How do you cope?

United States
January 25, 2008 11:11am CST
Does anyone out there ever feel pointlessly upset and low? Everything's going great in your life, but you just can't click? I've got a wife, baby boy, comfortable apartment with a big screen TV, but I can't shake feeling insignificant in the world. My fear is I'll never be anything worthwhile- which is quickly becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. What do you do to get yourself out of this kind of space and keep going? Mantras and the like always seem silly to me, and I never remember to do them. I've been keeping healthy and trying to mix it up. What works for you?
5 people like this
22 responses
@Mondoh (147)
• United States
25 Jan 08
I've felt that way, but it is pointless... Do Something... Take action! I did something yesterday... That made me feel better... It's the little things... I was at the local grocery store standing in line waiting 4 the woman in front of me to pull out the EXACT change for her transaction... Women will do this... Meanwhile a line is building up as she diggs thru her purse 4 5 minutes to find $7.05... She had $4 in dollars & $2 in quarters... I just laid $1 & a nickel on the counter & didn't say a word... walked out & somehow I felt better... The point is... Do something! She needed that $1.05 more than I did... In a weird way, Do U C my point? In my depression, I realized there R people worse off than me & I don't need 2 feel sorry 4 myself no matter what happens... nor my perception of my situation... Make sense? Turning UR focus on someone other than URself can B good 4 those uv us who suffer from depression, This is hard 2 say, but sometimes we R selfish... The world doesn't revolve around U, & everone around U knows it! So cut it out! Quit focusing on URself... I'm guessing there R others in UR life... Who care 'bout U... While I don't like being harsh, sometimes it's what's needed... Doing something when U don't feel like doing anything is what works 4 me... AC
3 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 08
Definitely like the attitude; good points. And it is the little things. I guess the question's more about how, when you don't want to take action, do you choose to take action? How do you change when you don't want to change?
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
I believe this is happening because you are fixating on material stuff, and that is not bringing you true happiness. I believe if you sit quietly and think about the following questions it may help (1) What would make me happy (2) is it attainable for me to work on. (3) make plans and goals if you can find something that you love to do and are able to do it for at least a while every week, you will be able to see some light. for example I love to take pictures, I am never going to be a professional. but I can join a camera club and learn a ton of new ways to take better pictures, thus filling my life with something that give me personal pleasure, and that is probably what is missing in your life you are working not only for your self but for your family, and if you find something that is just for you I am pretty sure it will do the trick
3 people like this
• United States
25 Jan 08
Maybe that's what I should do: find a club or something that suits my interests. Not a bad idea if I can find the time. Thanks.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 08
Mondoh, I like your attitude!!! MachSchell, listen to this man! My husband often feels as you do, and I have the same attitude as Mondoh and it usually shakes my husband out of it for a while. It's easier said than done. It is true, there are a lot of people out there that have it a lot harder than you, than me too, but that doesn't help to hear when you are in the middle of a depression. I say, if you wake up, thank your God for another day and don't waste the day He blessed you with. If you are a reader, read "When all you ever wanted isn't enough" by Harold Kushner. Wonderful book, small paperback. Full of powerful stuff. Helps you answer all those questions you have about your worth. The first chapter of this book is so profound, I read it twice before moving on to the rest of the book. It is NOT a self help book, but it was written by a man who suffered a lot of loss in his life and helped others who suffered loss as well. This book helped me get through years of being a parent to a very special needs, medically involved child. It SAVED my sanity!!! Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 08
"When all you ever wanted isn't enough" sounds good. Thanks. I'll check it out. My wife's the same way, always having to battle me when I'm down. I'll check the book out; I am a reader.
