sometimes, you reach a point in your life where......

Philippines
February 14, 2008 5:18am CST
you look around and there's no one there to talk to. your life has been so centered on your husband and your kids, you've forgotten about yourself and having friends. and on times when you do miss having friends around, you dismiss the loneliness by telling yourself, never mind, motherhood and "wifehood" is a noble profession. nothing else can compare to this. then the kids start growing and your husband has become distant and you find yourself all alone.... where has your life gone? where has your dreams gone? what about the promises you've made yourself when you were young? you've spent your whole life for this? only this? how do you start again?
4 people like this
12 responses
@VAnnasamy (426)
• India
14 Feb 08
Just like a Music Teacher who is unable to shine, teaches his/her students very sincerely and ensure their growth and in their he/she sees him/herself. Your feeling is well understood. Even for men too, only few people are blessed to achieve the 'dream' projects. Doing anything joyfully, helps. It is easier said than faced. It is again like Father/Mother; you/brother(sister); spouses; children...
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
i know. i just feel so down in the dumps tonight, can't seem to find the energy to do anything else. must be age-related, too, huh? i'll be 41 next month, if that helps in the explanation.....
• India
14 Feb 08
With the reply to this topic, my 'life level' has down from 11 to 10... On your reply itself, it is definitely a cycle. I feel, with the parents' failures, they can groom their children better way, showing them the right path. It is other question that these days children would even listen. But, commitment and responsibiltiy is taken care. We should get ENERGIZED every now and then.
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
your comment on life level being down by 1 point has caught my attention. sorry, but i've been away from mylot for 3 months already and i'm not sure what life level is. sorry also if i've caused the decrease in your rating.....
• India
14 Feb 08
Similar thoughts to mine. Its one of the reasons why I started mylotting. My hubby doesn’t understand mylot or my enthusiasm about people none of whom I am ever likely to meet. He’s my age, we were in college together so we are more like friends than spouse, but even then, sometime I find him too selfish. Whenever we talk, its always about him, his office, his day, his profession, his dreams blah blah blah. As it is I am not a career-oriented woman but whatever little I want to put in, gets brushed aside as insignificant and very simple. I know he is way too intelligent than me and I adore him but apart from him, I have no friends too. I am close to none in the family (close or extended, even parents) and yes one day my son will start his own family and career. I no longer have dreams, I have realized long ago that my dreams do not have the same importance as my family’s future. So work, its an engagement and money is important. Sometimes, there is definitely a whiff of regret at lost opportunities, but I replace it with counting my blessings. Only problem would be when my husband will be no more. Don’t know who will go first, but if I stay behind, haven’t planned anything really. Voluntary work, old-age home…maybe?
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
isn't it just sad? and maybe, unfair, too? the worst thing where my situation is concerned is, i used to be an honor student from elementary to college and i used to be so active in school activities, even being leader or president most of the time. that's why i'm so full of regrets because, come to think of it, my future looked promising. and now, this? i just feel sooooo old! and i'm only 40, for crying out loud!
• India
15 Feb 08
Yes I was an honour student at college too. I passed out with 69% marks in bio-science and my professors were very keep that I take up masters in botany. But I was too big for my boots and then love got in the way and the only thought was of getting a job (any job) and getting married. Then the kid and then here I am at 35. but crying over spilt milk wont really get us anywhere you know. Since I married early and by the time my son will be 25 I will be around 50, I have thought of investing in myself post 50. it wont be too late as a lot of opportunities are coming up of senior citizens and India is catching up fast too. But as of now, I want to give my undivided attention to my son and his future. I wont ever forgive myself if he grows up wrong and if I feel that it was due to any negligence on my part as a mother. I suggest you also try to look at life positively, there has to be some silver lining somewhere. Do keep in touch.
• Philippines
15 Feb 08
thanks for the encouraging words. i'll keep those in mind. sometimes, somebody just need to get us back on track. like what you're doing to me now. thanks, friend!
@Jemina (5783)
15 Feb 08
I understand your predicament Joshdale. I think I'm the only only one in my circle of friends who is not married yet. For me it's very sad to think that my married friends can't hang out with me again like before. Gone are those days because they have a family to attend to. But I believe that you are not losing your time here. In fact the time you spent with you family especially your children are very important to them. You will never regret that. I'm sure your children will validate what I'm saying here someday soon.
• Philippines
15 Feb 08
yeah, right. and maybe becuse i was just down in the dumps yesterday that everything seemed very bleak to me. i've recovered now and i've always known that what you're saying holds true. maybe, my children will learn a thing or two from the examples i've shown them, huh?
1 person likes this
@Jemina (5783)
17 Feb 08
I'm sure your children will treasure the time you spent with them. And I promise you will never regret it. Thanks for the BR.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
15 Feb 08
yes its true. i appreciate your discussion very much. there are points in time when we feel very lonely.may be we find no one near us.its called life. i have experienced that too in this short span of life. few yrs back there were so much friends beside me. i helped them a lot and many of then also reciprocated what i did for them.But after some time i find nobody. some are jsut there but not in taht much contact. some have chaeted me after taking advantage of me.
