Long Distnace Relationships:: Do they ever work?
By vipulchawla
@vipulchawla (2220)
India
February 17, 2008 4:29am CST
Hello friends.. This is not just a question..this is the situation of my life.. well this 14th Feb.. i had been proposed by a girl ( a very good friend of mine) who stays in another city in India in somewhere north and i work in somewhere down the south. we are good friends and we love talking to each other.. though we have never met for quite a few years.. i like her too.. but the only reason i am in a double mind of accpeting her proposal is because of the long distance btw us.. i had narrated my story earlier .. when i had an affair with a girl whom i met online and the affair continued for around 2 years without seeing each other and slowly it got vanished..and even today i regret for being away from her and try to contact her but all in vain.. so i stopped believing in long-distance relationships..i have seen these long-distance relationships breaking sice i had been in college..and i dont want this to happen to me again..though this girl is reluctant to continue with this long-distance relationship but i dont want to hurt her.. i have told her that i cannot commit.. and so she is set back.. what should i do? Whats your opinion about long distance relationships? Do they ever work??
3 people like this
18 responses
@manya_pearl (1901)
• Singapore
24 Feb 08
I prefer short distance relationship. Long distance makes me "boring" and cant meet that person directly face to face. I want my boyfriend besides me when i really need him.
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
25 Feb 08
Seems like you already have a boyfriend... Well it really feels good to have him/her near whenevr you are in need...
1 person likes this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
18 Mar 08
But what would you do in a situation if he has to go away to a different place.. And you can't move along with him.. So what would you do? Break up with him or maintain a long-distance relation?
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
23 Feb 08
You have given the answer to your question in your post itself. You youself believe that long distance relationships does not work. You had an experience on this line.
I also feel that it is really difficult to judge a person who is sitting miles apart. Before taking a major decision, you need to see that person, who has proposed you. Please do not take such decisions in haste or due to rush of your emotions. Try to anlyse the situation very cooly and calmly before arriving at a decision.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
25 Feb 08
You are following the right approach! Wait & Watch!
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
24 Feb 08
Thanks for your advice. Even i m not in a mind to haste through the situation.. I have even stopped thinking about this anymore.. And told the situation to that girl too..I m solely relying on what comes next...
1 person likes this
@yannycui (376)
• China
23 Feb 08
Now I am in love with a guy who works far away from me. We call each other 3 times a day and chat on the internet. I enjoy the beauty the distance bring to us. We see each other once a month and have very stable relationship. I do think long distance relationship works if you care about each other.
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
24 Feb 08
Well thats good to see that you are enjoying the fun being in a long-distance relationship..Atleast you people see each other once a month.. But here there is no hope of seeing each other.. I mean we don't know when are we gonna meet.. Anyway i wish you good luck with your relation..
1 person likes this
@sweety10 (188)
•
22 Feb 08
ya i'm 4m india.....well i will give u suggesstion 2 4get dat gal bcoz she dont love u if she love u atleast she never hurts u n never do like dis .... i think u shud start ur new lyf...n u shud accept dat another gal proposal...may be she give u all happiness wich u r searching till nw....atleast u shud talk 2 dat proposed one gal tell all d thing wich happen in ur lyf.....n rest is totally up to u....
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
22 Feb 08
But i don't want o be a in a long-distance relationship as of now.. I will try to forget that girl.. But i don't think i should accept the other proposal..anyway its still on a hold..and we still are good friends.. By the way ..Would you mind telling me about you...We can talk through messages.. if you like to..
1 person likes this
@socialitehanna (90)
•
22 Feb 08
I believe it works. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Personally, I believe in long-distance relationships. It's all about commitment, trust, loyalty, and love.
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
23 Feb 08
I agree that the relationship is based on commitment,trust and loyalty and the absences of the loved one will make u love that person more.. but what if the relation starts at a distance.. i mean u r talking of a situation when the person you love departs you but what abt the situation when the person starts loving you from a distance.. i hope u get me what i mean..
1 person likes this
@shivkumara27 (31)
• India
23 Feb 08
i think bcoz of one such relationship u shldnt judge everyone!! and that too u have met this girl and known her!!! i would suggest you to get ahead with the relationship if u like the girl!!!
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
24 Feb 08
Thanks for your advice.. but i would like to tell you that me and this girl are family friends.. and we only saw each other when we were kids.. I haven't seen her from around 15 years i must say... Actually her family came our home on my elder brother's wedding last year in April and then later on she found me on orkut.. and it was then we started talking after 15 years.. We started talking frequently and now talk to each other on phone... So don't you think it has been quite a long time...
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43915)
• Cambridge, England
17 Feb 08
Long distance relationships can and do work but only if they are on a strictly friends basis. If it becomes more than that then one needs to think about making it a short distance one! I know several people who met on the Internet, got together and are now very happily married/together. On the other hand, I have known of many where it just didn't work out - expectations were too high; the two had different expectations or simply found that one or the other was being misleading or lying.
If you have an online relationship, always look first for red flags before you let yourself become too committed. When arranging to meet, make sure that it's in a safe and neutral place and don't expect too much from a first meeting. Remember that online relationships are formed in a different way from face-to-face ones and there is some catching up to do in terms of finding the other person physically attractive/compatible.
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
19 Feb 08
i completely agree with you my friend.. Well if i talk about my internet relationship which i mentioned as an instance.. i was lucky that the girl was beautiful and it was only after seeing each other's pic that we got through.. but it did not work anyhow.. But the present proposal i m talking about .. i know her from childhood though it has been years since i met her personally.. we talk online and on phone too.. but i still feel that i cannot be committed.. Anyway thanks for your response.. and i would like to know if u have had any such experience
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
22 Feb 08
I can agree to what you say.. but i have experienced..and really it was a bitter experience.Even today i would like to be in a relationship with her though at a long-distance..but she only stopped responding.. so i stopped believing in these relationships..
