Life has its ups and downs!?!?!?!?! Just needing to vent

United States
January 23, 2008 11:05am CST
Its 2008 life hasnt gotten any better. my phone is still off, im with the same guy, my son is still with my parents, i still have no friends, im broke as a joke, trying to find somewhere to live in another town while trying to function as i can where i am. I have been applying for jobs left and right even stuff i dont know if i can do hopefully someone will show some mercy on me and hire me knowing that i will do my best and learn to my best ability. Im sad, sad that i allowed my life to reach a stoop this low, sad that i dont have the courage to get strong enough to do something about it, sad that i cannot give up on this man i am with and just deal with life on my own. Why sure you can ask me why but i dont have an answer, it has nothing to do with the fact that hes a man cause hes not a man hes just a boy pretending on a good day to be a man. Why ...its not cause im happy its cause i feel i must help him, why not cause i want to cause something drives me to it, what ...i dont know maybe because of guilt, maybe i pitty him maybe i feel sorry for him i honestly dont know. im starting to reach the end of my ropes with the whole situation....im starting to get so discusted i would like to just vanish just disappear from the lives of all those around me!!! Of course i would grab my son when i go i definately couldnt face life ahead without him. Yeah i mentioned above i have no friends all i have are friends on the net friends in real life dont exist why?? well either the boyfriend ran them off or they got tired of using me or i kicked them to the curb cause they lied to many times so its just me .....i used to be such a social butterfly i used to have lots of friends (mostly those who like to use people) but i had them now here i am setting at the library surrounded by people i dont know but recognize but dont talk to and dont plan to so i can go back out and face the world again alone...struggling....depressed....stressed.....sad.....unhappy....and hopefully in time (short period of time) i can get back on my feet and enjoy life again have fun and party and do the things i used to do. I got an email from a job hopefully i will be able to get a second job and work my nite job too from there get my own place and get on my feet and live happily ever after either with or without a man never needed one before i surely dont need one now.!!!
3 people like this
8 responses
• United States
23 Jan 08
Don't give up! It's only the beginning of the year so have faith. I know from experience that sometimes seem so hard. You go through issues with your family, children, significant other, and etc. The first thing we must do is pray and leave everything in the powers of above. I am currently going through some things with certain family members and my eldest son. I live right next door to my mom, however, because of certain people i don't go over there and plus i believ that mom could come visit her daughter sometimes too but she doesn' but the love is still there regardless. I will pray for you to get a job because i am blessed to have one. Keep God in your life always.
@Jimmy3371 (143)
• United States
24 Jan 08
why live life in the neg? make this day the best day there was when you get up say today is the best there there is. what I do is I live like I am leaving what I mean is like tomorrow is the last day I will live. there is a lot of places to get jobs like temp services or anything. and pick friends that will bring you up not let you down and not use you. take control of your life I know its hard but life is to much fun to live it in a neg. mood
1 person likes this
@bandirae (16)
• United States
23 Jan 08
I probably don't have the right answers for you but i will tell you this. I, like you, have been in this situation and it sucks to the point where it couldn't possibly suck anymore, but it does. Where your nerves are on end and the next thing someone says to you just might be your breaking point. I actually sat down with myself the other day and i wondered, Where did the girl go that i used to be? So independent, so sure of herself, I want her back. I have let myself get to a point in my life where i didn't recognize and i didn't like it. I'm so worried about what other people think and feel and i had given up on caring about myself and concentrated on caring for others instead. Not anymore. I have taken my life back and made it what i want it to be, not what They want it to be. I stand up for myself again and i don't get myself in situations i will regret later. I am that little girl i thought i lost and i love it. Just tell yourself to do it and don't back down. Surround yourself with positive people thoughts. And trust me no matter how bad it may seem right now, life goes on and so will you and just remember you have a child who looks up to you and depends on you to stay strong. Yell, scream, throw a tantrum, you'll feel better, i promise.
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
23 Jan 08
i sorta know how you are feeling...hubby and i are up to our eyeballs in debt but we have just been approved for a loan to pay some stuff off (consolidation!) i finally got my referral to go see the surgeon about my knees ( iam in constant pain from an accident 20 years ago and am waiting for total knee replacement surgury - both knees!!) things will get better, i am sure of it!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jan 08
I am in the same boat as you lol. But it can only get so worse before it gets better. I have an apt for rent but it is in ohio dont think you want to go that far away from your family your son. Why not spend time with your son it is not so lonely that way dont ;your mom and dad let you see him or anything
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 08
I have been there and it not a good situation. You have to just take some time to thing. Remove those from your life that are negative. You can't possibly feel sorry for someone else. it sounds so sad to read your boat. I am hoping you get a job soon. By the way your at the library. Does this mean you have no computer at home? I do believe sears has one as well. I went there a few times when mine was in storage. I am hoping all will work out with you. I swallowed a bottle of pills when I felt this way. I do hope you will let your my lot friends make you feel better.
• United States
24 Jan 08
Hang in there, things WILL get better. Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Love yourself first. Don't look for anyone else to do it. Love your son with all your heart! Don't let anyone use/abuse you. I am not one to have many friends either, too many problems. Good days will come, just take one day at a time until they do. God Bless!
24 Jan 08
This is life. People will face different problems over his or her life. None gones fulently. But, let our life be simply, we will live better.