Being a stay at home mom is harder than having a 9-5!

United States
January 29, 2008 7:59am CST
I have been home now for 2 yrs and it is mentally and physically exhausting. I feel that it is harder than working a 9-5. I feel that people look down on me for no longer having a career. I have 3 children 6,3,15 mo. They are a handfull and by the time they go to bed i am ready to pass out!!!!! I am not saying having a career isn't hard because it is especially if you have young children. Alot of our friends don't have kids and sometimes i feel that they look down on me (my husbands wives). I feel that is an under-paid under- appreciated job. Sometimes i even feel that my husband dosen't truley appreciate what all i do. Does anyone else feel this way?
7 people like this
32 responses
@yaoyao918 (262)
• China
29 Jan 08
Being a housewife is my dream. i want cook for my husband and children everyday. Waiting for them. I think it will be very wonderful.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jan 08
I love taking care of my fam, but i do not want to br there slave. A little appreciation is nice and makes it worth it
2 people like this
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
26 Feb 08
Trust me girlfriend,after you do it for a couple of months you wont be so thrilled about it.Neither the husband or the kids realise how hard it is for us the mothers and wives.They are going to be days when you get a thank you no matter how much you did for them. i have been a housewife for 9 months and I am alreadt ready to go back to work part time,its too exhausting for me.A real job would be less stressful,easier and i would actually get paid for it,lol.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I was a housewife for 5 months and at the last month I just wanted to run out like crazy.I only have one kid, imagine you with 3. I admire you and I understand you. Why don't you get a part time job, or babysit for other people at least you will get pay. At least you know that the other kids will be leaving eventually.
• United States
29 Jan 08
Don't ever let anyone look down on you for being a stay at home Mom. That is a very hard and taxing job. You are forming their lives. Give them the values to live by. You do have a career and it is one you chose to do. It is a good career. Even if it wasn't your choose and it had to be done for certain reasons the fact is it still is a career. The job of a stay at home Mom is underpaid. Look at all the things a Mom does. If you tally up what each thing you do would cost if someone came in and did them it would cost a fortune. Don't look down on yourself which it sounds like what you are doing. You are doing a job that is a special job. You are taking care of your children and that in itself makes it a job very special. One of the things you might do is take some me time. Discuss with your husband you need be able to go and do something by yourself. I don't know exactly how long you have been married. But if he is any kind of a mate if discussed in the proper way will understand and help you out there so that you can have some time to yourself which in turn helps you out when you are with the kids. You will find you will be more relaxed and the kids in turn will notice it also. I applaud you for being a stay at home Mom. Good Job, Girl!
• United States
29 Jan 08
First i would like to say thank you!! You are right i did need to take some me time. But it is hard i feel so guilty when i do. I am odd i want peace and quite but when i get it i miss the noise.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 08
Don't think of it as me time. Think of it as a time to refresh yourself for the sake of your family. You will be better prepared to do the things you do for your family if you have had some time to take care of yourself also.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
9 Feb 08
I feel the same about feeling guilty for taking time out. I remind myself that I will feel better afterwards and as a result, my kids will feel better! Hey, I even felt guilty about spending £7.50 on clothes for me that I desperately needed because I could have bought something for my boys! I don't get a lot of time to relax because once the boys are in bed, I've got work and study to do as well as housework and we can't really afford for me to go out for a proper treat but I love being in the bath so I've got some nice bath stuff which I use to pamper myself a bit. I usually have time for a 10 minute bath about once a week so I try to make time for a longer one as often as possible. I fond that's a really relaxing (and inexpensive) treat.
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
2 Feb 08
Yes, unfortunately I feel that I will never truly be respected unless I have a "real job". Which s*cks because, I have two (4, and 1) and I am 38 weeks pregnant with #3. I love them and I love being home with them, but it takes its toll. I feel like the default parent. If I want a shower, I have to ask dad to "watch them" if he wants a shower, he just takes one, he gets sick days, I dont. I wake up with them on weekends. HE gets a weekend. It is hard and it seems no one else realizes how hard it is. Unfortunately I do not know what to do about it. I hope one day people will come to understand how hard it is.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
9 Feb 08
I didn't mention that in my post but I totally agree with you about being the "default" parent. My partner goes out when he feels like it, plays computer games while I'm trying to do housework and lok after the kids and generally does whatever he likes while he's not at work without a thought for anyone else but, even though he doesn't mind me going out, I still have to ask him so he knows he's got the kids but even then he doesn't actually look after them. He thinks ignoring them for the computer while they watch tv is acceptable. I don't mind asking him to watch the kids but I would appreciate it if he did the same rather than just taking it for granted that I will have them. Even while I am working, I CAN have the kids with me due to the nature of the job so he will expect me to take them with me even if he's not working. I don't think he understands that it is still a job just like his.
