a 19 yr old that still lives at home

@sissy67 (225)
United States
February 5, 2008 8:53am CST
My daughter still lives with us and that is not an issue. We actually prefer that she live here while she goes thru her college yrs. She does work part time and she also does alot of babysitting for extra money. She sells Avon too. She pays for her own car and her own auto insurance...and her cell phone bill too. Now....the question is...when she does little things (immature) things that are wrong....fighting with her sister.....little piddly things...how do u deal with that without treating her like she is 13 all over again. I mean something needs to be done, but what? She tattles all the time on her little sister and brother...she whines...but at the same time she does her chores around the house and acts mature and responsible in other ways.
6 people like this
11 responses
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I am so glad you started this discussion. My daughter is 18 and though she doesn't have a job yet, (she does have applications in, just waiting for someone to hire her), she fights with her 5 year old brother..
@kykidd (6823)
• United States
5 Feb 08
I think you have the sibling rivalry whether they live at home or not at this age. I guess you might mention to her that she is an adult and needs to try to overlook things, then maybe the other kids would start treating her as an adult.
2 people like this
11 Feb 08
I know how you feel, as I have a 19yr old son still living at home also. He has a part time job, but sometimes acts like a little kid. He has two younger brothers also, whom he likes to pick on sometimes. I think it's a power trip sometimes, like he's the man of the family. I am a single mother so there is no father figure in the house. He does try to act like a father to his brothers sometimes, but other times, he drives me nuts. Sometimes I want to tell him it is time to move out, but that's a tough one. He is my baby after all. Everything I've taught my son, I've had to talk myself blue in the face, so I'm guessing that talking to him about this is going to be the same. I think at that age they want to be so grown up, and yet a part of them still wants to be the baby, to be babied. Good luck to you with your daughter, maybe we'll both figure something out.
@chrislotz (8207)
• Canada
10 Feb 08
Well I guess that at 19 years old she is still a child, by the sounds of it. You just need to sit her down and explain the rules of the house to her again. She needs to understand that she can't be acting like a little child and she has to leave the other kids alone and quit being a bully to them. She is an adult by age but she isn't an adult by her actions. If you explain these things to her and tell her what is expected of her she may settle down. If not then treat her like a child still and ground her. She'll get it after awhile.
@dani27 (546)
• United States
7 Feb 08
I think the biggest thing is that she feels like an adult so it probably is hard on her to be at home and around her sibblings etc. So it makes her fight, whine and tattle more. I know when I went to college and then came home for a few months before I got married it was a lot harder I almost felt like I owned the place. Luckily I wasn't home too long and got married and I changed but I do see how that can happen. I would just tell her that you love her being there but say that you don't need her tattling and whining. In a nice way tell her that you are the parent. Good luck.
@m1986h (45)
• China
6 Feb 08
she is a good girl,butsheis notvery old,
@bunmi2501 (467)
• Nigeria
6 Feb 08
From all indication is seems matured to me, you need to have to advise on the area of picking on her siblings, she needs to realise that part of the factor of maturity is being accommodative and she as to show that at home too, cos I know she will be learning to accommodate at work or at school.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
6 Feb 08
My 21 year old lives at home and for the most part is responsible and mature and does help but she is not above arguing with her 14yr old sister over the silliest stuff. I just usually let them work it out themselves...sisters do that regardless of age. I know becuz I have 4 of them and the 30 year old will also argue with the younger ones. I only step in if it gets really out of hand which is very rare.
@lightningd (1042)
• United States
6 Feb 08
My oldest is nearly 19, and while he doesn't live with us while he's in college, (because it's 4 hours away), he does come home every couple weeks, and was home over Christmas break. And the usuall goofing off, sibling rivalry starts within minutes of them being together. I think it will eventually stop, when they're in their 20's and I'm past caring!! Mine are both boys, with a 2 1/2 year age distance. I am an only child so I never dealt with that issue. As for what to do, I guess you could treat her like an adult and speak to her about knowing when to step away, take the high road and mind her own business as far as the tattling. As for the whining, well, tell her she is now an adult. I once read that older children should be expected to act like guests in your home, that would mean to me, that she would behave as if she were visiting someone elses family.
• United States
6 Feb 08
Hmm you can't do much as she isnt a child and every person get annoyed and grumpy sometimes, even adults. So i'd take that into consideration. As long as she's being responsible (and it sounds like she is) I wouldnt be too hard on her and just remind them all to be reasonable with each other (don't single anyone out). Good luck!
• United States
5 Feb 08
You can't do much about this. My sister has three boys and this is a part of the house fixtures. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. Let her know she is the bigger one and should model her behavior for the little ones. I wish I had more kids to fight with my daughter.