2 people like this
@Mondoh (147)
• United States
26 Jan 08
While it is easier said than done..., it needs to be done easier than said... It just needs 2 B done, & only he can do it... Guys, our women love us & want us to B the best we can B, but sometimes we R R own worst enemas.. When U wake up in the morning, ask the God of UR fathers 2 bless UR wife... (Keeps U from hating her later in the day) Trust me on this... Read the book, Do the dishes, Keep the kidds, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, just do it..."NIKE" She's the only one who'll put up w/yo bullsh&^% Learn that the phrase "yes dear" goes a long way in relationship building... Has served me well over the years... AC
2 people like this
@Mondoh (147)
• United States
26 Jan 08
One more thing... It's hard, but learn 2 B grateful for "partial victories" Do u want 2 B together, or do U want to B right...? Sometimes U caint B both... Justa thought... AC
2 people like this
@VampAmber (308)
• United States
25 Jan 08
Have you thought of going and seeing a psychiatrist? If money's a problem, there should be a free clinic near you that could accept you. Because you should have the ability to look at what you do have, and take joy in that. You seem to have what everyone wants (love, a family, a comfortable place to live), but you can't see it for the depression. Even talking to a therapist might help you out at this point. They could help you through your problems, and maybe even give you a diagnosis, if it's a serious problem.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 08
Hey, thanks for the comment. Yeah, I see a psychiatrist, am on meds and all that. And I can appreciate the important things at times... the problem is the depression kicks in and you're right I "can't see it." I'm just trying to find some better meditation techniques that are more specific than "sit and reflect." Thanks again.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 08
Maybe if, when the depression kicks in and you feel like nothing is worthwhile, you could go and give your wife a hug, or go play with your son? It might help if you remind yourself just how good things are. Call up a friend on the phone, rent a movie you really want to see, read a really good book, something that makes you feel a little bit better. Do you see a therapist, someone you just talk to for an hour? Maybe that could help, too. Sometimes, talking about your problems can be the best thing you can do. Or maybe you could start a journal. Write out everything you're feeling, or not feeling, then read everything you just wrote down. It's still "sit and reflect" but it's a lot better than just thinking about things.
1 person likes this
@eseomame (1146)
• United States
26 Jan 08
I know what you are talking about. I get that feeling too and most times, it comes when I compare myself with some of my childhood friends or close peers, especially the ones that are doing very well. I tend to feel down that I'm not up to their standards, even when I know that I'm not doing bad myself, so how I cope? Simple... I just try my best to remind myself that many many people are not up to my standard!
@Mondoh (147)
• United States
27 Feb 08
My roommate in college used 2 say "most people can't sit in a room by themselves, cuz they compare themselves w/otherns" There R no standards, othern than the ones we dream up! & compare ourselves 2... Ahhh hah! U know I'm right... Mondoh
@cher913 (25889)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
yes, but perhaps mine is more pointed...i am waiting on total knee replacement surgury in both knees, so i am in pain all the time...and we are in debt up to our eyeballs... that being said, i do try to see the brighter side and try to do things that interest me (i am hoping to get a small home biz off the groung) perhaps that is what you should do...try and look at the bright side??!!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 08
Yeesh, I'm sorry to hear about your knees. It's not that I don't look at the bright side, it's that I have a problem seeing it at times. Or maybe it's the other way around. Good luck on your home biz.
1 person likes this
@MGjhaud (20891)
• Philippines
4 Feb 08
In short, you’re bored? You’ve got what you want; the pleasure of being a family guy and all that but still there’s something that you still want that will hopefully make your life exciting or upbeat. Why don’t you start doing your hobbies that usually do when you’re single that surely you had fun and of course take your family or why don’t you take everybody out once in a while on a trip that they long for.. ;)
1 person likes this
@jezzmay (1845)
• United States
30 Jan 08
Take a look at what you have,you have a significant life. You have a family and a home.Look around for those who do not.Sharing your life with others in need gives you a feel- ing of being needed.This might help you,it does me.When you do for others it always gives you a feeling of accomplishment.
1 person likes this
@qiao522 (449)
• China
27 Jan 08
First,why are we doing our best to get those material things,such as a big TV set,a good job and a comfortable apartment? If you don't have them,would you be happy? The answer is NO.you will be more depressed. So just cherish everything you have with your passion.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 08
I read the Bible,pray and sing praise to God also listen to praise music and it goes away
• United States
25 Jan 08
Honestly I've never felt like that. There have been times in my life that I get upset or feel low but I get up quickly again and I don't dwell on the problem. Maybe you could get some counseling to help you be able to cope with life better and not feel so low.
