I need your advice.

United States
February 9, 2008 11:06pm CST
I have a friend who is only 17 years old, well the guy she is "involved" with is 41 years old. I think he is way to old. She tells me, she is in love with him. He has told her he loves her, and her face lights up every times she sees him. She told me he acts different while others are around. He flirts with other girls and always makes comments about them. She laughs but she told me it kinda hurts when he says stuff like that. I need your advice on what I should tell her. I just can't find the right words to say to her.
6 people like this
15 responses
• United States
10 Feb 08
Tell her she is sick and that he is old enough to be her father. Tell her he is going through a midlife crisis and as soon as he gets over it she will be history to him. I know this sounds mean but reasoning with her and trying to be a nice good friend probably won't work. She really needs someone closer to her own age. In some states in the US that guy would go to jail for being "involved" with a 17 year old.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 08
I don't think she is sick, just in love. He tells her that he loves her and she said she can feel it. I mean should there really be an age limit on love.. it seems wrong.. but is it?
• Lampe, Missouri
10 Feb 08
She not sick and no there should not be a age limit on love there is no such thing. I do think that she and he should not get to sereuse untill she is 18 though.
1 person likes this
• Lampe, Missouri
18 Feb 08
I just don't think age should be a big deal like most do. i guess it is becuase my hubby and i started dating when i was 18 and he was 35 so he is 17 years older then me. we are getting ready to go on 9 years of marrage this coming march, and we have 3 kids together so we are very happy. i think it all depends on the person and how they where brought up.
• United States
10 Feb 08
Please tell her to walk up to any police officer and ask for advice. She is suck a loser. he is giving her something and it's not for her best either. She is a baby and he is a grown azz man. That man should not be doing that with her. She should have spoke with her mother or even her father. What is going on in this world. This man is going through a spiral in his life. He will not stay with her. She is not even a woman yet. My god how ticked I am to read this.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 08
I know she thinks she is love. She will be 18 in 6 mths or so.. But still she hasn't had s3x with him but they have done some other stuff.. idk what to say to her.
• Lampe, Missouri
10 Feb 08
going to the police would do nothing as they can't do any thing unless someone presses charges on him. people are way to judgemental no days i know that my grandparents are 10 differant in age and that was over 50 years ago that they got married. come on people it has been like this for years.
1 person likes this
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
10 Feb 08
hi there! thanks for sharing this story. at this point, you can't really do much about it because your friend is obviously in love. but that is not natural. although i don't want to judge, usually these kinds of guys are pedophiles who want to prey on unsuspecting young girls. after they have used and abused these girls, they dump them for other preys who are gullible. talking against the man of her life will turn your friend against you. she will feel that you are against the love of her life and she will find the feeling of me against the world very romantic. instead, try to be with her so that when she falls, you will be ready to catch her. tahnks and God blesS! :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 08
Yeah, but he has never been this close with a girl that is under the age of 18. So she thinks its for real
• Lampe, Missouri
10 Feb 08
WOW your right on one part there is nothing you can do as she is in love already but take if from someone that is married to a man that is 17 years older then her and have been married for 9 years and have 3 kids together that it is not always true that the man is only after one thing. i mean really when i look at the men my age i laugh cuase they are really the ones any more that are disrespectful. look around girl.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5485)
• United States
10 Feb 08
It will never work would be a good start. I was married to a guy 14 years older than me, and I was young and stupid, and he had money,lol. It lasted 5 years at which point the divorce was final, and I had a 3 year old. I love my daughter and she was the best thing from that marriage. But, if she is thinking she can change him, not going to happen. and she is young and will have different outlooks and dreams than he does. She needs to run and run fast. Been there done that got that t-shirt.
• Lampe, Missouri
18 Feb 08
I do agree with you on some things you say here. they will always see things with a diffreant outlook and may have diffrent dreams then him but that don't mean it will not work out. my hubby is 17 years older then me and we are going on 9 years have 3 kids and talking about another baby in the future.
@tammytwo (4303)
• United States
10 Feb 08
I don't possibly see how such a young girl can be attracted to a man old enough to be her father but it does happen. I would wonder about him and his intentions. I don't really think you should say too much though because if she really feels she is in love, she will just get angry at you. Just be there for her and listen to her when he does leave her for another.
