what would you do??
February 12, 2008 4:00am CST
hello, here's the situation. i've been offered a job in a mine site with a yearly wage of 95k, the catch is my family. i have two options A, pack whole family up & move them to a very remote location so we can be together( when i say remote i mean a one hoares town surrounded by desert as far as the eye can see) or B, leave them where they are & i only go, which means we see each other for 1 week every 6 weeks.. its a 5 year contract. 6 weeks wont be that long for me as i'll be working 12 shifts with overtime on top. 6 weeks however will be a long time for my wife & two young children, we're still talking about it... what would you do???
13 Feb 08
I think this is one that people can advise you about here but the ultimate decision will have you be a shared one with you and your family. Firstly I would ask is this the only opportunity of a job that's likely to come your way? Is it not possible to look for something else nearer to home or is the situation such that this is the only job you've been offered in a long time and you can't afford not to take it? If you up and move your family to a one horse town, seriously how lonely will your wife feel whilst you're out at work all day on such long shifts? If there are hardly any people around and the kids are at school, what will she do with her time? Hopefully she won't end up resenting you for bringing them to such a deserted place! On the other hand if you go away alone, how can you face being apart from them for such long periods of time for 5 years? You'll practically miss your kids growing up, they'll be strangers to you and you to them. Can you live with that? My brother in law has gone to work in Dubai and left his wife and two kids in India. I don't know how they cope but it seems very weird to me. They are very money-minded and to them they only care about the big money he's earning, even though he had a very well paying job in India he went for a job earning double...
14 Feb 08
hello & thanks for replying, no its not the only opportunity but its the beat one as far as career advancement. you bring up a good point in regards to my wife,that was one of the first things we talked about. she's not looking forward to the isolation but asure me that she'l fill her time with study, what will you study i ask & her reply is " ummmm, i'l think of & find something" thats not very reasuring for me. as far as going alone, its not going to happen, we all go or nothing. being a stranger to my kids is not something we want to happen. we still have a little more time to decide.. once again thank you for your valid comments...
12 Feb 08
I suggest that you balance the advantages as well as the disadvantages of working at a mine for a wage away from home. The sad part - distance. You can easily say and think that you can DO it and be away from your family but the fact is, its never easy either for you or for the people you left behind. Anyway, my life story is somewhat similar to this discussion. I'll just share some important points so that maybe you can compare your situation to what happened to mine. PAST - My dad worked away from home since I was about 2 - We would see each other once every 2 months - It is definitely sad having to see NO dad at home - There's even a time wherein my mom & dad argued about my dad having another affair (don't know if its true) - It's like my father and I have a gap since I'm not that comfortable when he's around because I am used to not having to see him always. * There came a time about 4 years ago when my family decided that we would live together with me dad to the place where he is working. I came from the big city and now I am living in somewhat a remote location. PRESENT - It was definitely hard to adjust since I was already a teen (14) when we moved to a remote location where my dad worked. - I feel like my father is happier that my mom is around to care for him and our home. - My father can save more money because he can already balance his finances having my mother around - Living under a father's guidance is better than having NO dad presence at all. ___ My own opinion about your situation is that your family should be with you even though they have to transfer to a remote location. Since your kids are still young, it is easier to bring them with you at that age because when they grow older and start to think for themselves, there's the tendency that they will protest having to live in a remote location or they won't go and live with you because of the distance. Also, it definitely is better to live together with your wife and kids around. I hope you'll decide on the right thing to do. - best of luck - hope this helps.
12 Feb 08
Glad to be of help. And you're right, kids are the ones who suffer most. Atleast now that they are still young, it will be easier for all of you to adjust and adapt to changes like living to a new location (remote) just so that your family will be together. -God bless you and your family-
14 Feb 08
hello, i'd regret missing them grow up big time, no amount of money is worth missing that. there are alot of pro's & cons that we are working through, one of the problems we face is what will my other half do while i'm working. we have a few idea's but nothing set in stone just yet... thanks for your comments.
27 Feb 08
The prospect of earning more money is always attractive but if it is at the cost of spending time with your family then for me it's not worth it. If it was short term (less than 6 months)then the financial reward would be enough. 5 years is a long time especially for a child while they are growing up and also for a parent watching them grow up. The extra money, no matter how much, can never buy back that time. I think that's the most important thing to consider.
• United States
27 Feb 08
take them with you. this way you can get a place out there to live, and you are only paying one set of bills. Small town life is usually good. Look at it as an adventure. Worst case scenario...it is only for five years. If you dont like it, work the five year term and leave
• United States
18 Feb 08
What I would do is get a piece of paper and make two columns. one for pro!s and one for cons. If you went would you be paying for two households. Does your wife work? Is there a town nearby that you could look at. lIFE is short. Do you have a job now? Weigh out your columns and that might help you make your decision. If you were in the service you may not have a choice. but you do now. Good Luck.