forgive and forget?

@sam305 (74)
February 15, 2008 12:59pm CST
I was just thinking about people that cheat on their partners. Do you think it's right or wrong? I no people that do it and their partners know and just turn a blind eye. But i myself don't think i would be able to do that. Do you think it's right for a person to take their cheating partner back, see it as a mistake and move on. Or do you still use the old fashioned saying of "once a cheat always a cheat"? Can anyone really trust their partner after they have done this?What are your views?
4 people like this
14 responses
• United States
15 Feb 08
I don't thnk once a cheater always a cheater. I did once and have met someone who learne a valuable lesson by losing the love of his life. He is saddened everytime she reminds him of that lonely night. I think once a person is cheated on it's best to pack up and leave. A heater needs to see what he has lost and have plenty of time to think about it. I feel if a person can cheat on me and I turn a blind eye. I deserve what ever is coming next. actions speak louder than words. So I could not allow a cheater to stay with me. Now my ex and I are back in contact. I left him on the spot when I found he cheated. 15 years is a long time to have learned a lesson.
2 people like this
@sam305 (74)
15 Feb 08
At least your happy now.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Feb 08
Yes I am thanks very much.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 08
I think that it is a bit more complex than that. "Cheating" in a relationship is always a red flag. Personally, I don't believe the old saying once a cheat, always a cheat. I do think people can make a mistake and not repeat. If my husband ever cheated on me, I would be very upset and hurt, however, I don't think that I would end our marriage. I would want to seek counseling to find out why it happened. I think that if someone cheats in a relationship there is still hope. I suppose that depends on whether the cheating partner still loves the partner he cheated on and secondly if the cheating partner is willing to go to the lengths necessary to win back the trust of the offended.
@sam305 (74)
15 Feb 08
Alot of people find it hard to leave someone, they don't know how to be alone. I wouldn't no what to do if my boyfiend cheated on me as we have been together for a long time. And as iv been cheated on in the past it took him a long time to build up my trust again, so if he did cheat their would be no point in continue our relationship as i no i would never trust again. But i would still find it hard, and it would be very hard to look after my daughter alone. But i would still never do it.
1 person likes this
@Ruibinha (158)
• Portugal
15 Feb 08
It depends. Sometimes the cheated person loves so badly his mate that forgives and forget it. Or it might be so used to that relation that does nothing. Others just forgive, but will never forget and will be always jealous and not so confident about their relationship like the beginning but that person choose to give him/her another chance to redeem, if they cheat again, maybe they end the relation. Sometimes, the person cheated, cheats the other who cheated first, just for revenge. In the other hand, i think most of the people, don't give another chance to the mate, and it all ends right there. Sometimes, when time goes by, they can date again, no one knows. For me, cheating, is an act of disrespect. If someone has a relation is because they want it. If they want to cheat, play around with more man/woman they should broke the relation and not brake the heart of their mate. I would never forget neither forgive the person that cheated me. Everyone has their own reasons to cheat/not cheat, to break/not break. It depends on each of us to know on what we should/could do in that case.
2 people like this
@cpack27 (16)
• United States
16 Feb 08
It is wrong. Why are they with that person if they are going to do that. And in today world what about STD's There is no prefect thing. Are they well to take that rise for it. What does it get them anyway? Fell big inportant? It's not love that's for sure.
1 person likes this
@sam305 (74)
16 Feb 08
I think people get a buzz from not getting found out and having the best of both worlds.
• United States
16 Feb 08
Well, if someone cheats on you, that will always be between the two of you, forever......... So, I could probably forgive, but not forget. But then I would wonder if they would ever cheat again, you know? That's my thought's on it, and I'm sticking to it! :o)
1 person likes this
@sam305 (74)
16 Feb 08
I would never forget either. And good for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 08
I made the mistake of taking a guy who cheated on me back. Guess what? He cheated again. If someone betrays me like that now they are done. There is no forgiveness and nothing they say is going to change what happened. I will never be able to trust them again so there is no point in trying to retain a relationship.
1 person likes this
@sam305 (74)
16 Feb 08
Good for you, i made the mistake too, and the same thing happened. I will not be making the same mistake agin, at least i learnt from my experience though.
@p1kef1sh (45640)
15 Feb 08
I think that it is a great shame when this happens. I cannot imagine cheating on my wife and I don't think that she would contemplate such a thing either. But we have both known people that have done and they don't seem happier for it. Once it has happened though, I believe that the trust is gone and that there is little point in trying to rebuild it.
