The Older Story In The Book

United States
February 9, 2008 9:44pm CST
"The doctor is exactly what I fear" I cannot get sufficient substances inside of my soul. I fill myself with the belligerence drink, and therefore I cannot take control, of this despondency that I forever will hold. I am weak. So I treat my dysfunctions with alternatives that are not bold. I can only mold a future that’s bleak. I can’t find my way out of this hole. My form of thinking only sickens me. I fear that in one hour of darkness, my mind will unfastened its self-control. I am pathetic for crying, but not actually aiming at trying, to alter what is malfunctioning... This avoidance of me is indeed, sickening... At a younger segment, I became conscious of being different. But I did not know that it was a mental discrepancy. Now I am aware. Yet, it only haunts me, for I do nothing to alter the dysfunction that I breed. **** is what I want to say. However, cursing at the world won’t make this horrid feeling go away. I am full of wretchedness... And yes I must digress... that I feel that I enjoy being able to shed tears about my chemical imbalances. It is infinitely erroneous. And… While I muddle at following the bible and striving to be meek, I must admit that I am selfish, to the core, a self indulgent creep. - ZeN
2 people like this
2 responses
• United States
10 Feb 08
You are not a creep to me. And it isn't pathetic to cry. What is pathetic is not crying because of some kind of "macho" idea that real men don't cry.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Feb 08
Thanks for the comment.. and by the by, this is also one that I wrote a couple years ago, coupled with Suck You Say, Indeed I do...
2 people like this
• United States
11 Feb 08
Whew. For a moment I thought we should get you someone to talk you off a ledge somewhere.I hope you are not one of those artists that Have to be in pain to create such masterpieces.These poems are very powerful and deep but I hope you don't have to visit a tragic, dark place to write them.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
10 Feb 08
We all go to that dark place at times but the only way now is back up from it to the light - Thank you for sharing, have been reading some of your other poems and they are very thought provoking and quite beautiful - Ellie
• United States
10 Feb 08
Thank you for the pleasant comment, I do appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
10 Feb 08
My pleasure. Matrimonal Sanctuary was the one that got me. Fabulous. Everyone needs that sort of anchor in their lives, so pleased that you have found yours. Ellie :D
• United States
11 Feb 08
I have, and I hope it for others.. since its a great thing to hold dear to..
1 person likes this