Did your parents get divorced?

United States
February 9, 2008 5:44pm CST
Oprah had a show recently about adult chidlren who are still having trouble dealing with their parent's divorce. I'm wondering how common it is to have emotional scars years later. Were your parents divorced? If so, how did you deal with it as a child-- and now as an adult?
3 people like this
10 responses
@34momma (13920)
• United States
10 Feb 08
yes my parents did get divorced. which for me was a great idea because my real father was very abusive. yet once they did divorced my father thought he was done with me and my brother and i have not seen him since. that hurt alot. because as a little girl i would dream of him coming to get me. so yeah it hurts
• United States
10 Feb 08
Oh momma, I am so sorry to hear this. But your mother must have done a great job raising you because you are such a wonderful and caring person!
2 people like this
@34momma (13920)
• United States
11 Feb 08
well thank you very much. she was a great woman and i think i learned alot from her. more of what not to do,. and some of what to do. either way i am a better person because of her
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 08
My parents were never married but my mom and step dad divorced when I was 6. I blamed her then and I blame her to this day for him leaving. He has kept in contact with me all of these years but won't go within 15 miles of my mother. She is now jealous of the relationship I have with him and in a way that makes me feel better. I too just threw out my sons father a little over a year ago. My boys don't seem to miss him one bit so I think they are taking it pretty well. It is my opinion that parents who can't stand each other should not stay together for their kids sake. Sure they may be really torn up about the divorce but I can't help but believe those scars will be far less painful then others that could be gotten from watching their parents fight all the time.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 08
I agree that staying together "for the kids" is not a good idea. I am divorced (and now remarried) and I'm wondering if my oldest son is still feeling pain from my divorce. It was not a pretty divorce, although now I can be civil to his dad.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
10 Feb 08
My parents met when very young and eventually when I was fourteen outgrew each other rather than growing together. They have both remarried since and my mother has been married longer to her new partner than she was to my dad. My dad remarriage didn't last either and I remember being very angry towards him when I was a teenager because to me he hadn't just left my mother he had left ME, that is a typical teenager I suppose, but my mother was always close to my brother so I did actually feel abandoned by him. Now as an adult I can understand the more complex reasons why and don't think I have any real issues with it. These days because he is so ill I just wish he could find someone to settle with. Ellie
@Sissygrl (10999)
• Canada
10 Feb 08
My parents did get divorced, and i did see that show. I was never close with my dad, and he was pretty mean sometimes. so As mean as it will sound, i was glad he wasn't in our lives anymore. But my mom was a softie, so after he was gone there was no more dicipline and i was able to run rampid!! i have no emotion damage from them being seperated, i have emotional damage from when they were together!! hah. but i'm pretty much over that now. he has since passed away, so i can't do that whole confrontational thing with him, i dont think i'd want to even if he was alive. i doubt he'd be the sensitive caring type, probably tell me to suck it up and engage in a story about how cruel HIS father was and let me know how "lucky" i was. ha. fun kinda dad!
2 people like this
@madasp (563)
• United States
9 Feb 08
My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad moved out of state shortly after. I've probably only seen and talked to him 3 or 4 times in the last 30 years so their divorce never bothered me because I don't remember my father ever being in my life. My sister asked me once why I didn't hate our father for leaving. All of my older siblings have issues with him, but I told her its kind of hard for me to hate a stranger. My mother did an excellent job of raising her kids on her own and in my entire life I have never heard her say one bad word about my dad. I don't think it affects me as an adult at all.
• United States
10 Feb 08
That's good to hear. I was surprised by the people on the Oprah show- I didn't think it was common to have unresolved feelings about your parents divorce as an adult. Most people I know who came from a divorced household are perfectly fine about it now (with the occassional awkward parental reunions at family weddings, etc)
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10999)
• Canada
10 Feb 08
I think the people on the oprah show were effected by it moreso because they were close to both parents, most of the people whom i've skimmed here on your discussion havent been close or even liked their dad lol. Good to know i'm not alone ;)
2 people like this
• Canada
10 Feb 08
my parents didint get divorced but i do believe it affects children and adult as well,
1 person likes this
@mlhuff12 (800)
• United States
10 Feb 08
Yes my parents got a divorce. But I was already practically an adult when that happened. I was 18 or 19 years old. I am not sure if I had any effects on me. But growing up with them together I would always see how their relationship was, and always wondered if they were ever gonna get a divorce. And sure enough they did. Though I kinda wish they didn't wait so long. Turns out that my mother wasn't ever happy in the last 10 years of marriage. She said the only time she was happy was when she was doing things with the kids. So I don't think that gave me emotional scars. But I have learned from my mothers mistake. What I took from that is that life is short, and if something needs to be changed, like if you weren't happy, it is better to do it sooner than later. I am lucky that I learned that. Because unfortunately I got married, and was miserable. Instead of waiting thinking that it might get better, I ended it when I still had a chance to someday have true happiness in my life. Who knows what I would have done if I wouldn't have gotten that lesson from my parents marriage.
1 person likes this
• Romania
10 Feb 08
my parents divorced last year...it's hard at the beggining but...that's life..move on
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11195)
• United States
19 Feb 08
thankfully, no, my parents had a thriving - living - beautiful marriage. I could not imagine how upsetting divorce would be, the sense of betrayal and lack of security I think that while one may become accustomed to this reality the scars likely last a life time. I know they would've for me.
@moneyandgc (3439)
• United States
14 Feb 08
My parents are not divorced, they will be married for 31 years this year. I however, am divorced. My kids were 5, 3 and 1 when I split up with their dad. My husband is divorced once as well. The effects on our children due to the divorce scares me, but I think they would be traumatized more had we stayed together. We get along better now than we did when we were married. Though the kids still wish we were together, I hope one day they will be able to understand.