I don't feel I'm loved and desired anymore

@tanyusha (112)
Moldova
January 25, 2008 4:45am CST
I don't understand what happened, but after a little more than a year of marriage, I do not feel my husband wants me anymore, yes, he is near, but I cannot see any sign he still loves me, and does not need me only for bed satisfaction and cooking:(. Our life becomes a routine, and that is not what I was dreaming about. And I have no idea what to do to change it. I'm very stressed with it. will this pass? or I'll have to get along with this feeling?
1 person likes this
13 responses
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
26 Jan 08
What you are going thru is very normal. You guys are comfortable with each other and your relationship...at least he is. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. It means that he does not feel the need to try so hard to keep you. while comfort is a good thing, it is also important to maintain all the things that attracted you to each other and kept things alive to begin with. Try doing something completely out of the ordinary to spice things up a bit. Also talk to him. You both have to be on the same page. You both have to be comitted to making the relationship itself the most important thing in your lives. you can't be taking each other for granted. It is so easy to assume that the other person will always be there when you get married. Love is so fragile. Don't nag at him and tell him what he is not doing for you. Rather, be honest...tell him that you miss the excitement you once shared. Tell him honestly how you feel in a way that is not pushing him to defend himself but will maybe make him realize that he needs to put a bit more effort into things.
• Philippines
6 Feb 08
you always have a choice. some marriage really goes through this phase in their married life. it's up to you or to both of you if you're going to let this phase ruin you. why don't you try doing something to rekindle what's left for a change. some people's attachments to their better half weakens especially when they go through difficulty. it's always constant in marriages to lose the spark after several years -- what you need to do is to build a strong friendship with your loved one. only then will you make it for the rest of your lives.
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
What were your dreams about when it came to your life and your marriage? Why can't you still live those dreams with your husband? Have you spoken about them to him and see if things can change? Maybe he is feeling the same way as you are and is afraid to talk to you first. So if you bring things up first he may agree with you and try to make those dreams come true. I'm sure after one year of marriage his feelings all of a sudden haven't changed about you. So my best advice to you is to talk to him about how you feel.
• Pakistan
29 Jan 08
This is common problem of many married couples. This all happens due to some misunderstandings. Was it a love marriage or arranged. You should understand the behavior of your husband in both cases. He is your bed mate. You can ask him very easily. What is wrong? He is the man who can tell you all about the truth. Cooking is spatiality of every house hold wife. Good cook could prove a good wife. Does he likes some one else. If so, you should ask him and try to win him by your wifely tricks. You are yet un experienced. But don’t worry. Your husband will play in your fingers. But first try to win his love and confidence.
• India
27 Jan 08
Usually men do not show out their emotional feelings.Do not worry dear.Have a positive attitude, pretend as though you are very happy ( sing a song aloud).Then this will become a habit.Men like people who are happy. Try reading the book "MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS".Best of Luck.
• Philippines
26 Jan 08
Hi! Don't be stressed because it's just a natural stage in every marriage. We undergo that so-called "I'm not sure if he still loves me" stage. Keep your faith, the sweetness and all love signs will come back. It's another stage that you will surely surpass. Be what you are, just show him the love and care that you have for him. Maybe it's time for you both to also take a vacation and enjoy each oher's company. good luck and God bless.
• United States
26 Jan 08
I'm kind of in the same boat. In the beginning, it's the thrill of the chase. Sometimes when men get married, they think they don't have to show they love us or want us. Men get comfortable and don't understand why we need to see that we are desired. I hope everything works out for you. If you haven't already, you need to sit down with him and talk about it. Good Luck.
@Estina54 (389)
• United States
26 Jan 08
This is a very normal thing to happen after a long time relationship or marriage. Women get attached, men get bored.
• Philippines
26 Jan 08
Don't feel bad about it.. be thankful that he is there for you... Your husband marries you because he knows that your the right woman for him. Don't compare your relationship before because now is another phase of your life. Before, that was courtship and dating stage, but now it's husband and wife relationship. Once you entered in a marriage stage, there will be an ups and down. Don't be too sensitive because women are different from men. Women is venus while man is mars. Just make yourself beautiful in every aspect so that you can please your man. Marriage has so many trials, you have to be ready to face it. Most of all, put God in the center of your relationship.
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
25 Jan 08
have u talked to him about how you feel? If not, you should so he can be aware of how you feel about how things are going. you and your husband should make plans to do something special once a week or once a month to keep the fire burning. have a good day
@p1kef1sh (45642)
25 Jan 08
I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling unloved. Do you do things together? (Other than grocery shopping. Does he help with that?). You don't have to do much. Take walks or drives. Go to the cinema. What did you do when you were dating? Rekindle some of that. Do you say "I love you" to each other at least first and last thing during the day. In my experience, and I have been married 21 years to a wonderful woman, it is the little things that seem to make the biggest difference. Don't be afraid to ask him to do things - make supper perhaps. But let him do it, don't "help" unless he asks you to. Praise him afterwards. We men are like puppies you know, we make one meal and you would have thought that we had delivered World peace. But notice, and don't complain (too loudly) about the fact that he used every pan, item of cutlery and crockery to do it. Bring him breakfast in bed, and then drop a hint that it is his turn tomorrow. Next time you go past a florists tell him how much you love flowers. Or do what my wife does, buys herself flowers, tells me that they are from me, and that next time perhaps I would pick them up and save her the trouble. It works. Most importantly, have fun - TOGETHER.
@kiran1978 (4137)
• Australia
25 Jan 08
I do not think this will just pass, you need to first of all communicate to him how you feel about the situation. See if you can work out the real reason. You guys should still be in the honeymoon phase. Try and get out of the rut and routine, plan mystery trips away, start a new hobby6 together. Don't just settle for this lifestyle with your husband otherwise 20 years from now you will look back and regret wasting your life. If these ideas still don't work, seek counselling together.
• United States
25 Jan 08
Welcome to the marriage club! You are not the only person that goes through this believe me. My husband and I went through this before we got married. Sometimes with a busy life its easy to fall prey to a routine. Its not fun I know. We have a tendency to take those around us for granted and not realize it. Have you talked to your husband about this yet? And when my hubby and I went through our dry spell as I call it I had to look back and see how many times I was making the moves or saying something sweet and romantic to him. I wasnt really doing my part either. If you havent talked to him already then sit down and bring it up in a nice way..Donnt and I repeat dont come out with I dont think you love me or are sexually attracted to me anymore..personal experience speaking and he will jump on the defensive and you will get no where. All women to an extent have this fantasy of what marriage should be like...All Romance and quality time..lol..I wish. If you talk to him and just let him know you are down about it because you feel like you both are stuck in a routine..and that you dont feel like you are desirable to him anymore because Neither of you take the extra time to make one another feel special anymore. The trick is to make them think that this is a conversation about how you feel and not about what he isnt doing in the relationship. If he doesnt get the hint then bring it up again in a week...But I would suggest you take some extra time even if you have been and try to be romantic to him or loving or whatever..Do something nice for him..And that way when he cant point out the last time he did something nice and romantic for you..You have something to fall back on..Not playing to fair I know, but hey..men have short term memories for the most part :) Like I said though..it happens to everyone at one point in time or another in their marriage or relationship it will pass, but you need to be able to communicate as to what is bothering you! Good Luck! :)