Keeping your word
@joyceshookery (2057)
United States
February 16, 2008 5:54pm CST
This is a real tough area for me. Right now I'm angry because I just lit a cigarette in the house. I gave my word to myself and my daughter that I wasn't going to smoke in the house anymore.
Here's the back story. My daughter came to visit me the other day. The stench of smoke in the house bothered her eyes and she just couldn't take it. Thankfully, it was a nice day, so we went to the park. Then we went to a movie.
She wants to visit me again, but requested that I get the house deodorized. I agreed. I've done pretty well for the last couple days. I slipped just a few minutes ago and it just pi$$es me off that it's so hard to change an old habit. It ticks me off that I'm smoking in the first place and don't feel willing to give it up.
If I don't keep my word to myself, can I keep my word to someone else? Does my integrity suck? Yeah, sometimes it does. It's like going to church. Even though I give my word I often end up staying at home.
Am I going to beat myself up over this? I'm thinking -- that's not going to do any good. It's just going to do a number on self esteem issues. Okay, I won't beat myself up.
Ya know what really bugs me? I spend a lot of time on the computer, and I can't do that as much when I have to go outside and smoke. However, there's a bright spot in smoking outside. I am reading a good book.
Okay, got it off my chest. Do any of you have trouble keeping your word? Do you have any hints on how to make it stick?
2 people like this
8 responses
@MOnline (240)
• Netherlands
17 Feb 08
Hi,
Well I am a smoker myself and gave my word not to smoke in my house anymore. Not only to myself but also to my friends and girlfriend. I do light up a smoke in my house sometimes and when I realize what I am doing I go outside as quickly as I can. But when im outside it still bothers me I lit a smoke in the house.
Now to try and stop my smoking habit I came up with a trick. As soon as I light a smoke in my house I put one sigaret into a yar. This means that everytime I smoke in my house I have a sigaret less to smoke that day. If I keep up not smoking in my house for one whole month I get to have the sigarets in the yar. So then I will not have to buy a new pack of sigarets saving me money.
With kind regards,
MOnline
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
18 Feb 08
That's a good idea, mo -- whatever works. I've just started a new trick of my own. I have removed all the ashtrays except the one outside.
1 person likes this
@MOnline (240)
• Netherlands
18 Feb 08
Thats the same way I started. Big problem here in holland is that its so darn cold in the winters ;). So I don't want to go outside. It could also help to put a chair in your shed or something like that. That way you can still enjoy just sitting around and relaxing while smoking without smoking inside.
With kind regards,
MOnline
@gandatwo (602)
• Australia
17 Feb 08
Funny creatures we are.We are the ones who make the rules for ourself,what we will accept and what we will not.Our definition of right and wrong etc, then when we break one of our rules we go into a great conflict over it and start to juge.My place my space is my saying regarding smoking.
I do make allowances if their is a person with health problems visiting,other then this,not my problem.
Must try the vinegar tip sound beaut.
Good luck with it all..
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Thank you for your response. I just wish it was easier.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
17 Feb 08
a physical addition is a lot harder than just keeping your word, you have to battle with the addiction. I try not to give my word for things like that.
The best you will get out of me is a sincere I will try.
@elmiko (6630)
• United States
17 Feb 08
When I was a kid both my parents smoked so I just tolerated it. I grew up with them smoking from the time I first started walking and second hand smoke was just the norm for me. Later I found out second hand smoke could be worse than the person who is smoking. That worried me being as young as I was. My dad was a really heavy smoker and said he would never quit and I believed him. Years later he actually quit cold turkey which was very suprising. My mom who was not a heavy smoker still continued to smoke for a while even hiding from my dad because he no longer liked smoke himself. She eventually quit too.