1 person likes this
@sam305 (74)
15 Feb 08
I agree if their is no trust their is no point.
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1234)
• United States
15 Feb 08
I do not believe once a cheater always a cheater. But at the same time, I don't know that a relationship can be salvaged after one of them cheats. There will always be a trust issue after that. You will always wonder "I wonder what they are doing right now or who they are talking to". That pain just doesn't go away. You can forgive someone but I don't know that you can forget something like that.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 08
I believe cheating on your partner is a horrible, horrible thing to do. I was cheated on and once that happens to you, the trust is gone. Every time he would leave the house, I would always wonder where he was "really" going.I am a faithful person and have no problem expressing myself. I believe that it is best, if needed, to just exit out of the relationship because if you start another one it just adds to the problems, although some people cheat just to cheat. Turning a blind eye is a very hard thing to and a woman is more likely to take her man back if he cheated as apposed to the man taking his woman back.
@sam305 (74)
16 Feb 08
Thats true men seem to find it easier being on their own than women. I don't really trust people due to someone cheating on me so i think you have a very good point.
• United States
16 Feb 08
Hello there sam..This is a pretty easy question for me..seing how this is how my love life has been for as long as i can remember.And its true 98% of the time...Once a cheater always alwaYS A CHEATER..i forgace a few times in my life and was the most stupidest thing i ever did..they ran right back out doig it again thinking they had my trust again..which they did till i was told differnt..and time after time .every man i dated was a loser...i will never forget what anyone them did o me..and i sure in hell will never forgive them either..but i am soo over them..they arent worth my time..as everyone else should follow...hae a good one!
@sam305 (74)
16 Feb 08
I agree once they think they have your trust back they think you will forgive them again and again. Some people would call this a "doormat" lol But i suppose as i have forgiven before and it has happened again i am opne of them . Thanx for your comments hun
@kiran1978 (4137)
• Australia
16 Feb 08
Cheating is never right. I think some people turn a blind eye to their partner cheating as they cannot bare the thought of losing their partner. It is pretty silly turning a blind eye as they are only going to keep hurting you as they are getting away with it. In some realtionships, I think it is okay for someone to take their cheating partner back if they really want to work at it. But the cheating partner has to realise that the trust has been broken and they have to do whatever it takes to help rebuild that trust and they have to be patient. Also let them know that if this is ever repeated again there will be no more second chances. It is very hard to trust someone after they have cheated, it all depends on how much effort the other peson puts in to making amends for what they have done.
@sam305 (74)
16 Feb 08
True true kiran. If someone does not sort out the problem the problem will always be there and will only get worst.
@maxsee212 (799)
• United States
16 Feb 08
in my standards and values, i think committing bad things is plainly wrong. we have all been taught what is right and what's wrong since we were children. i don't see why you can't see that some thins are just plainly wrong. when you say that you want to forget something that someone has done to you, then its a different story. if things happen, things happen... if you tried your best to solve the problem and still the problem persist, it would be best if you just let the problem go and let it fix itself. what i'm saying is forgiving and forgetting something or someone is really a personally preference. for me i would do anything just to make myself happy if you know what i mean...
@sam305 (74)
16 Feb 08
Thats true i would do anything to make sure i was happy too. As happiness is the greatest pleasure.
• China
16 Feb 08
I consider the complex and diverse situations will lead different result for each incident.If people are not deliberate to cheat, it should arouse people awareness to accept and bear the apology, giving another chance for them to make new man. However,some are deliberate to commit some cheating,which are not allowed to accept.In this case, I think the best way is to leave the cheator and treat him as stranger.
@patsyp6 (15)
• United States
16 Feb 08
I think every case of infidelity would have to be decided on an individual basis. I knew a man that cheated on his wife (she never found out) but, he loved his wife so much he hated himself for a long time. I'm not sure he's over it yet. It was my brother. You see, even though he loved his wife, she had gotten to the point where she didn't care very much any more. She had become slovenly. She griped about everything. She gave him no personal attention. And, he just needed love from someone. He told me what he had done and how he couldn't forgive himself. It's a long story, but he finally let her know how much he loved her and with a lot of time an discussions he realized that she had become the way she was because she felt unloved also. Now they are closer than they ever were. He will always hate what he done but I don't think he would ever do it again. You can be forgiven in the right circumstances.