Who do you miss right now? What triggers those memories?
By CanadaGal
@CanadaGal (4304)
Canada
February 16, 2008 10:43am CST
My father passed away on November 25, 2007, and only now am I starting to feel more of the pain of his death. It wasn't unexpected at all. He was actually living rather well on borrowed time for almost 2 yrs. But it still hurts to lose someone you care about.
My father was certainly NOT perfect. Overall, he was a good man, and there are many people who will miss him terribly. My sons are having a hard time when birthdays and anniversaries come up, and I'm finding that I am now too.
I was doing some shopping for birthday supplies for my twins' birthday party, and the dollar stores had a bunch of St. Patrick's Day decorations out already. And that made me very sad thinking about my father.
Last year on St. Patrick's Day, his nursing home had a special "pub night", and the boys and I went to it as dad's guests. My father was the official "Leprechaun"; a costume he has been using for over a decade, usually for Hallowe'en. I've attached a picture of my sons and Grampa dressed up for the party that night.
Seeing the decorations in the store brought it all back to me. Dad won't be a leprechaun this year. I have all of the costume items, but it will never be the same without him. I have pictures and video of him singing an irish diddy at that pub night party last year, and will watch it with the boys sometime in the (near?) future, when I think we'd be ready to hear his voice again.
Who do you miss? Do you have any specific triggers that remind you of that person or persons? Tell me about them, I would feel great comfort knowing others are going through similar feelings.
4 people like this
7 responses
@ajmccrary1986 (454)
• United States
16 Feb 08
It may seem silly, but I miss my dog Jake more now even though he passes a month ago. I'll be going outside to get the mail, and I'll look in the side yard like I used to do when he was still alive, and I remember he isn't here anymore. I don't cry, but I still remember the good times we had together.
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
17 Feb 08
I don't think it's silly at all. You clearly loved your Jake very much. I still cry for my cats that I lost 4 years ago. Is that silly? Maybe, but I don't see it that way. Your grief belongs to you, no one else. It's not for anyone to say how you should grieve or for whom. Your pain is your pain.
2 people like this
@KarenO52 (2950)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Your dad's passing was so recent, it must have been hard to get through the holidays. Your discussion made me think of my dad also, who passed 18 years ago on January 18th, 5 days after his birthday. During his life, he owned a bar, and being of Irish descent, he always threw a big St. Pat's Day party. I still have a green silk tie with shamrocks on it that he used to wear on St. Pat's Day. Now, I wear his tie on St. Pat's and carry on the celebration. I always feel that he's with me in a way, along with my mom and brother who have also passed on. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them, and remember all the good times we had.
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
My father's birthday was also January 13th, and my name is also Karen! What are the chances of THAT???
My father was born in 1931, and would have turned 77 a few weeks ago. The boys were sad about him missing his birthday and Christmas, because in a child's world, those are the two most important days of the year. :)
I have to admit, I'm finding some comfort in those minute similarities between us. Was your dad's name Charlie too? ;)
@MGjhaud (23171)
• Philippines
17 Feb 08
sad to hear your father passed away last year.
anyway, i always miss my parents and the rest of my family. i live away from them right now because i'm in a university studying. it saddened me everytime i leave them after a day visit.
Another facet of my life that i miss is having a special someone. maybe i'm not eagerly looking but sometimes i feel like it's empty inside because there's nobody to talk to in times that you wanted someone's company aside from your friends. some good memories will remind of this kind of feeling.
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
That must be very hard to be away from your family as you are. You are obviously rather close to them. I have been able to relate to missing having a significant other in my life as well. The best way to ease that pain is to focus on yourself, and remember to love yourself and be happy within yourself. That will draw someone else closer to you.
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
I am sorry you are in pain and missing your family, you are obviously really close. (((hugs)))
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
16 Feb 08
I know that it can be extremely difficult to get over the loss of a loved one. The happy times, the sad times, and those in between come back to us in memories. I shed a tear quite often when I think about my dear friend Judy. Even though I know she is at peace now, my heart longs to have her near. I find that by talking to her that my heart aches a bit less.
Big huggers to you and your sons!
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
I talk to my dad now and then. Or should I say, I talk to his ashes that are in my house. Most recently, I talked to him/them yesterday. I was needing to put a game out of reach of the kids for a birthday party yesterday, and the best place was on top of the box with his ashes in them. I said to dad, "Sorry about this dad, but I know you understand". Speaking of which, the party is over, so I can take the game off of him now. ;)
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Hello CanadaGal,
Love the picture!
You are definitely not alone. I have lost many near and dear to me. Though of them all, my Father is still the void that causes the greatest emptiness, and he passed away in '96.
My brother passed away on 11/8/07. He was only 45 years young. And, he and I were 'best friends' for most of our lives. I still get hit, like a ton of bricks by peculiar emotional weight. For example: the other night I had "The Best of the 80s" channel on Sirius Music, and whammo, out of the blue I flashbacked to a group of us dancing on the dancefloor of a local club. The wave of grief that passed over me was not only unexpected, it was staggering.
As for my Dad, I have forever relegated his memory as my 'moral compass', so the waves of grief are much diminished. Whenever I embrace his memory, it is as a guide for my course of action. This seems to help me alot.
You will also figure out how to deal with your grief. Though, please know that even after many years it can come out of nowhere. I believe that this is the way they let us know that they want to be remembered, and held dear to our hearts.
Finally, the old saying about 'time heals all wounds' is true! It will get easier, I promise!
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
I wasn't sure if I should answer this one or not, I don't have any triggers since my love ones have passed away awhile back, but I do deliberately remember them and it makes me feel good.
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
You are fortunate to not have those triggers. I would say that means you have found peace in your loved ones' deaths. :)
@lextoper (573)
• Philippines
16 Feb 08
Well, I miss my grand mother. She passed away six years ago but still, her memories remains in our heart forever. As you said, she also has the imperfections and that makes us human but she is a good grand mother and a mother to us. She is the one who take good care of me when I was very sick because my mother is not around to take good care of me. I really miss that care. This coming February 26 is her birthday and thats trigger us to remind about her always. Though she is already with God, we still celebrate her birthday yearly. We know that every time her family gathered on her birthday, it will make her very happy because we always have this tradition even before she passed away.
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
That is very sweet to celebrate her life on her birthday each year. :) I do the same thing for my oldest son, and this year for my dad's birthday (on Jan 13th) my boys suggested having a birthday cake for him. Next year, we will make "brunch" on his birthday, because he did a REALLY good one before he moved into the nursing home.
