A surprise email - I'm quite emotional!!!

@mummymo (23709)
January 30, 2008 6:18pm CST
To tell you about my surprise email I have to give you a bit of background. I was 2 when my Mum died of a brain haemmhorage, she was only 21 and my parents marriage had split up a while before that. My Mums parents adopted me and brought me up, without any help, support or contact with my real father, I haven't seen him face to face (that I know of) since I was a baby but I did telephone him while I was pregnant with my eldest. I asked him why he had put me through the feelings that I was unworthy by never even sending a birthday card or contacting me the whole time I was growing up. his reply , he didn't want to disrupt my life! I ask you I mean hello, I obviously knew my grandparent weren't my real parents , I had gone through a lot of pain and anguish over what I had done so wrong that he didn't want to know me, what was so wrong with me that even my own father didn't want to know me. Anyway I spoke to him a couple of times but he didn't seem that interested , seemed sceptical that he had adversely affected my life ( well d'uh) and never called me so I eventually broke off contact. Cut to about 2 years ago where I met and got to know his younger brother really well and I love my Uncle , I also get on really well with his wife, one day he brought 2 of my Aunts to meet me at work and I got on well with them too although I didn't swap numbers or anything and hadn't seen them since. I have kept in touch with my uncle and aunt and we exchange quite a lot of emails too. Imagine my surprise when I opened my email tonight and found a mail from one of the aunts I had met a couple of years ago. She said she had stumbled across my email and hoped I didn't mind her contacting me and that it was too late now if I did lol Mind I was really emotional and quite touched , I had to blink the tears away. It is really strange knowing you have family so close by (my dad lives less than a mile from me) that you don't really know. I cannot imagine ever being in a relationship with my dad - as far as I am concerned he has burnt his bridges with me and I will not allow him to hurt my children, he did enough damage to me but I am quite excited at having a relationship with other members of my family. Don't worry I won't jump in with both feet, I am going to take it slow and easy but it is an exciting prospect. Have you had any emails that are such a surprise or from someone you don't know? Was it a good or bad outcome? How did you feel? xxx
7 people like this
9 responses
@lilaclady (28245)
• Australia
31 Jan 08
You sound like a very caring person, and it is sad that your father has missed out on sharing your life,...his loss i think, yes it is nice when good things like emails from family come your way, I know how you fee, i get this same buzz when someone that I don't know gets in touch with regarding my webpage which I did as a tribute to a friend now gone, I am so happy for you, I am sure things will work out for you ok if you just take one step at a time....
@mummymo (23709)
31 Jan 08
Thank you lilaclady for your kind words and yes I think a buzz is the right word to describe how I felt. It must be very emotional for you to set up a website as a tribute to your friend - is the link on your profile? xxxx
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28245)
• Australia
31 Jan 08
Thank you yes i have my webpage on my profile, I am very proud of it as i really know nothing about that sort of thing... :)
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
31 Jan 08
As soon as I have caught up here a little bit I am going to go have a look and read your site - I am sure you have done a great job! xxx
1 person likes this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
5 Feb 08
Awww Mo, I am so happy for you Darling..I have to tell you that it brought more then one tear reading this...You are one of the most wonderful people I have been fortunate enough to run across...I will tell you straight out that not knowing you is your biological father(he isn't a dad)huge loss!..I am happy that your aunties will be getting to know you..to know you Doll is to love you so I know it will all work out..And think for Niamh and Niall to have these aunts in their lives..You deserve this and more ..I love you dearly... xoxoxoxoxo Mom
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
5 Feb 08
Mom you are so loving and you can always bring a tear to my eye - I love the way that you always see only the best in me, it makes me always want to be the best me I can! If that makes sense? I hope it all works out too but I am keeping Niall and Niamh out of it until I can be more sure of it - I will not have my children hurt in any way! I am the lucky one Mom , I am so glad that I found that discussion about Scotland and answered it - I cannot imagine you not being part of my life! Love and Hugs xxxxxxxx
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
5 Feb 08
We both must have been very good in a past life to be so blessed in this one,no? oxxoxoxoxo
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@mummymo (23709)
5 Feb 08
definitely - probably the life where we were born as family! xxx
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48764)
• United Kingdom
31 Jan 08
Sweetie that is wonderful and I am so glad that they have contacted you I know you won't jump in with both feet and that you will take Baby steps because I will make sure that you will No one is going to hurt you again Girl so just remember that I am happy for you Love you Sweetie xxxxx
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26820)
• United Kingdom
31 Jan 08
If anyone tries to hurt you again you'll have us to deal with right? A big bad wolfie can be quite frightening, great news sweetheart, we are very happy for you and you know where I am ;0) xxxhugsxxx
@mummymo (23709)
31 Jan 08
Aww My Angel and My ickle brother are both looking out for me how can anyone ever hurt me with you guys protecting me? What would I do without you? xxx
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48764)
• United Kingdom
31 Jan 08
Of course we do and just let them try as Wolfie says xxxx
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
31 Jan 08
no cant say that I have. as only some of my family has internet service and the only one that IMs me once in awhile is a male cousin. ANd he will only do it if something happens with my mom that he dont think any one has called me about! I would love to get one from one of my sons that I dont know where he is for he stoped contact years ago even with his brother. also would love to find an old girl /pal that I have lost contact with as she moved alot and phone nos have changed even her moms no got changed.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