1 person likes this
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
10 Oct 10
Well, sometimes its unavoidable that we feel depressed for the day..but for the health its not a good side, i believe in Meditation which will balance our mind and helps to be normal at situations.
• United States
12 Nov 08
I go through this often and then I realize that all I need to do is pray to God...I do not know if you are a Christian but, I know that every time I pray and read Gods Word I am encouraged. There are several online Bible's If you do not have one and several christian groups online that support people like you and I. I also go to pogo and go to the christian rooms and play games and chat with others who lift me up out of the darkness. I hope this helps you....Gods Peace,Karen
• Australia
26 Jan 08
Hi MachSchell, I too have suffered from depression since I was an adolescent, I am now almost a 50 year old woman and over my lifetime I have learnt techniques to cope with the encroaching of the 'black dog' as Winston Churchill used to call it. I understand totally the dark abyss you can fall into, where you feel that it's impossible to claw your way out and you feel totally helpless and nobody understands the way you are feeling. I can't begin to tell you the devastating effects it had on me as a person and how it almost tore my relationships apart with the people I love and care about most. Once I realised that the problem was mine (which mind you was not until I was in my mid thirties) did I take responsibility for my malady and sought treatment. Despite receiving countless hours of therapy and taking prescribed medication (which I try not to rely on as I feel it is only a panacea and doesn't really address the condition and the cause)but mind you,that is a personal decision,I finally realised that I could control and prevent the onset of depressive episode Here is what helps me: 1. Value yourself - you are an important child of the universe. You are meant to be here otherwise you wouldn't BE. You have a mission on this planet and it will unravel as with the 'getting of wisdom' be patient. 2. You are not a failure - just because you may not have the big car, the grand house and a zillion dollars in the bank does not mean you are not successful. Great success is based on relationships you have nurtured and maintained over a lifetime. The love of others is the only thing that you can take to the other side. Look to your darling little boy and your wife and begin by being the best father and husband you can be. 3. Be positive - as my dad once told me 'look at the donut not the hole'. Look at what you have and be truly greatful. 4. Do one positive thing for yourself or others everyday - at the end of each day think about what you have done for yourself (even if it's as insignificant as paying a bill or doing the washing up). I volunteer in my spare time by inducting refugees into the culture of my country eg. taking them shopping, showing them how to use an ATM etc. It is very self satisfying and good for my soul and takes the focus off my problems which pale into comparison to what a vast majority of these people have gone through. 5. Keep healthy - it's true 'healthy body, healthy mind'. Exercise is great for creating those feel good endorphins, maintain a balanced diet and make, sure you get plenty of sleep (try meditation and/or tai chi) believe me it works for me. 6. Work at something you really enjoy that is worthy of your time and your talent. Being satisfied in your career choice is so important to your own overall happiness and self esteem. It's amazing, I decided after 20 years to quit my 9-5 job as a 'battery hen' in an office and obtain a degree in nursing, something I wanted to do since I was young. Admittably, it was tough and scary but I treated it as an adventure and you I can't believe the rewards that I have reaped, financially and otherwise. Finally the most important technique: Know the symptons of the onset of depression and adopt the above strategies to hopefully 'nip it in the bud'. I hope I have helped in some way and don't feel you are alone. Cheers Louloubelle XX
@arwenrey (316)
• Philippines
26 Jan 08
I had been feeling pointlessly upset and low because I have a reason to be one. I am married for one year, i am jobless right now because my last job is giving me a hard time and me and my husband is living with my parents-in-laws which made it a little more harder because i can't do my own thing in the house, we're trying to have a baby and we can't have one. And how do I cope with this? I talked it out with my husband so that he would be aware of my feelings, and we would go out, watch a movie or anything and for some reason it made me feel better. I think you need to talk to your wife and maybe she has some ideas to help you. Believe me if you talked it out to someone who loves and cares for you it will make you feel good.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Jan 08
