What can I do?

United States
February 7, 2008 10:31am CST
My son, who is 17 months old, is sick. He is normally a very good sleeper, but he hasn't been sleeping well lately. He is very congested, and I feel bad for him. When he wakes up, I sit with him in the recliner and he sleeps better there. We usually sleep there for a couple hours and then I put him back in bed and he sleeps until morning. I think he needs the extra cuddle time, plus sleeping in a more upright position is probably much more comfortable since he is so congested. I have tried propping up his mattress, but he just rolls down to the low end. My husband thinks I am coddling him and should leave him in his crib. I feel bad doing that, because he only started this not sleeping well since he got sick- it's been about a week. My husband says I am making it a habit and even when he gets better he will expect to be picked up and cuddled when he wakes up at night. But I can't just leave him there to cry, and he's pretty much inconsolable when he wakes up during the night. Should I continue to sit with him when he wakes up? Or is my husband right?
2 people like this
6 responses
• India
8 Feb 08
well ur husband is totaly wrong because its ur child not anyother's child i think u should get up and do wht u r doing because this way ur child love about u will increase. i donot know perfectly but i think if ur son makes habbit then what . he will leave after few time
• United States
8 Feb 08
Actually, he is my husband's son, too. So I do take my husband's opinion seriously. He deserves to have some say in how we raise our son.
1 person likes this
• India
8 Feb 08
wht ever u want
@angelface23 (2498)
• United States
8 Feb 08
Look men don't know anything. Your baby is sick and he needs all the extra attention he can get. I have heard it is bad to prop up the matress. Don't do that. If you have a chair you can sit in while holding him, get his favorite blanket, book, toy, etc. Sing to him and rock him. Try baby vicks to help clear his passages. He will not expect this all the time. Men are just dumb.
• United States
8 Feb 08
Actually, there have been plenty of times when my husband has been able to calm our son down when I couldn't. Just a couple of nights ago he wouldn't go to sleep and was crying. I held him and he was still crying. My husband came in to help and my son laid right down and stopped crying. My husband sat with him and spoke very soothingly to him and he was asleep pretty quickly. That is what my husband thinks we should do instead of holding him while he sleeps. Sometimes it works. Not always. That's where I have the problem. When it doesn't work that way, I do sit with him.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Feb 08
No problem. I'm defensive- he is a wonderful father.
• United States
8 Feb 08
I think to some extent you are both right. Both my hubby and myself would sit up with our son when he wasn't feeling well and quite often it was my hubby who sat with him through the night. Our son is almost 5 yo now and he still seeks out my hubby when he doesn't feel well. He'll lay with our son, until he's resting comfortably and then come back to bed. For the congestion, do you use a vaporizer? There are some fairly inexpensive ones at WalMart/Target etc. Some of them have an inhalant that is steam activated. It has made a huge difference with our son, who seems to always have cold symptoms (just allergies, however) We also gave our son an extra pillow as he got older, just to prop him up higher and help him breathe easier at night. I know it's a tough subject, but at 17 months, I think helping your child get comfortable enough to sleep isn't exactly coddling...they don't know how to do it themselves at that age (tho I wished they did, we lost alot of sleep w/ our youngest) at 4 years old, our son knows he needs to fix his pillow to sleep propped up a bit higher, so I believe the time was well-spent. Hopefully some of this helps you.
• United States
9 Feb 08
I do use a vaporizer, and VapoRub. I know that at his age he needs the extra comforting. But I'm such a softie, and my husband wants to make sure we don't break him of the wonderful sleeping habits he's had all along. He prefers to comfort him in his crib rather than sleep with him in the chair, like I've been doing.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
8 Feb 08
Hello there, the situation is quite tuff as your son is only 17 months old, who just can speak a little, still cannot describe the symptom he is having. So being a mother, obviously you will try to give him comfort and let him sleep and rest well. If the problem persist and he doesn’t seem to be recovering well, please take him to see the doctor as it is better safe than sorry. Your husband is half right as your boy will get used to what you treat him now and will demand more once he realizes you will be there for him. Children are very clever!!! But personally I will suggest you continually to do so until he recovers. Health is the priority! Then gradually you can switch back to the original manner. All the best!
• United States
9 Feb 08
I took him to the doctor a few days ago and she said it's just a nasty cold- no ear infection or breathing trouble. His fever has broken and he is a lot better than he was just a couple days ago. I think you may be right. Do what it takes to make him happy now and worry about later, later. Thanks.
@jpso138 (7842)
• Philippines
8 Feb 08
In our country most of our children at that age, sleeps together with their parents. May it be they are sick or not. Basically, they are left to sleep alone when they are of bigger age already. That is probably in our country there is always this tendency that sons or daughters will only leave the parents when they get married already. I cannot decider for you in your case since you have different ways and customs, however I know that we have the same love for our child and we will not be able to sleep properly if something is wrong. So I guess it would be better to have your child beside until he is fine already.
• United States
8 Feb 08
You are right, I can't sleep anyway if my son is upset. I know all people are different. Cosleeping is something we never considered, though I know it works for many people. He is very close to us, though.
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
8 Feb 08
I'm an attachment parenting type parent, so my answer will definitely be biased. I think children need their parents attention whether they are sick or well and whether it's day or night. If he's feeling miserable, why would your husband think it's out of line to give him comfort?
• United States
8 Feb 08
I agree that children need attention. I also feel that they need to have stability and guidelines. My husband doesn't think I shouldn't comfort our son, but that I should do it while he is in his crib. He thinkts it will be better to help him go back to sleep in his own bed, rather than sleep with him. This way he will not become dependent on me holding him in order to sleep. He has always been a very independent sleeper, and we'd like to keep it that way. But I think I can make an exception when he is sick.