As many of you know.....

United States
January 31, 2008 8:16pm CST
I am a Christian, but my husband is trying to find his place in life. He's been reading his Bible and and listening to Christian music, but sometimes I wonder if he's doing it for me or if the Lord is really starting to touch his life. I recently posted that we are going to renew our vows when he gets home, but the problem i'm having is that I think we are doing it for two totally different reasons. I am doing it as a new start and life for us and he's doing it because i never got my dream wedding. I wanted to renew our vows as a sign that we were both following the same path and to renew in front of God to serve him in our marriage, the both of us. i don't think he's at that place yet, so i am wanting to hold off on it until things really change for him and he can lead his family as a Christian like he's supposed to be doing it. I talked to him about this and he got really upset that i wanted to hold off and said that he was really trying. What should I do? I don't feel like we would be doing it for the right reasons if we did it just to have a wedding. I feel like God would be displeased with that because He's wanting a renewal of something true and a fresh start as Christians. I have been a Christian for many years, but is it wrong of me to have this wedding making vows to God when my husband doesn't really know God yet. I mean, he knows there is a God, buti don't believe he's accepted Him yet as his Lord and Savior. What do you think about this or am i just being crazy and should give him this wedding right away. he is so excited about it and i don't want to hurt his feelings or let him down. I just want it done in God's time, not ours. thanks in advance and i look forward to hearing comments on this issue. God bless
2 people like this
8 responses
@SViswan (12072)
• India
1 Feb 08
From what I understand from the post, I think your husband is really trying....the initial reason might have been to please you...but trying to know God and understand is a totally different thing and whatever the reason for starting out, the end result will be the same. If you feel that it is important to renew your vows as Christians and your husband is not there yet...you can talk to your husband...tell him that you can see that he is trying and that he can let you know when he is ready to take his vows as a Chrisitian. Your husband will be the right person to tell you when he is sure that God has touched his life. Did you just tell him that you want to hold off or did you tell him that you wanted to hold off because you felt that your husband wasn't ready? How ready does your husband think he is? I'm asking from the Christian point of view and not about giving you something you've always wanted.
• United States
1 Feb 08
i told him that i thought we should hold off until we were both on the same level and until he was truly saved. He really is trying and i see that and respect him for that, but i also want it done for the right reasons. my husband doesn't know how ready he is Christian wise, just that he still wants to do it as soon as he gets home. so i don't know what to do. i don't wanna hurt him by not going a head with the wedding, but i also wanna do what i feel God is telling me to do which is wait for the right time. but, maybe it will be the right time by the time he comes home...we'll just have to see. he's still got four more months over there and a lot can happen in four months. i'm just going to proclaim in the name of Jesus that he will be saved and we can continue as planned. thanks for responding and God bless
@SViswan (12072)
• India
1 Feb 08
Yes, 4 months is a long time and you should wait to see the situation then before discussing it again. Since you can see he is trying, you have to give him the chance. All the best!
• United States
2 Feb 08
thank you very much!
@Springlady (3986)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Hi asg, I can understand what you are feeling. You want him to truly know the Lord and God very well may be working in him to draw him closer to Him. The best advice I can give you is to pray for him. When you are together, pray together and read God's Word together. Let him know how much you love him and how much God loves him and wants him to be saved. God bless you! :)
• United States
4 Mar 08
i am and do continue to pray for him. i know that's all i can do at this point. thanks so much for your words of encouragement. God bless
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 08
I feel your pain and the only thing I know for certain is the more he feels pushed the harder it will be for him. I found two things helpful with my husband: 1) PRAY!! PRAY!! and then you guessed it pray some more. God will deal with his heart in his time and way. 2) I heard it said somewhere that there are two men living inside of each man, a fool and a king. And the one you speak to will answer you. Try to talk to him as if he were already the leader he is supposed to be. Maybe by going ahead with his plans ie.. letting him lead the very thing you hoped for will come to pass. Remember God does things in strange ways at times start walking as the Bible describes in Proverbs and perhaps it will speed the process but if not I assure you, there will be more peace in your heart. At least that is what happened for me.
• United States
4 Feb 08
I totally agree. I want him to keep walking forward, not taking steps back, so i know that the only thing for me to do is pray and ask God to touch his heart in a way it's never been touched before. thank you for your words. they are very encouraging. God bless
• Philippines
3 Feb 08
your husband is still on his way to finding God. and maybe the reason why God put u together is because He wanted you to help your husband find his way to Him. Faith is not about who has been a Christian for so long and who's just starting to become one. The act itself of searching for God is very Christian enough. With your love, you can help your husband get to where you are now. You just need to have faith in him the same way you have faith that God will help him find his way. And if he does find the way, then you two will be walking hand in hand in the same path -- both leading to God's grace and merciful love.
