Is my cat ever going to like me or at least be friendly?

Bigguy the stuck up cat! - biguuy stuck up cat
United States
January 28, 2008 6:37pm CST
Ok, I haven't even had him a week but this little guy won't even stay in the living room with me. He stays in the kitchen where he knows I seldom go...in front of the sink actually where I go even less!!! If I do go in there he walks out and into the middle of the kitchen floor and he'll lay down there or go to his dish and eat. Sometimes I will sit on the floor and he'll let me pat him and scratch his ears and I'm very careful not to move to fast or do anything to upset him. If I'm lucky he will rub up against my legs when I'm in the kitchen and I'll lean down to pat him and talk to him. I talk to him all the time even when he's in the kitchen and I'm in the living room. I bought him treats that he won't have anything to do with. I have a couple of small cat toys that he's not interet in. I 'm a patient person but I got a cat because I need the companionship and company and he is none of that! Is it ever going to happen? Am I doing something wrong? Any ideas anyone?
8 people like this
32 responses
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Ha ha your cat hates you! Just kidding. Is he an older cat or a kitten? If he's older maybe he just needs time to get to know you, it's only been a week that's not a long time. I've never had a cat, don't like them really I like dogs much better. I'm sure he will get to know you and like you in time.
3 people like this
@raychill (6530)
• United States
29 Jan 08
It's really tough. When I first got my cat he was only 10 weeks old. Very playful. I'd hardly ever get him to stay still and stay with me in a room. Plus, he was new to the surroundings and me and all that stuff. When I took him to the vets for the first time, he wouldn't leave my side. He was very sleepy after all the shots and laid on my bed with me just sleeping. It was so sweet. If i got up to go to the bathroom or something.. he'd follow! I'd feel so bad. I couldn't leave him! Now he's my little boy. When I come to bed, he follows. He's at the door when I come home. He's always there. It rarely starts out like that. You've got to give him time and while I understand that you want the companionship, it's not instant. I know other people have said this and I think I have too.... It's like any relationship, you can't just dive right in. You've got to give it time. If you want that instant connection... you'll almost always be disappointed, especially with a cat. Plus, you don't know what he went through before coming to you. You've gotta let him be him and give in. Pushing him is not going to help anything...you or him.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jan 08
lol...you got me! I want "instant gratification"....but I do realize I need to have patience with him and I'm trying very hard. Every day he seems to warm up just the least little bit so I'm sure in time it's going to happen.
@raychill (6530)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Yeah. Unfortunately cats and needy humans don't go hand in hand. Some cats don't like to be around people at all unless it's when THEY want. Cats need their cat time. Cats, unlike dogs, are very independant animals and that's the one thing you should have taken into consideration when you got a cat. Especially a male cat...because they're not as keen on being "lap cats" or being picked up as females are. Oh and some things to entice your cat a little... Toys you two can play with together. Things like Strings (Shoe laces or yarn...you don't have to buy something from the pet store) that you wave around for him. Coin rollers are also good. Toss them around and your cat could have a ball. My cat loves balls too. My cat isn't into toys i get from the pet store.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 08
I have tried them all and he just isn't interested in anything. I've got the feather on the end of the stick and a ball with a bell in it and nothing.....I just need to realize this is going to take a lot of time...
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
29 Jan 08
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . . " "What must I do, to tame you? asked the little prince. "You must be very patient," replied the fox. First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . . " "It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If for example, you came at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . . " this is from my favorite book "The Little Prince" be patient my friends....it takes time...
2 people like this
@raychill (6530)
• United States
29 Jan 08
I love the little prince.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 08
I have to say I rally enjoyed reading that exerpt and it does apply to my situation. Thanks for the awesome response and showing me the 'error of my ways'...lol...
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Give it time. Cats are independent creatures. And that means it has to be their idea. We have a cat. We love her. She isn't friendly. Accept on her terms.Which means when we hit the bed for the night so does she. She snuggles with my hubby mostly. And has actually bitten one of our friends. I know this may sound strange, but try ignoring him. He may wonder what's up and then the tide will turn. Good luck and happy petting.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jan 08
I think I basically do ignore him since I spend all of my time in the living room. If I don't go into the kitchen once in awhile he won't eat or drink so I basically go in there just for that reason.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
29 Jan 08
I've tamed wild cats since the age of 14 and I'm 50 this Friday Feb. 1st. It has taken a couple of months to a year for a cat to come around to me. After the cat decided it might want to be my friend. Don't rush it. It was a year before my current cat played with toys. I thought he would never care for them. He mostly likes paper bags and plastic bags from the store. It was a year before I got him to retract his claws when I pick him up. Some cats don't like treats, be thankful, they cost a lot and unless they're hairball control or teeth cleaning, aren't anything but lots of extra money for nothing anyway.
