Sisterly Hate

Sisters - Sisters should be friends
@retsky (14)
Australia
February 6, 2008 6:57am CST
One of my teenage daughters (R) moved out of home a few months ago now. My youngest (E) is still at home living with me. Before (R) moved out of home, there were arguments between them. A few days after (R) moved out of home, (E) ended up in hospital with appendix trouble. (R) was told about it by me, but she failed to pass the message on to school friends and the rest of the family, hence no one went to visit (E) in hospital for the four days she was there. Now, (E) has such hate for (R) that I dont know whether they will ever talk again. It as been 6 months now and it upsets me as a mother because I cant have (R) over for dinner or the night because of (E), not to mention I will not be around one day and (E) will be all alone. I just wonder if anyone has had a similar situation with sisters and how it turned out in the end, or if it did. I dont have a sister, but I cant imagine not talking to her if I had one.
2 people like this
5 responses
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
6 Feb 08
I have 2 sisters. One is a 1/2 but we don't consider it that way. I have had arguments with them. And we have ended up not speaking. My sister says I favor the 1/2 sister. The two of them don't speak. And I have given up on trying to build the bridge for them. 6 months is about the longest I have gone w/o speaking to each. Daughter R could be invited over for dinner. It may be a huge blow up to be sure. But maybe that is what is needed to clear the air. You could tell E that you know R has been wrong. But that they will have to work it out amongst themselves. It is wrong for you to have to choose 1 child over another. Hope it all works out,good luck!
1 person likes this
@retsky (14)
• Australia
7 Feb 08
Thanks for the input. It makes it awkward and if I have R over, E leaves the house or the room and gets almost angry at me for talking to her. I am a more forgiving person. She DID leave us in such a mess without contacting for 3 months. I can understand E a lot, R was almost always favoured by G/Parents much to my disgust. E feels not good enough and resentful and is going out of her way to prove something, but she will get over it. Thanks for your comment. I will never choose any child over the other.
@MsSasha (20)
• United States
7 Feb 08
Is there any way that (E) just feels abandoned? If they were close before, moving can be a huge blow. If you think it's otherwise.. you may just want to let them duke it out. I'm sure there are a lot of hurt feelings on both sides that need to be said.
@retsky (14)
• Australia
7 Feb 08
Yep! E feels definately abandoned. Like I said, her own father didnt even go see her in hospital. He has a whole new family now and a son (most important). R is a more demanding and I had rules she didnt particularly want to live by, like no drinking till your older etc. Father drinks daily, and passes out, so, R finds it easier over there to do her own thing. 16 y/o.. I cant drag her body home. E has always told R though 'I dont like you, I just put up with you cos your my sister'. and she is the youngest. Damned if you do, damned if you dont.
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
7 Feb 08
I agree with the first poster. I would probably invite daugther R over and let them have it out. I think the air needs to be cleared so they both can move on and hopefully be sisters together again. I bet they really miss each other but because neither of them want to admit fault, and are stubborn, I think letting them have it out i.e. talk would be a good start. I have a twin sister and I would hate it if we parted over an arguement. She is my best friend and one who I confide in and talk with daily. I would hate it if our friendship/sisterly love was broken.
@retsky (14)
• Australia
7 Feb 08
True, I just dont want all the smashed items in the house. Just today E abused R at school. E is making herself look bad by trying to make her sister look bad. but thanks for your comment. I hope they sort it out. The girls father is a twin, but he is not really close to his brother the way they used to be, nor is he particularly loving to E. I love the whole twin thing, and I have known quite a few. It always amazes me for the whole secret language. Do you and your sister share that?
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
6 Feb 08
Growing up with my sister that is two years younger than me, we ALWAYS argued! When I got married and moved out we became really close though. Even though we live in two different states now, there is hardly a day that we don't talk. It was 12 years ago this June that I moved out and we are best of friends. I hope things straighten up for your daughters. Maybe as they get a little bit older they will realize what they have.
@retsky (14)
• Australia
7 Feb 08
Yeah, or dont have. There comes a point you just cant be piggy in the middle anymore. I am there now. Thanks and a positive story is always appreciated.
• India
13 Feb 08
I believe it has more to do with teenage tantrums than anything else. In most sibling relations, the elder one either feels intense hatred or intense protection towards the younger one. Both of these are abnormal and we parents, unknowingly, foster these unhealthy feelings in their growing years and then when they are adults, we don’t know what to do. You much of course have your elder daughter over for dinner or the night…never compromise with unjust demands of your child, you are only spoiling her more. At the same time, tell your elder daughter very firmly that it was indeed very irresponsible of her not to inform the family and friends about her younger sister’s sickness and what she did was not correct. Do not take sides as a mother but try and make both of them feel special to you as your individual child.