@kevsgirlalways (5883)
• Malaysia
20 Feb 08
I've been in a long distance relationship before. No doubt it was very hard, especially with the time difference. i have no idea how i survived that, but i did. drove me nuts at times and made me cry too. but there are many means to keep in touch; telephone, email, IMs, digi cam..etc. i missed him a lot, every single second and wish i could see him or for him to be physically there with me, whenever i was sad or happy. you need to have a solid trust, as you're not able to see what your other half is doing. And you need to have lots of faith, enough to not make you give up on your relationship. but i believe, in the end, love is what that holds you together. if two people really love each other, no matter how far they apart they are, they'll be able to go thru the relationship. love knows no boundaries ;) .
1 person likes this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
20 Feb 08
Its so nice to hear a real life incident which really worked.. Thnaks for your advice..Its not the matter of trust.. I can trust her.. but i m not able to trust myself upon this issue.. ANd i dont wanna hurt her..
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
18 Feb 08
Even i won't prefer to.. but i m not finding out a way to deny.. and i dont know how to explain her the reason.. i fear to hurt her..
@kate0250 (314)
• Philippines
17 Feb 08
HI there! I've been there and done that.. I agree that mostly 90% doesn't work due to lack of communication and 10% works, which is rare. A long distance relationship is no different w/ a phone/internet relationship. The thing is that u dont celebrate important days such as birthdays, anniversaries or holidays with that person. Its really hard to imagine that its gonna work since youre really not there Physically wherein you get to know more of that somebody in a positive or negative way. If youre far from that person its just like losing all the chance to create great memories with him/her.
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
19 Feb 08
i agree. that being present physically and celebrating important occasions is equally important .. but does that mean your feelings will change for that person.. well its hard to believ or infact rare to find such relationships working.. thanks for your views..
@sweety10 (188)
•
22 Feb 08
hey!! vipul......as u hv mention above dat u like sum other gal bt suddenly she vanished sumwhere.....is she still remains in ur heart.if she den its better 2 say no 2 dat gal who propose u...n its better 2 talk 2 dat gal.
"do not count wat u hv lost,just see wat u hv now,bcoz past never cumes back bt sumtimes future can gives us back our lost things" i hope u understand wat i meant 2 say ...
2 people like this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
22 Feb 08
Hi sweety.. to your question..well i dont really know myself whether i still love that girl or not.. and i have tried many a times to contact her but she does not respond..she dont pick up my calls.what do i do? I know that i should think of the present but things come back to me that emind me of her.. Anyway .. u never mentioned if u have had any such experience. Wud like to know abt you sweety.. I hope you are from India??
1 person likes this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
20 Feb 08
Love is Blind!! Well said.. So u want me to follow the saying blindly...I dont think i should be in a hurry to do so.. But what i need to know is ...What lies actually in my heart..I think i need time to think over that and let it go for the moment..Thanks for your advice by the way!!
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
20 Jul 08
Oh ya, sure, i won't mind listening to your answer and answering ur questions.
Will discuss about this, the next time we have a chat.
Hey, I may miss out for chat on monday evening, as i have to visit my cousin's place.
I may even have to skip my office after lunch.. So hope to talk to u on tuesday..
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
18 Feb 08
Look the very common idea about long distance relationship is that the distance is the main fact.It is well accepted that the relation is somewhat different whom you see every day than to whom you can only chat or talk with. But it does not mean that no long distance relationship works.But it may not be possible to meet very often, but meeting once in a while and keeping regular contact can help.
1 person likes this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
19 Feb 08
hi.. So you seem to be favouring long-distance relationships.. i suppose u are going thru one or may be must have had a positive experience.. i would like to know if you dont mind sharing it with me..I know that keeping regular touch can make it work.. but i have seen people on chat responding differently as time passes by...
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
19 Feb 08
Thanks for your advice.. i did talk to her explaining her the same .. and our relationship is restricted to friendship until i feel i can commit.. i hope she understands.. because i know my probabilty of being committed is almost negligible at this point of time..
@rangics (1334)
• Philippines
19 Feb 08
If you just let both ends meet I guess everything will be alright. I mean, the two of you must learn to compromise for the relationship to work out. ;)
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
19 Feb 08
Compromise..in what sense?? We have been friends since a long sometime.. but now all of a sudden accepting her proposal without any guarantee whether it will work or not since we haven't seen each other for quite some time..Do you suggest me to risk our friendship?
1 person likes this
@sweety10 (188)
•
19 Feb 08
hey if i'l hv 2 suggest u den i wud say dat according 2 meh ....i feel 90percent of such relationships works n 10percent it does not.
it totally depends on both of u ,if u n dat gal really luv each other n want 2 hv a relation , den no one can evr seperate u.
i think u must talk 2 dat gal bcoz if she truely luvs u,den distance can never act as a bar b/w both of ya.
so, i m in favour of long-distance relationships.......if u dun want 2 break dem, den no one else can break it.
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
19 Feb 08
well i hardly find persons favouring long-distance relationships.. i think i forgot to mention that thye girl is willing to keep up with this long-distance relationship but its me only who have put this on hold.. since i have had a bad experience.. i never wanted to break that relationship too but.. i may have been responsible too but you cannot clap with a single hand.. Anyway i am not gonna think over this until circumstances force me to.. by the way i would like to know about your experience if u dont mind sharing it here..
