I love you, not your money!

United States
February 17, 2008 11:47pm CST
What would you do to prove to your rich partner that you love them , not their money.How could you tell your partner he/she means more to you than their money? They may be used to people pretending to love them For their money so how can you convince them that you Love them?I don't how I would do it.The only thing I can think of is tell them with my actions and my words.I guess I would be direct like in the movie Carmen Jones when she says if I love a man he doesn't need money and if I don't , his money won't do him any good.what would you do?
7 people like this
20 responses
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
21 Feb 08
Hello sarahruthbeth!:-) I can’t understand that one needs to ‘prove’ one’s love for someone. It is felt right in the heart. Maybe I am being simple here but my thinking is that if I feel someone doesn’t love me then I won’t tell her that I love her because I really don’t like denial, if she loves me then I’ll know it in my heart. And, if she loves me, there is no need to prove as she will trust me if I say that I love her for what she is and not for the money. And that’s what it was for me when I told my partner. But, there is something I’ll tell you and that maybe the reason that my partner never asked for proof that I love her for herself. Back then, it was a very serious issue but now when I think about it, it’s funny! In my homeland, there is custom of dowry. My partner’s parents are very rich people. It is considered an obligation on parents to give dowry to their daughter without boy having a need to ask for it. Some even ask for special things. For me, anything that I don’t earn is an affront and disgrace to me. I have been like this ever since I got conscience and came to know about difficulties of my parents in my early age. So, when I went to see my partner’s parents before marriage, I asked them straightforwardly not to bother themselves with dowry as otherwise it is considered understood that they will give. They were rather shocked and declined my request saying that they don’t want to go against a norm. I told them that I only want their daughter and whatever I’ll enjoy in my life will have to go through my hands (earned), how disgraceful it is to get something, without effort, that is not mine. It’s like a robbery with the only difference that it is by consent of those who are robbed. When they still disagreed, I told them that I can’t marry their daughter with dowry. So, if they are insistent, I am not the right guy for them and their daughter and if they agree, I am more than willing to take their daughters hand. So, they agreed and we are into fourth year of our marriage now. But, far from being over, this issue still looms over my head as my official marriage (I had marriage in two steps), happened just two months before I came to France. And, my mother in law has repeated it more than twice that I should accept dowry on my return to my homeland, but she already knows and repeatedly told my answer. So, probably, because of all these episodes my partner already knows that I am not only NOT after her money but also that I am rather strictly against taking anything from her side.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Feb 08
I respect you feelings about the dowry. If I were in that position, I would accept the dowry and then give it away to my favorite charity.Would that be against the rules? You mentioned that your wedding is in two parts?I don't mean to pry but can you explain?
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
24 Feb 08
Hello sarahruthbeth22!:-) Sorry for responding late as I was offline for some days. Dowry is not supposed to be given to anyone else, once it is accepted. It is supposed to stay with the daughter for as long as they are together, or maybe even after that. It is considered an insult to girl's family to give away from dowry! But, I did suggest my in-laws to instead giving it to us they can give it to some other girl who needs it but can't afford it. You never need to hesitate to ask me questions, my friend! Yes, my marriage was in two steps. First is theoretically a full marriage, with the (practical) difference that Boy and Girl do not live together and are not 'supposed' to develop physical relationship. Second is when it is officiated with full concept of marriage i.e. Boy and Girl will live together and will have physical relationship as well as all the rights and responsibilities of Husband and Wife are fully applicable. I hope it's a little clearer, but if it's not, don't hesitate to ask! :-)
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
20 Feb 08
other than tell them there is not much more you can do. I was introduced to a man, he appeared very nice until he showed me all his big boy toys, and told me that what ever he wanted he bought. I smiled and said its a good thing you do not want me because I am not into buying an over age child. We never spoke again. I admire any one who has a lot of money, particularly if the worked for and earned it themselves. but because I have learned to live on a very small income but it hasn't made me a small person.