@ratyz5 (7808)
• Philippines
17 Feb 08
Well, whenever I have to keep my word, I usually just keep it and perhaps tell it to those that I have promised how difficult it was for me to prohibit myself into doing what I promised not to do. They might recognize my efforts and in turn, I get motivated to keep it up. The more recognition from those who I promised to keep something like avoiding a bad habit, the more I get motivated to keep it up but, its really double edged in fact. Its due to how a person would perceive recognition as more pressure added to your already difficult struggle on avoiding bad habit or be alleviated out of the frustration of which one must keep his or her word on not doing anymore ^_^
I hope I had sense in there somewhere... sorry if it doesn't ^_^;
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Thank you for your response. I don't want to sound long-suffering. So I won't tell her what h-ll it is but I do look forward to a nicer smelling house. Eventually it will be easier to just automatically step outside. Sure it will :) LOL
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Oh my gosh....I have the exact same problem as you only my daughter is 14 and lives with me. I try so hard to be respectful and I really for the most part am. I even quit smoking altogether for nearly a year for her but then circumstances...I gave in to it...weak little me. She was so angry at me and I felt like such a loser. I don't smoke in the car with her and I don't smoke in the house when she is here. Her bedroom is downstairs and when I think she is asleep....I do sneak smokes up here on the computer. she has unexpectedly gotten up and just goes off on me. I have had one in my car when I don't think she'll be getting in it for a while and the way my luck goes...she asks for a ride somewhere and then gets angry at the smell. I just really need to get back on track again and quit. it is a horrible habit.
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
17 Feb 08
A horrible habit that's a health risk as well as an offensive smell. Despite that, it's harder to give up than most other addictions. Your daughter's harsh words aren't going to get you to quit. You have to have the desire and it has to become the most important thing in your life. That's my take on it as I have slipped up again, smoking at the computer as I type this response *blush*
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Feb 08
I feel for you I do not smoke but I am really overweight and know I must lose weight for my healths sakes. so when I break my diet I get so upset with myself. other people have lost lots of weight so why can't I? Then I find myself sneaking some forbidden food and am ashamed of myself. finally I have decided that I will pick myself up, and start all over again. I think the biggest thing that is now helping me is to just take it one day at a time. Just for today I can stick to my diet,just for today I will keep my blood sugar in good control.So don't think of trying to quit smoking by the month, just by today.hope this helps.good luck
@Ruibinha (157)
• Portugal
17 Feb 08
Try to smoke at windows.
Buy some "good smelling" or even candles with a nice smell.
Make some reminders like.. "Smoke just outside.. or at window"
Sometimes when you are used to do something, you do as an instinct and you don't remember you can't. The best way is to post-it (lol) in something. For example, in front you PC.
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Thanks for your response. Did that (the note). Big letters -- DO NOT SMOKE IN HOUSE
Well, time to go have a smoke...outside *sigh*
@ellie333 (21016)
•
17 Feb 08
Know where you are coming from on this one big time. I moved house two years ago this week in fact and promised just myself at the time that I wouldn't smoke inside the new house, but with the stress of moving and the rainy cold weather I was soon down to smoking only in the area near the patio doors with them open, but still got chilly so ended up with a window open and eventually moved into the other room for an odd one whilst on computer. I still do not smoke in the upstairs of the house and have tried to give up many times, I'm still trying. Frustrating for you because you feel you are letting your daughter down too. I have even asked for God's help on this one to help give me the strength and willpower and even he laughed and told me I was own my own with this one LOL Yet another battle huh. Don't beat yourself up over it. For now a bowl of vinegar left in a bowl in the room you have been smoking in with eliminate the odour and plenty of fresh air too if you know your daughter coming over in advance. She loves you for you, even though she hates the smoking. My daughters nag me all the time, but my eldest wil still let me smoke out of the window if I visit her, bless. Good luck Joyce. Whats the book your reading, maybe I should get a copy too and join you. Ellie :D
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
17 Feb 08
A bowl of vinegar eliminates odors? I didn't know that! Thank you for the tip, Ellie.
The book is by Nora Roberts, With Open Arms. it's 3 novels in one book.
I really like my house smelling better and since the one slip, my resolve is stronger to just smoke outside.
