What age should you stop supporting your kids?

United States
February 7, 2008 10:08pm CST
Or should you ever? I am talking about financial support not emotional. I was watching something on TV the other day about how it's becoming a trend with the 30 and older crowd to move back home for whatever reason. For some it was to save money, one lady got a divorce so she moved back home with her two kids, etc. Personally, I believe in the adage you can't go home again. When I got divorced and moved back with my family it was rough. I was extremely grateful that they gave me a place to stay while I got on my feet, but once you have had your own place and did things your own way, it's very difficult to live with parents. I had rules and curfews and I was 28 years old! But of course when you live under someone else's roof you live by thier rules. I can see if my child no matter how old was going through a rough time, I would lend them a helping hand, but it would be with the understanding that it was temporary until they got it back together, and if I seen it was a constant repeating cycle we would have to have a serious talk about where thier lives were going.
4 people like this
15 responses
@forge_t (92)
• United States
10 Feb 08
This is a hard question because some do not leave home any more due to hi cost of living.
1 person likes this
@ilya7x (28)
• United States
9 Feb 08
I agree..you should never completely stop.
1 person likes this
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
9 Feb 08
Most of my kids are on their own. We have a disabled son who lives with us and he does contribute to his staying with us. He cannot care for himself though so we have a good trade off. My daughter and her family too need help but they help with things we cannot physically do and with groceries so it evens out.
• Atlantic City, New Jersey
9 Feb 08
Well- speaking from experience on moving back home after 24 I can say that I definelty enjoy my privacy much more now that we are not in the same household. I was forced to move back home because my mother fell ill- although she recovered- I told myself I would never be that far again if anything happens (I was in Florida- we are from Jersey). Although my situation is different and I didn't move home because of financial difficulties nor did I need her help- because I left in a hurry (mom was in the hospital) I lost my job and she did have to help me out for a while with car payments and such but now my mother and I have purchased a home together (split the mortgage) for a few reasons- one because she could not afford a mortgage of her own- and her one goal in life is to own a home- and two because there are actually two properties located on our land. She lives in the front house and I live in the garage that has been turned into an apartment out back. It's perfect because I am now 32 and have no children- just a beautiful doggie and that way I am close to home- but not that close (smile)
@david2005 (803)
• Canada
8 Feb 08
I think that you should always be there for your children no matter how old they are but to an extent though.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5743)
• Israel
8 Feb 08
that is a nice topic and i think that it addresses all people with children and without i had spoken about this with my friend a day before she said that parents should never stop supporting their children when needed and i said that there is an age that they should not support the child financially anymore and and start taking care of themselves i understand what my friend said, and she is right in a way, a person that decided to have a child, needs to give the child and it doesn't matter what age is the child but there is another important parameter: i think that the child himself should decide when to stop taking from his parents and start giving them, and to me that is the real issue.
@nyumix (1661)
• Belgium
8 Feb 08
In my own culture,it is normal for parents to help the children who has financial problems.Not all the time, but at least when it needed, it is still understandable if the parents help the children to come out from financial problems.
@chrysz (1604)
• Philippines
8 Feb 08
I am 25 years old, with two kids but my mom is still supporting me financially and when I badly need money, she'll gladly help me. I don't think there is an age limit as to when you should top supporting your kids but what really matters is you must teach them how to be independent too. Right now, my income is not enough for me and my kids so my mom helps me because she knew I won't just stop working just because somebody is sending me money. Just make sure that your children are not abusing you. In my case, even if my mom knew that we can already stand up on our own, she still sneds some amount monthly for her grandchildren, not mine anymore. :-)
1 person likes this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
8 Feb 08
Since there are no guarantees in life, if one of my kids needed to come home, my door is always open. But it would definately be on the condition that it was temporary, and they would have to take an active part on getting their life straightened out. If they were coming home just to sponge of mom and dad, nope. Unless of course, it was a health issue and they were incapable of taking care of themselves, then of course I would definately take care of them.