• United States
21 Feb 08
I agree . Just because you have a small budget doesn't make you small.I don't mind if a guy earned or inherited his money. It is the attitude that he Has to buy me expensive things to make me love him is what I couldn't stand.If I like you, it isn't because of your wallet. and if I don't like you, your money Won't make me change my mind.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
18 Feb 08
I have actually dated a few rich men....everyone of them was kinds of sickening. The one I told if he had a little more personality and a little less money to brag about I might go out with him again. But to prove you love someone who has money and convince them that it's true love would be a tough call. My former boss had alot of money and dated a woman younger then him. From their first date everyone said she was after his money. Turns out she was! And it happens all the time so I guess for my part you would just have to tell them over and over again and maybe show them your independence so they knew you were for real.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Feb 08
True.I don't care how much a guy has , if he has No personality, I won't see him.
1 person likes this
• Australia
18 Feb 08
Trust is built over time which unfortunately means you can't show them overnight! start allowing them to trust you with the little things, don't always let them pay etc and it will start to build from there!
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
18 Feb 08
Don't ask for material things or other gifts. Don't borrow money from him. Be contented with a simple date. Every now and then offer to pay for the date expenses such as dinner, movie, etc. Be with him for the long term. If he still doubts you after that, then he's got serious trust issues.
2 people like this
@shyam221 (519)
• India
18 Feb 08
the only way to convince to your partner is correct time that is when you can show what you have in your mind other wise it is difficult to convince the partner. you just cant say i love you not our money. tell partner that will show on time what i have in my mind. and trust me....
2 people like this
@try32ends (207)
• India
18 Feb 08
I guess this whole notion of love is very similar to the notion of trust. If you dont trust the fact that your partner loves you, then it would take something next to impossible to convince you otherwise. One can only be as expressive as his/her own words and actions. Now if the partner doesn't believe those then you can do very little else. You just have to convince your partner to trust in you. That way you would be able to convince him/her of everything. I know money becomes a vice in relationships at times but the only way to overcome it is to trust in each other. That's all.
@youless (94715)
• Guangzhou, China
18 Feb 08
I think it is not very easy. As it seems to be strange if you don't use your partner's money at all. Besides, when you are couples, it is fine for you to use each other's money. A love can't be told and it is no need to prove it. When something happens, such as the accident, you will know whether you really love this rich partner or not.
2 people like this
@pumpkinjam (5800)
• United Kingdom
18 Feb 08
I think if you love someone then you will show it. I have never really known anyone with money so I don't know! Maybe if you meet someone and fall in love with them, it will not be until later in the relationship that you find out they are rich. I would think that doing the little things like making them a cup of tea or giving them a hug just because, that would prove it I suppose. Or a bigger thing might be to ask them not to spend their money on you so you can show that you will still feel the same.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 08
I agree.The best way to show him is to tell him to put his wallet away. He doesn't need it tonight and have a simple date that doesn't require money.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
20 Feb 08
Yes, for example, I really enjoy being outside so I suppose I would prove my love by choosing a picnic as a date rather than an expensive restaurant.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 08
I prefer indoor picnics.Picnics are so much better than a stuffy expensive restaurant.
1 person likes this
@fpd1955 (2075)
• United States
18 Feb 08
That's a tough one. I would hope my rich partner wasn't in love with the fact that she/he was wealthy. I would hope my rich partner didn't think that her/his money was more valuable than themself. I would hope my rich partner didn't try to use that wealth to buy my love. If she/he did I would graciously have to decline any gifts that were extraordinary. If my own behavior garnered an attitude that I love getting expensive things, then I could see how my rich partner would think I loved her/his money more than her/him. If I were the rich partner, in the beginning of the relationship, I wouldn't flaunt my money. I would "feel out" my love interest and see if they are attracted to and grow to love me, as a person, not a rich person. I wouldn't pretend I was paupered, but I wouldn't really let on that I was rich, just comfortable in my means. Actions do speak louder than words. I would make sure my actions were all about my partner and not about what her/his money could buy for me. PEACE
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 08
Knowing me, if a guy tried to buy my love, I would set him straight.If he gave me something he thought would make me love him, I would make him return it.But if he came over with a little 5.00 stuffed animal and said it was just because, then I would Love it.Money can't buy my love.