Hi MachSchell I can understand what you are saying i know i have been there for a long time .I`ve been married almost 27yrs .Ihave five children the youngest just 16 .I have been suffering post traumatic stress for over thirty years and severe depression for almost as long .But you have just said you are a new dad and your life is pretty comfortable .You have achieved a lot .At different stages of our lives we all stop for a while and think much the same as what you are doing now .I have found that to allievate my concerns i like to start something new .Weather it be a new holiday or just take up a different hobby .As they say a change is as good as a move and i believe that . As your children grow you will experience so many wonderful things ,Then you will be left with all the memories those times gave you thats where i am in my life at the moment .Having just being diagnosed with cancer a few months ago i look now at each day as a blessing . Maybe if you are concerned it`s time to have a chat to your family dr.He might be able to point you in the right direction .I am on medication which helps me cope with the depression and i am glad for it and believe me so is my family. I now go for a walk every day and not only does it give me the exercise i need but also to see the many wonderful things here around us that we really do not appreciate . I hope you can find peace and that you cna also find some kind of direction to put you back onto the right path. Relaxation and sometimes meditation can be of great help. Gods speed
• United States
26 Jan 08
Think back to what made you smile...you have a passion or anything you that brings you that glow of joy? Even if it has been years buried, dig it up and start doing whatever your thing is. For me it is photos...I am not the greatest photographer or ever will be...But it makes me happy. I just woke up one day recently and said...wth. I am going to take my pictures if no one else in the world likes them..I don't care..I like them =) That made me happy. (hugs) I hope you smile soon =) and not a fake smile either
1 person likes this
@anapoc (16)
• Latvia
25 Jan 08
I had the same problem some time ago, but then I found something interesting for me. It was Gym, it is place where I'am relaxing after hard day work or if I feel empty. Begining is hard, but when you see some results, its cheering you up :) I had this situation 3 years ago, when after 8 years of playing sucsesfully badminton, taking good places in my country, i broke my hand. I was disabled from badmninton aproximately 3 months and when I returned, I could not play so good as i played earlier, I wanted to, but caouldnt. I tried for 4 moths more, but it was unusefull, i started to lose players which earlier I could win simply. It was hard time for me, becouse I dont know how to lose :( And then I tried GYM, it changed my life. I sujest you to find YOU new SPECIAL interest and you will see, everything will be ok, but dont forged about your kid and wife, becouse your new hobby (all interests) will take you away from your familly :) Good Luck! Sorry for my bad English.
• United States
25 Jan 08
When I feel this way I begin to realize I missed taking my meds. I get too the point I can't see up. I can only see down and blue. it surely sounds like your deeply depresses. I was this way a few years back. I now do the best I can to make me happy. I am the happiest in my home so I do things in here to keep up that point. I do scrapbbooking. I sew handbags. I braid hair and a few other things. Good luck to you :)
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31663)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I've struggled with depression on and off for most of my life. My mom says it's a chemical thing for the most part but I don't know. The other day I was sitting down on the couch doing a puzzle and noticed I had tears on my face. They just kept coming till I began to cry. I have no idea why, but I suspect I'm not dealing with something that I should. I've had a lot of upsets and life changes the past two years. It's time for some introspection. I think when we get suddenly depressed, it's just some issues breaking through that we've pushed back and refused to deal with. Your fear isn't of failure, it's something else that prevents you from feeling fulfilled with your life as it is now. You have a lot to be happy for--I don't know why you included the TV in your blessings!--but you feel you need to do more. There is no more! You have the basics. You need something to do that makes you work for it--learn an instrument or take up woodworking or something. Get some personal thing to do that takes advantage of your natural talents-we all have at least one-and produces results that you can be proud of and people will admire. That might help. And spend a few minutes a day, perhaps as you lay in bed at night, just remembering your childhood and friends, the good and bad things that've happened to you. Sometimes just acknowledging something we thought we'd forgotten will relieve a great deal of our depression!