himself from flirting with other girls.
1 person likes this
@jencai (3416)
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
For sure your best friend would be hurt for this fact. But it would be much painful if she would discover with other people around you. Let her know that you were just concern with her relationship. Advise her the best thing that she could do. In my own opinion, it would be better if they would talk about it privately. Maybe it's just a trial for their relationship.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
27 Jan 08
Thank you for your advise jencai..
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18463)
• India
23 Jan 08
I think its a real case of cheting. whta you can do, you can talk with this guy. also warn him that you will be telling his Gf if he continues to do so. I think you can just hint your freinfd to be extra careful in relationship.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
23 Jan 08
I am just thinking that I am not brave enough to do it, I mean talk to her BF and warn him about what he did. I am afraid that he will accuse me as the troublemaker in their relationship.. Because actually I dont really know him well.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jan 08
yes it will hurt her, but think of how much more hurt she will be when she finds out you knew and didn't say anything.he made it your business and anyone else's that he did this in front of. as a friend you should absolutely tell her what you saw.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jan 08
better yet tell him if he doesn't tell her then you will.
1 person likes this
• China
23 Jan 08
i think you should tell your best frined, it is because she is your best friend and you should not hurt her,so you should tell her the truth sooner. i think she can understand your are just kind to her and just want to help her.
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Jan 08
u'll definately hurt her but in long term u'll be benfiting her so go ahead tell her the truth rest is upto her
1 person likes this
@johndur (3050)
• Pasig, Philippines
24 Jan 08
i think its better to make sure if he is really flirting or not,who know that girl might be his sister or cousin,you will end up the loser in that situation you might even lose a friend for that.and besides its their problem so dont even try to meddle in their affairs.let them resolve their own problem much better solution for that is try to talk to her boyfriend and ask him about the matter and tell him you hate to see him flirt with woman because of your friend and also ask him that if he did not stop it you would tell your bestfriend about the matter.
• Indonesia
27 Jan 08
I did tried to talk to him but he wouldnt say anything about that and I really have no guts to convince him that I need explanation about what I saw before I tell my bestfriend... So I think I will end up with just tell my best friend for what I saw..
@johndur (3050)
• Pasig, Philippines
27 Jan 08
well in that case i guess that would be the re\ight decision to do.good luck on that!
@drrt_801 (116)
• Philippines
23 Jan 08
Go ahead and tell her everything. But start your statements with "what if.." like "what if you find out that your bf had another girl, what are you going to do?" That way, you were still able to tell her everything and you will find out if you can tell it straight to her or if you can use other means. If you were my friend and you found out that my gf has another guy, I would want you to tell it to me but break it to me gently. Since you're my friend, I will definitely believe you, there is no reason why you will lie to me, that is if we are very good friends. And if ever I found out that you already knew and you didn't tell me, I will definitely get mad at you. whatever your reason is. friends stick with each other no matter what. that's what friends are really for.
• Indonesia
27 Jan 08
Thank you for your response, your advise is just makes me feeling more better and now I am ready to tell her. This problems has been in my brain and confusing me for almost a week now..
@drrt_801 (116)
• Philippines
3 Feb 08
I hope you do or already did it. By now you know if your friend is really YOUR FRIEND.
• United States
23 Jan 08
This is a difficult situation. Because you feel that your the one hurting your friend. But they are only words. It's his actions that have caused this. So in no way should you feel responsible for hurting her feelings. First off I think you need to look at things from the other side. What if it was your boyfriend that was cheating and your best friend saw. Wouldn't you want her to tell you that she saw. If she finds out later that he's cheating and that you knew and didn't tell her. Well not only will she feel betrayed by him but she will also feel betrayed by you as well. Would you want to put your friendship on the line for this guy? The guy who cannot stay faithful to one girl. Because thats what it will look like if you do not tell her and she eventually finds out that you knew. Also have you ever considered this. You don't say nothing to her. The boyfriend realizes that you aren't saying anything, but to him you are a threat now. So now he will feel that he needs to get you out of her life to keep his secret safe. So he will try everything in his powers to keep her away from you. In my opinion if shes such a good friend that the risks from not telling her are too high. If you's are such good friend it would be better if you told her and not just some random person. If you tell her at least she knows she will have her best friend's shoulder to lean on.
• Indonesia
27 Jan 08
that is true... I dont want my bestfriends feel betrayed by me..
@fianne (1059)
• United States
23 Jan 08
well, talk to the guy first. ask his side why did he do that when he already knew himself that he is committed to your friend. if he says only an alibi, and nothing to tell you, you must tell your friend because he is clearly and purely cheating on her. if he says they have a probnlem on the relationship and others, convince him to tell it to her girlfriend. if not, you will tell your friend. one way or the other, it will hurt your friend, but much better if he hears it from his guy. but if not, why prolong the cheating? i suggest you tell your friend.
• Indonesia
27 Jan 08
Actually I tried to talk to his guy but I have no guts to convince him to explain what he did with that girl.. So I think now my only choice is to tell her..
@youless (84898)
• Guangzhou, China
23 Jan 08
I think you should tell her because she is your best friend. You can't leave it alone. Do you know that the worst thing for a girl is to marry to a wrong one? You are responsible to tell her. Otherwise it's your fault. If she is mad at you because of it, then it's her fault.
• Indonesia
27 Jan 08
Well.. everyone encourage me to tell her, which makes me now believe that I really have to tell her..
• India
23 Jan 08
Dear, If you saying that she is your best friend then you will definately say to her for cheating goingon. Actually this is non of your business to tell her what is right and what is wrong, god given all person a brain for think right and wrong. You hav do one things - You only just say to your best friend that this guy is going chating to you, its your(your friend) choice to believe or not, if in future you(your friend) get cheated and you(your friend) know that i also know previously, then plz dont finger on me that i know well all not alert to you. Thatall, in this way you will done the good job of friendship. Thnx, Rakesh Lalwani
• Indonesia
27 Jan 08
Thank you for your kind response..
@aconites (770)
• United States
23 Feb 08
put your self in your friends position if you were in here place wouldn't you wana know ? i would what if she knew that you know that her boyfriend is cheating on her .. wouldn't she be mad at you? u think she would the truth hurt but as a true friend you should tell her every thing and stand by her side and support her .. the longer the lie contenued the more hurt she would be , don't you think so?
@diansinta (7554)
• Indonesia
23 Feb 08
When its happening all times, i think you should tell her. Don't let that guy gave her vision that she will never had.
• Indonesia
4 Feb 08
Okay... Ask this to your deepest heart; "do I realy need to do this?" Answer honestly. You can tell her slowly heart 2 heart If you want to.. My quote is "If I know something bad is going on and I do nothing, I will be as bad as the worst"
• United States
4 Feb 08
Of course she will be hurt but I mean it is the right thing to do, it is wrong to cheat on your girlfriend and people that do are sick and disgusting people! I would never do such a thing! So I say you should tell her, or carry on seeing your best friend get cheated on, if your frined thinks she is happy then u should definately tell her! GO TELL HER!
@david2005 (803)
• Canada
4 Feb 08
If you tell her more than likely she is not going to believe you and she may blame you for making things up and say that you are just trying to break them up.