• United States
4 Feb 08
thank you so much for responding. You are right. I can't say much to him, if he is at least searching for God then he is doing something right. I don't want to hurt his walk and i think if i were to postpone it, it might because he is really excited about this and i don't wanna disappoint or turn away anything he is looking for. thanks again and God bless
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
2 Feb 08
If I know men, he is not doing that for you. If he were doing it for you, it would be BEFORE you were married. That is why so many girls marry men who say they made their choice to become Christians but when the temptations of the world comer, the men fall away. This is because men and women are wired different. Men want to be leaders and if you had told him to come to church, then he would not have, so therefore he is doing it for the Lord. You cannot judge your faith by his. Some people turn all spiritual and have this pious look about them, some talk about God and some live it. Also we do not know God's time. The best thing is to take the clue from your pastor and your elders. They can determine whether your husband is ready. So, is he going to your church? Does your church have instructions, and has he professed or become a member of the church with the rights of that Church? So if he has not, you can renew your vows as soon as he has become a full fledged member.
• United States
3 Feb 08
he says that he's gonna start going as soon as he comes home, which is four months away. i will have to see. i told him though that he needed to go because he wanted to, not because he felt like i was making him. That is the only way he will truly know God, because if he goes just because i want him there he's only gonna resent me and the church and not get fed the way he needs to. We'll see though. only time will tell. thanks and God bless
@loved1 (5337)
• United States
1 Feb 08
Boy, it is hard to be married to a lukewarm Christian. You are not the only one! I think you should give this problem to God. Your husband knows the way to God, but only he can choose to go there. In the mean time, I would hate to think he would get a "bad taste in his mouth" because he felt like someone was pushing him too fast. I know it is frustrating, but you have to let God do things in His own time. Your job is to pray for your husband and believe God's promises. Faith can move mountains!
• United States
3 Feb 08
this is true. I don't try and push him into church or push him into Christianity...i can't do that, only God can if my husband will allow him. i do pray constantly for him though and i know that in being a Christian, one day my prayers will be answered. thanks and God bless
• India
1 Feb 08
Reading Bible - a man reading books to gain knowledge
Hi asgtswife04, I think your husband is realy trying it by heart, let him do it. Whatever be the reason you look into it, whether he is selfish about the marriage or some other reason, somehow he has got some belief in god the reason may you, but the fact is he going some steps towards god. What I think is let him continue for some times,you will observe lot of changes in his attitude and thinking. Peoples will change slowly but I think everything is favour of your married life. All the best.
• United States
3 Feb 08
thank you very much for your comments. i will definitely think on this. God bless
• United States
1 Feb 08
Hi darlin', I found this discussion when I viewed your profile. It struck a nerve - so I had to relay this story to you. I'll keep it short because the actual 'real' version could be quite lengthy. I was on my path. My husband was on his. I wanted our paths to be one. I tried my best, with what understanding I found to do the things I though would lead him to God. In short, I got a word from God who instilled in me a most valuable saying. He said, "You take care of your own soul. I'll take care of your husband". That message to me was an eye opener. His word says, "...the spouse is santified through the believer...". That meant, (to me), that I was to continue my walk with God. I know that I am blessed. Therefore, if the spouse is santified through the believer, my husband was blessed too.! It also meant, if I continued my walk of faith, and was blessed, my husband HAD to find his 'right' path. It just had to happen in God's time - not mine. Sure enough, as God always keeps his promises, even though it took my husband a while to learn, after all these years now, I can report to you that my husband is one of the most spiritual men I know. Sure, he still has his moments - but don't we all. He now witnesses to others and ministers to others when the Holy Spirit prompts him to. The point? - Continue your walk with God. Find out who you are in Christ. "Seek YE first, the Kingdom of God - and all 'these' things will be added unto you". Stand firm in your faith girl........Do your part, and God will ALWAYS do His part. He promised.......... Be Blessed........you are a child of the Most High....and satan has no power over you (except that which you give him)........
• United States
3 Feb 08
thank you so much for the encouraging words. you have given me so much kindness and i'm so appreciative of that. I definitely am a child of the Most High and I pray continuously. I know i cannot change my husband. God has to and he has to let God change him. Until that day comes, i will continue to pray and live in my faith so that my husband sees me as an example. thanks again so much and God bless you