@rashmigs (400)
• Singapore
29 Jan 08
Let me tell you one thing. In case you were working 9-5, things would have been even more worse. You had to balance both outside and at home. I have a great idea for you. Since you have really small kids (just 6 years old!), its very important for you to take care of them. So why dont you sit back at home and spend time learning something new? It could be learn cooking, embroidary, do a beauty course, learn about technology and the list never ends... You need to learn to manage your time such that you take care of your kids and at the same time utilize your time efficiently. At the same time, you can even make some money online if you wish to. I know few ways to do that. In case you are good at technical things or at content writing, do let me know. There are great ways to make money online. Good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 08
I am definetly interested in making money online. That is how i found Mylot. Unfortunatly i have only run into scams. If you found something legit definately let me know.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 08
oh man it is VERY hard work. you are expected to clean the whole house, and make dinner!! all while taking care of children. i only have one baby and find this a hard task. me and my boyfriend have had MMANY fights about this.. over its HIS money HIS apartment ect. i tell him OK well do YOU want to pay child care, and clean and make dinner?? he still doesn't appreciate the things i do for him, and my daughter... we still fight, he will NEVER understand it. unless maybe he was put in those shoes. but then my boyfriend cant even pick up after himself. so thats more work i have to do, when it was something simple, that he could have done anyways
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 08
You know we had those fights i think up until recently. And it really makes u feel like crap. You know that if all the stuff you did wasn't done he wouldn't be happy either. If you think about how much money u r saving sometimes its crazy to work. You know sometimes it would be nice for a hey house looks nice or thank you for dinner.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
2 Feb 08
Iknow what you mean exactly!! I have been a stay at home mum for nearly 8 years now, I have 4 children 16, 7, 5, and 2 and I gave up my job to stay at home with them because to my mind it would have just been impossible to have 2 jobs, you know, full time work and mum, I would never have coped with it. Plus I wanted to be able to be there for my children when and if they needed me. You are right it does feel like other people look down on you for being at home, I feel I always have to explain myself, I feel that others think I am lazy, because there are those that think its easy to look after children and it is NOT!! They are a full time job that you dont get paid for and it is shattering and emotional at times and when they are tucked up in bed there are still chores to be done and no time to sit and relax and pamper yourself because you are too tired anyway and just want to go to bed!! My husband has been off work the last few weeks and I think he is starting to get the idea of how hard it is, and I think he is quite looking forward to going back to work ha ha.
@lightningd (1042)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world. I was a stay at home mom with my two. I did find though that once they were both in school full time, I was bored out of my tree!!! As for people looking down on you... forget about them. You are there being a parent, and most likely your kids will be far more well adjusted than ones who's parents never take time for their kids. Before anyone jumps all over me for that statement, I'm referring to those who want kids, but when they have them, they keep them so involved in extra activities, that they have no parent-child time that is very important when kids are little. These parents are the ones who drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up from day care,, shuttle them to play dates, or other activites, and not just spending quality time with them. Both of my children are nearly grown now, and I'm sure I'll miss even the evenings I get to spend with them when they are gone.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jan 08
yah, sometimes i also feel that way...but on second thoughts, we should be proud with our career as moms and housewives...bcoz being a home mom is multi-tasking..it's like being a yaya, nurse, doctor, accountant, teacher,etc to our loved ones..all-in-one! the only difference is that you work for your loved ones and not for other people's company or businesses..look at the bright side dear...being a home mom is really self fulfilling and it's fun too because you didnt miss the chance of spending time with your children. you can give them all the love & care they needed while they're still young. isn't it nice to see your children grow with you?. what's a good career if your children are all misguided?..as for your husband, maybe he's not that showy type but deep inside he appreciates all things you do. =)
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
29 Jan 08
"I feel that is an under-paid under- appreciated job. Sometimes i even feel that my husband dosen't truley appreciate what all i do" It certainly is an underpaid, underappreciated 'job' without a doubt....And my (now) husband didnt realize just how much of one it was until I went away to the Islands for a week when my kids were 2 1/2and 4 yrs old LOL...He offered to take a week off work and stay at my place with the kids while I was gone....when I got home he had a newfound appreciation and understanding for how hard being a full time parent really is LOL... Ya knwo what though crissyann....oh well to them..especially ppl who DON'T have children..they really dont have a leg to stand on and absolutely NO IDEA what being a stay at home mom is about...especially when the kids are young like yours are....Just keep doing what your doing to the best of your ability and ignore the rude ppl...They're clueless and moronic IMO ;-)
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 08
Anyone who thinks being a stay at home mom is a cake job or in any way not a career obviously has not done it. Your career is raising your kids to be adulthood, what more rewarding career can there be. I have been a nurse for 20 years, and have been staying at home with my kids for the past 4. I would not have it any other way. Yes I am tired at the end of the day, feel like i have no free time, constantly cleaning and playing referee, but I love it. As for your husband, my husband was the same way until he had to do it for a couple of months, let me tell you he changed his attitude fast and couldnt wait to return to work full time. They find out real quick that it is more work than a full time 9-5 job. As for your husbands friends I wouldnt worry about that, someday when they have kids and they find that they either have to work or want to work they will be jealous of you.