31 Jan 08
so glad that she has got hold of you! MAybe you can learn more of why dad did what he did. take care hugs
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@mummymo (23709)
31 Jan 08
Aww sweety I sure hope that your son will get in touch one day soon and that you can track down your old friend! I know it must be very hard not knowing where your son is but I am sure that he will get in touch at some point. I already know that he considered objecting to my grandparents adopting me but thought that I would be better off with them but I also know that even in those circumstances I would have climbed every obstacle (there were none in his way) to maintain some contact. I have worked through the pain he caused me but I won't lay my children open to being hurt by him - my Uncle would love to get me and my dad together but even he admits that he probably wouldn't put in the work to build and maintain a realtionship with my kids! xxx
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
31 Jan 08
well this son dont know us and his brother iiiiiiare in Nevada . and I dont stay in touch with his real dad . and is so sad that a dad would do that to a kid but then 3 of my boys had their dad give them u p for adoption and it took me 27 years to find them.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 08
I believe your Dad was and is suffering from the guilty syndrome or else he is the black sheep of the family and it was your mom’s misfortune to have fallen for him. I say this coz the rest of the family seems decent and caring enough. I mean they have nothing to gain from you so why would they suddenly try to keep the contact. As you are careful enough, so no ‘advise’ really on that but I do hope you have a lot more of happy incidents with the family so that your children can grow up knowing that yes they too have somebody from their maternal grandpa’s side. These things are very important to children as I know. My family is very limited and my mom is not very close to either her own family or my dad’s family. I have grown up practically as a loner and now my son actually doesn’t know much of his extended family. Things have gone quite far so no point in trying to rebuild them, but for you and your children, I am genuinely happy.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
8 Feb 08
sudiptacallingu thank you so much for this wonderfully caring insight! I am so sorry that you have so little family to turn to - Even without my 'dads' family my extended family is huge and I have always had people to turn to. Thank you for caring so about myself and my children - I really do appreciate it! xxxx
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
3 Feb 08
That's wonderful! I'm so pleased for you. Your dad sounds like my first husband. The most feeble excuse not to be a father is good enough for them. My girls dad's excuse for not being in touch was "they don't contact me". I did him such a big favour when I left him and not once did he take the girls out or have them over to visit. His whole family took the opportunity to disassociate themselves from us. So my girls didn't know their grandparents, aunts, uncle or cousins. How can a whole family do that to a couple of innocent children? The fact is, my girls dad was a bit of a teenage monster and I was innocent of the facts. They kept the details of his crimes from me and I didn't find out till we were married. I was the innocent one but they treated me like a leper. I hope these people are good to you Mummymo, just keep a little bit of caution by your side though. You need to stay well and healthy. Love you. xx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
3 Feb 08
Aww MsTickle that is rough on you and your girls! I bet you were a wonderful Mum and that your girls love and respect you for it! I will be careful - it took me a long time for me to let my Uncle in - I don't blame him and my aunts though they were very young themselves they are only 7 and 8 years older than me so there wasn't much they could do at the time! I am doing my best to stay well and healthy - I hope you are looking after yourself and feeling a lot better? Love and Hugs xxx
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@TerryZ (22085)
• United States
31 Jan 08
Awwww mummymo I think thats wonderful. Your right to take it nice and slow. I dont blame you one bit for feeling the way you do about dad. I dont know my dad and thats just fine with me too. I wish you all the best. As far as getting any emails from people I didnt expect no I havent.xx
@mummymo (23709)
31 Jan 08
Thank you so much for understanding Terry - I think it affected me so badly because I knew he lived less than a mile from me! xxx
@lightningMD (5933)
• United States
31 Jan 08
i think it is great that your Aunt contacted you. I hope you can build a relationship with her. It is your fathers loss that he was not involved in your life. My ex did the same thing to our kids. He has not seen them since they were babies. Now that my daughter is married and has kids he wants to see them. My daughter will not allow it. She is still in touch with his family though.I think your grandparents did a fantastic job of raising a wonderful and caring adult.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
31 Jan 08
I am sorry that your children went through that too but I bet that you were a fantastic Mum and they love you very much. I have said before that it is my dads loss - apart from me he has missed out on 2 wonderful grandkids! I cannot blame your daughter for refusing to let her father into her life now, who could blame her. My Grandparents are the best (although we lost my Grandad 9 years ago) my Gran is still looking out for me now and she is 83 - I know I was very lucky to have them. Hugs xxxx
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
31 Jan 08
The truth is that I've never received such a mail like the one you received, but I am very happy that if someone has, it's you. You're always loving and caring, mummy, so it makes me smile that that mail arrived to your inbox. hugs.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
31 Jan 08
Aww Lightnin darling you are so sweet - I know I can always rely on you to make me feel good about myself! Glad I could make you smile! xxx