Disiplining your child(ren)

United States
January 30, 2008 12:10pm CST
This subject I'm sure has been beaten to death already but I have some of my own feelings on this. Every time I turn around there is a "new" way to discipline your child(ren). It annoys me beyond all other things. Well this year I found out about a "new" way to discipline your child(ren) and that is what they call Love and Logic. The example given to me was this scenario ... If your child is running through the house with a pair of scissors you simple speak the child's name in a normal tone and ask them to give you the pair of scissors. If they do it you then praise them for doing what you asked. But they failed to say what the next step is if they don't listen. Before this "Love and Logic" there was the timeout chairs and corners. This is no longer used and not recommended in the area I live in. While I did use the technique a few times I found it to not be an answer in discipline. And before this was several others. Over the years they have taken discipline to a whole new level. What I would like to know is what methods do you use, how do they work for you, and what could possibly be next?
2 people like this
6 responses
• United States
30 Jan 08
I've used 1-2-3 Magic and think it works well. Why is Time Out not recommended in your area? After all, SuperNanny uses Time Outs! ;) (She calls it Naughty Chair or something, but basically, its a Time out!) I think Natural Consequences are a good way to go... making the punishment fit the crime! To me, that Love and Logic thing sounds like one of those things that works better on paper than in real life! "Tommy, please put down the scissors." "No!" "OH MY GOD! CALL 9-1-1! TOMMY JUST FELL ON THE SCISSORS AND POKED HIS EYE OUT!" "Why were you letting him run with scissors?" "I wasn't! I lovingly and logically asked him to put them down!"
2 people like this
• United States
31 Jan 08
LMAO that's my point to that whole love and logic crap. what are they going to say when a child falls on those scissors?
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2410)
• United States
30 Jan 08
I'm not sure that "Love and Logic" is a "new" discipline tactic. I'm pretty sure I've heard an old friend of mine talk about this for years. If I am correct it is a religious-based theory of discipline. I could be completely wrong, though, and be getting confused with something else. I have found time-out to be ineffective with both my girls and my foster son when he lived with us. It doesn't really do anything to teach the kids anything. When time out first became popular it was really meant to stop the children WHILE they were IN THE ACT of doing something and give the child a chance to compose themselves. Then it became another punishment instead of a tool. I use various methods with my girls (ages 6 and 7). They are not yet old enough for traditional grounding to really mean something, but we do take away privlidges or toys occassionally. I do spank when I feel that it is needed, but that is not too often, and I think the girls are starting to get too old for spanking. We have been known to lecture, then ask questions. I really can't describe my discipline method, as it is different depending on what is happening at the time. I really don't know what could possibly be next. I hope that the trends lean more towards stricter parenting, though.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 08
Depending on where you live depends on if you can actually spank your children nowadays too. I live in a state where we can't spank & if they find out they will remove your children.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 08
I have been hearing about more and more of that. To me it is just silly to tell parents they can't spank. I'm not saying I beat my children, but a swift pop to the rear when they are in the middle of something that I really want to stop NOW is quite effective. I don't know... I just think making spanking illegal is going too far. Parents are being told more and more, through the media, laws, and other parents, to just let the kids do whatever it is they want to do. I'm scared to see what parenting will be like when my girls have kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 08
I hear ya there. As long as the parent doesn't beat the child there should be no harm in a little swat on the rear. Crime rates are going up and so is the hatred in the world. I'm not sure I want to see what it's like when my children have kids.
1 person likes this
@sminut13 (1786)
• Singapore
31 Jan 08
the tone of your voice is most essential in letting your children know how you are feeling i feel. in my case, i tell my husband since he's not home often, you can be the angel and i'll be the devil. he should try not to be strict with him as he's already getting too much scolding from me. thus whenever my son does something wrong and my husband happens to be at home, he speaks in a stricter voice that has my son welling up tears immediately. of course not all children are like that. if i were to use your example where my son is running around with a scissors or even a knife, i would definitely be scolding him in one of my harsest tones as it's dangerous. he will recognise that i'm really angry with him and give it to me. only then will i explain to him patiently in a softer voice that it can hurt him and all. it seems to work for me. i don't really make a habit of spanking my children much. i rarely do it. i try to be patient and if he's still not listening, then i'll scold him and give him my fiercest look. grins tht works. other times though, he just plays with me and doesn't take much notice of me. he acts as if i won't do anything to him even if he is naughty which i don't except to just remind him not to do that. but if it's something serious, he will definitely stop what he's doing since i'm not happy about it. i guess everyone has their own way of doing it as not all children are the same.
• Canada
31 Jan 08
THATS SOUNDS GOOD, EXCEPT i dont know what to do now if they dont listen, and about the time out thing ( i wanna try that) but what if they wOnt stay in their spot how do you keep them in the corneR
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 08
I think you should do what you feel is right in your own heart. Personally I still believe in a swat on the butt. Some people go to far that's for sure, but you don't have to go as far as hurting them, you just have to make sure they know that you are serious. I have actually read in the Bible, that if you don't disipline your children, then it's almost as if you don't Love them.You know what to do. Good luck to you. :o)
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
31 Jan 08
"If your child is running through the house with a pair of scissors you simple speak the child's name in a normal tone and ask them to give you the pair of scissors. If they do it you then praise them for doing what you asked. But they failed to say what the next step is if they don't listen" Okay but what about explaining to the child WHY its a no no to run with sissors AND to touch things that dont belong to them?? I've never EVER been one to follow the current "parenting trends" since I think most of them are a load of crap....and I've never had any problems with my kids...Don't get me wrong my kids are kids so of course they arent perfect and they like to push buttons and test the limits just like any child would/does... what methods have i used? Spanking when they were little, a little slap in the mouth if they lipped off as they got older..Grounding, taking away toys/privlages/allowance etc, a firm voice and the list goes on....BIG HUGE KEY for me and my kids though....TALKING TO THEM..I was NEVER one to just b!tch them out and punish them....I always even when they were really little, would EXPLAIN to them why it was wrong or why its not allowed and why I'm upset and what I expect of them etc AND another HUGE KEY..LISTEN TO THEM...One thing that has always drove me crazy is these parents that have the attitude that children should be seen not heard OR that a child "is too young to have an opinion" BULLSHYT! I've always told my kids "you have a voice I want to hear it" and "tell me what you think/feel/your opinion" etc etc....Its SO IMPORTANT IMO that parents NOT treat their kids like they're less intelligent than adults and that they are too unworldly or young to really have an opinion on anything..That really sets me off when adults/parents/caregivers etc treat the kids that way..