• United States
29 Jan 08
Time is something I have a lot of and I'm just going to play his little waiting game and will be here for him when he's ready....I hope!
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Well remembering the background of how you got Snooky it just may take time. I can't help but wonder if he may have been a "feral" cat. If I remember you said the woman that gave him to you said he was maybe abused?? And she kept him in the basement or something? If he was both abused before the woman took him in, and feral to boot, it just might take him awhile to get used to human companionship...just be patient...it might turn out to take a whole month before he starts to really trust a human.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jan 08
I have promised myself and bigguy that I will be patient and not matter what he will always have a home here with me. He may end up having a feline companion also but that's yet to be seen.
• United States
29 Jan 08
Is your cat fixed? YOu know take the man parts away. My cat was like that until I took his manhood away. Now he is a mellow cat and loves attention. He has his days though were he is grouchy though. Youve said youve only had him a week so maybe he just hasnt gotten use to you yet. Give it a couple more weeks and he might come a little closer. We have my cats food and stuff in the bathroom and I think he thinks that is his territory cuz whenever me or my husband go up to use the bathroom our cat isnt far behind. We think he thinks that we are gonna eat it food or something cuz thats right where he goes is to his food to check up on it.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jan 08
He may not like the treats. You have to try several ones to see which one he likes the most. It sounds like he isn't very fond of people in general right now. Depending on his age, you may have to "teach" him to be social. Hold him for a few minutes. Softly petting him in the "cat" places. (chin, ears, and back near the tail)Even if he wants down, do not let him until you are ready. If he fights you then talk softly to him while doing this and then istead of allowing him to jump down and away, gently lower him to the floor and give him one last pat from the head down the back as you are letting him down. Tell him he is a good kitty etc. He will learn that being petted is a good thing. If he ignores you, then ignore him back. Pet him while he is eating so he knows it is ok for him to have his food and be petted at the same time. Some cats take a little bit of adjusting to thier new owners. You have to give it more time.
@Wanderlaugh (1624)
• Australia
29 Jan 08
Cats like to play, and they also like relationships to be on their terms. This may take a bit of research, and you've only had him for a week. This guy's being cautious. Notice that when you're being really communicative, on his level, he gets a bit friendlier? Remember, you're King Kong size to him. The cat version of "warm and fuzzy" probably isn't some huge human they don't know too well. Find something he likes, preferably moving, like a piece of string, for a new toy. Few cats can resist a moving target. They really like pouncing. You can also try giving him some of your food, like leftovers, that's a sort of common language, sharing. Something nice and comfortable for a bed is another good expression of caring. Really good sign, from experience, is a sort of chirrup. It means "Hi, howya going?" If he starts making that sound, make a big fuss of him, and that'll bond you. After that, you're promoted to Honorary Cat, so your social status is also taken care of in the neighborhood.
• United States
29 Jan 08
lol... a neighbor who has had a cat for years told me about the "chirrup" yesterday and as much as I try I don't think I'm doing it right because my Bigguy looks at me like I'm crazy!
• Australia
29 Jan 08
Yeah, because you're using his language, and it needs a context. Back it up with some food.
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
29 Jan 08
You just have to be very patient. we got our kitty when she was almost grown. she is now about 2 years old and is just now getting to the place where she will sit on my lap once in a while. she does let me know when her water or food dish is empty by butting my leg. She doesn't like closed doors . She will push the bathroom door open if it's not latched. just give him time. A week isn't very long after all he has been through. Your not doing anything wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 08
You are the first one to say I'm not doing anything wrong....thanks for that. I"ve been feeling like a failure where he is concerned.
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
29 Jan 08
I have the same probl;em wioth my husbands cat. we have two cats, Sierra is mine and Sasha is his. And I do mean she is his. She wants nothing to do with me and goes nuts everytime i try to pick her up. Yet I've noticed she has begun to follow me all over the house. She will go into the laundry room with me and beat me up the steps and watch for me to finish climbing. but I better not try to pick her up. Give your kitt time, he will come around. Jusat as I believe Sasha is beginning to with me. She was his birthday gift over a year ago, he picked her out from the local shelter.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 08
I tried once or twice to pick this guy up and he does not like it so I stopped. He needs to learn that he can trust me and I'm seeing that it takes quite a bit of time...lol!