1 person likes this
• India
8 Feb 08
I would say around 24/25. don’t laugh, but in India we support our kids till at least they get a job. And ‘earn while you learn’ somehow doesn’t happen here in a big way, so our children never really become financially independent until and unless they are in a proper job. So after completing college around 21, children spend some years doing up some professional course and then entering the job market, which is around 23/24 (earliest), after that, its their personal choice whether to move out or stay with the parents. Mostly stay back until they are married. Even then, girls after marriage go to stay with their in-laws and boys and their wives stay with their parents till the parents die. But for me, I would like to draw a line when my son becomes 25 max.
1 person likes this
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
8 Feb 08
hi kymommy! when i started working, my mom stopped giving me allowance, though i still lived with them. now that i am married, we are living with my in-laws, but we are earning our keep. you are right, you can't establish your own rules, because it is not your home. although, i don't have difficulty with my in-laws, the laws that i have established are only limited to our bedroom. lol not that i have complaints. i have pretty much the freedom anyway. i am not sure if we will live independently of them at this point. take care and God bless! :-)
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3978)
• United States
8 Feb 08
I think it depends quite a bit on the reasons. I'm in my 30s and own a home with my mother. I would never have been able to afford to buy a home on my own, and investing in this property (it's a two family) was a good move for her as well. So although she helped me, it wasn't one-sided. My son is 19, but a parent himself and has moved back into my home (temp. I hope). I don't see a problem with helping him until he & his partner sort out their troubles or he finds a place of his own. And while he's here, he helps with his younger siblings, things around the house etc. At this time I'm not asking him for board, but I would if it were a long term situation. I think as long as neither is taking advantage of the other, it can be a great situation. It can be hard to move back in with your parents, especially if your parents have a vastly different life style than yourself; but with compromises it can work.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
8 Feb 08
I think I agree with you on this. I do feel that family should stick together and they are the ones that you can truly count on to pull for you in times of need. I had to move back with my parents a couple of times for short periods until I got back on my feet. Even then, I always paid rent and took care of my own children and my goal was to get my own place. My mom did help me with Child care at one point and refused to take money which I was ever so grateful for becuz i was struggling as a single mom. As parents it is our job to raise our kids to be independent. we do them no favors at all by supporting them. My girls have also moved back in from time to time but I do make them pay rent and help out around the house. They have their freedom. My rules are easy and just the same as they would be for anyone living under my roof. I don't give them curfews and all that. I also don't give them a free ride. Help and support are 2 totally different things. They need to be independent while living with me and they are.
1 person likes this
@trickiwoo (2703)
• United States
8 Feb 08
I think that moving back home should always be open as a last resort no matter how old you are. Your financial situation could always change in life- you could get laid off, you could lose a spouse, you could get divorced, you could have some sort of illness or accident that leaves you with expensive medical bills, there are lots of scenarios. And sometimes it comes down to where either you move in with your parents or you're homeless. Of course, it's not healthy for anyone if your 30 year old son loses his job and moves back in with you so he can be lazy and mooch off you for the rest of your life, but there's nothing wrong with allowing your son to move back in so he has a place to stay while he looks for another job and tries to get back on his feet.
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
8 Feb 08
It depends on social customs, relgious practices and economic status of the family. In case of India, in a Hindu family, parents keep supporting the child till he completes studies, till he finds a job, till he gets married. The parents offer the children - particularly boys to live with them even after marriage, though in some familiies the entire family expenses are borne by the parents sometimes out of the pension money they get. In many families, children do stay with parents, look after them but do not take parent's money for taking care of them. It is a wonderful family system now being devastated due to change in economic conditions and social status. All young people who get married would like to stay seaparately and earn money. They also get a share in parental property. People would like to enhance their earning and savings to lead a better life. Of late home for aged is slowly becoming order of the day. Unlike in the west where the children start earning on parttime basis at the age of 12 onwards, in India, most parents do not allow their children to earn money till they complete college/profesttional education.