@fpd1955 (2075)
• United States
19 Feb 08
OOOH, especially if it was a beanie baby! I just love those little things! Absolutely agree, true love, true happiness and true friendship cannot be bought. Only material things can be bought and true love goes way beyond material things. PEACE
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Feb 08
I would let my partnet know that I love him and not his money, by continuing to live the financial life style I lived before. It is true my husband (not rich, but better off than I was when I was single!) and I share some expenses, and he pays for some things that I can't afford, but on the whole, I do not have my hand in his pocket. I have my own spending money, and I do my own thing. I don't rely on him for everything.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 08
I hope you rely on him for love and support but nothing financial.Thanks for your response.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
19 Feb 08
I dated an extremly rich man for several years. my morals and convictions always puzzled him. I did not know of his wealth when I began seeing him. I just liked him for who he was. When it began to unfold just how wealthy this man wasm, it just blew my mind...still I just liked him for who he was. we dated for 7 years and I always refused his money. He once tried to pay my rent t o surprise me; I returned the money to him. The relationship did not work but we are still best of friends. He understands me finally. He now sends me cards or notes or stops by to see me. If he gives me a gift, he keeps it as simple as he can. all I can is just be self=sufficient and don't accept help....be independent and you won't appear need y.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Feb 08
I wouldn't so independent that he thinks I don't need him .It is his money I don't need, it would be him I need.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
18 Feb 08
That question is one of the reasons that I don't envy people with money. That have to wonder if people are with them because the genuinely like them or if they are with them for their money. I don't have that problem. I have no money. If someone wants to be with me, it's because they enjoy me and not because of the material things I can give them. What would I do to show them that I love them for them and not their money? I would make the focus of our relationship be about things that don't involve a lot of money. I would make the focus of the relationship be about time spent together. I would decline invitations to expensive restaurants. I would discourage expensive gifts. Relationships shouldn't be based on what you can buy for someone, they should be on being there for a person emotionally. Listening to them. Caring how they feel. In my opinion those are the things that measure a genuinely good relationship.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Feb 08
I couldn't agree with you more. If ever I have a rich boyfriend he would either love it or be puzzled by me. I don't like expensive restaurants. I prefer a pizza at home.I don't like diamonds.So all the gifts he would think would impress me wouldn't work.
• Nicaragua
18 Feb 08
Well, this poses a very interesting problem... But the thing is.. You can always test them.. For example: Take them out to a bar or restaraunt on the cheap, you know something romantic, but low cost.. G grab a hotdog in the park and take a walk, and pick some flowers for them.. They'll either think you're real cheap, and well if they do.. They probably want the money.. But then again.. Does anyone like a thrifty person.. This is a real conundrum you've posted here lol.. I suppose one could try and hide the fact of ones financial background until they're married.. But then.. Building a relationship based on a ommission of truth isn't tbe best way to start out either... Dangit.. Got me... I'd still go with the cheap date idea. But I'm not talking about McDonalds and snow cone and then go home.. You have to make a romantic night of it.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 08
I know what you mean. Spend time together that doesn't require money at all, like taking a walk or drive. Have a picnic at my place, watch a movie at my place.that would be wonderful. He could keep his wallet in his pants.
@jhazie (340)
• Philippines
19 Feb 08
Some may think of love as something to receive, but it is basically a giving process. Cultivate your love and kindness to him, you should start to prove to your rich man that you love him not the money if you get him at your house to know your attitude towards family. If ever my love is a rich man and im in middle or let say not high standard of life, i will let him go to my house, it always start in home coz thats the only way to prove my love to him to show our attitude in home. action speak louder than words.it cost nothing :)
@msanin (131)
• Canada
19 Feb 08
What i think is just let ur feelings be express.. the more you say the more doubful for ur partner will be to believe u... just be yourself and do what you wanna do.. ur partner should know that your not interested in his/her money if he or she really loves you..
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 08
Offer to draft a pre-nuptial agreement so that it is you trying to protect your partners assets and not him/her.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
18 Feb 08
why he gets a thought like this? I think parther must trust his parther. If not,it won't be a good while. So the probloem is from him, not you. He must trust his parther.
1 person likes this
@Daniel_7 (91)
• Czech Republic
18 Feb 08
This is a really hard thing to do. If you would want to show your rich partner that you love her/him... you should not talk about it too much. You should better act accordingly. But on the other hand you shouldn't behave like you don't even know that she/he has a money. Just something between, you know. Oh, I wouldn't like to be in such a situation... I mean in a situation where I would have to prove this kind of thing to somebody else.
@lys123 (37)
• China
18 Feb 08
yes i do it.