I Need Your Advice my friends..ExFriend that went Psycho..

United States
February 10, 2008 10:18pm CST
Hello there everyone..If you have read my other threads u will know my ex best friend slept with my exman..and it broke my heart..and i was in a deep deep depression for some time..but keep in mind she was like a sister..well it seems he striked again..and now left her for someone else..u know the sayin..ONCE A CHEATER!!.....anywho she went crazzzyy and cut her wrists..face and neck all up with a razor and now is in the phsyco ward in the hospital..she has noo friends left..and her 3 daughters..6./8 and 12 saw what she did..and her sister is watching them now..soo here is where u come in..Do i leave well enough alone..and let her deal with this alone..or do i suck up what she did to me and be there for her? i am torn.I know it sounds stupid after what she did..but..i feel bad for her. i know what it was liek when he did it to me..hes a very smooth talker..and if i didnt have my friends and the advice i got from u here ithink i may have done the same thing..but ended life//again stupid..no man is worth it..but at that time i didnt see this..so help me out..what would u do?
5 people like this
10 responses
• United States
11 Feb 08
I think you will have to search your heart for that answer. I don't think any of us will be able to tell you what you should do. I honestly don't know. I don't think I could ever trust her around my new man that I do know. Even if you trust him completely. And I do trust my man but there are those of my friends I don't exactly trust around him because I know how woman are. Instead of saying "I need to find a man like that" they're like "I'm getting THAT man".
2 people like this
• United States
11 Feb 08
hello theer my dear friend Goddess..you always seem to be one of my favorites to answer my posts..i have been trying to search my heart and it still hurts from what she did to me..we were tight like pb & J lol.but i ask because i wonder if that anger is clouding my judgement..thats why i ask you guys for advice..and ur right..i would never ever ever trust her around my man..though i trust him as well..she is another story..thanks hun for the help..muahh!! April
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Feb 08
Thank you and you're most welcome sweetie. Though I swear I don't know how much help I was LOL. No I don't think you're feelings are clouding your judgment though. But I would have the same battle inside...there is so much history between the two of you. But think in the end the trust would do it for me
2 people like this
• United States
12 Feb 08
Very well put! I totally agree with you :)
2 people like this
• Australia
15 Feb 08
I believe that friendship is about forgiving and working through issues together. Lovers are different, you leave them in the past and keep them there. I would be supporting her, letting her know that even though she hurt me, the friendship is stronger than that. Friends are for life, lovers for a little while unless you get the combo.
2 people like this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
If I were in that situation, I would leave her alone. I don't know the whole story, and by the sounds of it, they slept with each other after you and he broke up. However, that is still against sisterhood rules. You do NOT sleep with a friend's ex. It's not cool. Not cool at all. She is being taken care of by professionals now, that is good. I would think that because of the circumstances, having her in your life again would only trigger bad memories, and invite toxicity into your life. You don't need that. No one does. But in the end, you need to follow your gut instincts. If you feel it is the right thing for you to contact her, then do so. If you were close to her daughters, then you might want to console them somehow... maybe put together a little care package for them or something? But if it were me in the same situation, I'd have both the ex man AND the ex best friend exed out of my life for good, and would move onwards and upwards to better things.
@david2005 (800)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
It all depends on how close of a friend she was to you and how much she really means to you. If you care enough about her you will want to be there for her through these troubled times but if she is not that good of a friend to you and you don't care enough about her then I would suggest to leave well enough alone and let her get the help that she needs and don't get involved. If you are there for her then your friendship with her might get better and she might end up being your best friend again and you might be able to make her better a lot quicker. But if you chose not to be there for her she might end up resenting you and saying that it is your fault that she was with him and that you should have done something to stop them from being together and she may never talk to you ever again in the future for if you do end up wanting to be her friend again someday. I think that it is a big decision for you to decide and whatever you chose is up to you and I hope that everything works out for you.
2 people like this
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
11 Feb 08
That is definitely a tough call to make on this situation. My first instinct would be to just leave her alone, but being a Christian I would eventually have to go to her and say that I forgave her. You can be there for her and still not be her friend. Sometimes just some kind words of encouragement, even though it may seem that you might now have any at the moment, can do a world of good. I hate to say it, but she should have known that if he would cheat on you with her, he would do it again with someone other than her. She really needs help, but i don't feel that you have to be with her through ever step of her recovery over this. She needs help physcologically and I don't think that you can help her with her problem. She needs to focus on why she really did this and she needs to start focusing on her kids. That must have been so tramatic for them and it absolutely tears me up. I'll be praying for her and for you that you find the right words to say, if you even say anything at all. It's ultimately your decision though and you need to search within your heart to see if you can forgive this person without letting her back into your life. You can forgive someone, but not take them back as friends. Good luck and keep us posted. God bless
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
11 Feb 08
You have to decide whether you can accept her back as your friend, after what she has done. If you can, great, help her through this, it may be what she needs to help her. Otherwise, don't try to help, let her deal with it. It sounds like he is a real prize, one day he will get his.
2 people like this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
11 Feb 08
i think if you feel like you should be there for her, then you should...but ask yourself first is it worth it to dig up the past? is it worth letting her problems affect your life? if it was my best friend, i'd probably not talk to her...she does not sound like a real friend nor someone stable enough to be worth nuturing a friendship with.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
11 Feb 08
That's a tough question. I would be very tempted to let it go. Unless you are sure you can forgive her and move on, I wouldn't contact her. However even if you do forgive her be very careful until she proves her trustworthiness. I do think that it might be good for you two to sit down and talk about it. Before this thing happened with your man was she a good friend? I know the two of you were close but was she someone you trusted. We all make mistakes but there are some people who don't seem to care who they hurt.
2 people like this
@wrongway (277)
• United States
11 Feb 08
Cloud, As Goddess said, you will have to search your heart as to what is right for you to do. If she was such a close friend I can understand the feeling you have to want to help her or be there for her, however it is you that has to decide if you could ever trust her again. There is an old saying, "keep your enemies close but keep your friends closer" and I think this would apply to her. You know what your enemies are capable of but you are never sure of what your friends are capable of. In order for her to do what she did, it took the both of them so only half the blame is hers. You don't know what he told her about your relationship either. There is really so much to think about when making the decision to help her or be there for her. She may have learned from her hurt just how much she hurt you by what she did and may never do it again. Only you can decide that. I feel for her children as they are the ones who are also sufferring from this.
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
11 Feb 08
It's hard giving advice, not knowing you or her! But, my two-bits is; you have personal knowledge of this despicable man, you have first-hand experience of the destruction he can cause! If it is NOT to painful for you, I would help her thru this major hurdle in her life. Obviously, she was on the verge of breaking, & thru this man's indescretions, he was the "straw that broke the camel's back." The poor children are having the roughest time, and now they need you, too, seeings you had been a friend. They need your support!
2 people like this