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
1 Feb 08
You didn't mention if the cat was feral or abused. With feral cats and, to a point abused cats, patience is the key to them warming up to you...eventually. Tigger, who's my avatar, was feral when I got him at 4mo. of age. His rescuer thinks he may also have been abused as well. He stayed in the spare room for 2 mos. with me constantly just going in there and sitting down to talk to him in a soft voice. In due time, he would start coming out of his box that I set up for him to hide in. Now he demands to be held alot and cuddled but yet isn't a lap cat nor will he snuggle when I lay down. He's a year old now and I still see lil changes in him every day for the better.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Jan 08
It is a long process Sweet But you are getting somewhere as you say he does come to you sometimes and rubs himself up your Legs which is a sign of affection He has to make sure that he can trust you and you have to help him get that assurance from you by being patient and not giving up on him and talk to him all the time He will come round It took me 8 months to have Gissi fully trusting me and other People that would come to visit and now 2 years later he loves everyone lol Have patience
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
30 Jan 08
You should have bought a kitten... and it would have been all over you like a rash. lol Because he is an adult cat... not only he needs to get use to you... but also to its new house and environment. This could take 6 months rather than 6 weeks. Cats hate changes. I have just been away for 7 weeks with my cat... and during the whole time... he knew it was not his house and would not stay inside. You just will have to be patient with him. Don't waste your time calling him. He will come to you when he is good and ready. He will become your friend for the sole reason that you are feeding him everyday. Not all cats play with toys. Mine don't. Cats are also very fussy eaters and you need to buy them a variety of food... or they get bored from eating the same thing all the time. Make notes of the ones he likes and the ones he don't.
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
30 Jan 08
Some cats are so amiable and others more aloof. my friends have a cat they rarely see, it is always hiding in the linen closet or some other dark place... it does sound like your fellow is at least somewhat affectionate - I think there is hope for him yet. maybe some tuna fish scent on your clothing will bring him around, hahaha... if you could stand it!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 08
give him some time. one week is not really that much time. we had a cat that took a month to get used to things so continue to be patient and talk to him try different treats pet him as much as possible and u will see that those times will be more and more.
@tamra2 (259)
• United States
29 Jan 08
I have a 5 year old male cat that I have had for about 3 years now. When I first brought him home he would have NOTHING to do with my husband or myself. He lived under the bed and came out to eat only when we were not home or asleep. After about 3 weeks my husband could get him to come out from under the bed for a petting as long as I was not in the room. After 3 months he finally worked his way up to wondering around the house when we were home, and he would let me brush him but NO petting. Then one night after about 4 months I went to bed without my husband and was just laying there reading a book. Omi just jumped up on the bed, walked right over me, turned around a few times and then snuggled onto my belly to go to sleep. We are talking about a 15 lb cat, so he was a little heavy for sleeping on my stomach, but there was no way that I was going to move him. I just layed there hoping my husband would come in the room and see this! That cat has been my little snuggle buddie ever since. He meets me at the door when I come home from work, and wherever I am he has to be in my lap. You would never know that the cat had pretty much ignored me for 4 months! Hang in there, your kittie will come around when he is ready to.
@elisa126 (166)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Yes he will, it will take some time,when hes in the kitchen he's prolly just checking you out and the surroundings,give him some time and he will become yur best friend. I once had a cat that hid under a chair for weeks,I thought ok if this is how its gonna be,fine,a week later he came out, And was my best cat for 18 yrs,and my best buddy lol, GOOD LUCK!!
@Loen210 (1533)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Hi, Yes, it's deffinitely too early. Even with my darling kitties, over the years, we grow closer. Like Sylvie, when we adopted, she only liked to be pet. But she didn't like to be picked up or anything else. She is also extremely skittish with anybody who isn't with her all the time. But over the last few years, she has started coming to rest on my lap, and believe it or not, now drapes herself around my neck, purring! It's so sweet and lovely. But when even my sister from out of town visits (and has many times) is so scared. Any of my weekly students come, she is hiding! Every cat is so different. Other cats who have been wiht me, have loved to be held and hugged. If you moved into a new house with a new person, would you bond and hug and cuddle with them after just a week? Good luck, and I look forward to some happy feline updates! ;o)
1 person likes this
@SamH86 (11)
29 Jan 08
My friend had two cats and one of them was very affectionate.He always wanted attention and was always around when you needed him.However,her other cat was the complete opposite,he used to go over the road for food,was always away for long periods of time and had a very moody personality when he was around.I don't know if it is just personalities in cats,or he was jealous of his brother!Maybe your new cat just has to get used to and the new surroundings.
1 person likes this