@tiffiny (884)
• United States
29 Jan 08
Every now and then I get this same feeling. I've been home for three years almost four now. And we have two little kids. From talking with mom's that do have a job most of them will tell me face to face that they couldn't sit at home all day every day with the kids. And I know that I can't have a job and balance my kid's upbringing. Some people can and Hooray for them. It's all about what makes you the happiest in life. And for the times when you feel like a maid and babysitter. Just ask your husband. He'll tell you straight up that if you weren't there his entire world would fall apart. They don't always say thank you but they really appresheate everythign you do for them.
• United States
29 Jan 08
It sounds like you have a great husband. You know my husband tries but he works soooo much i almost feel guilty to ask him for help.
@tiffiny (884)
• United States
29 Jan 08
I feel that way from time to time but man if you don't ask for help the pressure from being around the kids all the time will just weigh you down. I have tried to make it a point to take one hour on the weekend just for me. It's not that hard for your husband to play for just an hour. Just go in your room paint your toes read a book take a nap whatever pops into your head. And don't feel guilty about asking for help. Everyone needs it and I'm sure he didn't feel guilty asking your help in making the kids. Lol
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
I have always wanted to be a full-time mom. I've had my share in the corporate world and am looking forward to having the chance to be a stay-at-home mom. I know that it is not as easy as it seems but I just know I will like it because I am quite domesticated actually. I only have one daughter and intend to have just one more child. I don't think that would be too hard to handle considering that we're not planning to have baby#2 anytime soon. I want to think of me as a good companion to my daughter. We would engage in crafts and other activities wherein I can help bring out the best in her and instill discipline at the same time. We would clean the house together after hours of play and sleep beside each other when we get tired of all the activities we would have.
@pumpkinjam (5737)
• United Kingdom
9 Feb 08
I feel the same. My house is always messy because when I have time to tidy it, I'm too tired to do so! I've been a full time mum for 8 years. I have worked previously and in between. I think some people often don't realise that just because you look after your own children it doesn't mean that you have never or will never have a paid job. I also feel very under appreciated by my partner. He occassionally makes dinner because he enjoys cooking but always leaves the mess and still expects me to do the bits he doesn't like! He seems to think that because he has a paid job that he shouldn't have to help around the house or with the kids and, although he says he doesn't, he does take me for granted and expect me to do everything just because I am a "stay at home mum". The thing is, he is at home more than I am because he works short hours mostly in the evenings meaning he has plenty of time to do whatever he wants while my time is spent doing all the things my kids are doing and then of course even if I was at home, I've got my toddler with me all the time apart from 2 hours a week when he goes to nursery! I don't know if people look down on me. Well, people I know don't seem to as quite a few are full time mums and those who aren't seem to accept. I'm now working part time because we can't afford to live on my partner's wage. It's upsetting for me because I shouldn't have to do that while I'm trying to invest in my children's future. I'm also studying so that I can be ready to begin a career once my kids are ready. It is very hard work and sometimes I wish I worked 9 to 5 instead! At least I'd get paid and get breaks and holidays! But then of course I'd miss out on my wonderful children growing up. I know that they are worth my time when they tell me they love me (they are 2 and 8) and when other people comment on how cute and polite they are! I think the only way a husband would appreciate what we do is if he had to do it himself but many of them won't! (surely if they believed it was so easy, they would do it!)