• Philippines
15 Feb 08
yeah, that's life. and depending on your mood, it can be very unfair or very giving. sigh!
• United States
15 Feb 08
yes, when my wife and i dated 25 years ago we talked a lot and wrote letters and for awhile we were close like friends ..then time comes and you become distant but you can regain that newness again if you rekindle what you had in the past..but it will take an effort on both of you..it is not easy but its possible if you want it bbad enough..
• Philippines
15 Feb 08
we can do that. i feel naman that we haven't drifted that far away. i just can't, not right now yet coz i'm still a bit angry.... i need to get back into the right perspective first. then, i can start.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
15 Feb 08
oh that sounds so sad. I suppose we all who have family have found ourselves there at some point. I raised my kids alone. I had 4 of them and worked full time so there really was barely enough time for them and the household let alone dating and friends. They were my entire life without a doubt. Three of them have grown up now and I am left with just the 14 year old to care for and so much more time on my hands. I did kind of feel what you described at first but slowly, i am coming to love my new freedom. I can do whatever I want and with whomever. I have reconnected with a couple of old friends and I am closer to my girls now that they are grown....we are friends now....close friends. I am loving it. Your hubby is still with you? If i were you, I'd start by re-connecting with him....be creative.
• Philippines
15 Feb 08
lol! oh, we CAN connect, though, on rare occassions. it's the daytime boredom that sometimes eat me. but then again, come to think of it, that's my only problem. maybe, i just am not busy enough. maybe, it's time to start something that would fill my time and maybe be profitable, too. what do you think?
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
14 Feb 08
Ahhh this is the time of your life to shine! with all the knowledge you have an the wisdom now is the time you can concentrate on YOU and what you want to do with the rest of your life. You've done your mother job now it's time to do something else, write a book, start painting, volanteer (sp?) maybe start a quilting club or get into gardening. Get involved in some activities in the community in the church or something. Go share your wisdom with the younger crowd maybe go back to school or something.....I am 39 years old kids have grown up I have one left at home and I can't wait to get my life back...good luck to you I wish you the best go enjoy the freedom! -Amberina
• Philippines
15 Feb 08
thank you very much. somehow, knowing that i'm not alone in feeling this way helps a lot. come to think of it, there's a lot out there i can do with my time. i might just start exploring them now. thanks again! and good luck to you, too, when your time to explore comes.
• Portugal
14 Feb 08
You are alone with many around you, you need to find out yourself and now what are your mission. It is because that you are felling depression you feel you have to do what is to be done. You are not happy with the situation because your mission is not only care kids and husband, then do meditation and ask yourself what to do. If you tried this before try to begin working on your social community, give something of you to others and then you will have a sense of well being, friends and other people who could be friends or simple other human that you know and can talk. It is very grateful!
• Philippines
15 Feb 08
i've always wanted to join some civic organization because i know the rewards are beyond what money can give us. but i just don't have the time......yet. but i know it won't be long, then i can start doing what i've always wanted to do.
@lucy67 (819)
• China
14 Feb 08
this is really a good topic because it can remind every woman of the possible tragic ending of her life. so many women give all their time and energy to their husbands and kids, forgetting themselves all together. they do not have their own life. we can image what will happen when their kids grow up and their husbands don't love them any more.
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
true. some are even left by their husbands for younger, prettier women which is really a shame because there's really nothing else we can do. don't get me wrong, my husband hasn't wandered but i dread that coz where will that leave me?
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
wow! that's really sad, but then i guess that part of our lives is inevitable. people has to face sadness sometimes to appreciate happiness. or have we asked ourselves, that maybe we are the ones who detached ourselves from the world. as long as there is air we can still find ways. maybe, some of your friends are experiencing the same things ... the only thing left to do is to make that phone call. start by reaching out. and surely someone will reach out to you.
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
right! give me time to compose myself first coz i just don't feel up to it yet. but i'll do it, promise! thanks for your oncern!
@jayman32 (268)
• Australia
14 Feb 08
hello, you start by putting one foot in front of the other, having the confidence within your self to take that first step. thinking things through & having a clear diarection on what & where you want to take your life. return to study, volenteer work, anything to get you out & about & meeting people who share the same interest, values as you..
@nanayangel (7839)
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
That sounds really sad. I think my life is leading on that road. I just hope that I would stay always close to my husband and our son. I was thinking that that might happen to me that's why I decided to continue my studies. I am going back to school this school year, which will start on June. I am feeling really excited and I know it'll make me really happy if I graduate and do what I really wanna do since I was a child. That is to teach.
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
how old are you, if i may ask? and where in the philippines are you from?