• Lampe, Missouri
18 Feb 08
I am married to a man that is the same age as my mom so i can very much see how a younger gril could fall in love with someone older. it just means she may be looking at what is in side him in his heart not what he looks like.
• United States
10 Feb 08
from a Legal viewpoint first off it's illegal. He is engaging with a minor. Yea she's 17 but shes still a minor. Not to sound mean but why would your friend wanna be with a man who has viagra in his five year plan. I am assuming that her parents know nothing of this man? He is more of a fatherly figure (he's probably even around her father's age) and with the age difference thats whats gonna happen. He may be saying he loves her but pretty soon he is gone to try and start to control her like a father would. Theres no good outcome to this relationship. This man is pretty much in his settling down age. and your friend is soon to be hitting the fun party age. He is gone to become jealous and possessive when she begins to want to do what normal 17 - 25 year olds want to do. this man should be ashamed of himself. And embarassed at himself for the way he is acting. he is not being responsible at all. yea she may be mad at you at first but i think i would have to tell her parents what is going on.
@daababy (219)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Wow... alot of that going around these days.
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
11 Feb 08
To a certain extent, we can only advise as a friend and hope by the side that she will listen and heed. Just say what is on your mind as an advise. Remember not to be over assertive and dogmatic. However, in the event it has fallen on deaf ears which is all so often in the area of relationship. Then, you will just have to step aside and let them feel the actual pain of a needle poke. And as a friend, we will just need to open our arms to comfort them when they have fallen.
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
11 Feb 08
Wow, that is a huge age gap. It's not a good situation. Girls at her age are very vunerable and it doesn't sound to me like he really loves her or respects her. I'm sure that it does hurt her when he says stuff like that and quite honestly she needs to run in the other direction just as fast as she can. That is way to old for a 17 year old to be dealing with. She needs to find someone closer to her age. Does her parents approve of this relationship? I would hope not, but now a days it's hard to tell. anyways, i wish your friend all the best and good luck...keep us posted on things and God bless
@KevinIX (47)
• United States
11 Feb 08
Holy sht. The dude's a pedophile. There has to be a way to prosecute him.
• Philippines
11 Feb 08
your friend is young. and the guy obviously is old enough to be her dad. i would understand it if she was 20+ years old. she's just 17 years old. she might still be confused about the real meaning of love. what if he's just lacking some affection from her dad, and the guy is the perfect person where she gets it from. it's hard to tell yet if she really is inlove with the guy, because of her age.
@sygede (22)
• United States
10 Feb 08
i do not think your friend is sick. think this way, most girls like there father alot when they are teens, did not mean they are sick, just becaue they wanna someone who is strong and resposebility, and serious about love. it is just cool. she will get it over when she's growing up.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
10 Feb 08
At 17 years old I didn't know what love was because I didn't have anything to compare it to, now that I am almost 40 and been thru heartaches and heart breaks I have something to compare it to. I think your friend is too you for this man he is using her and there really is nothing you can do or say that will make her see it love is blind and when he dumps her for someone else or maybe goes back to a woman his own age she will be heart broken and the first person she is going to go to is you. Thats what makes you a good friend you can tell her you are worried about this relationship and then tell her you love her and will always be there for her. Talking bad against the man will only make her feel sorry for him and drive her closer to him she has to see it for her herself and sometimes watching a very good friend walking head into something you know is going to hurt is not easy to watch. It's just part of her growing up, a few years from now after he has dumped her an she has cried on your shoulder and has eatin about a gallon of ice cream she will be very happy and grateful you have been there for her. I wish you the best, hang in there things will get better....-Amberina
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
10 Feb 08
You don't need advise, its your friends who needs it but don't waste your breath. She is hung up in the troes of love and theres nothing anyone can do about that!Time will tell! Perhaps she will be ok and have a Great life with this Fatherly Man. Who's to say?
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
10 Feb 08
I am 51 but I was young once and hindsight is really everything. He is far too old for her and not that age always makes a difference but if he was in this because he really, really, really loved her, well, he would not humiliate her or disrespect her like that. Because of the huge age difference there is bound to be some eyebrows raised and if he was really in love, he would be defending his love for her. It does happen but it is very rare and this does not sound like one of those cases at all. she is probably nothing other than a boost to his ego. their are not many 17 year olds that would give even a really nice looking man of that age a 1st glance. Is your friend really that desperate?