Cyn Can Write Too...Who Would Have Thunk It?

United States
February 6, 2008 6:01pm CST
I've been saving this for when I reached this milestone so I didn't have to retype if from this other site I have it posted on. I wrote this "poem" if you will, a year ago to the day. It is only fitting I post it here now. Enjoy the read. Comments are welcomed. - YOU - I woke up this morning way too early. My mind was void of last night's dreams. Unusual, but not unprecedented. Then I felt the filth blanket me. You invaded my unfocused, unawake mind. You have a habit of doing that. I hate the small vestiges of power You still try to hold. My skin starts to crawl. I feel Your sickness wrapping around me again. Every hair on my head feels it. An oil, a muck, to call it filth again would be a compliment, slickening my flesh, washing over me. I snarl, I rub my skin, trying to get Your grip off of me. I rush to the shower, not quick enough. My nails bite into my skin, trying to peel Your disease off of my body. My blood adds to Your contagion, maddening me further. The shower won't get hot enough. It scalds my skin as it is. I still feel You. I smell, the stench of Your lingering attentions. Why couldn't Your love have been as attentive as this malingering insanity? Your plague smothering me with it's rot. I turn the water up hotter and hotter still. Trying to purify my thoughts and body of You. You are a disease to me. You defile my life with your worthless existence to this very day. I wash the viscous memories off of my skin. Again and again. The steam cleansing my thoughts of You. The air thick with heat, the vileness of You washing down the drain. Baptized by boiling water, purified, disinfected and decontaminated. I open my eyes. I've defeated You once again. I know now the memory of You will die. Your hold ceases to entrap me any further. My freedom is my daily vaccination against You. Time and over 200 miles away from you weakens Your grasp. I am free, having broken Your curse once and for all. Every day I heal, every day I get stronger. You had Your chance to spend Your life with me. You squandered it away. You don't have to relinquish your grip on me. That has been done for you by others with more power than you. I've struck You down in a final blow, ending Your reign of tyranny in my mind, just like I ended Your tyrannical rule of my life. The difference between You and I, is I kept growing. You stagnated at some point, turning into an infectious brew. A boil, a tumor, a gangrenous mass, You have many names, many symptoms. Now You're nothing but an omission, not remission. I eagerly awaited this day. This battle I have won. I longed for this victory, I've felt it in my bones. My soul laughs at Your ever weakening attempts at controlling me. My heart shrugs You off, even in it's damaged state. I blame You for my broken heart. Literally and figuratively. To hate You would fuel Your contagion, it would require too much strength. Instead, I deny You, I don't even dignify You with a name. You are You, and nothing more. You are now nothing but the past. You don't deserve the words I've already immortalized You in, but they are necessary. I can stand alone. I have proven it time and time again, while being without you. But this time I don't have to. You always underestimated me. You always thought you knew everything. You were dead wrong....and now... You are dead to me.
4 people like this
8 responses
@o2bfree (225)
• United States
12 Feb 08
K....so I read it and I sit here crying, not being able to imagine that someone I Loved and thought Loved me....could do this to me! I am a very compassionate person and I guess to my own demise. I tried to always accept he was human and acting out of his woundedness, but am realizing that his pain is not mine to carry. It is totally disfunctional and will destroy me if I let it. Please keep talking to me....I need your insight and moral support. Pretty sure I am losing it over here : ( While I will probably never be as cynical and outspoken as you are, I too hope to be able to write a poem of the VOID in my life one day.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Feb 08
I really wish people wouldn't cry when they read this. It truly does have a happy ending. But the wrath and hatred I was filled with when writing it for the first time was really weighing down my soul so this was how I got it out of me. I said on your discussion and I will say it here too. I am here to listen whenever you need an ear. You may not realize it right away but sometimes that is the only thing someone needs...an ear. someone to listen to them when they think their world is crumbling around their feet. After they speak what is on their mind and in their heart they start to feel better. I am glad you are already able to see that this pain he is projecting on you is not yours to carry. And I will do whatever I can to help you through this as much as possible so you don't let it destroy you. And don't worry, in all my 29 years on this planet I have yet to come across anyone AS cynical and outspoken as I am. I like being the only one ;)
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
7 Feb 08
Cyn! My god! Wow! I'm damn near struck dumb! Not quite, but damn near. If I told you that this gave me goosebumps all over my body and made my cry, would it surprise you? No? Didn't think so. Geez, honey, can you possibly have expressed it any better? Boy, did you ever take away their power! And what an insidious power it was. To be honest, I felt much the same way about my first husband - his cruelty was far and above a bane in my soul. And it was matched by a false love, for lack of a better word, which made it that much worse. Anyway, sorry, back to the point at hand. Ooops, did I say sorry????? Sorry. Ha, ha. Interesting, that you would choose today to post this though. Hmmm, could it be that someone else might be making you feel this same way? Someone entirely too close here? Someone else you'd like to scrub off of your 'skin'? Yup. Me too. Great work, Cyn! Truly. Amazing and powerful and strong and huge.
• United States
8 Feb 08
Wow... I am speechless at the moment. Thats hard to do Cyn make me speechless. I know what it feels like to want to wash and wash your body because it feels seeped in stench. So this cut me. What I do like in this piece is that you end it in victory, you didn't give in to the defeat. It has a strong pull for the reader to finish it and the imagery is brutal. Okay So much for me being speechless :))) It never lasts long... good job !
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 08
Rotflmao :))) we shall make interesting friends :)))
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 08
It took a lot for me to get where I am and I am so happy to say a year after writing this for the first time I am still the victor. I have not faltered not once! I am the same way on the speechless thing. I start out that way then my brain takes over and my mouth won't stop. lol
1 person likes this
@zenmachado (1617)
• United States
10 Feb 08
Loved the open candor in this self expression...
1 person likes this
@danzer (2723)
• Philippines
7 Feb 08
That was I think a poem that comes from the heart. If you don't mind, to whom was it addressed? It seems that along the lines, there's something that transpired between the two of you with the one whom you directed the poem. Just curious!
2 people like this
• United States
7 Feb 08
You are so perceptive. LoL Yeah, I wrote this after I through my ex of almost 7 years out of my life and moved on without him while he whined and cried and threatened and schemed damn near every day for 8 months to try to get me back.
2 people like this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
7 Feb 08
Holy wow! Very nice and mean...but true! Loved it! I wish I would have had a copy years ago- LOL!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 08
I have plenty. But this is one of the only ones that doesn't violate the bad language clause. Muah
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 08
lol
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 08
very deep I LUV IT. now im wondering what happened in your life and who is this to. LOL
• United States
12 Feb 08
You will get some idea from reading my first post ever about the father who could do such a thing so he is the vile creature this post was dedicated to. The story is a long one but I'm sure through some reading you will get all the info you need. LOL Thanks for the comment.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 08
dang girl im now almost sorry i ever got on yer case bout some of the thngs you rite here. again, i dont do this poerty crap but there was a very powerful message in this 1. id hate to be this guy. what ever happend to him or will telling me land u up in the pokey?