My stepdaughter.

@chrislotz (8203)
Canada
January 29, 2008 8:51am CST
I have just recently noticed my stepdaughter has decided to move in with us. The reason I say just noticed is because it was never discussed, she is just always here these days. I fell like she is taking over my household and I don't like it. I have mentioned this to my hubby and he says it's easier for her to stay with us during the week because we live closer to the university than her mother does, which is where she lives, with her mother. Now if she was young and helped around the house, I wouldn't mind so much, but she is 25 years old and in her 7th year of university and no degree. She is now, this year, taking nursing and has only one more year left to get her degree. I'm afraid she won't be getting it because this is the third major she has started and never finished. I hope she finished this one and gets a job. She hasn't worked the whole 7 years she has been going to university and we are footing the bill. I told her and my hubby that next year is the last year we are paying and if she wants to go back again she has to do it on her own. I am tried of paying and in the end her not having a degree in anything. So now she has decided to live here and I'm tried of that too. But I don't have a choice because it's my husband daughter, but I do have a choice about her taking over my house. My hubby doesn't even sit with me in the evenings anymore or talk much to me. Everything is her her her. I told him if things don't change and soon, I am leaving.
1 person likes this
5 responses
@aman1986 (39)
• India
29 Jan 08
i think u shud it a bit easy..he is her father so he wud b giving his daughter some time..yes its wrong if he dsnt give u much of the time, so u shud talk to ur husband and ask him to give u some of his time..and about ur step daughter i think what u have thought i quite right...this shud b ur step...
2 people like this
• United States
22 Oct 08
Boy do I understand this to a tee. My stepdaughter came to live with us three months ago. She just turned 17. It was a split decision and caused us to need to rearrange every room in our home to accomodate her. There was no communication as to why this needed to happen, in fact her mother did not have a clue she wanted to move. This was fine as I would rather her be with us than her mom. However, now she is upset because I will not allow a puppy to be brought into the home. I am very contientious about the cleanness of my home and I don't want animals in the house. I made this known to my husband and he passed the info on to SD. Now she's wanting to move back with mom. Except this time out in a metal storage building next to her mom's house where she can have all the freedom she wants. I think SD has also gotten wind that I do not approve of her almost 21 year old youth minister boyfriend coming over and staying until 1:00 am on the weekends in SD bedroom with the door shut. Sorry, I was not raised that way. No boys in the bedroom period. Her dad, my husband, cannot see a problem with this. Talk about guilty dad syndrome. I know all about this. No one is telling this kid she is not allowed to move in and out because something doesn't go her way. No communication whatsoever. She wants to be a big girl, she needs to get a job, instead of daddy footing the bill for her senior year, gas, her own groceries etc... She only goes to school until 11:00 am this year. Boy do I understand your pain on this one!
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
22 Oct 08
Wow, this discussion is 9 months old. I am very surprised to get another response to it after so long. Thanks, you must have dug real deep to see it. I have left my husband since I wrote this discussion. I couldn't take it anymore and have left. His daughter took over my life and I had to leave because I couldn't do it anymore. My husband choose his daughter over me, I never told him to choose, but since he let her do whatever she wanted and that included being rude to me, I left. It got to the point that everything I said to him went in one ear and out the other. My opinion and voice never meant anything to him. Now that I have left, 6 months ago, his daughter has left too. She is now living with her mother again but still uses her dad. He is still paying for everything and even bought her a car, when I didn't have one. My husband lives in a dumpy apartment so that he can afford to give his daughter even more. Now my husband makes a lot of money and can afford to live where ever he wants but then that would cut into the money he can give her. We still talk on the phone, my husband and I, so I know what is still happening. I went to see him a couple weeks ago, that is how I know what his apartment looks like. I live 1400 KM away from him. So my thinking is, he can stay there and I'll just live here, in Calgary, and he can have his daughter take care of him when he is old and alone.
• United States
22 Oct 08
Gosh, I can't believe he picked his kid over you. I thought the marriage was supposed to come first, after all, kids do eventually grow up and leave home. I bet he is kicking himself but maybe his pride will keep him from showing it. I say this because the daughter already left him. I'm sorry you had to deal with that but glad you feel better on your own. Sometimes I wonder if I would.
• Philippines
11 Aug 11
I have a stepdaughter too good thing hse's still young and dont talk back to me. I hope I can raise in a kind of person she needs to be. a nice girl girl who knows how to respect not just her next to kin but also the people around her. But I have a little dilemma her grandmother is back she's always in her grandma's house because she's close with her. I feel my SD is taking a little space from me. I hope not because I dont want her to feel that she's different from her sister (me and hubby's daughter)
• United States
29 Jan 08
that is sad because family is all some have. if the girl has not completed school? Something could be going on. I am so glad the father is sticking by his daughter's side. It would not be fair if he did not help her.However your his wife and he needs to be there to hear your concerns. If your in love with this man just work it out. Do you have any kids by him? I would hate to see his daughter being the reason you split. That is however his daughter by blood. Your his next of kin and that is by marriage. He is in the middle where things should fall into place. The daughter can easily sit down and you two can talk about her helping around the house. So that should not be an issue for you to handle. Good luck
1 person likes this
@virgo73 (17)
• Spain
14 Feb 08
Dear Chris, You are at a point where I was a year ago and completely understand your feelings, thoughts and insecurities. I have a SD who is 16 and came to live with us last year...because her mother could no longer control her until the point my SD beat her own mother. To make everything very short my conculsion was that the father has a feeling of guilt and he did everything under the moon possible to keep his daughter happy, eventhough realizing that he is putting his family (me & kids) in pain and ignorance. He will stretch you as long as you can stretch. Until the day you say you cannot anymore. Make up your mind, if you are sure you cannot live in this situation tell him and tell him you are sorry despite of having a beautiful married life and love him very much. This is the only sad part that you cannot live with anymore.......you´ll be surprised. If he loves you he will understand and atleast try to find a solution....post me back what are the results and we can continue sharing our thoughts
• Kottayam, India
29 Jan 08
That is great live like family and help each others.