@anniepa (27119)
• United States
9 Feb 08
I wouldn't worry about anyone putting you down for the choice you made in your life. I think some people may simply be envious of you so they have to try to make you feel inadequate somehow. I think it's a hard job whether someone stays home full time with her kids or works outside and home and tries to make up for the time she's away from them. It's an individual choice and the same thing doesn't work for every mom. Just be happy for who you are and don't worry about what others think. As for your husband, have you ever tried giving him your job for a day? I don't mean just keeping an eye on the kids and leaving the dishes and laundry pile up for you, I mean doing all that you do. Try it and I think he'll see things differently. Annie
• Pakistan
2 Feb 08
You are mom of three of your and your husband. You are growing them up, taking their care, feeding them, and much and many more. This is a great job of a good mother, you are performing well. You are a house hold lady. And you are performing your duties. So you are great and your husband should love you in return of the services you are providing him and his children.
• Philippines
1 Feb 08
Since I've been married and have 3 children, I was a working mom for 8 years, then I decided to quit job and concentrate on them. It has been my dream to devote all my time for my family. When my friends knew that I was quitting my job and be a fulltime housewife/mother, they actually envy me. It's actually the dream of most women, as long as the husband can support their family needs. But because of the economy, where compensation is very low, I have to go back to work. I have stayed as a full time housewife/mother only for 3 months. Being a fulltime mom/wife is very overwhelming. Yes, the chores are unending but you will feel good; when you know that they appreciate what you've done to them, when it seems that they need you around whatever they do with their lives, and when you can watch them all go on with their busy days with all your help. You can say it's harder than a 9-5 work, but when you get home, you are still the wife/mother and you have to spend some more time with them, then you now have a 9-9 schedule :) Which do you think is better? Think of it as having a good time with your family and not a pressured time with the bosses. Then you are more blessed than having a 9-5 job.
@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
1 Feb 08
This is so very very universal crissyann. Every mother of even one child has learned fast that being a mom is a low paying, basically unappreciated job. The ones who really count do appreciate you. YOUR KIDS. For sure they are at a hard age grouping now, but as they grow older, you will find they are a real joy. My boys are 13 months apart. There were times when they were babies and I was working in the home as well as with my husband on a home business that I just about wanted to DIE, from exhaustion, and from frustration and depression brought on by exhaustion. Now my boys are going to turn 16 and 17 in a few weeks. I am more than proud of them. I am also pleased to report that they really appreciate what it has meant to be a mom... they appreciate the value of all I have done and continue to do. In their own way, your toddlers also appreciate you and no doubt they love you more than anyone can ever expect another human being to love. They may not always express it in a way that adults appreciate, but they really do love you more truly than any other person ever will. Big huggles from me to you and your kids. Believe me you are not the only one who has ever wanted to give hubby and hubbies of friends or other relatives a flying kick in the pants for not realizing what you go through. Try to find a mom's group (often associated with neighborhood play groups at churches or community centers). I used to belong to two of them that provided a nursery for the kids while the moms did fun activities like recipe sharing and trying or crafts or reading or whatever for a couple hours. The ones I joined were in churches and didn't cost anything. Moms took turns providing snacks for themselves or the kids. The babysitters were generally teens or grandmothers who volunteered their time.
• United States
31 Jan 08
I am a stay at home mom and my husband goes to work in the summer. He landscapes so he is laid off in the winter time and collects unemployment. So we have a tight budget and when stuff comes up that we dont have enough money for I feel like it is my fault cuz I dont work. I feel like he is gonna blame it on me cuz I dont work. Sometimes I get the urge to find a job and then a couple days later I dont want a job and just want to sit home with my child.
@littleowl (7157)
31 Jan 08
hello crissyannelewis i have been through the experience of being a young mother with young children and not working-i agree that people do look down on you for not working yet on the other hand you are! you are a mother teacher nurse housekeeper,cook amongst a lot of other things being a mother is a full time job!!and husbands do find it hard to understsnd why you feel so shattered at the end of the day- mine did-i did homework as well to take the children out while he went to work and paid the bills then on his days off he just stayed indoors and did nothing-i also felt unappreciated by him and friends-its not nice to say but now i'm divorced from him and my children are grown up-it does get easier but through the childrens growing up it is hard-if your husband could listen understand and commuicate with you about the way your life is and that you need his support as well things might get better you can try that perhaps in time your husband and friends may understand you-from littleowl
• United States
30 Jan 08
have you ever heard this saying "a man may work from sun till sun but a woman's work is never done" That is just about the way we women believe` and we all feel that we are not appreciated I know that I have felt that way alot when my children were all younger now that they are grown I feel as if I am not wanted but that is not true